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Post by vspindler on Dec 31, 2017 2:28:30 GMT
We have a longstanding joke with my DH’s side of the family about the year his mom served loooooong expired shrimp sauce (like a decade expired.) I’ve witnessed her cut the mold off of bread and serve it and keep putting grapes on the table meal after meal until they were closer to raisins than grapes. A year ago Thanksgiving we ended up with the stomach flu, and it was really not certain if it was food poisoning or not because of MIL’s food issues until later. (That year it was a massively undercooked turkey.)
Today we had a revisit of the shrimp sauce incident. Only today’s shrimp sauce had expired a year and a half ago. My sister in law just announced she was pregnant and used that as an excuse that she is “being more cautious about what she eats”. But MIL was offering shrimp to everyone.
I’m not sure at what point one should say something when something like that is served. I heard conflicting info if it had been opened or not, but either way I’m glad my SIL knew and was able to avoid it. And that my SIL with Chrons didn’t eat any. I know that people of a certain age are very frugal. MIL is also very sensitive so I’m afraid of hurting her feelings. But I’m also afraid that one of these times someone could end up really sick, especially if we don’t realize that something is questionable and can avoid it.
So I guess I’m wondering at what point do you stop someone from serving something. Or even stage a food safety intervention.
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Post by gritzi on Dec 31, 2017 2:33:01 GMT
I'm not sure how to prevent others from eating, but no way would I consume knowing what is served & how long it's been expired. I have food issues anyway, but risking my health & my family isn't a risk that I choose to take. Food poisoning isn't fun, btdt!
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Post by papersilly on Dec 31, 2017 2:34:37 GMT
This is MIL. All the soda in the house was long expired. Let's not talk about the stuff in the fridge in the garage. The frozen meat had been in there for years. Once I asked for Tylenol and that was long expired too. Her kids did a clean out of the expired stuff and now she writes the expiration date on all food containers with a Sharpie so we can see it nice and big before we start digging into it.
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eleezybeth
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Post by eleezybeth on Dec 31, 2017 2:37:16 GMT
This conversation is exactly why it is difficult to eat at my mother's house. She LOVES to shop at Sam's Club. This 73 year old, single woman... yes please, buy the 32 can pack of corn so we can eat it in 10 years. I hear by then ingesting botulism will naturally convert to botox. Her cupboards are jammed packed, her freezers... it is scary. I try to go through her cupboards when I am home or I shop before we get there.
The best story is something she fed my husband did not agree. He asked if by chance she had any stomach medicine, like some Pepto. She says, "Yes, I have Kaopectate in the fridge." She gets it out, pours him a little cup and he asks to see the bottle. She refuses. DH finally gets it from her and it was 21 years expired!! She was hurt that he wouldn't "just trust" her.
I wish I had some solutions for you. I also don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't need to be poisoned either.
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 4:03:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2017 2:57:10 GMT
I have no problem telling someone their food is expired and should be tossed. I've been sick too many times to worry about feelings being hurt.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 31, 2017 3:10:27 GMT
My MIL was exactly like that too. Eating at her house was a scary adventure. We never said anything but we got to the point where we would only eat the food we brought over there or absolutely knew was recently purchased. Salad dressing or condiments that had likely been in her fridge for 3-5 years? Nope. Eggs? Nope. Even frozen meat was a no-go because so much of it was freezer burned and tasted disgusting. The bottom line is that it’s really not worth being sick to your stomach and throwing up just to save a couple bucks. When in doubt THROW IT OUT! After she passed away, DH and I cleaned out her cabinets in her condo and we were surprised by exactly how old some of the canned stuff in her pantry was, and all of the opened dry goods smelled like cigarettes. Barf.  |
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Dec 31, 2017 3:31:09 GMT
I will flat out say something if I see food that has expired or even been left out of the fridge too long. Food poisoning us awful. I can't believe someone would use food that had expired a year ago.
