scrappinspidey2
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Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Feb 7, 2018 17:45:40 GMT
I am a hermit. Always have been, but it has been worse in the last few years. When it comes to work, I am one of those people that like to keep it very separate from my private life. I even had a rule (that I broke this year) that I didn't even friend coworkers on facebook. I don't really participate in those things that go around where they want to learn more about you favorite color, book, music etc. I very much keep the two separate.
The organization I work for now allows me to work from home. Most of their employees do and they do a lot of these get to know you type things. They drive me batty. Usually I don't participate in them because they are supposed to be voluntary. You do not have to participate if you don't want to. However, they usually assign another employee to "harass", so to speak, people into getting it done. Just recently they wanted everyone to take a short video about themselves and working for our company and what that means to us. The emails all say voluntary but yet I get multiple requests asking it be done and I have had several requests in our work chat to do it, despite my saying no.
Now there is a new one. My supervisor has sent around another one in which he wants photos, pictures of our family, some personal preferences etc. I do not want to participate in this. While he hasn't said it is mandatory, he isn't really leaving room for you to say no. They post in on the internet, which is part of the reason I don't want to participate. If you google me you will find one photo ....and I had no control over it and Im still mad it is out there. I do not want my face on the internet. Even my facebook has my face either completely covered with masks, or not on there at all. Family has posted some but I have asked them to either remove it or at least not tag me which they have been very nice about.
So where is the line between work and personal? Should you be forced (either verbally or pressured non verbally) to do these kinds of activities in a work environment?
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Post by myboysnme on Feb 7, 2018 17:51:41 GMT
I have no qualms saying, "I'm sorry but I just don't share personal things about myself in the workplace. Thank you for including me but I have to decline." I would repeat this over and over as often as I was asked.
Today a former coworker invited all of us at work to her mother's funeral. All the people in my hallway went. I was asked if I don't like to go to funerals and my response was, "While I don't like funerals I'm not going because I don't want to." It's really that simple. If I wanted to go I would go.
I am a hermit on some level myself and I have come to a place in life that I am no longer agreeing to things just because someone else wants me to.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:15:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2018 17:59:21 GMT
That would be a big old no from me. How does that relate to your job?
Keep saying no and if they keep asking say nothing.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:15:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2018 18:00:20 GMT
So where is the line between work and personal? Should you be forced (either verbally or pressured non verbally) to do these kinds of activities in a work environment? The line is when you log in and when you log out of work. No, I do not think you should be pressured to participate in these kinds of activities. Perhaps the response should be "I thought this was voluntary" when you get pressured. Or find passive ways to do it without giving any relevant information away. Like a video of ABOUT yourself and your thoughts on working for the company does not have to show YOU. Shoot some video of your city or nearby scenery and voice over with what a great company it is... you don't have to show yourself or give away your real thoughts. Or take a hint from your facebook and do it in costume of some kind. That could be very humorous. Same with most personal preferences. I like Diet Dr. Pepper, chocolate and pho. What does that really tell you about me? My guess is the get to know you stuff is so all these distance telecommuters get a chance to know each other, develop office type of relationships, and develop a feel of being a team instead of being isolated. My other guess is your manager/boss is an extrovert who doesn't realize that most telecommuters are introverts who aren't all the keen on developing relationships. |
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Post by MissBianca on Feb 7, 2018 18:11:09 GMT
No is a complete sentence.
If you are not comfortable sharing your private info, then don’t.
Your employer may have a need for a photo of you for their website but they do not need photos of your family.
Due to my husbands job I keep photos of my kids off the web as much as I can. My daughters school gets spun up about it but no is no.
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Post by papersilly on Feb 7, 2018 18:21:27 GMT
you SHOULD have a line between work and private life but the truth is, employers want to know more about their employees than what is in the job application. who has a family? who is very involved in social media? who is involved in the community? who is a loner? who seems too private? who doesn't like to participate in the reindeer games? why?
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Post by Just Beth on Feb 7, 2018 18:21:37 GMT
I think this is not ok for a manager to insist you complete. I would politely decline so it is clean you are not procrastinating but choosing not to participate. If you get any backlash I would talk to HR.
