So why does the "v" freak people out???????

Ok..this is probably going to sound bad..and don't handslap me...but how do you really know if you are gay, if you are a virgin? It's just the attraction part? just wondering..don't hate me! LOL

Just a guess....but many don't want to be a "first" - just in case you decide you aren't really gay.  Sounds silly, but I can see where it'd be a risk.

I just think about some people being attracted to both sexes. I don't think it's spinning a bottle at all. Thanks for the nice explanation angie! I knew I would offend someone...sorry

There was a Seinfeld episode about this. (Heterosexual version though.) Some people don't want the pressure of being the first. There's also the idea of a lack of maturity or experience that comes with newbies, and some people don't want to deal with that. I think if I weren't married and I were dating, I'd prefer someone on an even playing field so to speak.

Eta: that might have sounded overly critical. I'm just thinking I would probably not be looking to coach someone through the nuances of a whole new set of life experiences if I was being set up set up by a friend. I imagine if I were going on a blind date it would probably be looking for fun rather than something long term. Announcing that you're a virgin before you even meet is kind of heavy for some people, especially if they're looking for something light. I hope that came out right

That's what I was thinking as well.
But honestly why does a blind date or a 1st date even need to know that before? 

I have a gay male friend and he won't date someone who is inexperienced. For him it translates to inhibited physically. I reminded him he is getting up there in age, and if he weren't so picky, he might have found a partner by now. He very much wants to marry and settle down. Yet, he has this list of requirements. We all have some sort of a list, I suppose, but how many partners someone has had just seems a bit picky.

Although, I will admit, I wouldn't want to date someone who has reached my age and has never married. That just says player or problems to me. I wouldn't want to be another notch on their belt.

Everything rx just said...and I think you'd be better off telling your friends not to disclose your dating history for you. Maybe they could just say you don't date much, if pressed.

I do agree that it's going to shock pretty much anyone you date that you've never been in an intimate relationship, at your age, but that doesn't mean the right person isn't out there.

This is what a very dear (gay) friend of mine said. Almost verbatim, just that it is scary for her to get burned by someone who is "trying it on." 

That was her experience, I am not at all saying that you are doing that. I'm sorry that they freaked on you. ((hugs))

Okay, I'll be truthful as to why I didn't want to date inexperienced people after my divorce -

I didn't want to go through the whole getting-to-know-and-like someone and then find out they had no idea what the hell they were doing in bed.

I know it's kind of selfish, but I was at an age where I just had no patience for teaching someone how to be good at it.

That sounds so bad, I know. But it's brutally honest.

There's plenty of people who are not virgins who really do not know what they are doing in bed. They just do what they want to do with no thought to what might please you, cause that's what they've always done and as long as they 'finish' then all is well.

I'll be the odd one out here and say that I'd prefer to be with someone with minimal experience. I don't want to be with someone who has slept around and I don't think I'm alone in this, so don't get discouraged.

I'm also a bit annoyed that your friends feel the need to share this information with potential dates.

Yes, I meant to say that as well. I think it's crazy your friends are sharing that much personal info about you. All they have to say is "she hasn't dated much" or something to that effect. Unless you hit it off so well you plan on sleeping with someone, she doesn't need to know your history just to go on a date.

A lot of people are focusing on the "They don't want to deal with someone who might be just experimenting." While I think that is true in this particular situation, I think that many/most men would be put off too by a woman 40+ who didn't have any romantic relationships in the past. I don't think this is unique to homosexual relationships (although I will agree it is magnified because some people have been burned by "dabblers"). I don't know any of my friends or family that wouldn't give the side-eye to someone that old who hadn't had a relationship.

That doesn't mean it can't be overcome, but I think YOU need to think about why it is that you haven't had relationships prior and have an easy, comfortable explanation for it. Now, don't blurt that explanation out on the first date, but you need to make sure your friends are aware of it so if they are going to blab your story, they are blabbing the one that presents an understandable view of you.

"Angie has spent most of her adult life taking care of her very conservative grandmother and dedicated to her career, so she never really dated much" is understandable and not as concerning.

"Angie has been pretty much asexual for 20 years, just realized she is gay, and now we're trying to set her up with any lesbians we know" will scare people off.

Which message are people getting from you? Because to be frank, on NSBR, you're coming across as the latter.