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 31, 2017 3:32:21 GMT
For the win? When one of dh's aunts passed away in the late 90's her kids found mayo from 1972 in the back of the fridge!
I would ask your dh to tell his mother that he can't eat, because it's just not safe. He can do it nicely, start w/how much he loves her and enjoys coming over, but is afraid to eat, because of the past food poisoning and her lack of safety protocols...She will be embarrassed and defensive, but it beats the hell out of getting sick. I wouldn't even eat a cracker at her house.
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Post by librarylady on Dec 31, 2017 3:42:08 GMT
DH's mother can match all these stories.
Once we went to visit and the SIL met us at the door with, "Whatever you do, don't eat the ham."
That ham was almost green!! ...She was sort of a food hoarder. Never met a food item on sale that she could pass by.
Her daughter had to almost arm wrestle a 10 lb sack of pinto beans from her.
She had canned goods in the basement and a bedroom when she died. All of it was tossed. No one wanted to sort out the good from the bad.
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Post by candleangie on Dec 31, 2017 3:43:17 GMT
When my grandma passed away 4 years ago, we found out she had been eating preserves dated 1996!!! (This is not how she passed, btw.)
As we were cleaning out the cupboards, we found baking items so old they didn’t have bar codes.)
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Post by psoccer on Dec 31, 2017 4:22:09 GMT
Our family has the green bean casserole story. As my parents got older and couldn't travel, I would do Thanksgiving at their house. I would usually go up the day before and cook, and my mom would have the ingredients. My parent's weren't food hoarders, so I didn't worry. My mom had the fixings for everything, stuffing, turkey, pies, green bean casserole, rolls, and potatoes. We cooked the day before, and I didn't notice that the onions were "off" until I dug into my first bite and realized they were rancid.It was like a slow motion "Noooooo" and I was swooping that dish off the table. They weren't too old, maybe a year expired, but it is a family legend at this point. My spices need to be gotten through, I still have metal tins, for just a few odd spices. Time to toss.
If it is a delicate issue, I would see if you could slowly toss some items. My mom was ok with me double checking everything and tossing things that were too old, but they didn't have much. I like the idea of a food intervention and having dates on everything. Best of luck.
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LeaP
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Post by LeaP on Dec 31, 2017 4:35:06 GMT
My grandmother was of the freezer worship generation. As far as she was concerned, if you froze it, it was good indefinitely. One day I was helping her clean out her freezer and I came upon a can of Diamond walnuts. I told her to toss them because they were too old to eat as the packaging design had been updated. She poo-pooed me and popped one in her mouth. I still giggle at the recollection of her expression of surprise and disgust. A rancid nut is a nasty thing.
OP there is no way I would be eating at your MILs. Here at the pod, I generally side with the eat it contingent on the keep or toss threads. But, as you put it, "loooooong" expired stuff crosses my line along with undercooked poultry. Can you order holiday meals from your local market?
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Peal
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Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Dec 31, 2017 4:43:11 GMT
My in-laws are in their 80's now. They still grow their own produce every year and in the fall put up jars and jars of food. They are deeply involved in food storage, both grew up very, very poor and DH says they were quite poor until his pre-adolecence. He's the 6th of 7 children. So there are frugality issues deeply ingrained into their food issues. My MIL has preserved food in her basement that is 40 years old. It just gets pushed further back as each year's harvest fills in in front of it. They cannot possibly consume how much food they are putting up between the two of them.
MIL is convinced that although the food may no longer taste or look as good, all the nutrients are still there and refuses to get rid of it because, "When things get dire, people will be hungry and they will eat it." She is preparing for some kind of apocalypse wherein food poisoning is more desirable than hunger.
She honestly thinks that when she and FIL are gone, her 7 kids are going to come to the home and divvy up the food storage that is older than her (adult) grandchildren. In the meantime, all of them eye it with suspicion and I know they are going to back up a dumpster and it's all going to the dump.
