stittsygirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,600
Location: In the leaves and rain.
Jun 25, 2014 19:57:33 GMT
|
Post by stittsygirl on May 4, 2018 5:17:33 GMT
I’ll be 50 in January and this past year it really hit me that I’m most likely way past the half-way point in my life. I feel and look better than I probably have since my early 20s though, but that’s mainly from losing a lot of weight and really getting into taking care of my body and skin the past two years. They’ve become my biggest (and most expensive ) hobby anymore. I know it’s part vanity, and part fear of becoming too old to function well, that keeps me motivated. I’m not sure if those are good and admirable reasons, but they are what gets me on the treadmill, stops me from eating more than I know I should, and keeps Ulta in business . But I still have lots of “why bother” moments too. Quite honestly, my marriage is in limbo right now. My husband has been in Afghanistan for the past year. He’ll now be there another year. I feel like I’m wasting the last really good years of my life in a marriage I’m not getting a whole lot out of anymore. I’ve had these feelings for years though, and both me and my husband have closely examined the reasons we married in the first place, which had more to do with religion and culture than actual love and desire. Possible divorce was put on the table before he left. Four children are the main reason we’ve held it together for almost 24 years now, but we are steadily growing further apart in all areas, and the current geographic situation isn’t helping. I really don’t know where we’ll be in a couple of years, but at this point if it’s not together anymore I wouldn’t be surprised, nor do I think I would be too sad about it. Ugh, I agree that this getting old business sucks sometimes. But then I’ll remember my Pea friend Compwalla, and the other friends we’ve lost way too early, and that helps me really appreciate where I am right now. Big hugs!
|
|
inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
|
Post by inkedup on May 4, 2018 6:19:50 GMT
Aging is weird and strange and bittersweet. I'm 41. Doctors and police officers and teachers are often younger than I am. Years of fertility struggles, a baby at 41 and lack of investment in myself have left me fatter than I've ever been.
Sometimes, I feel frumpy as hell. I'm working to be healthier and to get back into a body I am comfortable in and to counter self loathing with positivity and action.
But you know, as hard and confusing as it can be, aging sure beats the alternative. A good friend of mine died when we were 37. She left two young daughters behind. I think she'd have given anything to see her hair turn grey, and her daughters would give anything to have their mother- old, fat, white haired and wrinkled.
My mom, who was way too young when she died last year, used to say she was proud of her wrinkles. They proved she lived.
I embrace getting old...while doing my best to do so in a way that makes me feel good about the process.
|
|
|
Post by gar on May 4, 2018 8:04:18 GMT
It can be hard - realising our youth has gone never to return (!!) and possibly that we haven't done or become all we once imagined - but on the other hand we're very lucky to be in an era when 50 is no longer seen as old. I find if I feel good on the outside I feel more positive and better about myself generally. I find it quite inspiring to follow several stylish 50+ women on Instagram and see how 50+ can look - and it's good! And that's an upward spiral to looking at life differently. That's not to say I don't have times when the loose skin around my knees or elbows doesn't frustrate me but... So we're not 20 or even 30 somethings any more but there's no reason to disappear into beige elasticated trousers just yet
|
|
tuesdaysgone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,832
Jun 26, 2014 18:26:03 GMT
|
Post by tuesdaysgone on May 4, 2018 9:47:43 GMT
Yes! I understand and empathize with all of you. I'm in my early 50s and aging really is a huge mental adjustment. In my mind, I'm still 30, attractive, and full of energy and then some days it hits me; I'm not and never will be again. Two years ago this reality sent me into a mini depression, but I pulled myself out of it by lecturing myself on these two points: 1) I don't want to squander away my 50s in regret. I do still have energy, health, and a full happy life. I don't want to hit my 60s-70s and look back to say I didn't enjoy myself. 2) I got out of my rut and tried yoga for the first time. I love it and it has a huge impact on me mentally and physically. I'm a bit embarassed to admit this...but in the past 6 months I had an attractive 40-something man repeatedly flirt with me. It threw me for a happy loop! I realized it had been a long time since that happened. I'm happily married to man who still loves being with me and I'm really blessed by that. My DH still makes me feel sexy, but I'll admit to was quite flattering to have another man flirt with me.