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Post by katlady on Feb 7, 2018 18:25:40 GMT
My company puts a photo of all employees on their website. They get our pictures from our ID badges. I am not thrilled about it, but I can't do anything about it. But, I draw the line at personal information. Thankfully, no one in our company asks for things like your Company does. I am also a private person. I don't friend people from work on Facebook, unless they are people I actually hang out with outside of work (there are a couple). I would just keep saying "no" or ignore the requests. I like voltagain suggestions! You could take a family photo where you are all facing away from the camera, or something humorous like that. |
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Feb 7, 2018 18:26:59 GMT
While I understand where you are coming from, I totally get those who are saying to just not do it, and I will defend your right not to, there are some things I would consider before I drew a firm line.
Who is the intended audience of all of this? Are they trying to make you more human (that is what this is about right? not being just a voice on the phone or text in an email) to clients or to each other as remote employees?
Do you hope to move up in the company or are you happy in your current position? While this shouldn't impact those prospects, it may make you seem like someone who is not a team player or someone who the others don't know as personally as they know each other.
What level of detail are you willing to share? I don't answer survey questions if they ask questions that are typically challenge questions (what is your mother's maiden name? your high school mascot? your first pet's name?). But I'd also let everyone else know not to answer those, because I am annoying like that.
Is the request actually coming from your boss, or is it coming from the boss's boss?
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Post by shevy on Feb 7, 2018 18:27:36 GMT
I think that in some jobs it's part of the requirement. I know that I work with a lot of resources that are funded through donors or grants and they post about their employees so that the people who both log in for services and the people who donate can log in and see who is employed there and what that person is about. I know that when my husband has worked for certain IT companies, he's had to have a photo and bio of work and some personal things on him on the website. They did that because he went out for house calls and owner thought it made those people more comfortable with him being in their home/business working on their computer/network.
However, if it's not something that's justified and in your job description, then I would say no.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,926 
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Feb 7, 2018 18:30:22 GMT
No. I don't socialize or interact on FB with co-workers. Once you leave the Company, sure but not until then. Had a bad experience with my first job out of college. Never again.
I get why your boss is doing it, he's trying to build a team atmosphere, that's hard to do remotely. But if it wasn't mandatory, I wouldn't be doing it. Every time the designated harasser sent me a request I'd respond with "No thank you" and that would be all. Every.single.time. They'll eventually stop (hopefully).
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Post by myshelly on Feb 7, 2018 18:39:43 GMT
I guess my question is...what are you going to do if this does become mandatory? Are you prepared to quit?
It is quite common and well within an employers' rights to punish names and photos of employees on their website. It is reasonable to expect people who work from home to communicate via video or FaceTime or Skype or lots of other methods that transmit a picture. You aren't anonymous. If you had to physically go to an office everyday, your coworkers would see your face.
How is your employer wanting your coworkers to see your face any different?
If you went to an office every day, everyone would have pictures of their families on their desks.
How is this any different?
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Post by miominmio on Feb 7, 2018 18:41:30 GMT
I have tried to keep those two separate for most of my working life, and there is absolutely no legitimate reason for them to be asking for pictures of your family. None!
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 7, 2018 18:43:58 GMT
I think you are well within your rights to say no.
If you absolutely feel you must participate, give them a photo of your dog.
I work for a large corporation, really large, and we have a "getting to know you" thing, too. I refused to put anything about my family at all.
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Feb 7, 2018 18:44:17 GMT
This is for the annual company day. Smith corporation day. They send camera crews out to the various offices where some people actually work from. When we were in orientation we had to all wear the company color and take a photo and send it in....all stuff I just don't like participating in. I did during orientation because we weren't allowed to opt out. While it was never said you couldn't, the pressure to participate was heavy. This is usually sent out on the company intranet and then portions can be put on the public domain as well. You don't really have control once you participate.
