Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,700
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Jan 3, 2018 13:41:56 GMT
I don't even consider that in the realm of a big age gap. Hope you have a great time together.
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Post by Linda on Jan 3, 2018 13:47:12 GMT
I think as you (general) get older, age gaps are less significant and it's more important to be in the same (general) life stage.
DD17 - I wouldn't want her dating someone older than 20 at the most or younger than 16
DS26 - I wasn't happy about him being pursued by a gal who was 11 years older than him and I'm glad that fizzled out both because I know he wants kids in the future (but not yet) and her age would make that more of a challenge AND because she was actually closer in age to ME than him (not by much but still).
My parents were 11 years apart - mum was the second wife and only 14 years older than my older sister. It worked for them (mum was 32 when they married) but she ended up a relatively young widow as he died at 64 (she was 52)
a close family friend was 18 years younger than her husband - it was a second marriage for both (widow/widower) and later in life. She's been widowed again for a couple of years but he lived to be 99 so they had a good run of it.
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Post by genny on Jan 3, 2018 13:57:49 GMT
No I don't see an issue at all with that age gap. DH is 6 years older than me - not a huge difference, but when we first met it seemed to be a big deal to some people (my parents). The only time there was any 'issue' is when we were first married (we only dated 3 months before getting hitched) - he had been on his own since about 18 years old, I moved straight from my mom's house in with him when we got married. I had ZERO experience running a household, paying bills, etc. Didn't take long for me to get the 'adulting' thing together though. You should have seen my face when the bills started coming in for our new place - WE HAVE TO PAY THAT MUCH FOR WATER??? lol he thought I was insane
Anyway, talk to him and see where it goes and don't worry about the age a bit - good luck!
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Post by M~ on Jan 3, 2018 14:52:39 GMT
My sister married a man who is 23 years her senior and she couldn't be happier.
My friends is also dating man who is 25 years her senior and she's ecstatic.
My male cousin is 41 and he married a man who is 71.
And before anyone asks-yes, my friend and my sister say the sex is AMAZING.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Jan 3, 2018 15:02:14 GMT
My husband is 7 years older than me. It was a HUGE deal when I was 16 and he was 23, but now that I'm almost 40 and he's 46, it's a complete non-issue.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 23:02:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 15:05:34 GMT
And before anyone asks-yes, my friend and my sister say the sex is AMAZING. I hope no one was going to ask!
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 3, 2018 15:06:39 GMT
I think age gaps are an issue when the parties are at different stages of their lives which is why it's more pronounced at younger ages. A relatively small age gap, can be much more pronounced when potential children are involved. 33 and 41 wouldn't seem like a large gap at all, unless you're interested in having children and he's someone who married early and is not interested in having additional children.
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Post by salem on Jan 3, 2018 15:18:30 GMT
My DH is 12 years older. Been together 21 years. It's all good.
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Post by refugeepea on Jan 3, 2018 15:29:34 GMT
The older I get, my concern would be is it for a real relationship or someone to take care of him? Particularly if his health is not good.
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Post by alexa11 on Jan 3, 2018 15:32:14 GMT
My SO was 7 yrs older than me. We met when I was 33 and he was 40 and had a 21 yr relationship. I would do it again in an instant if only I could. I'm on a dating site now and I'm surprised at the number of younger guys that I hear from. I'm 58 and some of it is disturbing... I say go for it!
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Post by Sparki on Jan 3, 2018 16:17:36 GMT
Both of my husbands have been 20+ years older than me. Both extremely different than my dad. Happily married to the first for 13 yrs, then he died of cancer. Now happily married for nearly 10 yrs.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 3, 2018 16:21:03 GMT
Eight years isn't "older man" in my book (but then, DH is five years older than me). To me, "older man" would be someone who is old enough to be your dad. ITA. In your thirties & forties, 8 years isn't a big deal. If it was a bigger span than that I might hesitate. I had a friend years ago who married a guy that was almost 20 years older than she was. At the time they met I think she was 20 and he was 39. At first things were okay with them but once he hit 55-60 he developed some health issues, started really slowing down and didn’t want to do anything anymore. She wasn’t ready for that at not even 40 and they ended up getting divorced. She married someone much closer in age to her not long after that.
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 3, 2018 16:22:29 GMT
He's someone you enjoy talking to... eight years is nothing, Really. Go for it.
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Post by walkerdill on Jan 3, 2018 16:23:59 GMT
I met SO when I was 22. He is 11 years older than me. It has never been a problem in our 18 year relationship. I always liked older guys because they didn't play games like the younger ones.
There are times I notice the age gap like our differences in music or when he asks me about old tv show that was before my time. That's really the only time I notice.
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Post by scrapcat on Jan 3, 2018 16:38:54 GMT
I am prob biased bcz my SO is 21 years older, but I think/observe people often miss out on great relationship opportunities bcz they have these ideas about age/limits. Once you are an adult, maybe you've been married, know yourself etc, I don't think there is any reason to not follow your heart regardless of what is on paper about someone.
Now that I've been with my SO, I can't imagine ever dating anyone young/younger. And frankly, he's like the go getter, life of the party, I'm more 'let's just stay in and relax'.
Of course it comes with various challenges and outside opinions, but as long as you know yourself and are invested in the relationship for the right reasons, that's all just noise. There were growing pains, there's people who have assumed he's my Dad, his kids are closer to my age than not, etc. But for the most part the people who matter to us have seen our happiness and are nothing but supportive. After all this time, I don't really think anyone even notices.
