paget
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Feb 18, 2018 15:22:22 GMT
Tacky for sure! I agree I wouldn’t have been put out with paying, but not getting to choose your own meal?! No.
I want to know what the meal/menu was that was deemed an appropriate choice for all? Just thinking of my small work team of 9, I can’t think of a single meal that would work. One is vegaterian, one eats no red meat or pork while another doesn’t eat chicken! There is a picky person who doesn’t eat sandwiches, and on, etc.
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scrappyesq
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Post by scrappyesq on Feb 18, 2018 15:23:42 GMT
Tacky. I'm not inviting anyone to do anything and expecting them to pay. Certainly not a shower of any type.
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quiltz
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Post by quiltz on Feb 18, 2018 15:41:23 GMT
For my mom's 75th birthday, we had a luncheon at a classy restaurant. The invitation said, "Please join us, AS OUR GUEST, to celebrate the 75th birthday of Sally, at Classy Restaurant, 11:30 am etc.
I printed up (with the ok of the restaurant) the choices for the meal. Because we knew this group of women very well, as far as dietary restrictions, we had 2 choices, along with 1 kind of salad. No alcohol was involved.
The restaurant had a bakery bring in a delicious chocolate cake and we, the 3 children sat at another table and also enjoy the whole party, taking pictures and watching mom bask in this lovely event. Mom had cancer and it turned out to be her last birthday.
I believe it is the "wording" of the event. "As our guest" let the women know that they would not have to pay for the meal. This type of wording should be on invitations if the hosts are paying. If the hosts are not paying, there should be a clear indication on the invitation.
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Feb 18, 2018 15:43:25 GMT
Wow. It is wildly presumptuous to expect people to pay for a meal they did not choose. Period.
But honestly, I'm putting on my judgy pants and willing to say that if you are having a sexy shower in a public restaurant, it surprises me not one bit that you are so tacky as to expect your victims to pay for a meal they did not choose.
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Deleted
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Jun 28, 2024 23:56:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 15:50:18 GMT
Never heard of this!! I'll be on the watch for invitations now though!! ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg) Thanks for sharing. I'd prefer a shower at a home with few refreshments over this.
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Post by just PEAchy on Feb 18, 2018 15:59:58 GMT
Tacky. I've hosted and been to showers in a restaurant. The hosts have always paid for the meal.
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Post by padresfan619 on Feb 18, 2018 16:05:05 GMT
Has hosting bridal and baby showers at restaurants or other pricey venues always been the norm? In my experience I have only been to showers hosted by friends or family in someone’s home or backyard with catered or Costco type food. I probably would opt to skip a shower where I had to buy a gift AND pay for my meal and just send a gift and my regrets.
It’s very tacky to be expected to pay for your meal, even tackier that you couldn’t choose. I find it odd they didn’t even offer a limited menu with three to four entree choices.
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milocat
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Post by milocat on Feb 18, 2018 16:06:50 GMT
I would habe made the same assumptions as you. At first I would have thought I had to pay for my own meal, when punch and cake at the house would have been fine. Then I would have been mad at paying for a meal I didn't get to order, not even from a limited menu.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Feb 18, 2018 16:12:23 GMT
I understand why they 'wanted' to do the set meal for X people, it made it easy on the kitchen and all people could be served quickly. But, this is a restaurant. And the OP described it as a "small" group for a shower. Aren't restaurants all about being able to do this? It's not my job to "make it easy" on the restaurant kitchen. If so, they're in the wrong business.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 16:20:19 GMT
Tacky for sure! I agree I wouldn’t have been put out with paying, but not getting to choose your own meal?! No. I want to know what the meal/menu was that was deemed an appropriate choice for all? Just thinking of my small work team of 9, I can’t think of a single meal that would work. One is vegaterian, one eats no red meat or pork while another doesn’t eat chicken! There is a picky person who doesn’t eat sandwiches, and on, etc. This is why people don't want to have parties in their homes.
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Post by myshelly on Feb 18, 2018 16:23:19 GMT
Tacky as hell.
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The Birdhouse Lady
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Feb 18, 2018 16:24:30 GMT
I would expect to pay for my own meal. With that being said....if I'm paying for it, then I want to choose what I am paying for and eating.
I think the situation was weird.
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Post by pierkiss on Feb 18, 2018 16:28:17 GMT
I would be grumpy about that. I hope it’s not a trend.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Feb 18, 2018 16:34:02 GMT
I think it's tacky all the way around. Call me old fashioned but I prefer my invitation to be not be a text. For whatever reason I can do an e-mail or evite but text just screams I lost track of time and here you go. Going out for dinner with a group of friends a text works, but an invitation to an event like bridal or baby shower? No. I can understand a limited menu because if I was going to someones house I would have limited choices, but ordering for me at a restaurant is a no-go. I'm very finicky when it comes to food. And thirdly, the me paying for my meal that I didn't get to order would most certainly set me off. And along those same lines, not telling me in advance that I had to pay would make me angry. I can afford it now but there was a time when I was watching every cent. Sorry for the rant. I'm not feeling well and grumpy today. ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/mYSUyHtG9Jrcmm_ydVcK.jpg)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 17:01:49 GMT
I'd expect to pay for my meal and a portion of the bride's, but I would be upset if my meal was already picked for me. Even with price fixed meals, you usually have a choice of entrees, so I don't get why the coordinator felt the need to decide what the guests must eat and pay for. If the restaurant had limitations, then guests still could have been contacted earlier with meal options. Hope this isn't a sign of what to expect at the wedding reception.
