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Post by miranda on Dec 26, 2017 5:35:43 GMT
My family continues to amaze me. My sibling does a photo calendar for my parents every year. She's stated she it's a pain, makes a big deal of it. She always puts in a request that I give pictures, help put them in, etc.
My kids are older now and I just don't have pictures nor do I care to make an effort to take them for her project (that she complains about every year!) Last year it was a scramble because she made the request last minute and I had to bug the kids to send them.
This year I thought i'd solved the issue. We haven't been getting along so I was kind of surprised to get an email about it. I replied that it was time to go our separate ways on this! I further stated that I was surprised she'd ask (because the issues we're having are big and she's made no effort to resolve) and I was sure our parents would be happy to have a calendar with just her kids.
I figured finally we are free of this, that the calendar issue is finally done for me! Today a family member dropped off a calendar. Opening it i'm thinking cool she did her kids. NOPE my kids are in it - at first I think old pictures, then I realize there are new ones from this year. I was confused for a minute then I realized she stole my pictures off facebook to use in her gift. I'm still a bit shocked that instead of just doing her own thing, she actually went to my facebook page and lifted my photos.
So it totally makes sense when someone doesn't want to be involved in your project to go take their photo's off social media right?! In the greater schemes of what has gone on this year this isn't a big deal. I'm kind of finding humor in the lengths some people will go to get what they want.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 26, 2024 3:59:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2017 5:46:06 GMT
I make one for my parents every year too. A few times a family member has either 1. not sent photos or 2. sent crappy phone camera photos that are too small in size.
So I take some from her blog or have from her FB page.
I do it because my parents will want ALL grandkids in it, not just mine or my other siblings.
If its that big of a deal, either block her or don't post photos on FB.
I am sure your parents will be happy to see your kids in it too. Right?
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Dec 26, 2017 5:57:48 GMT
I think it's nice she included your kids.
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Post by monicad on Dec 26, 2017 6:05:54 GMT
I make one for my parents every year too. A few times a family member has either 1. not sent photos or 2. sent crappy phone camera photos that are too small in size. So I take some from her blog or have from her FB page. I do it because my parents will want ALL grandkids in it, not just mine or my other siblings. If its that big of a deal, either block her or don't post photos on FB. I am sure your parents will be happy to see your kids in it too. Right? I agree with @calimom2. My MIL looks forward to her calendar every year. I'm the one that makes it (and pays for it), but I think it would be weird to have photos of only two of her grandchildren. This year I took a photo of my niece from my SIL's Facebook page so she was featured on her birthday month. To me it's about the recipient and makes THEM happy. |
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Post by nlwilkins on Dec 26, 2017 7:11:55 GMT
The way I see it, she saved you some time and effort. Let her get the photos off Facebook from now on. Why not? Also, if that was something she could have done from the beginning why did she not do it that way instead of first trying to get you involved?
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523 
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Post by mlana on Dec 26, 2017 7:48:27 GMT
OP,
I agree it’s weird that she’d take photos off your Facebook after you told her you didn’t want to participate. I disagree with the other posters about this being ok because it’s what your parents would want. After you declined to participate, she should have either made the calendar with only pics of those who agreed to be included or she should have chosen to do another gift.
Just because your gift idea is EXACTLY what someone would want doesn’t give you the right to forcefully include someone who has declined to participate.
Marcy
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Post by monicad on Dec 26, 2017 8:07:46 GMT
OP, I agree it’s weird that she’d take photos off your Facebook after you told her you didn’t want to participate. I disagree with the other posters about this being ok because it’s what your parents would want. After you declined to participate, she should have either made the calendar with only pics of those who agreed to be included or she should have chosen to do another gift. Just because your gift idea is EXACTLY what someone would want doesn’t give you the right to forcefully include someone who has declined to participate. Marcy The way I read it, she said she didn't want to be involved with finding and sending photos which is totally her choice. The sibling probably thought it wouldn't be a big deal to use a few shared photos of her kids to include in the calendar. If she's upset by that, I'd let the sibling know to not do it again. They probably thought it would be awkward to present something with photos of only certain grandchildren. This seems to be something small that's part of a bigger issue, which I totally understand because I'm in a similar situation. |
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Dec 26, 2017 8:20:28 GMT
Eh, this wouldn't be a hill worth dying on for me. I think you're letting your annoyance of the calendar over the years in general, as well as your strained relationship with your sister color this situation for more than it actuality is.
