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Post by crazy4scraps on May 4, 2018 14:54:09 GMT
I've been 50 for all of 4 months! I feel pretty good, but mentally I think I'm 25 lol. I volunteer a lot at my daughter's school and it's helped me feel relevant and young. I wish my body would catch up though! I've gained a few pounds, but I'm not overweight, although I feel big and I'm not liking it. I am under 5 ft tall so it shows in certain areas I don't like. I also hurt in places I've never hurt before. My ankle is wonky and I have a large bunion I need to get looked at when I have time. I, like crazy4scrap, have a young dd. She keeps us hopping but I get very tired quickly. . I'm also about 15 years older than the moms of her friends, so it's hard to join them. They are very nice, but we don't have common ground kwim? I've never been a big clothes or makeup person either. Usually in jeans or leggings/nice sweat suits. The moms at school are all made up to the tits and dress very differently than me. I feel frumpy sometimes, but then again, they aren't working in a school and climbing ladders, arranging lighting and working in dirty classrooms like I do, so I really could care less lol. I’m a little older than you but yes, we could be twins. I agree with being more tired, and also that doing things with and for my kid keeps me young at heart and up with the times. And LOL about the moms at school! I feel the same way. They come in for field day and stuff all dressed up in heels or tall dressy boots and stuff, and I’m standing there in my jeans, hoodie and memory foam Skechers thinking, “You DO realize we’re going to be OUTSIDE, chasing after our kids in an actual FIELD, right?” That’s when the saying ‘You Do You’ comes immediately to mind. I know they’re probably judging me superficially and thinking I’m a frumpy old grandma and I totally don’t care. I’m at the stage in my life where I know who my true friends are and I really don’t need to try that hard to impress anyone anymore. It’s kind of funny actually when they come to get their kid from one of my kid’s birthday parties saying, “Guess what mom! Her mom actually MADE the cupcakes and they looked like they came from that fancy bakery. And she made all the decorations and the piñata and the party favors and even all the games too! And it was SO AWESOME! How come *I* can’t have a party like that?” Yeah. Go ahead. Judge me NOW why don’t you?
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,391
Aug 9, 2014 23:13:22 GMT
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Post by DEX on May 4, 2018 15:05:43 GMT
I am 68 and I am really old. I have so many wrinkles that I hate on my face which are the result of too much unprotected sun. I truly look old.
But...I look at some of the people my age and think, “Well, I’m not THAT old.” If possible, just try to have a youthful attitude. I buy classic clothes instead of trendy stuff that makes me look like I am trying too hard. I do go and get my makeup updated. Do try to get out with other couples and do different things. I went to a jazz club this week that was totally out of my comfort zone. It was fun. Not my type of music but I felt adventurous. I understand living in the boonies. I have been there. That doesn’t mean you have to do all your activities there. Go to the “big city”, check out activities at the big venues like theaters and concerts, sports events, etc.
The biggest thing for me is to find new friends and stop thinking I look like an old person.
Good luck. I hope things improve for you. You deserve it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 4, 2018 15:06:50 GMT
I don't know if you've followed the Get Your Pretty On threads, but I think someone who doesn't like to shop but wants to look nice would find interesting. I joined one of the challenges and have been buying things from the list and paying attention to how she puts outfits together. It's a good thing. Check out to see what is offered through your local community ed program. I took a pie baking class recently that was really enjoyable and now I bake pies. I started playing the ukulele and am part of a small ukulele group that meets weekly. I helped teach a beginners uke class last fall. It worked out well that a friend of mine also bought a ukulele about the same time as me. I pick her up on my way to the group. Since then she and I have started hanging out a lot more than we used to. It works out well that our husbands get along great too. Opportunities like that are very very scarce where I live. Mainly due to budget cuts, and just living in the boonies. The other thing is that when things ARE offered, they are offered during the middle of the day? on a weekday? grrr.. What about an online class? Those you can do any time of day or night at your convenience. Our community ed offers hundreds of them on all sorts of subjects through Ed2go on everything from digital photography and photo editing to website design to gardening and on and on. Or if you’re into crafty things, look into classes at Craftsy or Onecreativebug. I’ve taken a bunch of online classes and they’re great. There are tons of things a person can take up once you start scratching the surface and checking out your options.
