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Post by jeremysgirl on May 1, 2018 14:11:49 GMT
Truth is most of what I make I give away. I give a lot of crochet gifts for others. Most people know what goes into a handmade gift and they don't ask for me to make them things. But my sister? Asks constantly. And I love my sister so I have a terrible time saying no. I made two blankets for her kids. One of the blankets her toddler adopted as her lovey. So my sis asked me if I would make another identical to it so she could wash it without her toddler having a meltdown. So I did. Then she made a comment about how I had made my mom a blanket and my brother a blanket but I hadn't made one for her. So I did. Every winter she requests a new hat/scarf. And I make them. I posted some slouchy hats and she asked for one. Her DD liked it so she asked me to make one for her. Then her best friend got pregnant after years of infertility and she asked me to make a blanket for her. And I did. Well yesterday I posted a sweater I wanted to make for myself. gillyp posted it in the craft thread here and I loved it. I found the yarn on clearance in a beautiful blue. And someone posted they would pay me to make it for them. I posted back that if I was going to put in the effort, I was going to wear it!  Then my sis posted if mine goes well, she wants one. She private messaged me that she would like gray! Then my mom posted she wants one too! So peas, I need to just say no! Does this happen to you? |
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Post by librarylady on May 1, 2018 14:23:35 GMT
If you can't say no.....then, tell sister and mom that you need them to purchase the yarn and you will only charge for your labor.
Keep track of the time you used to make the one for yourself and charge them per hour.
I'll bet that shuts down the request for free items.
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Post by sleepingbooty on May 1, 2018 14:34:58 GMT
My mother's the knitter and crocheter in the family. "Fairy fingers" is her nickname. And I've had to step in and really help her say no. People think these patches of knitted and crocheted yarn just get themselves done after a while. Step in and kindly explain this is your project and you're very unlikely to make multiples of these to give away. It's a treat-yoself kind of pattern considering the amount of yarn and time it will take to finish. Maybe add in a general: "I've overdone it in the giving department lately and I don't want to lose the passion of this craft so right now, I'm not doing any big projects to give away." Stand your ground. Firm but kind. You can't put yourself in the giver position all the time. Focus on yourself and on making your craft a fun place that rewards you. Maybe you'll be able to start spacing these big gifts out and reserving them for holidays and special events.  A lot of time, dedication and talent go into making these: don't let your work become an oh-if-you-will-please-thanks given in your social exchanges, no matter how much you love the recipient/person asking. |
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Post by destined2bmom on May 1, 2018 14:39:31 GMT
I understand your frustration. Have you ever offered to teach your sister how to crochet so she can make her own things? Maybe offer and then she won’t ask you to make things for her.
I wish I could successfully crochet. But it would take umpteen years to finish something.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,086
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on May 1, 2018 14:44:41 GMT
I am suggesting that you might stop posting about what you are making. If they don't know, they won't ask.
Disclosure: I am a private person and don't share very much on social media.
Alternative is to say that the cost of the yarn is x$ and the time it takes is xhours. Use the rate per hour that you feel is accurate.
Don't do for free. Simply don't.
Nip this in the bud where you can.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685 
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Post by ginacivey on May 1, 2018 14:46:05 GMT
send them a message back with a price of $75
and no more freebies for your sister
or her friends
they are using you and it's beyond ridiculous at this point
the only free things i make are for ME to give as gifts - i decide what and who
anyone else pays - i don't even give them a family discount
cos i don't need their orders!
(i'm not a scrooge - i do their photo sessions for free typically!)
i just can't give away my time, talent, and materials anymore
people aren't doing nice things in return - so i quit
gina
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Post by disneypal on May 1, 2018 14:50:17 GMT
Yes - it does happen to me but not as much as it does to you. I have friends that will see some cute crochet or knit item on FB and send me a message and say "will you make this for me?" I do have a hard time saying no, but if I have the time, I will make it for them. However, there have been times when I have said "I don't have the time right now but I might be able to make it for your later down the road" - sometimes they forget about it, sometimes they don't. You are very lucky that your family loves all the items you make for them and they want them. For the sweater, my advice is just to make one for yourself and see how it goes. If you enjoy making it, and you want to make one for your sis and mom, then make them one as Christmas gifts and if you don't want to put that much time into it, just tell them that it was too complicated to make and you don't think you could make another one anytime soon. |
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gramma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Location: Sacramento, Ca
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Post by gramma on May 1, 2018 14:55:17 GMT
Nothing will ruin something you love to do faster than taking $$ for it. Ask me how I know.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on May 1, 2018 15:01:26 GMT
I have solved this problem by taking two years to make a blanket for a friend, and it's still not finished I think it's fine just to tell people that you're not taking orders any more because you're working on your own projects. |
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sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,140
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on May 1, 2018 15:01:44 GMT
I am a 'selfish' knitter - I knit what I want, when I want, for whoever I want to knit for. I don't take orders, I don't take commisions, I sometimes take hints! I do knit for gifts, but only if I want to, and only for people I know, not friends of friends.