If you had said I do not want my kids in the calendar anymore, I'd agree with you that it was sneaky and bizzare. But in her eyes she probably just saw you as uncooperative and found a solution. I'd actually be relieved that I wouldn't have to provide photos anymore. Lol
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
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Post by mlana on Dec 26, 2017 8:24:56 GMT
OP, I agree it’s weird that she’d take photos off your Facebook after you told her you didn’t want to participate. I disagree with the other posters about this being ok because it’s what your parents would want. After you declined to participate, she should have either made the calendar with only pics of those who agreed to be included or she should have chosen to do another gift. Just because your gift idea is EXACTLY what someone would want doesn’t give you the right to forcefully include someone who has declined to participate. Marcy The way I read it, she said she didn't want to be involved with finding and sending photos which is totally her choice. The sibling probably thought it wouldn't be a big deal to use a few shared photos of her kids to include in the calendar. If she's upset by that, I'd let the sibling know to not do it again. They probably thought it would be awkward to present something with photos of only certain grandchildren. This seems to be something small that's part of a bigger issue, which I totally understand because I'm in a similar situation. I thought telling her she was surprised to be asked and that the parents would be glad to have a calendar with just her kids in it was pretty clearly saying No, I don’t want to be a part of your gift. Guess it just depends on how you interpret it. Marcy |
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,642
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Dec 26, 2017 10:24:37 GMT
I'm not on Facebook and don't know the first thing about it but my reasoning is that when you put something on the internet it is there for all to see, to lift or do whatever it is you do with it.
You dont want your photos used then don't post them. Simple. You post them and don't be surprised if someone uses them.
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Post by Really Red on Dec 26, 2017 11:06:14 GMT
I don't know what your issues with your sister are, but I hope she's thinking of your parents and what they would like. i'm in the camp that unless there's something you haven't told us (and I'm sure there's a lot!), she did a good thing for your parents.
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Post by miranda on Dec 26, 2017 11:21:22 GMT
OP, I agree it’s weird that she’d take photos off your Facebook after you told her you didn’t want to participate. I disagree with the other posters about this being ok because it’s what your parents would want. After you declined to participate, she should have either made the calendar with only pics of those who agreed to be included or she should have chosen to do another gift. Just because your gift idea is EXACTLY what someone would want doesn’t give you the right to forcefully include someone who has declined to participate. Marcy The way I read it, she said she didn't want to be involved with finding and sending photos which is totally her choice. The sibling probably thought it wouldn't be a big deal to use a few shared photos of her kids to include in the calendar. If she's upset by that, I'd let the sibling know to not do it again. They probably thought it would be awkward to present something with photos of only certain grandchildren. This seems to be something small that's part of a bigger issue, which I totally understand because I'm in a similar situation. Marcy is correct, I thought I was pretty clear in that I did not want to participate in any manner. I told her to just do her own kids! There is a whole lot of backstory of course to it. Then we have the current story which is that both she and my mother have treated me like crap all year long. It's been a long, painful year and at this point I've chosen to have as little contact as possible with them both. So while I will say nothing about it, nor am a pea livid or anything like that, I am a little shocked that when I say get lost with your calendar - you steal my photo's and continue on. Sure i'm a little annoyed, but mostly we all had a good laugh. |
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032
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Post by scrappyesq on Dec 26, 2017 12:55:29 GMT
I would be annoyed if I told you no and you swipe photos from Facebook. I actually would be pea livid.