Sometimes when we go out to eat or something, I will catch the look of someone and i'm always like "what are they staring at?" and then I'm like oh yea, but we just think its funny.
And for the record, i have a very close relationship with my Dad, talk to him daily, SO and him hang out and do house projects together, etc. I own my house, have my own job, investments, pension, car, etc and we are both financially independent.
All that said, 8 years in that age range really isn't all that much. Maybe bcz your 33 it seems so, but the older you get I feel like the less it matters and honestly no one else really cares! Or even if they do, then it really doesn't matter. I say go for it, if it doesn't work out for you, at least you tried.
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Post by brina on Jan 3, 2018 17:43:39 GMT
when you start getting into 'old enough to be your father', I think it is good to look at you motivations and be honest about what the future might hold.
That said, dh and I are 3 months apart in age but he has health issues that are usually common in somebody much older.
I don't think 7-10 years is a big deal.
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Post by papersilly on Jan 3, 2018 17:46:58 GMT
my husband is 10 years older than me. the age difference has never been an issue with us. my sister is dating a man 10 years older than her. neither of us have daddy issues. it's just the way the cards fell.
OTOH i know someone who is 53 and her husband is 30. i don't think he has mommy issues. it's an odd pairing but it works for them.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jan 3, 2018 17:55:06 GMT
I like older men. I also have daddy issues. haha. my husband and ex both older than me. My ex almost 10years, my husband 8.5 years.
Age doesn't bother me. If I met a man that was 30 years older and I was attracted to him, I'd date him. I would do the same. If you like him, move forward. Who cares about his age.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Jan 3, 2018 17:56:47 GMT
I dated a guy who was about 9 years older and he made the age an issue but really only about music.
“I can’t believe you don’t know the words to this song! How old were you when it came out?”
“I don’t know. When did it come out?”
“Omg you don’t even know when it came out!!””
But he wasn’t like that about history. He never asked me how old I was during the Bay of Pigs incident or anything like that.
So you just have to have things in common I guess and relate on a few different levels.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Jan 3, 2018 18:00:16 GMT
I once heard the "rule of thumb" half your (or the older person's) age plus 7. I think that works pretty well. At 15, you can date a 14 year old. A 90 year old should stick with 52 and up. I'm 44, so I'm aiming for 29.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,581
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jan 3, 2018 18:10:27 GMT
Go for it! DH and I have been together more than 25 years, and we are 14 years apart. One of my dearest friends has been with her SO for more than 15 years, and he is 20 years older than she is. Both of our guys were married before, but neither of them had kids/alimony/issues with their exes (and both were long divorced before we ever met). I don't know if that makes a difference, but it eliminates some possible sources of conflict.
I completely agree with those who have noted that once you reach adulthood and are responsible for yourself (which could be 18 if you are in the armed forces, but probably closer to 23 if you went to college), age gaps matter less.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,560
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Jan 3, 2018 18:15:34 GMT
8 years is nothing. I think of daddy issues as a 19-22 year old dating a 40 yo. That's a child dating a father. Once you're older and more mature the age gap disappears though. The older I get, my concern would be is it for a real relationship or someone to take care of him? Particularly if his health is not good. When my Grandma got married the 2nd time she was 40 and my Grandpa was 60! People all said "why are you marrying such an old man? You're going to have to take care of him." Well she was the one that had a bad heart and breathing problems her whole life. He was 92 and went in the hospital for the first time, then again at the end. In the end they were married for just shy of 40 wonderful years and he made it to his 100th birthday Not that it would be like that for everyone.
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Post by freecharlie on Jan 3, 2018 18:23:18 GMT
Give him a chance. Once we hit a certain age, the gap doesn't matter
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Post by #notLauren on Jan 3, 2018 18:45:03 GMT
I don't consider 8 years to be an "older man" as long as we're not talking about one of the parties being a teenager.
To me 12+ years is an age gap. No real reason other than I once dated a guy who was 12 years older than me and I kept thinking "when I was entering kindergarten, he was entering college".
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 3, 2018 18:53:08 GMT
How is 8 yrs a daddy issue??!!
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Post by refugeepea on Jan 3, 2018 19:10:40 GMT
When my Grandma got married the 2nd time she was 40 and my Grandpa was 60! People all said "why are you marrying such an old man? You're going to have to take care of him." Well she was the one that had a bad heart and breathing problems her whole life. He was 92 and went in the hospital for the first time, then again at the end. In the end they were married for just shy of 40 wonderful years and he made it to his 100th birthday Not that it would be like that for everyone. When my Grandma married for the first time, my grandfather was 20 years older than her. He left her a widow in her early 40's with 16 kids (not all were at home). That clouds my judgement. She did go onto outlive two more husbands.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,427
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Jan 3, 2018 19:12:02 GMT
my husband is 9 years older than me. we met when i was 20. we've been married now for 23 years
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Post by Lovebug2867 on Jan 3, 2018 19:23:43 GMT
My SO is almost 12 years older than me. I don't have daddy issues nor is he like my dad in any way. We've been together for 19 years now.
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Post by chlerbie on Jan 3, 2018 19:57:19 GMT
I think the older you are, the less age differences matter, and to me 33 and 41 is nothing. Of course, I'm with someone who is 11 years older than me and we've been together for 19 years. It's never really been an issue for us--probably because we're both young at heart anyway.
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Post by mom26 on Jan 3, 2018 19:59:58 GMT
My DH is 7 years older than I am. We met when I was 29 and he was 36. We'll be celebrating our 23rd anniversary in March.
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