I think you need to put your foot down as it seems to be getting out of control and making you feel resentful of their demands. I think I would stop posting your projects on social media (the only place I post mine is Ravelry) for a while, but also stand up for yourself. If you don't want to do something, say so. You don't have to be rude (mind you, I think people who keep badgering you are the rude ones) just a simple 'I don't have time for that right now' will do.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
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Post by ginacivey on May 1, 2018 15:02:24 GMT
Nothing will ruin something you love to do faster than taking $$ for it. Ask me how I know. for me that didn't happen i only take the orders i want to i still make the decisions - i don't feel compelled to take every request that comes my way i like the run around money - and i like seeing my friends/family enjoy my work in a way that doesn't make me feel used! gina |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 1, 2018 15:05:26 GMT
"I've overdone it in the giving department lately and I don't want to lose the passion of this craft so right now, I'm not doing any big projects to give away." This is a really nice, but firm way to put it. My sister and her family have been the biggest recipients of my crochet projects. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 1, 2018 15:08:38 GMT
destined2bmom, I invited my sister and some friends over to teach them to crochet. My sister hated every single minute of it. She felt very frustrated.
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Post by gillyp on May 1, 2018 15:09:37 GMT
Love that cardigan, so glad you are doing it! I can only make things for people if it was my idea in the first place. It sounds really unkind but I resent the time spent on something that I might not have wanted to make in the first place. What I enjoy about my relaxation time then becomes a chore.  I do love making surprises for people though. Would you make the cardigan for your sister for Christmas? Is it the sort of present you would give anyway? That could be a way round it. There’s some good advice given by others. Could you say “I’m sorry, I’m currently working on something and it’s unlikely I’ll be able to start that for you for many months, shall I show you how to make it?” ETA just seen that she hated crocheting! Maybe explain that’s how you feel when asked to make things and you’d rather just do your own projects including surprises for her family?? |
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
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Post by schizo319 on May 1, 2018 15:10:27 GMT
Sounds like your sister needs to learn to knit/crochet. Anytime anyone says, "will you make me a ______" my standard response is "no, I typically only knit/quilt/paint for myself but I'd be glad to pass along some links and tutorials so you can learn to make it yourself"
ETA: I see where you already tried to teach your sister (we must've been posting at the same time)
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Post by tracyarts on May 1, 2018 15:10:52 GMT
Ha! I'm too good at saying no. I'm a very selfish knitter and crocheter.
I will make smaller things for very close friends and family, but 75% of my knit/crochet time is spent on making things for myself, usually clothing. And if somebody not in my inner circle hits me up to make something for them, I quote an artisan level price and that always freaks them out and sends them running. It's a fair price, but it does reflect a proper wage per hour for skilled artisan handiwork.
I had a woman offer me $100 to recreate a one of a kind, completely improvised as I went, 100% imported wool, boho oversized coat, crocheted to a custom size and length, that I made for myself. I countered with $800 and that was only because she was significantly thinner than me and it'd work up faster and with a lot less yarn. OMG, $100? There's twice that just in yarn in my coat, and I bought the yarn off-season on sale...
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 1, 2018 15:12:25 GMT
You are very lucky that your family loves all the items you make for them and they want them. For the sweater, my advice is just to make one for yourself and see how it goes. If you enjoy making it, and you want to make one for your sis and mom, then make them one as Christmas gifts and if you don't want to put that much time into it, just tell them that it was too complicated to make and you don't think you could make another one anytime soon. This is a good response too! |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 1, 2018 15:22:53 GMT
When I wore my newly finished cardigan to church, I had 5 people ask whether I did commissions. I explained that I had unpicked and redone so much of that cardigan that if I charged by the hour they wouldn't be able to afford me. General laugh, no more requests. But that wouldn't work with your sister, because you've already given her so much.
Maybe you can explain that from now on you're only making things for yourself. If she says anything, you could list all the items you've given her, and tell her that it's your turn now. I've noticed that non-crafty people tend to think that crafty people enjoy their hobby and need an outlet for their makes. She probably thinks that her requests are her way of complimenting you on your work, and doesn't realise that she's also taking advantage of you.