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 15:15:33 GMT
I'm 58. A few months ago, I took a look in a mirror and was horrified to see that I looked old!!! The wrinkles were there, the skin under my eyes and on my eyelids was crepey - when did that happen!?!? So I ramped up the skin care, started exfoliating and using masks weekly (instead of occasionally) and wearing full make-up (for years, I'd worn moisturizer, mascara and lipstick only). I spent a fortune on all the stuff! But I use it. Every day. I also went for a few makeovers at Sephora to re-learn how to apply the make-up, as well as a skin fit session with regard to skin care. And watched you-tubes galore, to learn any possible tricks! And I signed up for Get Your Pretty On and once I get home from work and on weekends, I wear my outfit of the day, I feel I look so much more put together. (I didn't have a problem with putting things together for work). I'm still thinking about signing up for Adore Your Wardrobe, but the new session doesn't start until fall, and it costs a lot more. I'll decide this summer. Now that spring is finally here, after all of our crappy snowy, ugly weather, I'm walking more. I will admit - I HATE working out, and finally came to the realization that it just is not going to happen. I'll walk. I like that. And I'm considering getting a bike this summer. I still look like a middle aged woman, but I feel better about myself. I feel like I'm making an effort to make myself feel better about what I look like. Nanner, that sounds a lot like me! I am really good about moisturizing. I do wear foundation every day, as my skin tone is blotchy. I HATE working out. Like you, I would rather walk, or bike. It's hard though because I live so far out in the woods. I drive in to town and walk too, but I could just hear all the little gossips...WHAT is SHE doing? ha. What is adore my wardrobe? Like I said I have done stitch fix. Tried Dia once. Also a few others, but can't remember the names.
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Post by annabella on May 4, 2018 15:19:41 GMT
Yeah. I just answered a phone survey about police officers - they asked if i ever felt threatened by or afraid of police officers. I wanted to burst into laughter and say, I'm a harmless, middle-aged woman. Nobody is afraid of me, and I certainly have nothing to fear from LEOs. Funny you mentioned that. My team had a group lunch at work, and the nicest, white 50-year old woman was saying when she is pulled over by police she never reaches for her ID, she keeps her hands on the steering wheel until the officer approaches her car, then when he asks for her ID she tells him every step that she is doing as she reaches into her purse. For black man that would make sense, but for her I was surprised she didn't know her privledged place in society.
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 15:35:28 GMT
I am 68 and I am really old. I have so many wrinkles that I hate on my face which are the result of too much unprotected sun. I truly look old. But...I look at some of the people my age and think, “Well, I’m not THAT old.” If possible, just try to have a youthful attitude. I buy classic clothes instead of trendy stuff that makes me look like I am trying too hard. I do go and get my makeup updated. Do try to get out with other couples and do different things. I went to a jazz club this week that was totally out of my comfort zone. It was fun. Not my type of music but I felt adventurous. I understand living in the boonies. I have been there. That doesn’t mean you have to do all your activities there. Go to the “big city”, check out activities at the big venues like theaters and concerts, sports events, etc. The biggest thing for me is to find new friends and stop thinking I look like an old person. Good luck. I hope things improve for you. You deserve it. One of my dd's now lives in the big city. So we do get there more often, but it's 4 hours away. Her living there has opened up more stuff to do though.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on May 4, 2018 15:45:27 GMT