|
|
momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
|
Post by momto4kiddos on May 4, 2018 10:28:18 GMT
I get it, just yesterday I said to my dd after ordering a couple more pairs of capri yoga pants (to replace my winter regular length yoga pants) that I may never wear real pants again, lol. I thought facing my 50th coming this year would be no big deal and I guess technically it isn't, but so many little things have gone on that sometimes just make you pause. I feel like it's a bit of a pile on for me at this point. I feel like I've had a run of health related things this year, nothing serious but I've had more MD appts this year than probably in the last 15 years. I have tennis elbow which is affecting my day to day and limiting what I can do, which is bringing me down. The kids are grown so a big part of my life isn't what it used to be. I'm left with a marriage that isn't really great. His idea of a good time is sitting on the couch watching tv. When he's not working he goes from couch to bed to couch again I think it's a bit of an adjustment this new phase in life - there are a lot of changes, our kids are older, our parents are older, our bodies are older and it's becoming apparent. I feel like I blinked and 30 years passed.
|
|
kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
|
Post by kibblesandbits on May 4, 2018 10:35:48 GMT
I started feeling that way the year I turned 50. It's weird - it was like I was instantly irrelevant. Everyone called me "ma'am". Clothing stores were not carrying clothes that flattered my changing body. No one was "pulling my digits", as the kids say. Even my contact lenses started screwing with me and I had to go back to glasses. I started Yoga and began walking outside every day. Then, each year I picked up a new sport to try. megop I also got the tent and gear for backpack and rustic trips. So FUN! I learned to wakeboard, kayak, traverse hike, shoot a bow, golf, and kite board. This year, I'm taking a spanish class. I think that I get more pleasure from learning new things now than I ever did before. I figured out how to cute myself up even when my butt was starting to sag. It's all attitude, you know? I bounce out of bed, knowing that there's something fun coming my way soon - either a yoga class, or a new skill, or fun outing.
|
|
|
Post by smalltowngirlie on May 4, 2018 10:45:16 GMT
Ladies, ladies, ladies. Just stop with the "old" talk. 56 here and I'm sorry, I'm not going to surrender to the number. It's all about how I feel. How hard I push. And how much I seek my passions every day. Chin up! In the last 6 years I've learned to Scuba dive, traveled the globe and just bought a tent and some gear to go primitive camping complete with a bio stove and home made fire starter. Sometimes you just have to say ... WTF! DH just bought a Jeep and our plan is to hit the forest trails and do some primitive camping. I will be 50 in July. We agreed we will not go cheap on the tent or the cots. I am very overweight and sleeping on the ground will not work for me. We camped in our much younger years and now getting back into it we wonder what the hell are we thinking. We may be “old” and fat but we are going to have fun.
|
|
|
Post by guzismom on May 4, 2018 11:31:18 GMT
I love being 50+ and the "I don't give a bleep" attitude that I adopted along with it. However, the physical changes I could live without. Trying to problem solve some of those right now, as I want to be active, continue SCUBA diving and travel with my hubby when he retires in a few years.
I love the freedom of being 50!
|
|
keithurbanlovinpea
Pearl Clutcher
Flowing with the go...
Posts: 4,299
Jun 29, 2014 3:29:30 GMT
|
Post by keithurbanlovinpea on May 4, 2018 11:45:41 GMT
Hmmm... I am approaching 50 very, very soon and I don't feel that way. I think some of it is that I was divorced at 40 and I had to re-invent myself then. I agree with those who have said try new things, go new places, get a makeover, new wardrobe, or new hobby. Sometimes you have to do a couple of small things to jump start feeling alive again. jenjie - Which life coach do you use and/or how did you find him/her? I have consulted with a couple but they were super expensive. I am on the lookout for one for sure though.
|
|
|
Post by peasapie on May 4, 2018 11:49:53 GMT
I’ve heard women say they feel invisible as they age, but I don’t and I’m 61. You might just need inspiration. Do one of those clothing challenges like Get Your Pretty On (see the What A Pea Wears threads). Watch some YouTube vids like Dominique Sasche or Hot n Flashy. Find a new interest that requires you to go out of your comfort zone just a little. The fact that you care is a wonderful starting point; some people (male and female) just give up at some point. Don’t ever give up!
|
|
|
Post by Scrappyhappy on May 4, 2018 12:05:31 GMT
Oh my....recently I was asked how old I was, I said I was 48. My husband quickly corrected me and said that I was 58. Ha! Ha! Ha! Yup, I’m 58!
|
|
ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,717
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
|
Post by ellen on May 4, 2018 12:05:33 GMT
I don't know if you've followed the Get Your Pretty On threads, but I think someone who doesn't like to shop but wants to look nice would find interesting. I joined one of the challenges and have been buying things from the list and paying attention to how she puts outfits together. It's a good thing.
