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Post by its me mg on Jan 3, 2018 7:59:27 GMT
The peas should have a field day with this, right? In your opinion, is a woman who dates older men someone that has "daddy issues"? I have an online dating profile, and I get messages from guys of all ages. I've seen several guys who I've hesitated to like/chat with because they were significantly older then myself. There was this one guy who was my match, but we had a limited time to chat. We had exchanged nothing but the usual mundane chit chat. Nothing bad, but nothing memorable. I didn't really care when the chat room expired, but he used a credit to extend the chat/rematch us. I started chatting him up because he put in the effort, and I actually like him the more we get to know each other. See what happens when you give someone a chance?!  I'm 33, he's 41 ... not too bad, right? For the record, I have no daddy issues. My dad has been and still is an incredible part of my life. He has been an excellent role model of what a man should be. I just feel like older men are established in their careers (don't worry, I have my own! not a gold digger!), they know what they want, and they don't play games/ghost. Obviously, not ALL men are like this, but I feel like generally speaking older men just have their sh*t together so to speak. Thoughts? |
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Post by miominmio on Jan 3, 2018 8:05:34 GMT
Eight years isn't "older man" in my book (but then, DH is five years older than me). To me, "older man" would be someone who is old enough to be your dad.
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Post by its me mg on Jan 3, 2018 8:07:11 GMT
Oh no! My dad is almost 60 ... no way, Jose! My ex was younger then me, probably another motivator to date an older guy. |
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 3:48:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 8:10:45 GMT
The peas should have a field day with this, right? In your opinion, is a woman who dates older men someone that has "daddy issues"? I have an online dating profile, and I get messages from guys of all ages. I've seen several guys who I've hesitated to like/chat with because they were significantly older then myself. There was this one guy who was my match, but we had a limited time to chat. We had exchanged nothing but the usual mundane chit chat. Nothing bad, but nothing memorable. I didn't really care when the chat room expired, but he used a credit to extend the chat/rematch us. I started chatting him up because he put in the effort, and I actually like him the more we get to know each other. See what happens when you give someone a chance?!  I'm 33, he's 41 ... not too bad, right? For the record, I have no daddy issues. My dad has been and still is an incredible part of my life. He has been an excellent role model of what a man should be. I just feel like older men are established in their careers (don't worry, I have my own! not a gold digger!), they know what they want, and they don't play games/ghost. Obviously, not ALL men are like this, but I feel like generally speaking older men just have their sh*t together so to speak. Thoughts? My son in law is nine years older than my daughter. They met when she was in her early 20s. They've been married 13 or so years now and have four kids. It works for them. As you've noted he was done with the young man playing the field and knew what he wanted in a mate and life in general. He wasn't still looking for himself. OTOH, my paternal grandparents also had a similar significant age span. Just Grandma was the older one. It worked for them They had 60+ years of marriage before he passed away then she passed about a year later. |
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Post by its me mg on Jan 3, 2018 8:31:33 GMT
Were you less then impressed when she brought home an older dude, voltagain? |
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 3:48:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 8:48:32 GMT
Were you less then impressed when she brought home an older dude, voltagain ? To be honest I was a little concerned in the beginning simply because she was so young (22 I think) His parents about flipped over how young she was. They felt like he should be dating someone closer to his age. They worked together in the military so that allowed a different dynamic than online dating. I kept in mind my grandparents met in high school (she was the school teacher) and granddad stayed in high school till graduation so he could see her but they didn't date or have a relationship other than teacher/student until after he graduated. So I already had a life long example of a rather large age gap in a marriage. I never thought of it as her having daddy issues of any sort. He isn't old enough to be her dad. Now the age difference doesn't even cross my mind. My thing is dating/marriage and relationships are about the people involved. I'm not married to him so as long as she is happy then I am happy. |
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,086
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jan 3, 2018 8:59:01 GMT
I see no issue.
Give him a chance.
My sister is 47, met a 57 year old through Match.com, and they are now engaged. I have never seen her happier. Super wonderful person. If she let age keep her from meeting him, she would not have met the love of her life.
Go for it and have fun.
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Post by nlwilkins on Jan 3, 2018 9:02:51 GMT
My husband is nine years older than me. I was 20 years old when we married, he was 29. We have been married for 47 years now and still counting. I feel he actually finished raising me LOL. I was a very young, naive 20 year old.
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joelise
Drama Llama
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Post by joelise on Jan 3, 2018 9:29:43 GMT
I don’t see a problem with that age gap. It’s the other way round, but my fiance is 14 years younger than me. No one seems to have a problem with this. We’ve been together for 7 years.
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Post by KelleeM on Jan 3, 2018 9:38:13 GMT
I don’t think 9 years is huge at your ages. If you were 15 and he was 24 then it’s huge.
When I was 45 and I met a guy online who had just turned 60. I wasn’t looking for a husband so I wasn’t concerned. Little did I know he’d end up being a great guy and we would end up getting married. We’ve been married 5 years and he retired the day before our wedding. It’s worked out well for us. We both had significant health issues during the first year of our marriage and he has ongoing pain and fatigue (he fell off a roof, broke some bones, and then had aspiration pneumonia and almost died). His issues do occasionally put a damper on things...he can’t walk long distances or dance to fast songs but his day to day quality of life is fine. Had he fallen at 50 or 40 maybe his recovery would have been better but it is what it is. I occasionally worry that I’ll probably spend the later years of my life alone but anything could happen.
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Post by jameynz on Jan 3, 2018 10:11:59 GMT
My DH is 7 1/2 years older than me - we've had NO issues at all.