I don't even want that t-shirt. For me, primitive is a Holiday Inn Express. . I live in a really "campy" state though and know I don't belong here! Ha ha ha! Now that I can relate to! I'm with 950nancy and crazy4scraps! Closest I've come to that is a day long fly-fishing trip in Montana where we had to pull the boat over in the bushes to pee! Been there, got the tee shirt. I prefer a comfortable chair on a beach with cute young guys bringing me frozen drinks! I'm 64, almost 65. The fifties were hard for me, I think partially because I was being pulled in so many directions with college aged kids and aging parents, and my DH and I didn't have time/make time for each other as much as we do now. I am more content now, and our marriage is better now than it's ever been, I think at least partially because we intentionally make time for each other and are spending more time with each other and also with friends. Having a girlfriends lunch frequently, and a girlfriends trip once or twice a year is important for me. DH plays golf with his buddies once or twice a week, and goes on a yearly fishing trip with the guys, too. These are things that we didn't have as much time for 10-15 years ago when we had more demands on our time from work and family obligations. Our children are established in careers, and our grandchildren are the delight of my life. We have a "Supper Club" of five couples we've known for 30 years - started getting together when our children were young. We're now going through weddings and grandchildren together and it's been a blessing to us as a couple and as individuals. cindyupnorth Reach out to those people at work that you would like to be friends with. They may also be feeling the same way and be too shy to make the first move. Are you interested in them as girlfriends or as couples? If girlfriends, see if they would be interested in starting a book club or bridge club or dining out group once a month. I'd say invite them all out and discuss the options. I have a friend whose bridge club started out playing cards, but now they don't even deal the cards - they get together once a month and eat snacks and drink wine! If you're interested in them as couple friends for you and DH, invite 4-5 couples to your house for a potluck - you provide the main dish, and ask the others to bring appetizer, salad, vegetable and dessert. That's how our supper club started out. I think it's easier to get to know people at your home rather than in a restaurant. You could ask them if they would like to meet every month or every other month, and rotate who hosts and who brings different sides. We do a more formal Christmas party, with a pirate swap gift exchange, otherwise we're very casual - hamburgers on the grill in the summertime, or chili or barbecue, etc. in the colder months. Hope this helps! IMHO, you're in a stage of life that's like a crossroads to make some choices about how the next 50 years will look! Time and activities spent with people will be the most important memories you can make. Not that you need to be busy every minute, but try to have something every 1-2 weeks to look forward to and I hope that will help. (Downtime by myself is important to me, too).
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Post by pierogi on May 4, 2018 16:31:07 GMT
I thought I'd hate my forties, but I love them! I have less time for worrying about what people think, and it's liberating to decide what's important to me and prioritize it. I'm traveling more, learning a new language, finishing that silly novel I always said I'd write, and I think I'm going to sign up for dancing classes. I absolutely think over 40 and beyond women can be hot. It's a different kind of hot than the 20-something style, it's more mysterious and powerful. Look at Macron's wife: she's 65! He's 20 years younger than her and still besotted. She obviously takes good care of herself, but it's more than that. She's confident. She has her own style. When I watch her, it's clear that she's a woman that knows her own worth, and that's sexy. It's true, we're all out of the Madison Ave advertising demo for fast food, soda, and shampoo. Those corrosive ads and magazines/websites telling women they're too fat, their boobs are too small, that they don't have enough sex, that they're having too much sex, that they need this particular purse NOW, that they're not successful, that they're too successful, etc, etc, etc. --- that's now aimed at the generations behind us. I'm not happy about that, but it's freeing to be able to redefine myself outside of all the corporate "noise" about how we should look and act. Don't give up. You're not taking care of yourself for someone else. You're doing this for you, and your happiness should be on your terms. For example: I'm not a tall, willowy lady. I'm a small woman whose always fighting those encroaching pounds. I lift weights, I run and don't overeat, but I'll never be those tiny, super-skinny woman who are size 0. That's ok. My body is strong. It's the body of my ancestors who survived famine and coffin ships and sweatshops. I like my body much more than I did as a teen or 20-something. I like the freckles on my arms and my funny toes. I'd wager that everybody on this thread has cool things that define just them, and nobody else. I really feel that 40 isn't the end of something, but the start of a whole new story. And that's exciting.