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Post by miranda on Dec 26, 2017 13:02:04 GMT
I would be annoyed if I told you no and you swipe photos from Facebook. I actually would be pea livid. I've just spent some time making my photo's more private and found that sister had been already blocked from some of the ones she has stolen. So good ol Mom has been helping her steal my pics! They're quite the pair  So she certainly realizes I didn't want her to have access to them if she had to download them from Mom's page. |
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,418
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Post by YooHoot on Dec 26, 2017 13:05:49 GMT
Are you annoyed she took the photos or just annoyed in general with her so this makes it more annoying than it ordinarily would? I don't know your history but I always flip the stories on people who post vents. So here we go with my flipped version.....Maybe it's getting down to the wire. You want to include all family members in your calendar but your sister is just being a procrastinator and you have a good coupon on this calendar. She has some great photos on FB and she asks the peas if they think it would be okay to snag a few to use since they have been shared already. All the peas agree and say take the photos since she has shared them. Your calendar gets made for $20 cheaper and your scored a 9% cash back on ebates! You went ahead and ordered 1 for sister too even though she's been a grouchy thing about an incident this year that you thought was resolved.  |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 26, 2017 13:06:43 GMT
Unless you specifically said you did not want your children's photos on the calendar, I think what she did was okay. You did not want to go to the trouble and she found a workaround. I bet the grandparents are happy with the result.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 26, 2017 13:10:12 GMT
I've just spent some time making my photo's more private and found that sister had been already blocked from some of the ones she has stolen. So good ol Mom has been helping her steal my pics! They're quite the pair So she certainly realizes I didn't want her to have access to them if she had to download them from Mom's page. Okay, so you apparently don't want them to have the pictures. And now I'm a bit lost. If they are just wanting to make a calendar for family use/enjoyment, what's the big deal? I really don't understand why you are drawing this line here. It's obviously about waaayyyy more than a calendar. |
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Post by brina on Dec 26, 2017 13:26:26 GMT
I always laugh because my sister-in-law does just the opposite. She makes a calendar of just her kids every year.
First Christmas after she had a kid I gave mil an electronic frame key chain. I asked she and bil for photos and they sent some. I gave ml the frame with pics from both families. They gave her a calendar of just their family. They seemed a little embarrassed. I thought the next year they would do a calendar of both. But no, they have continued for 11 years to do just their family.
The fact that your mom helped her to get photos indicates that your mom prefers to have all of her grandchildren in the calendar. Chalk it up to its a nice gift and you didn't have to put yourself out for t.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 26, 2017 13:27:05 GMT
I've just spent some time making my photo's more private and found that sister had been already blocked from some of the ones she has stolen. So good ol Mom has been helping her steal my pics! They're quite the pair So she certainly realizes I didn't want her to have access to them if she had to download them from Mom's page. Okay, so you apparently don't want them to have the pictures. And now I'm a bit lost. If they are just wanting to make a calendar for family use/enjoyment, what's the big deal? I really don't understand why you are drawing this line here. It's obviously about waaayyyy more than a calendar. I agree with this. It's just a calendar with pictures of their grandkids and you didn't even have to help make it. |
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 26, 2017 14:03:27 GMT
Eh, this wouldn't be a hill worth dying on for me. I think you're letting your annoyedness of the calendar over the years in general, as well as your strained relationship with your sister color this situation for more than it actuality is. If you had said I do not want my kids in the calendar anymore, I'd agree with you that it was sneaky and bizzare. But in her eyes she probably just saw you as uncooperative and found a solution. I'd actually be relieved that I wouldn't have to provide photos anymore. Lol That is what I think, too. I'm sure your parents love the calendar. Let it go at that. ETA - I remember now that I read your additional post there are other issues with your mom and sister, so I have a better understanding of your annoyance. Let them enjoy thinking they outsmarted you and roll your eyes. |
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Post by pierkiss on Dec 26, 2017 14:20:37 GMT
In light of what you said about your relationships with your family I think you are justified in your anger here. I wouldn’t want my pictures to be a part of someone else’s gift when that person clearly doesn’t really care for me.
But I will say that my sister in law makes a “family calendar” for my mother in law every year. She used to bug me for photos. It was a pain in my butt. Esp because my files are huge, and there are tons, and she wouldn’t give me specific parameters for what she wanted. She finally started just taking hem off of my and my husbands Facebook pages, and honestly that has been great! She doesn’t bug me any more, she gets to make her calendar, and mother in law still gets it full of photos of everyone. Everyone is happy.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,400
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Post by katybee on Dec 26, 2017 14:55:57 GMT
You say your kids are older and that you don’t have photos, yet you have them to put on Facebook. So it seems you have the photos but you just don’t want her to have them. I don’t know the history between the two of you, but it always makes me so sad when families are estranged. I would hate if the problems YOU have with your sister (and mother?) prevented your kids from having relationships with them.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 26, 2017 15:32:20 GMT
I make the calendar for my mom and each year I ask my brother for pictures. I don't give any parameters just ask for pictures. Then i take his, mine, and the ones my dad sends and make a calendar for my mom.