Check out to see what is offered through your local community ed program. I took a pie baking class recently that was really enjoyable and now I bake pies. I started playing the ukulele and am part of a small ukulele group that meets weekly. I helped teach a beginners uke class last fall. It worked out well that a friend of mine also bought a ukulele about the same time as me. I pick her up on my way to the group. Since then she and I have started hanging out a lot more than we used to. It works out well that our husbands get along great too.
|
|
Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
|
Post by Nanner on May 4, 2018 12:19:55 GMT
I'm 58. A few months ago, I took a look in a mirror and was horrified to see that I looked old!!! The wrinkles were there, the skin under my eyes and on my eyelids was crepey - when did that happen!?!?
So I ramped up the skin care, started exfoliating and using masks weekly (instead of occasionally) and wearing full make-up (for years, I'd worn moisturizer, mascara and lipstick only). I spent a fortune on all the stuff! But I use it. Every day.
I also went for a few makeovers at Sephora to re-learn how to apply the make-up, as well as a skin fit session with regard to skin care. And watched you-tubes galore, to learn any possible tricks!
And I signed up for Get Your Pretty On and once I get home from work and on weekends, I wear my outfit of the day, I feel I look so much more put together. (I didn't have a problem with putting things together for work). I'm still thinking about signing up for Adore Your Wardrobe, but the new session doesn't start until fall, and it costs a lot more. I'll decide this summer.
Now that spring is finally here, after all of our crappy snowy, ugly weather, I'm walking more. I will admit - I HATE working out, and finally came to the realization that it just is not going to happen. I'll walk. I like that. And I'm considering getting a bike this summer.
I still look like a middle aged woman, but I feel better about myself. I feel like I'm making an effort to make myself feel better about what I look like.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on May 4, 2018 12:21:25 GMT
In the last 6 years I've learned to Scuba dive, traveled the globe and just bought a tent and some gear to go primitive camping complete with a bio stove and home made fire starter. That's great. In recent years, I've been dislocated 5 times, lost my husband, lost my mother, lost my MIL, have at least partially lost my home, and I'm still a primary caregiver. I've earned the hard way every gray hair I see in the mirror! Holy shit - I'm impressed you are still standing. I sincerely hope you practice self-care. That is my motto for 2018. I deserve it and so do you.
|
|
imsirius
Prolific Pea
Call it as I see it.
Posts: 7,661
Location: Floating in the black veil.
Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
|
Post by imsirius on May 4, 2018 12:25:49 GMT
I've been 50 for all of 4 months! I feel pretty good, but mentally I think I'm 25 lol. I volunteer a lot at my daughter's school and it's helped me feel relevant and young. I wish my body would catch up though! I've gained a few pounds, but I'm not overweight, although I feel big and I'm not liking it. I am under 5 ft tall so it shows in certain areas I don't like. I also hurt in places I've never hurt before. My ankle is wonky and I have a large bunion I need to get looked at when I have time.
I, like crazy4scrap, have a young dd. She keeps us hopping but I get very tired quickly. . I'm also about 15 years older than the moms of her friends, so it's hard to join them. They are very nice, but we don't have common ground kwim?
I've never been a big clothes or makeup person either. Usually in jeans or leggings/nice sweat suits. The moms at school are all made up to the tits and dress very differently than me. I feel frumpy sometimes, but then again, they aren't working in a school and climbing ladders, arranging lighting and working in dirty classrooms like I do, so I really could care less lol.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on May 4, 2018 12:25:55 GMT
I turned 60 this spring. How the hell did that happen? But, mostly I am ok with it. I'm hoping to retire in the next year or two at most. I have a lot of people that rely on me right now, so as I said above, I'm practicing self-care. I am determined to lose some weight and be more active.
|
|
sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,373
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
|
Post by sueg on May 4, 2018 12:33:20 GMT
I will be 57 in a few weeks, and I am recognising myself in a number of these posts. Like many, I have never been a dress-up or makeup person, and the few times I've tried, I have felt really fake, especially with make up. Maybe I need to get a professional to show me what to do? I tend to dress in jeans and T-shirts, though the past few years I have started to venture into nicer blouses with my jeans. I try to keep active, and my brand new knee (since last October) has given me a new lease on that. I mainly walk and cycle and as I don't drive, I walk most days, just to get to where I need to be. I volunteer at a Family Center, working with children between 18 months and 3ish year old, and not only the children but their mothers keep me feeling young - though sometimes, when I realise I am the age of their mothers, I feel old! My own mother died aged 48 from a brain tumour, so I count myself lucky to still be around some days!