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 16:31:52 GMT
If you're interested in them as couple friends for you and DH, invite 4-5 couples to your house for a potluck - you provide the main dish, and ask the others to bring appetizer, salad, vegetable and dessert. That's how our supper club started out. I think it's easier to get to know people at your home rather than in a restaurant. You could ask them if they would like to meet every month or every other month, and rotate who hosts and who brings different sides. We do a more formal Christmas party, with a pirate swap gift exchange, otherwise we're very casual - hamburgers on the grill in the summertime, or chili or barbecue, etc. in the colder months. I really like that idea. I seem to be the one with the most time on my hands though. ha. I am the 2nd oldest one in our group. Most of the others still have kids at home, and busy. I also live 30 miles north of them. I am going to feel people out though and see what they think! good ideas!!
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Post by leftturnonly on May 4, 2018 16:49:14 GMT
Holy shit - I'm impressed you are still standing. I sincerely hope you practice self-care. That is my motto for 2018. I deserve it and so do you Awww... thank you.
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Post by leftturnonly on May 4, 2018 16:54:28 GMT
I prefer the phrase "silver highlights". You know, it's funny, but that's exactly what mine look like. I'm putting my fingers in my ears and I'm humming very, very loudly so even if you try to tell me otherwise, I.can't.hear.you!
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,965
Location: NW PA
Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
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Post by Judy26 on May 4, 2018 16:56:51 GMT
I’ll be sixty next month and the best advice I can give is to learn to lower your give shit factor. It’s very liberating. I don’t have to compete with anyone anymore. My health is important. My looks, not so much. If I want to put on makeup and dress up I will but I no longer feel the need to live up to anyone’s standards but my own. Once I realized that the only person I needed to make happy was myself I was free to choose to focus on those things only. So perhaps by changing your perspective just a bit this could be your best decade yet. (I do still get a shock when I look in the mirror sometimes. Who IS that old lady looking at me?!?!)
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on May 4, 2018 16:58:37 GMT
If you're interested in them as couple friends for you and DH, invite 4-5 couples to your house for a potluck - you provide the main dish, and ask the others to bring appetizer, salad, vegetable and dessert. That's how our supper club started out. I think it's easier to get to know people at your home rather than in a restaurant. You could ask them if they would like to meet every month or every other month, and rotate who hosts and who brings different sides. We do a more formal Christmas party, with a pirate swap gift exchange, otherwise we're very casual - hamburgers on the grill in the summertime, or chili or barbecue, etc. in the colder months. I really like that idea. I seem to be the one with the most time on my hands though. ha. I am the 2nd oldest one in our group. Most of the others still have kids at home, and busy. I also live 30 miles north of them. I am going to feel people out though and see what they think! good ideas!! Go for it! Even if some can't come every time, over the years you're building relationships and memories!
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 4, 2018 17:00:33 GMT
I’ll be sixty next month and the best advice I can give is to learn to lower your give shit factor. It’s very liberating. I don’t have to compete with anyone anymore. My health is important. My looks, not so much. If I want to put on makeup and dress up I will but I no longer feel the need to live up to anyone’s standards but my own. Once I realized that the only person I needed to make happy was myself I was free to choose to focus on those things only. So perhaps by changing your perspective just a bit this could be your best decade yet. (I do still get a shock when I look in the mirror sometimes. Who IS that old lady looking at me?!?!) Here's the thing though. I don't think I WANT to do that. I feel like I could easily do that, but I don't want too. My mom never leaves the house without full make up. Up until 5 yrs ago, she was still coloring her hair at 70. So I think I have her higher standards. Oh...and she STILL works at 75. So, yea, I come from that. ha
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Post by femalebusiness on May 4, 2018 17:14:31 GMT
I haven't read the entire thread but I'm pushing 70 and honestly I haven't hit an age where It is depressing yet. If anything it just gets better and better. I don't think much differently than I did at 40. I am healthy. I had my hip replaced but that was just an adventure. I don't look like I did at 40 but I don't care mostly because my husband thinks I'm still hot. Ha ha, he is deluded but it works for me.
I think being around 50 is a time of being just worn out from working and raising kids. You are at the end of many years of hard work. If you have done it right you will soon be able to get off of the treadmill and relax. I also see a lot of people looking for something “out there” (vacations, clothes, new cars, etc) to make them happy. Happiness comes from inside. A bad attitude will drag you down.