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Post by sleepingbooty on May 1, 2018 15:28:36 GMT
You've got some great advice and similar experiences in here. Hope you find a way to stand your ground without feeling guilty. I forgot to say: whatever you do/whatever you say, don't over-elaborate. One or two sentences should suffice. Don't start explaining away, trying to overcompensate (and, essentially, giving away your feelings of guilt). No is always enough. No with a tiny bit of explanation for a loved one should definitely be enough. Have fun making your sweater! |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 1, 2018 15:35:14 GMT
Oh and by the way, I love that cardigan pattern too. Hopefully it shouldn't be as big a build as you think. I'm planning on working on a similar style, different pattern, only because I already have the yarn and it's a different weight from that pattern. I prefer the one you're doing! Enjoy your make, and enjoy wearing it yourself. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:59:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2018 15:38:01 GMT
I can't wait to see your cardigan I don't really craft for other people, my friend hints quite a bit that she'd like some socks or slippers but she can knit so she should learn to make them for herself. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 1, 2018 16:07:39 GMT
Just a funny but if you Crafters ever want to really shock the people around you, give a handmade blanket to your dog! My dog adopted this one while I was working on it. She loved it so much I finished it and just let her have it. It caused such an uproar in my family you wouldn't believe it! So I'm not a total sap...lol  |
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Post by KelleeM on May 1, 2018 16:23:21 GMT
I volunteered to crochet two matching items for an on line friend. I barely received a thank you. I would have loved to see a picture of the girls I made them for with them...that’s all. Never happened.
I will crochet for my sister because I want to but anyone else...nope!!
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,950
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Post by Rhondito on May 1, 2018 16:53:32 GMT
I nipped that problem in the bud from the get-go. I always said no. I've made gifts for people, but it was because I wanted to.
I remember one Christmas, a coworker wanted me to knit hats and scarves for her foster kids - she had 3 or 4 - and I told her no; I had my own gifts I was trying to finish.
I've had people offer to pay me to knit sweaters like some I've made for myself; When I tell them just the yarn cost $150-200 that's usually enough to make them change their mind.
I think your best bet with your sister is to either flat out say NO, or tell her you're working on another project and don't have time.
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Post by disneypal on May 1, 2018 16:59:07 GMT
Just a funny but if you Crafters ever want to really shock the people around you, give a handmade blanket to your dog! When I was making my Godson's baby afghan, I had gotten up to answer the phone. When I came back, I found that my dog had decided to claim the blanket as his own. (He didn't get to keep it but I did make him a simple double stitch so he could have his own)  |
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 1, 2018 17:03:19 GMT
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Post by quinlove on May 1, 2018 17:06:07 GMT
Just a funny but if you Crafters ever want to really shock the people around you, give a handmade blanket to your dog! My dog adopted this one while I was working on it. She loved it so much I finished it and just let her have it. It caused such an uproar in my family you wouldn't believe it! So I'm not a total sap...lol Best picture ever. ETA ~ just saw the other picture. Love these 😍😍 |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:59:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2018 17:55:35 GMT
A thread steal story to make you go what ?
Is there something way beyond selfish crocheter/knitter. Because my husband's mother was that!
She would make a HUGELY BIG production over making something declaring this is for ___!
Of course that person never got it. We just started ignoring her. At her funeral, the biggest part of the eulogy was how generous she was with her craft projects! Um, no. Anything that she "gave" away, people paid for! The projects that she declared were for____ still sit in a box.
I was going though a dresser , trying to find sheets when I can across some knitted socks and hats. I crammed that stuff into our suitcase. The socks and a santa looking hat lives on the mantle at Christmas. It makes my husband to see them.
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I am on the side of , if your family wants a project, tell them to buy the yarn and how much it is going to be to make it.
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390
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Post by peaname on May 1, 2018 18:20:21 GMT
I'm a knitter and I have just laughed when people ask me to make things for them. I offer instead to teach them how to knit themselves. I've had to further explain a time or two and I say knitting is my hobby and I don't want it to turn into a chore so I can only knit the things I want to knit and if happens to be a gift for you consider yourself very lucky.
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Post by elaine on May 1, 2018 18:55:13 GMT
I’m glad that your family loves your crochet.
That said, anyone who keeps asking you to make things for her has chutzpah.
What would you say if your sister kept coming up to you and asking for $200, simply because she wanted it? Not that it was an emergency and she needed to pay the electricity bill, but because she just wanted it. Because it costs that much, or more, in supplies and your time to make each thing for her.
It is perfectly fine to tell your family that you aren’t taking orders for crochet projects. If you want to make something to gift them, awesome! But it needs to be your choice.
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A lot of time, dedication and talent go into making these: don't let your work become an oh-if-you-will-please-thanks given in your social exchanges, no matter how much you love the recipient/person asking.
I do love making surprises for people though. 