I haven't had a problem telling the other employees, No, Im sorry I am not comfortable doing that. But when it comes from your boss it changes the tone a bit. I will talk to him but he definitely will not understand.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 7, 2018 18:44:47 GMT
While I understand where you are coming from, I totally get those who are saying to just not do it, and I will defend your right not to, there are some things I would consider before I drew a firm line. Who is the intended audience of all of this? Are they trying to make you more human (that is what this is about right? not being just a voice on the phone or text in an email) to clients or to each other as remote employees? Do you hope to move up in the company or are you happy in your current position? While this shouldn't impact those prospects, it may make you seem like someone who is not a team player or someone who the others don't know as personally as they know each other. What level of detail are you willing to share? I don't answer survey questions if they ask questions that are typically challenge questions (what is your mother's maiden name? your high school mascot? your first pet's name?). But I'd also let everyone else know not to answer those, because I am annoying like that. Is the request actually coming from your boss, or is it coming from the boss's boss? This. I too have to fully participate in stuff like this. Pictures, Have to write articles for the paper, big push from community wide participation, and face. BUT if you want to advance, and if you want to be seen as professional, and part of the team, you have to do it. If you want to come off as NOT a team player, not a professional, then sure, don't do it. I totally get the wanting to have a private life, and not putting all of you out there. But what exactly is it that you don't want people to know? I try to lead a good example. I also tell my girls that sometimes you have to do things you DON'T want to do. That's just the way it is. We don't always get to decide. I have a few co-workers on FB, but lately have added more. It makes us more of a family. We feel connected. And if something would happen, management would be more likely to lay off Susie, who people don't know, or has a face, then margo who is a bigger team player, and more a community face. KWIM? |
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Feb 7, 2018 18:47:34 GMT
I guess my question is...what are you going to do if this does become mandatory? Are you prepared to quit? Yes. It was not a condition of my being hired by the company and it is one of those things I would have thought twice about before taking the position. I don't feel employers have a right to that information. |
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,950
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Post by Rhondito on Feb 7, 2018 18:48:15 GMT
That would really rub me the wrong way. I don't think an employer should be able to dictate what personal privacy information you share with the public.
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Post by flanz on Feb 7, 2018 18:48:28 GMT
I validate you and think it's all kinds of wrong on the part of your employer. NO way would I be participating.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
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Post by peabrain on Feb 7, 2018 18:51:40 GMT
I understand what you're saying because I'm really shy and introverted.
Could you just reply this week that your favorite color is red, then next time your favorite color is blue? Have some fun with it and see when someone might pick up on it.
If they need video just take some video of the company logo and say how much you love your job or some bs just have fun with it. Make it a game with yourself or them to see the biggest baloney you can and see who notices and says something.
Here's my family ...a picture of Starbucks
Personal preferences....your desk chair, sunshine, outdoor
Why does it have to be so serious or personal?
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Feb 7, 2018 18:58:38 GMT
I don't want to do video or pictures. I get very anxious about both. I do not video conference in with anyone in my job. I would not have accepted the job if it was a requirement. We do have weekly meetings by phone but its mostly him talking and us listening. I participate as needed with those. I truly do not see a reason for these other activities. I don't want to make up information or make a goofy thing. I just want to do my job and leave the rest to those who like doing that kind of thing. Believe me there are more than enough people who love this stuff. It is not necessary to my position.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
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Post by peabrain on Feb 7, 2018 19:19:56 GMT
I'm saying take a picture of things that represent YOU.
Take a video of Your surroundings. Would that fly? You handing over a file to Suzy in accounting, Gosh that made Suzy really happy! Suzy thinks you're doing a great job at XYZ Accounting. (Just show your hand and the file and Suzy smiling) Show how SUZY reacts to you.
There's a million ways around this. I'm not saying it's right, but I'm saying You don't have to be IN a video to do a video.
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Post by femalebusiness on Feb 7, 2018 19:24:52 GMT
It seems to me that being pressured to share your family and private life could be a reason for a workplace lawsuit. If it is not it should be.
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Post by disneypal on Feb 7, 2018 19:34:02 GMT
Wow - that is tough and I understand wanting to keep work and personal separate. I am not sure why they want to force such things.
For this latest request of family photos and personal preferences, I would ignore it if I could and if not, I would reply back to the supervisor and state that you would rather not share personal information and photos since you like to maintain your personal privacy.
I'm sorry - what a awkward position to be put in.