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Feb 18, 2018 17:03:03 GMT
TACKY. I have food restrictions - I'd have been pissed about paying for a meal I couldn't eat. That was my thought, too. I can't eat dairy, so I'd be in the same boat. Same. And gluten, for me. So if it's was grilled cheese sandwiches, I'd be screwed.
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Post by Lexica on Feb 18, 2018 17:04:25 GMT
Weird. I would expect to pay at a restaurant, but pre-ordering the meal is strange. I'm not at all picky, but if I am paying for my own meal I expect to pick it as well. I have no idea if it is the wave of the future, but I validate your annoyance.
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Post by Skellinton on Feb 18, 2018 18:32:59 GMT
I agree with everyone else that is was tacky, but I am dying to know what meal they served that they thought was one size fits all.
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tincin
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Post by tincin on Feb 18, 2018 18:38:39 GMT
All of the showers I’ve attended in restaurants have been paid by the host. Most of them were buffet style where the host picked The menu and buffet tables were set up in our private room.
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 18, 2018 18:40:23 GMT
Tacky as hell First, I don't believe gift bringing guests are supposed to pay their way, but if I was going that route, id better have my say in what gets ordered.
If you can't afford the venue, have it somewhere else.
Oh and text invites are tacky ad Hell too
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Mary Kay Lady
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Feb 18, 2018 18:43:55 GMT
Many years ago I was invited to a similar type of shower held at a restaurant. It wasn't on the invitation, but I was told ahead of time that each guest was expected to pay for their own meal and that we would also be splitting the cost of the bride's meal. Since I was told ahead of time, it wasn't a big deal, but in reality, the hostesses should have covered the cost of the bride's meal.
In the situation you've described, I would have a huge problem. I'm allergic to wheat and have to be careful of what I eat.
As a guest, I wouldn't expect to be invited to a shower at a restaurant and have my meal paid for by someone else, but I would also expect to be able to order either from the regular menu or a pre-selected menu. Personally, I would have called one of the hostesses and asked for clarification on what to expect.
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Post by bosoxbeth on Feb 18, 2018 18:52:49 GMT
Oh my goodness! I have never been to a shower where guests were expected to pay. Do people really do that?! Yikes. TACKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by SockMonkey on Feb 18, 2018 18:55:14 GMT
I have attended many showers, personal and other, at restaurants and never once been served with a bill for my plate.
BEYOND tacky.
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snyder
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Post by snyder on Feb 18, 2018 19:00:23 GMT
Since this was a small gathering, I say that was way tacky. Even if it was a large group and had a restricted menu, that's one thing, but to pre-order; I don't think so. I think I'm ballzy enough that when I found out, I would have said, pardon me, I need to order a different meal.
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Post by ajsweetpea on Feb 18, 2018 19:02:17 GMT
I think it is tacky for guests to pay at a baby shower where they are bringing gifts. The only exception would be if a few friends agreed to meet at a restaurant for an informal type "sprinkle" for a second child.
That being said, I know showers in restaurants can be very expensive. Around here, pricing for that would be $30/per person and up, not including drinks or tip. If you invite a lot of people, that gets expensive quickly. A friend of mine wanted to throw a shower for me when I was pregnant and I insisted she hold it at my house, not at a restaurant, because I didn't want her to feel she had to pay for a big expensive party. She catered in a few dishes and got salad, fruit, etc. from Costco and a cake. It was probably a fraction of the cost of a restaurant meal and it all turned out really well. There's definitely less expensive ways to throw a party so guests don't have to chip in.
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Post by littlemama on Feb 18, 2018 19:30:51 GMT
That was incredibly tacky and rude. Our baby shower was at Olive Garden. There were probably a couple things for people to choose from and guests did not pay for their own meals.
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FurryP
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Post by FurryP on Feb 18, 2018 19:33:51 GMT
My only input to this subject is that I have seen that when someone else is paying, some people take advantage and order:
appetizer meal sides desert and NEVER finish their food.
I am NOT paying for your other meals!
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PrettyInPeank
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Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Feb 18, 2018 21:36:07 GMT
Rude/tacky/without manners--and any other negative you want to throw into the description. 19 years ago our DIL's baby shower was a "pay for yourself" event. Really poorly handled all the way around. Silly me, I thought since the invitation was at 2 PM on a Sunday that it was a dessert and punch sort of affair but held in the room at the restaurant. We rushed through our lunch--only to find out we were the only stupid ones who were not ordering a meal. I was not the only guest for whom it was a disaster. FF to 12 years ago when a nephew's wedding invitation included an invitation to the reception--$11/each please. We declined that invitation. People are getting ridiculous and have no idea what hosting an event even means. I was invited to a shower once that was hosted at a fancy tea room and had a $25 per person cover. They chose a co-ed shower, so that would have been $50 just for my husband and I, before gifts! We declined, and when the host asked why, we said we couldn't afford the charge, so we were just going to mail the gift. Host insisted we attend and covered our plate. It is so, so rude to expect a gift AND your guest to bring a dish or to cover their meal.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 21:36:51 GMT
Oh hell no. What was the point of pre-ordering if cost control was not the objective?
That's just some crazy right there.
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PrettyInPeank
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Feb 18, 2018 21:42:30 GMT
That shower sounds like an etiquette nightmare.
Texting the invitation: ✔ Hosting lingerie party in public: ✔ Ordering your guests meals: ✔ Not paying for your guest's food: ✔
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