The sad thing is FIL knows it's too much and is trying to convince MIL they don't need a garden, or at least as big a garden, anymore. But she wont hear it. And he loves her, so they have a garden.
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SweetieBsMom
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Dec 31, 2017 4:49:16 GMT
Have you ever had food poisoning? I have and I would not go through it again to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Hell no.
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Dec 31, 2017 6:46:34 GMT
Jesus. I would have stopped visiting years ago.
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Post by darkangel090260 on Dec 31, 2017 7:29:52 GMT
unless the can is rusted or expanded it still good. the dates really do not really mean much.
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Post by burningfeather on Dec 31, 2017 7:40:59 GMT
OMG, do y'all have my inlaws as relatives too?
DH's mom will put food out meal after meal after meal until it's gone, even if there is only a teaspoon, made worse by the fact that she does it with food that has been sitting out all day or even outside in the hot sun. You are going to see it until someone eats it.
And pity the person that throws it away. Thank God I wasn't involved in this but the other sister-in-law cleaned out her fridge one day trying to help and threw away a large jar of garlic (the kind from Costco or Sams) that had 1 teaspoon left (if that) and was green. That's been at least 15 years and MIL still brings it up each and every time I see her. Meanwhile, I was down in the basement cleaning out her canning room and there was so much mold that it made DH and I sick for a week and sent the aforementioned sister in law to the hospital.
I plead "sensitive stomach and restrictive diet" now and bring my own food. DH is on his own on this one. It's his family - he can deal with it.
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Post by burningfeather on Dec 31, 2017 7:41:50 GMT
unless the can is rusted or expanded it still good. the dates really do not really mean much. I think you just got taken off the potluck invitation for the Pea gathering. |
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Post by ametallichick on Dec 31, 2017 9:18:28 GMT
Our family has the green bean casserole story. As my parents got older and couldn't travel, I would do Thanksgiving at their house. I would usually go up the day before and cook, and my mom would have the ingredients. My parent's weren't food hoarders, so I didn't worry. My mom had the fixings for everything, stuffing, turkey, pies, green bean casserole, rolls, and potatoes. We cooked the day before, and I didn't notice that the onions were "off" until I dug into my first bite and realized they were rancid.It was like a slow motion "Noooooo" and I was swooping that dish off the table. They weren't too old, maybe a year expired, but it is a family legend at this point. My spices need to be gotten through, I still have metal tins, for just a few odd spices. Time to toss. If it is a delicate issue, I would see if you could slowly toss some items. My mom was ok with me double checking everything and tossing things that were too old, but they didn't have much. I like the idea of a food intervention and having dates on everything. Best of luck. I have metal spice containers that belonged to my grandma. She died in 1995 but the spice inside the little tin containers has long been replaced. I just refill the old jars with the new spice. The old Turkey Seasoning one is the best. Has a pic of a turkey on it. I love old vintage stuff like that sometimes! |
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Why
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Post by Why on Dec 31, 2017 9:19:42 GMT
unless the can is rusted or expanded it still good. the dates really do not really mean much. I know it is not a popular opinion but in most case I agree with this. Dates on food were not used for much of my life but I was taught to watch for leaking or bulging cans and toss those. We have a store in town that sells out dated stuff and it is legal. If it looks good and does not have an off smell it might not be quite as tasty but it is not going to kill you.
I am talking about canned/packaged food here. Not stuff that was not refrigerated or sat in the fridge long enough to rot. Two very different things.
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muggins
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Post by muggins on Dec 31, 2017 9:42:25 GMT
My MIL does this too. They used to keep a dish with a cut lemon on their kitchen windowsill. I once tried to help by asking if I should throw away the green moldy one. FIL got really pissy and told me to leave it there.
The worst was when they left a chicken carcass in a pan of tepid water for two days in the middle of summer. Then MIL boiled it up and made chicken soup with it for a family gathering. At that point I quietly warned everyone not to eat it. Funny thing is, the in laws rarely got sick.