My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me. My life really started the day that I met him. If you have ignored your relationship because you've been busy now may be the time to put a lot of energy into recapturing that magic you felt when you first met. There have a couple of times in years past when I set about seducing my husband all over again. Flattering his ego, telling him how sexy he is, making time to reconnect. Men need to be wined and dined too and they respond so well to that. I get a huge thrill from making him feel good. But honestly if you are 50 and you know for sure you will never be attracted to your husband again GET OUT NOW! Fifty is young, trust me on that.
Being retired is wonderful. I don't miss working my tail off and being apart from my husband for most of the day while we were working. I think a lot of my well being is that I am crazy about my husband and being together 24/7 is so much fun.
And as an added thought I think Facebook is the devil's tool. It has made a lot of people miserable. Most everyone posts a fantasy life of all good stuff. No one tells the truth about the not so good parts of their life and then others feel like they are missing out. Comparing your life to other's lives will never work to enhance your own life.
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imsirius
Prolific Pea
Call it as I see it.
Posts: 7,661
Location: Floating in the black veil.
Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
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Post by imsirius on May 4, 2018 17:22:53 GMT
I've been 50 for all of 4 months! I feel pretty good, but mentally I think I'm 25 lol. I volunteer a lot at my daughter's school and it's helped me feel relevant and young. I wish my body would catch up though! I've gained a few pounds, but I'm not overweight, although I feel big and I'm not liking it. I am under 5 ft tall so it shows in certain areas I don't like. I also hurt in places I've never hurt before. My ankle is wonky and I have a large bunion I need to get looked at when I have time. I, like crazy4scrap, have a young dd. She keeps us hopping but I get very tired quickly. . I'm also about 15 years older than the moms of her friends, so it's hard to join them. They are very nice, but we don't have common ground kwim? I've never been a big clothes or makeup person either. Usually in jeans or leggings/nice sweat suits. The moms at school are all made up to the tits and dress very differently than me. I feel frumpy sometimes, but then again, they aren't working in a school and climbing ladders, arranging lighting and working in dirty classrooms like I do, so I really could care less lol. I’m a little older than you but yes, we could be twins. I agree with being more tired, and also that doing things with and for my kid keeps me young at heart and up with the times. And LOL about the moms at school! I feel the same way. They come in for field day and stuff all dressed up in heels or tall dressy boots and stuff, and I’m standing there in my jeans, hoodie and memory foam Skechers thinking, “You DO realize we’re going to be OUTSIDE, chasing after our kids in an actual FIELD, right?” That’s when the saying ‘You Do You’ comes immediately to mind. I know they’re probably judging me superficially and thinking I’m a frumpy old grandma and I totally don’t care. I’m at the stage in my life where I know who my true friends are and I really don’t need to try that hard to impress anyone anymore. It’s kind of funny actually when they come to get their kid from one of my kid’s birthday parties saying, “Guess what mom! Her mom actually MADE the cupcakes and they looked like they came from that fancy bakery. And she made all the decorations and the piñata and the party favors and even all the games too! And it was SO AWESOME! How come *I* can’t have a party like that?” Yeah. Go ahead. Judge me NOW why don’t you? Haha...I ❤️ You. I bet we'd be amazing friends IRL. 😁😊
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 4, 2018 17:42:58 GMT
I'm in a funk too and I am only approaching 43.
I have been in a rut ever since I graduated graduate school in August of 2016. I'm exhausted from raising kids. I hate that I only see my husband on weekends. My new bipolar med has helped me gain over 30 pounds. I've been so busy with learning new things at my new job, I'm wiped out at the end of the day.
I need to pick one thing at a time and just get my shit together.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 16, 2024 10:15:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2018 18:02:23 GMT
I got to the store to Late today. No flirts
All the old men had their wives with them! Wow those woman can cast shade like nobody. Seriously darling I am not interested in your 70 year old man!