|
|
maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,786
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
|
Post by maryannscraps on May 4, 2018 12:56:19 GMT
I've been feeling like that lately, probably due to a birthday this week. I joined one of the Get Your Pretty On challenges, and am feeling so much better about how I look. It's so nice to look in my closet and see possibilities instead of wondering if any of my pants will fit me. I get in a slump every winter, and I'm finally coming out of it with the spring sun. My biggest worry right now is dementia. I mentioned it on another thread, but I feel like I'll be lucky to have my mind left in 10 years and it really scares me. I love my job, but it takes an enormous amount of brain power to do. Every time I can't think of a word, I get a little panicked. The threat of Alzheimer's was one of the reasons my dad retired at 51 from a job he loved. He and my mom traveled and enjoyed each other for another 15 years before he started his decline.
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 13:54:07 GMT
I hear you about not wanting to exercise, esp. if you're working an active job. Do you live in a neighborhood where you can take a walk in the evenings? Preferably with your husband? Doesn't have to be strenuous or lengthy, but we have found that walking together makes us feel perkier and also closer with each other. Aging isn't for wimps, I've always heard that and now I'm seeing the beginnings of it. It's a head game in a lot of ways. Mind over matter and all that happy horsecrap Thanks Mystie! Good thoughts! We live out in the boonies. Northwoods. My dh leaves the house at 4am, and gets home at 7pm. He would die LOL if I asked him to go for a walk. He works very hard, and comes home to eat dinner, and sleep. Wkends are for catching up on stuff at home. My job is very active. As in. I am doing exercise Allll day. I do like to get out and garden. I think when it starts to get warm I will feel a bit better too. Now that I think about it. I don't think I'm going thru a phrase. It's more coming to the realization that I'm getting old, and not as...appealing? It's accepting this age phase.
|
|
|
Post by peasapie on May 4, 2018 13:56:51 GMT
I've been feeling like that lately, probably due to a birthday this week. I joined one of the Get Your Pretty On challenges, and am feeling so much better about how I look. It's so nice to look in my closet and see possibilities instead of wondering if any of my pants will fit me. I get in a slump every winter, and I'm finally coming out of it with the spring sun. My biggest worry right now is dementia. I mentioned it on another thread, but I feel like I'll be lucky to have my mind left in 10 years and it really scares me. I love my job, but it takes an enormous amount of brain power to do. Every time I can't think of a word, I get a little panicked. The threat of Alzheimer's was one of the reasons my dad retired at 51 from a job he loved. He and my mom traveled and enjoyed each other for another 15 years before he started his decline. My mom died of Alzheimers at 78 and it's something always in the back of my mind, too. Not sure your age, but I noticed a lot of brain fog around 50 with menopause, but after a couple of years that cleared up. I was always searching for words at that time. SaveSave
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on May 4, 2018 13:59:02 GMT
Hmmm... I am approaching 50 very, very soon and I don't feel that way. I think some of it is that I was divorced at 40 and I had to re-invent myself then. I agree with those who have said try new things, go new places, get a makeover, new wardrobe, or new hobby. Sometimes you have to do a couple of small things to jump start feeling alive again. jenjie - Which life coach do you use and/or how did you find him/her? I have consulted with a couple but they were super expensive. I am on the lookout for one for sure though. Well mine is my bff. We have been doing life together for 10 years and her influence in my life was instrumental in me being able to stand when my world fell apart. So for me, it was a no brainer. I already trusted her, she knew my heart and I knew hers, and there was a track record between us already. She is very much Jesus and Bible focused, so if that appeals to you, I can pm you her contact info. We are still in process of building a website. (I started working FOR her about 6 months ago maybe.) Any life coach worth your while isn’t going to be cheap. But they should offer a free consultation to see if you would be a good fit for each other. My friend was certified and then has been achieving more training and certifications through the John Maxwell program. I hear really good things about John Maxwell.
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 14:00:14 GMT
Ladies, ladies, ladies. Just stop with the "old" talk. 56 here and I'm sorry, I'm not going to surrender to the number. It's all about how I feel. How hard I push. And how much I seek my passions every day. Chin up! In the last 6 years I've learned to Scuba dive, traveled the globe and just bought a tent and some gear to go primitive camping complete with a bio stove and home made fire starter. Sometimes you just have to say ... WTF! I agree. The thing is..realizing you don't look the same anymore, and giving in to that. I mean, I am totally NOT in to how people look, or needing to look a certain way. But I guess I don't like looking....older.