Now FIL has passed away, we have no problem just throwing out old food or pointing out expired dates. I don’t care if she gets offended. I’m not putting my family through potential food poisoning.
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Post by gar on Dec 31, 2017 9:59:59 GMT
Seems it’s a generational thing  I think they were made of sterner stuff and somehow they aren’t as easily affected otherwise all our parents and in-laws wouldn’t still be here to serve this stuff  I’m not overly fussy about some things being a tad over their ‘use by’ dates but shellfish, meat etc - no thanks! |
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Post by nlwilkins on Dec 31, 2017 10:33:47 GMT
It may not be a popular opinion, but it sounds to me like you all need an intervention of some sorts for your in-laws, parents, grandparents, etc. Bad food can kill, especially the elderly who get dehydrated, disoriented and unable to take care of themselves at the best of times or unwilling to ask for help. Get documentation about families that have become ill from unsafe food, do some research and discuss facts, not urban legends. When food spoils, it emits toxins that are not neutralized by any kind of boiling or cooking. Foods with proteins in them that have been on the table for over two hours are not safe.
That being said, outdated food is not the same as unsafe food. Check to see what kinds of food are still safe even though they are outdated. You would be surprised at how much outdated food can be eaten without any adverse side effects. This is part of the problem. People confuse outdated food with unsafe food and don't really pay attention to the dates because they ate other outdated food without any issues. The dates generally refers to the quality of the food and not the safety.
Of course you all know this, but you need to educate your family. How would you feel if one of them got really sick from eating food that you knew they should not eat? Yet you are fearful of hurting their feelings. A common sense, matter of fact discussion with them with reference material and historical evidence to back up your conversation is called for in my opinion. You say it is not your business. But, it should be if you love them.
Many elderly have emotional issues about throwing away food. You need to address those issues - perhaps make it a birthday present to them to help then toss and purge and restock with quantities that can be used in in a reasonable time frame. Or maybe you can help them make menus with smaller portions. There are ways you can help. AND it will not be a quick fix, I can tell you right now. They will backslide, they will balk and they will fight tooth and nail. But, you have to lead them to safe food practices anyway you can, one step at a time if that is what it takes.
{OK getting off my soapbox now}
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Post by gar on Dec 31, 2017 10:52:26 GMT
I think you’re right - it goes against the grain to throw anything away for many older folk, and our thinking has changed, processes have changed, food availability has changed etc but they stick to their ways of doing things understandably. It’s worth trying to re-educate but old habits die hard.
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maryannscraps
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Post by maryannscraps on Dec 31, 2017 12:24:00 GMT
Ugh, I hear you! Same issue with my inlaws. She tried putting canned whipped cream on the kids' ice cream one time, and it was 1.5 years expired. Seriously, who keeps dairy products for a year and a half? Then there was the rancid peanut butter that I tossed. You'd think I would have thrown away the crown jewels. She brought that up for about two years -- I threw away 1/4 jar of "perfectly good" peanut butter. The saddest was after their house was flooded by Katrina. DH was working on cleaning up, and MIL was screaming at him for tossing canned goods. They'd been sitting in flood water for weeks, and she wanted him to wipe them off and save them. DH and FIL made sure that she stayed away from the house after that. She was so traumatized that the only thing she cared about saving was food.  |
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 31, 2017 12:36:04 GMT
unless the can is rusted or expanded it still good. the dates really do not really mean much. There is a limit to that. "According to the USDA, high-acid canned goods, like tomatoes and citrus fruits, will keep for up to 1½ years. Low-acid canned goods—that's pretty much everything else, including vegetables, meat, and fish—will last for up to 5 years." |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2017 14:18:31 GMT
My dad would offer me food to take home quite often, I always took it and tossed it if it wasn’t edible, I just felt it helped him purge. He loved shopping at Sams in bulk.
