|
Post by teach4u on May 1, 2018 0:51:39 GMT
My sister has two sons. I aattended both graduations because I love them and wanted to be part of their graduation.Their mother, my sister, isn't attending my son's grad (family teaches at his school) nor is she attending his grad party because she's vacationing an hour from our town the weekend of his party. Am I wrong in feeling bad she's not driving an hour to his party?
|
|
|
Post by #notLauren on May 1, 2018 0:53:47 GMT
Here's the thing,if it was your sister posting, most peas here would say that your vacation and your nuclear family come first no matter the situation. We both know that. I have found that people here rarely vote on inconveniencing themselves in favor of family obligations and events.
Personally, if she was only an hour away, I think she should come. But then, I tend to always come down on the side of attending things like this. However, I am the minority on this.
|
|
|
Post by destined2bmom on May 1, 2018 0:55:22 GMT
That’s to bad. I don’t know what to say. Did you make a point earlier in the year that you wanted her to come to his graduation and his party? Maybe if she’s going with extended family and the vacation had already been booked and she couldn’t get out of it?
|
|
|
Post by dewryce on May 1, 2018 0:56:11 GMT
For me, a big family event like graduation is a big deal and we never miss them. If she has no physical issues an hour away is nothing. For the party? It depends. Is this mostly a kids' party or is it a big family event? Did she know when he was graduating when she made her vacation plans? Knowing my nephew was graduating around that time I would have made sure my vacation didn't interfere before I booked anything. But every family is different.
|
|
|
Post by Outspoken on May 1, 2018 1:00:13 GMT
I learned a long time ago to quit expecting people to do what I would do if the situation were reversed. That leads to disappointment EVERY time.
|
|
|
Post by mom on May 1, 2018 1:01:09 GMT
Im sorry you're hurt. I would be hurt as well. Yeah she should come to one of the events (if not both) but for whatever reason, she is choosing not to. I would try not to let it get me down and just focus on my son.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on May 1, 2018 1:05:34 GMT
Here's the thing,if it was your sister posting, most peas here would say that your vacation and your nuclear family come first no matter the situation. We both know that. I have found that people here rarely vote on inconveniencing themselves in favor of family obligations and events. Personally, if she was only an hour away, I think she should come. But then, I tend to always come down on the side of attending things like this. However, I am the minority on this. We have definitely planned vacations so we haven't missed graduations. I have missed going to several important things I wanted to do in favor of attending events that others have not made to my kids same events. Life is not always fair or equal. Since there isn't anything you can do about it, you just have to move on. Hopefully they can make it up to him later. Having all family at an event isn't always a big deal for kids. If the sister's vacation is a weekend, the graduation/driving/party would take an entire day of that weekend.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on May 1, 2018 1:06:35 GMT
The ceremony itself? Meh. I think it’s silly. I didn’t even want to go to my own, much less someone else’s. I hope my own kids will elect not to participate.
The party? I think she should come, but it depends on a lot of other circumstances (what’s she doing on vacation, which was scheduled first, if there’s some reason she can’t drive back, etc.).
|
|
|
Post by papersilly on May 1, 2018 1:09:27 GMT
The only thing that matters is that YOU will be there. Anything above that, you can't control.
|
|
scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,905
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
|
Post by scrappinmama on May 1, 2018 1:10:35 GMT
I'm sorry you are hurt. It's understandable that you feel this way. We were in your shoes last year. My family and my husband's family both said they were coming to my sons graduation, even though they live several states away. They said they were excited and told us for months that they would stay with us for a week. My family bailed out a month before and his family bailed a week before. We were hurt that they told us one thing, but obviously had no intentions of coming because they never bought airline tickets.
|
|
|
Post by gmcwife1 on May 1, 2018 1:12:26 GMT
I learned a long time ago to quit expecting people to do what I would do if the situation were reversed. That leads to disappointment EVERY time. Sadly this is true. I try not to expect much from my family for this reason. I’m sorry your sister is not going
|
|
|
Post by auntkelly on May 1, 2018 1:23:26 GMT
I think that your sister should be at your son's graduation.
However, she obviously doesn't see it that way, since she planned a vacation during the graduation. You probably have 0% chance of getting your sister to see your point of view.