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 14:03:40 GMT
Here's what I suggest. When you want to make big changes, you do things in small increments. Maybe start a nighttime beauty regime for a few weeks and then pick something else to add to the change you want to make. Maybe that includes shopping once a month for something new just for you. Perhaps after a month or two you bring something new into the bedroom (your choice). Don't make a bunch of changes all at once. Do it slowly. HA!!..but, but..Don't ya know..OLD people don't have sex! My oldest is always telling us, "but you guys don't have sex anymore"
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 16, 2024 10:14:54 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2018 14:09:07 GMT
I've earned the hard way every gray hair I see in the mirror! I prefer the phrase "silver highlights". I am gong to be 52, have twins graduating from college and a 12 yo. She keeps me involved in trends - both good and bad. I recently went to Sephora and had a scheduled makeover. Update my look from 1984 (not that bad, but wanted something new). I keep my hair up - color (kinda burgundy in winter, caramel in summer). Working on getting fit. But I would rather watch TV and drink wine.
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 14:11:13 GMT
I don't even want that t-shirt. For me, primitive is a Holiday Inn Express. . I live in a really "campy" state though and know I don't belong here! Ha!! my kind if gal!
|
|
|
Post by dillydally on May 4, 2018 14:17:38 GMT
Well, isn’t this a timely thread - I turn 50 next week and I’m currently having major PMS so I’m a hormonal nightmare today. I’m running out the door and haven’t read replies, but I will for sure when I get home. But in the meantime, I just wanted to say I totally get where you are coming from!
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 14:18:12 GMT
I can honestly say--50's ain't old! Enjoy your life every single day ladies. Do what you want. Wear what you want. Enjoy being who God made! Try something new. Go to an exercise class. Get in shape. One day you will 70 or 80! Enjoy where you I totally get the 50s isn't old. I work with older people all day, and we tell people, you're not old til your 90! ha. I think it's just this ...purgatory, like someone else said earlier. Not young..not old. In the middle. and adjusting to the getting old part.
|
|
|
Post by cakediva on May 4, 2018 14:19:09 GMT
I'll be 50 next March.
And I've made a decision, don't ask me why in the hell I think this is a good idea or that I can do it! But I'm going to work hard and run the Disney Princess 5K with a friend in 2020.
We'd actually like to see if we can have the charity I help run listed as one of the charities you can run for. But I believe we have to have 3 years experience running endurance events for the charity. So I'm going to search for local ones that do the same idea.
But I'm going to do this!!
But I get how you're feeling. Life is ho-hum right now. Both my girls are moving out, we just have DS at home. And I'm feeling like the Mom in that Matthew McConaughey movie - Kathy Bates played her - when they hire Sarah Jessica Parker to help move the son out of the house. What if we don't like each other any more? The kids have been our buffer for so long....
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 14:28:27 GMT
The kids are grown so a big part of my life isn't what it used to be. I'm left with a marriage that isn't really great. His idea of a good time is sitting on the couch watching tv. When he's not working he goes from couch to bed to couch again I think it's a bit of an adjustment this new phase in life - there are a lot of changes, our kids are older, our parents are older, our bodies are older and it's becoming apparent. I feel like I blinked and 30 years passed. I think that's a big part of it also. My dh is the same way. But he's been like this for years. He works very long hours. He's tired. I get it. It didn't bother me as much before, because I had my girls. Now I don't. I'm one that always said that my life doesn't revolve around my kids, but just having them around the house is nice, and now they aren't, its a big change also.
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 14:34:11 GMT
I don't know if you've followed the Get Your Pretty On threads, but I think someone who doesn't like to shop but wants to look nice would find interesting. I joined one of the challenges and have been buying things from the list and paying attention to how she puts outfits together. It's a good thing. Check out to see what is offered through your local community ed program. I took a pie baking class recently that was really enjoyable and now I bake pies. I started playing the ukulele and am part of a small ukulele group that meets weekly. I helped teach a beginners uke class last fall. It worked out well that a friend of mine also bought a ukulele about the same time as me. I pick her up on my way to the group. Since then she and I have started hanging out a lot more than we used to. It works out well that our husbands get along great too. Opportunities like that are very very scarce where I live. Mainly due to budget cuts, and just living in the boonies. The other thing is that when things ARE offered, they are offered during the middle of the day? on a weekday? grrr..
|
|