I agree that way too much gets tossed in todays food safety environment, many things are totally safe after the sell by date. That being said mayo from 1972! Wow
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Post by littlemama on Dec 31, 2017 14:24:28 GMT
Mil is bad about this, too. I refuse to put expired dressing out on the table at her house. Not a few days expired, but a year or so expired (already opened). My nightmare story- MIL was making fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, etc for Christmas Eve dinner. Chicken was done, potatoes were done. She goes to make the gravy and it curdles instantly. She says she doesn't know what's wrong. I look at the milk, which expired 8 days before. She claims they "always use milk that old". I don't know about anyone else, but for a family gathering, I always make sure everything is extremely fresh. Anyway, she made new gravy with the perfectly good milk she had in the fridge. Remember when I said the potatoes were already done? Those were served. I told my family not to touch them (and told ds not to say anything about why- he was pretty young at the time. BIL' s middle child kept eating them and gagging after every bite. (SIL knew what had happened and still gave them to her kid).
I think it is ironic that you are concerned about the shrimp sauce-I would be far more concerned about eating shrimp at the house of someone who knows no boundaries with expiration dates!
Anyway, if you know there will be shrimp, take a fresh bottle of sauce with you. If it is a choice between food poisoning and offending someone, let's just say-prepare to be offended.
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Post by Fidget on Dec 31, 2017 14:25:29 GMT
My DH's family is like this!
I was having a function at my house and DSIL was bringing salad, she called and asked if I had ranch dressing, I checked and mine was a couple weeks past the expiration date, I threw it out and told her no, mine was expired. She brought hers that had an expiration date 4 months old! when I mentioned it, her DH informed me that it was fine, they only put dates on the bottles so that you'll throw it out and buy more.
Of course these are the folks that are forever complaining about everyone in their household having "tummy troubles" Hmm- I wonder why.
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katybee
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Post by katybee on Dec 31, 2017 14:36:27 GMT
I suspect that my stepmother is a food order ( actually, a hoarder in general). I was cooking a huge family meal at her house a couple of summers ago. I had done all the grocery shopping, and it was quite a haul. When we got to her house, there was absolutely nowhere to put the food. She had two fridges and a chest freezer crammed full of food. For just herself. There was stuff that had expired years and years ago. But she refused to throw it out. When I was cooking, I fried a bunch of bacon and had a bunch of grease. I try to nonchalantly pour it into an empty can and bury it in the trash. But of course, I was busted. She was incredulous that I would throw that bacon grease away – even though she had a huge coffee can of it under her sink.  I also bought and chopped several onions. She tried to get me to use the onions in her pantry. A huge bag. As you cut into each onion, there were huge black spots. But she insisted that I just cut around the black spots.… umm...No… Lastly, I made a bunch of deviled eggs. After I had filled all of the eggs with the filling, I still had some left in the Ziploc bag that I was piping out of. I tried to throw it away. But she insisted on keeping it. She crammed in her fridge in between a bunch of other food – I’m sure not to be seen again for several months. I hope she did not eat it… I laugh about it, but it truly is sad. Hoarding is a serious mental condition. I always suspected she was a hoarder when my dad was alive, but he kept her in check. I worry now that he is gone that she will spiral out of control. Luckily, we were able to move her out of her house into a small apartment. I hope that has helped the situation, but I have not been to visit yet… Oh! I forgot to talk about the time we were all having a huge family dinner at a famous and little bit posh Italian restaurant in town. Many of us were from out of town, and did not want to take our leftovers home. She collected up everybody’s leftovers – even from people she did not know. To take home and put her fridge. Stuff that had been eaten off of already. You know what it’s like when you eat pasta, and you take a bite at some of it falls back to your plate… |
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I think they were made of sterner stuff and somehow they aren’t as easily affected otherwise all our parents and in-laws wouldn’t still be here to serve this stuff 