Therefore, I would just enjoy my son's graduation and grad party and try not to dwell on the fact that your sister is not there. (I know it's easier said than done).
|
|
|
Post by artgirl1 on May 1, 2018 1:23:43 GMT
I find this very hurtful and understand your feelings. I think immediate family should always make every effort to participate in these events. I hope you can reconcile your feelings with her decision, however..
in a similar situation, my DD went to grad school in Chicago, and my sister lived 30 minutes outside of the city.She didn't come to my DD graduation, where she gave a speech, and graduated with high honors, 'because it was a Saturday'. even though I had driven often to see my nephew's participate in sports games, and at their special events, and went and babysat them many times (playing the grandma, because the actual grandma's were too old/or to busy) .And I live 5 hours away!! It completely changed the dynamics of our relationship, and while I think I have forgiven her, I have never forgotten. It remains one of those defining moments of that cause me to question any investment in the relationship.
If you feel that strongly about this, then I hope you explain to her how hurt you are by her decision. Hopefully it will make you feel better, and perhaps she does not realize how important it is to you, and will change her mind.
|
|
kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,391
Location: Lost in my supplies...
Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
|
Post by kelly8875 on May 1, 2018 1:26:03 GMT
So just because you went to her graduations you expect it of her? This sadly may be a lesson for you to not expect from others what you would do.
Did she have these plans before you had a party date set? Is this the only time she could get away with her family? My family would come first, and if I had to miss a nephews party, I would. As long as I acknowledge the graduate to him/her, I think that’s okay. Parties around here are open house style, so some people only stay for a few minutes, including close family.
|
|
amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,354
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
|
Post by amom23 on May 1, 2018 1:36:13 GMT
Honestly I would be pissed. Our family shows up for that sort of stuff. Heck my sister and her family of 4 flew to my house to attend my son's HS graduation last May. Obviously not everyone agrees about what family expectations should be and that's ok as we are all different. I really hope your sister reconsiders and attends at least one of the events.
|
|
|
Post by bc2ca on May 1, 2018 2:01:51 GMT
My sister has two sons. I aattended both graduations because I love them and wanted to be part of their graduation.Their mother, my sister, isn't attending my son's grad (family teaches at his school) nor is she attending his grad party because she's vacationing an hour from our town the weekend of his party. Am I wrong in feeling bad she's not driving an hour to his party? It sounds like you are judging her love for your son when you state these reasons for attending your nephews' graduations. I'm curious what "family teaches at his school" means. Do you have a higher expectation of her attending because of this? I know every family is different, but expecting anyone other than our immediate family attend a graduation just isn't on my radar of a family obligation. In my family, you don't even get invited to the ceremony. Grad parties around here are usually open houses and people will hang around for an hour or two at most. I'd have second thoughts about driving 2 hours roundtrip for a visit where others are vying for the attention of the new grad and my sister is busy hosting.
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on May 1, 2018 2:13:37 GMT
Nope. I validate you 100% if you gave her adequate notice.
I learned of my son's date one year ago and told all my siblings (no parents left), what day graduation would be. Now any one of them could have told me they couldn't make it and I'd totally not even think about it because they are a part of my child's life no matter what. However, I have one sister who is a Witness and JW's put their family second, if their family is not a JW. So since she can celebrate practically nothing with us, I wanted it clear I wanted her with me.
She's coming! I'm so happy!!! Everyone will be with us. So yes, I think your sister should come. One hour is not too much out of the way. Again, hopefully she had adequate notice, but one hour isn't enough to make a fuss about.
|
|
|
Post by compeateropeator on May 1, 2018 2:19:52 GMT
I would feel sad also. I can't imagine not being at my nephew's or niece's graduation/party if at all possible. I hope everything works out.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on May 1, 2018 3:00:50 GMT
I don't think that extended family needs yo go to graduations and in some instances there isn't enough room for them.
I do think your sister is being am asshat for not attending the party...unless you are having it at a time she couldn't have expected when she planned the vacation (like the weekend before or after)
Have you said something to your sister?