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Post by myboysnme on Feb 7, 2018 19:34:43 GMT
I already answered but reading some other answers I think that any effort on your part to actually participate means that you are on some level willing to participate. I would not answer questions if I don't want to encourage more questions. Especially if I was working at home because I don't have an office for people to drop by and comment on.
A woman I worked with for 17 years retired last Friday after more than 40 years here. I had even travelled with her to a week long training. When it came time to write up something about her, no one really knew her. She was very private. She showed me a photo of her long time partner and while I had heard his name I never saw a photo before that because she didn't display any.
Some people thought they knew her and things were mentioned in her going away tribute that were totally inaccurate.
One of the things she was totally known for is that she worked hard, was always professional, and didn't socialize at work. No one thought of her as difficult or uncooperative. She just did not share. Period.
There is nothing wrong with that. She had a photo of herself on a staff roster when required. It was a work photo.
If I had to provide something I would have a photo of me at my desk, and write that I am happy to work for the company and enjoy working from home. That's enough.
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maryannscraps
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Posts: 4,948
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Feb 7, 2018 19:36:57 GMT
There is no way at all that I would share pictures of my family. Especially if they could possibly make it on to the company's internet presence. That would be my line. The rest I wouldn't care about -- but obviously you do. Can you explain to your boss that you are extremely private and these exercises are making you uncomfortable?
I do think they may have a leg to stand on with using your badge picture with your name in a company directory, but I'm not really sure about that.
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Post by imkat on Feb 7, 2018 19:42:13 GMT
I'm introverted too, but I think it's normal and desirable to get to know a little bit about your remote teammates. It can enhance your professional relationships. I don't think it has to be overly personal...you can just share a few details about yourself, your interests, a fun fact, etc. No need to post a photo of you or your family, you could post a photo from a recent vacation spot, your garden, a cake you baked, your dog, etc.
I do think it's strange that this would be posted to the internet. Why? Don't you have an intranet, team SharePoint, etc.? It's the type of thing I wouldn't even save...just present it on the next team meeting and that's it.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
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Post by peabrain on Feb 7, 2018 20:00:20 GMT
Send in a picture of a family that is IN the picture frame you bought. Have some fun with this. I just don't see why this has to be a big deal...especially enough to quit over.
Are you not happy there?
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Feb 7, 2018 20:11:20 GMT
I am happy here or I wouldn't work here. I don't think that not wanting to have my personal information shared at work is equal to job satisfaction. I didn't sign up for a teleconferencing job. I am a triage nurse. They get to know me just fine in the work chat. Im helpful to my fellow nurses, I answer questions, I do my job, and if my patient surveys are any indication, I pretty much rock what I do. As a very private person who has had her privacy disturbed quite a bit over the last few years, I do not want to participate in these activities as they do not have a direct correlation to my job duties nor should they have any bearing on my job performance. I think that participation in these kinds of things should be voluntary because not everyone is comfortable with them. I am the type that HATES orientation because inevitably there sone of those stupid icebreakers forcing you into talking to people you don't yet know. I have never been okay with that. I will be speaking to my boss about it when he comes in to work this afternoon. |
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Feb 7, 2018 20:20:06 GMT
I don't want to do video or pictures. I get very anxious about both. I do not video conference in with anyone in my job. I would not have accepted the job if it was a requirement. We do have weekly meetings by phone but its mostly him talking and us listening. I participate as needed with those. I truly do not see a reason for these other activities. I don't want to make up information or make a goofy thing. I just want to do my job and leave the rest to those who like doing that kind of thing. Believe me there are more than enough people who love this stuff. It is not necessary to my position. Asomeone who has spent a lot of time talking about a company's culture. It is difficult, most people like getting to know each other on a personal level. And it generally helps with retention, and over all morale, and the work environment is more pleasant. As others have said it is really difficult to create a positive culture when people work remotely. Do you have to do this? No, of course not. Should you? It would probably help your career. So my suggestion would be to try and play along. Make up a work persona if you need to. Make it fun and obvious. Use a character, or a location as you photo. Need a video... make a fun one using photos instead of a live video. My feeling is try a little. Show willing. You don't have to go deep and personal, but making a little effort will pay off. |
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