I've worked with an older lady who has been married 2x
Her first DH passed away , he was 10 yrs older than her
Her 2nd DH was also 10 yrs older than her - and she said she wouldn't do it again due to his health issues, age related, she felt more like a nurse than a wife.
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 3:48:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 10:13:18 GMT
I don't give a flying fig about age, if I like someone I like them regardless. The husband is 16 years younger than me and we get on like a house on fire! He well and truly has his shit together.
Why would you pass up a potentially great relationship just because you aren't exactly the same age? Seems daft to me.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jan 3, 2018 10:15:55 GMT
Eight years isn't "older man" in my book (but then, DH is five years older than me). To me, "older man" would be someone who is old enough to be your dad. ITA. In your thirties & forties, 8 years isn't a big deal. |
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 3:48:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 10:41:11 GMT
Eight years....good lord I wouldn't bat an eyelid at that age gap. Possibly 15 to 23 years I would have concerns but at your age, not at all.
I consider "older men" as being old enough to be my dad or very near to that age gap. But that can also work out for some people. Out of our group of friends that we socialize with on a regular basis, the women are all within the early 40's range but the men vary in age from early 40's to one being 52 and another 54. If you didn't know their ages you could never tell there was such a difference in their ages.
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Post by missbennet on Jan 3, 2018 11:05:18 GMT
My husband is 9 years older, and I don't consider that much of an age gap. We met when I was 41 and he was 50. Might have been different if I were 21 and he was 30, but just barely. Now a 21 year and a 40 year old....that's a bit of a stretch, but people make it work.
By the time the younger person in the couple reaches 30 or so, I think differences in age aren't too relevant.
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Post by gar on Jan 3, 2018 11:11:08 GMT
Age gaps (within reason) matter less once both parties are 'properly' adult imo, by which I mean established, independent, fully functioning adults with some life experience.
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Post by Fidget on Jan 3, 2018 11:26:00 GMT
I don't see that as a significant age gap at all. My DBIL is 9 years older than my SIL and there are no age related issues for them.
I have a friend whose DH was 17 years older than her. They were married for 36 years, he passed recently - he was 79 - she is 62. It worked for them.
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Post by Zee on Jan 3, 2018 11:38:51 GMT
I think for it to look like daddy issues he would at least have to be old enough to be your father. Eight years is nothing, particularly at your ages.
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Post by cmhs on Jan 3, 2018 11:40:47 GMT
Dh is ten years older. We've been married 30 years. Our kids are squigged out by the age difference when they think about it too much but it's been an awesome ride! My brother's wife is ten years older than he is and she turned him into an old man but they're incredibly happy with each other. |
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,962
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Jan 3, 2018 11:42:29 GMT
My DH is 19 years older than me. I’m 49 and he’s 67. We met 2 years ago. I was dating, went out with him and liked him. Went out a few more times, then started having doubts because of the age difference. Kept going back to him because he was so good to me and I really liked him. I had to get over the age difference, but once I did I never looked back. None of my family or friends care because I’m happy. Incidentally, he’s a year older than my Mom and a year younger than my Dad.
Lisa G.
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Post by elaine on Jan 3, 2018 11:49:33 GMT
8 years is nothing!
When I was 30, I moved in with a man who was 41. We lived together for 4 years - the relationship ended because I took a job in another state. Age was never an issue.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,676
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jan 3, 2018 11:57:40 GMT
You're both grownups. That age difference isn't that significant.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
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Post by Nanner on Jan 3, 2018 12:43:03 GMT
8 years is not too old at all. And definitely not to be considered an "older man".
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Post by Rainy_Day_Woman on Jan 3, 2018 12:45:09 GMT
I usually dated older men, but to be fair, I think I have "daddy issues." My husband is 8 years older than me. It does sometimes cause some pause in our relationship but it isn't a huge age gap. He felt a bit more rush about having kids, and working out our retirement plan has been a bit tricky as I have to work longer. I don't think that 10 years or so is a significant age difference for most things. |
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Post by lisae on Jan 3, 2018 12:57:52 GMT
8 years is not an older man unless you are a teenager. My first husband and I were 3 months apart in age. The marriage lasted 5 years. Dh is 15 years older than I am. We've been together over 25 years and are very happy. It is more about the person than the age. Are you compatible? Do you have the same interests? Is he good to you? What has he accomplished in his adult life? Is he a good money manager? (ie. if he is 41, in debt up to his ears and hasn't saved a penny, run for the hills). How do you get along with his family (when you get to that point in your relationship)? These are all things that seem to come up a lot on the board when people talk about issues in their relationships.
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Post by jennrs on Jan 3, 2018 13:02:02 GMT
I don’t think that’s a huge age difference and if you enjoy talking, I would continue.
My ex is 50 and with a 24 year old that has two toddlers and they have a 7 month old together. Our son is 30. It makes me laugh.
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 3, 2018 13:03:32 GMT
At 33, I don't think it's a big deal.
At 18, I would be concerned.
In the end, it only matters what YOU think.
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 3:48:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 13:18:10 GMT
I feel like after 22, any age gap over 4 years is nothing. When you start entering that gap where your partner is old enough to be your parent (18+), then eyebrows may start to rise.
When I say after 22, I should note that the 22 year old is the younger person. 33 and 41 is nothing. If I remember right, that's the ages my friend met her husband at and they're happily married.
Besides, being older don't always equal more mature or established. I've met plenty of older men that are no better off than a brand new college graduate and still party like they're 21.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,876
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jan 3, 2018 13:31:56 GMT
My age gap is 7 years with SO and I. I don't see an issue.  Enjoy, get to know each other. Time will tell. He just may be the one. |
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,396
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jan 3, 2018 13:36:04 GMT
My husband is more than a decade older than me. He couldn't be more different from my father.
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