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on May 1, 2018 3:06:39 GMT
Am I wrong in feeling bad... That's a question that no one else can answer. You either feel bad or you don't. Would *I* feel bad in your shoes? Probably. Possibly not, though. It would all depend on everything going on for both families.
|
|
|
Post by ~summer~ on May 1, 2018 3:14:50 GMT
If she is on vacation somewhere (no matter how close or far) no, I would not expect her to come.
|
|
|
Post by vi on May 1, 2018 3:57:35 GMT
I wouldn't expect her to come either. She's a teacher and she's on burnout. She probably needs the vacation for her sanity. For me I go to my nephew and niece's graduations out of love and I don't worry if they don't come to my kids. (They didn't. It was a couple states over and they didn't have the money at the time.) I would take all the facts into consideration and just love my family. It all comes out better if you do.
|
|
christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,186
Location: New York, NY
Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
|
Post by christinec68 on May 1, 2018 4:07:40 GMT
I would be really upset if my sister was blowing off an event important to me,
|
|
Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,232
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
|
Post by Gravity on May 1, 2018 4:38:15 GMT
OP, I’m sorry your feelings are hurt. However, I’ve never understood the hurt feelings and drama surrounding high school graduation. IMO, unless there are special circumstances, it’s not a huge unique accomplishment. It’s a minimal expectation.
|
|
|
Post by sunnyd on May 1, 2018 7:04:10 GMT
BTDT and came to the conclusion that I go to their graduations, weddings, etc. for me. I want to witness their joy and achievement and be in the midst of their celebration. Even if they don't want to do that for me & my family, I still want to be there for theirs. It does hurt sometimes but I try not to compare what I do for my siblings & their kids to what they do for me & mine. It's hard. You have a right to feel badly but just go on with your party & make it an amazing celebration for your son. Congrats on his graduation!!
|
|
|
Post by nlwilkins on May 1, 2018 7:33:08 GMT
Sorry, but I would rather have a root canal than attend a graduation. Unless the graduate is giving a speech. An hour or more of hearing name after name being called and watching diplomas being handed out one at a time is painful. We went to our two daughters' graduation and were happy that the one who graduated college was not interested in the ceremony. I did not even attend my own ceremonies. Graduation parties were for the kids. Family usually had a big meal at a different time and not a party.
But, it sounds like your party is more for every body instead of just grads. But still, not a big issue in my opinion. If you don't make a big issue of it, your son won't either. Its up to you whether you make this about his graduation or about your sister not attending.
Not everybody expresses love the same way. Your sister obviously does not see attending the graduation events as an expression of love. Maybe she sees other things as more important. Talk to her about it and see what her view point is about missing the graduation events. Also, you might find out that this vacation is something that is important to her for reasons she has not shared. Knowing the reasoning behind her decision might alleviate some of the hurt. Perhaps, in the future for things that you feel she should do, it would be wise to let her know just how important it is to you and not assume she knows already. Because she might not know how hurt you are that she is skipping your son's graduation.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 3, 2024 0:38:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2018 11:46:37 GMT
Personally, if she was only an hour away, I think she should come. But then, I tend to always come down on the side of attending things like this. However, I am the minority on this. I agree with this. It's family. It's a special occasion. It's only a day. You don't get do-overs for things like this, in life.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 3, 2024 0:38:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2018 11:50:07 GMT
OP, I’m sorry your feelings are hurt. However, I’ve never understood the hurt feelings and drama surrounding high school graduation. IMO, unless there are special circumstances, it’s not a huge unique accomplishment. It’s a minimal expectation. True, but it's still a milestone in a kid's life. I mean, baptism isn't an accomplishment. Heck, getting married isn't (staying married, now that... ). But these are celebratory events that recognize the fact that a person is starting a new phase of their life, and it's nice to do that with your 'tribe'.
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on May 1, 2018 11:55:50 GMT
I learned a long time ago to quit expecting people to do what I would do if the situation were reversed. That leads to disappointment EVERY time. This is truly worth repeating to myself 1000 times a day.
I do not like parties and I especially wouldn't sit through anyone's graduation but my own kids. My son, sadly to me, is not walking at his college commencement on Sat. I would love to see that but mostly just want the photos for the gazillion pieces of graduation scrapbook paper I own.
If my sister said it was very important to her that I come I would make an effort, but not because it was important to me. But I'm the person who didn't drive 3 hours for my niece's second wedding or her graduation party, which I kind of regret but my horrid sister was there and I avoid anything she may make an appearance at.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on May 1, 2018 12:21:31 GMT
I would not expect her to attend the actual graduation ceremony.
But, it would be nice if she made an appearance at the party.
The others said it well - you can't control people. I validate your hurt.
|
|