My mother looks forward to it every year. If I didn't make one one year, she would be very disappointed. If I just included my family it would also make her sad. My mom wants one with all her grandkids. I also make a point to have at least one photo of the adults (brother, Sil, me, dh, and my dad) in there as well because she wants that.
So if my brother flaked and didn't send me any pictures, I'd get them any way I could to be able to give my mom something she treasures.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,741
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Dec 26, 2017 15:58:31 GMT
I've just spent some time making my photo's more private and found that sister had been already blocked from some of the ones she has stolen. So good ol Mom has been helping her steal my pics! They're quite the pair So she certainly realizes I didn't want her to have access to them if she had to download them from Mom's page. So now you know that mom & sis are in this together. Just post the pics you like of your kids and come to expect that they will be lifted and put into the family calendar. Very little effort on your part as you can control what pics mom can see (use Facebook privacy settings) and know that you will not be bothered to provide the pictures to your sister. Get over the fact that this is something that SHE loves to do and that MOM LOVES to get. Shake it off and continue with life. Social media is here to stay and it is up to every single person to determine what they want to share, or not. |
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
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Post by Nanner on Dec 26, 2017 16:09:51 GMT
I would be fine with that. The gift is for my parents. It's something that makes them happy.
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Post by destined2bmom on Dec 26, 2017 17:10:14 GMT
I understand that you didn’t want to participate; but you know what; this is a beautiful gift that your mother treasures. Your sister understands it. Since they are in it together, let her have a little bit of joy having pictures of her grandchildren that she can look at, enjoy and share with her friends when they come over.
A rich woman has pearls, a poor woman’s pearls are her children. In this case grandchildren.
When my SIL had cancer and was going to be in a hospital 90 minutes from where she lived for a solid week; I made her an 8 x 8 photo album. I asked family for some pictures and received none. I scraplifted from her Facebook and surprised her with the album. She loved it and she treasured that she was able to see pictures of her family while in the hospital. I apologized for lifting the pictures from FB; and she told me that considering it was such a beautiful gift she didn’t care.
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Post by femalebusiness on Dec 26, 2017 17:18:55 GMT
I would be annoyed if I told you no and you swipe photos from Facebook. I actually would be pea livid. I've just spent some time making my photo's more private and found that sister had been already blocked from some of the ones she has stolen. So good ol Mom has been helping her steal my pics! They're quite the pair  So she certainly realizes I didn't want her to have access to them if she had to download them from Mom's page. I would be done with her. What a piece of work she is. She knows exactly what she did. |
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Post by lucyg on Dec 26, 2017 17:34:18 GMT
If your relationship with these people is so damaged that you're angry (or merely annoyed?) about them using your Facebook photos for your mom's calendar, why are you still Facebook friends with either of them? Why do you speak to them or exchange gifts?
As long as you continue to maintain ties with them, I think it's silly to be upset about them using your photos, at no expense or trouble to you.
If you truly do not want them to have access to your photos, you need to cut them out of your life completely.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032
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Post by scrappyesq on Dec 26, 2017 17:39:05 GMT
This reminds me of the last Christmas I spent with my relatives. My sister took a bunch of literally 10 year old pictures that she had (because she didn't have recent pictures of any of us) and made a family calendar as the gift she gave out. My psycho mother decided to go to therapy because she could not believe that after all of the money she had spent over the years on us my sister gave her a cheap calendar. It was beneath her and she had to work through the pain. True story.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 26, 2017 17:43:16 GMT
This reminds me of the last Christmas I spent with my relatives. My sister took a bunch of literally 10 year old pictures that she had (because she didn't have recent pictures of any of us) and made a family calendar as the gift she gave out. My psycho mother decided to go to therapy because she could not believe that after all of the money she had spent over the years on us my sister gave her a cheap calendar. It was beneath her and she had to work through the pain. True story. wow |
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