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Post by crimsoncat05 on May 4, 2018 18:25:41 GMT
I think the things that would make me happy though, are not necessarily things that are good for me though! Like I LOOOOOVE food, Love laying around watching Netflix all day. Love eating out. etc. I'm very active at my job, so to go home and work out, is a big struggle for me. hat is another struggle. I hate shopping for myself. I LOOOOOVE to go out shopping for my girls. I would much rather shop/spend money on them, then me. So I tried stitch fix, and the stuff they sent me, for a 50ish, busty woman, where NOT sexy, or inspiring. Now my hair. That at least is good! ha. Love my hair. I have a great stylist, and she keeps me fresh and current. I'm turning 49 later this month, and I can relate to what you're going through. I would LOVE to sit on the couch all day and watch movies, tv, read books, browse the internet, etc. (and I sometimes do, waaay too much)... We don't have kids, so while I do understand your tendency to want to spend time and energy on them and not yourself, you have to make sure you don't lose sight of 'YOU' in all the Mom, wife, employee stuff. That might involve finding new and current clothes, or shopping for yourself, but in my opinion that's not all of it. Do you have hobbies you enjoy that DON'T entail sitting on the couch? Pets? You say you live out in the boonies, but is there a community college near you? Library? Is there something you've always wanted to learn how to do, like play the piano or guitar, learn photography, take a landscaping class, woodworking, welding, etc.?? Our community colleges offer adult continuing-education classes on topics like watercolor painting, sewing and/or quilting, yoga, etc. or you could 'audit' a college course for no credit- art history, literature, etc. Book club at the library, learning how to sew, crochet, or knit, at a yarn shop, maybe?? Learn how to play a sport, or get out and play a sport you used to play when you were younger? (ETA: you can follow along via the internet with projects like this, too- a lot of sewing bloggers host 'sew-alongs' for their readers where everyone sews the same / similar projects, or everyone sews a sampler of different embroidery stitches, for example. So you don't necessarily need a store or college near you to do projects or teach yourself something new.) I think an important part of growing older and staying vibrant, feeling young, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it' is making sure to not stop learning, and making sure you keep finding things that you enjoy doing for YOURSELF. Not for the people around you- I think women, in general, do way too much of that. And now that I gave my two cents, I'm going to go back and read all the replies, because I struggle with feeling 'middle-aged and invisible' sometimes, myself.
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Post by chlerbie on May 4, 2018 19:10:54 GMT
I'll be 51 in June, but I don't really feel it and so far, haven't hit any depression or hard times over my age. I know I"m looking it, but I'm also in the "I don't care what other people think" category, so while I notice it, I'm not too caught up in it. I like to dress up, but I also like to wear comfortable clothes, so I just pick ones that are comfy not frumpy. I think I have a youthful spirit--I just don't feel old and find I don't really identify with what a lot of my peers are going through. Most of my best friends are at least 10 years younger than me. My stepdaughter and I have a great relationship and she involves me in fun activities with her friends, and they're all 20 years younger than me.
I feel like my relationship has gotten better over time. We've been together nearly 20 years. We run a home business so we're together a TON of time and still enjoy each other's company. we also play in a band together.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on May 4, 2018 19:15:47 GMT
I hear you. I am a middle-aged, invisible workhorse whose only value is the pittance of money I bring in from my shithole job. I feel like I look older every day -- or I would if I could bear to look in the mirror. I generally avoid that.
I just have to sigh and feel worse though when I read all of the advice that requires money and time. Neither of which I have. I ålso just don't have the energy -- the job just wears me out.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on May 4, 2018 19:17:36 GMT
I understand living in the boonies. I have been there. That doesn’t mean you have to do all your activities there. Go to the “big city”, check out activities at the big venues like theaters and concerts, sports events, etc. I think being around 50 is a time of being just worn out from working and raising kids. You are at the end of many years of hard work. If you have done it right you will soon be able to get off of the treadmill and relax. I also see a lot of people looking for something “out there” (vacations, clothes, new cars, etc) to make them happy. Happiness comes from inside. A bad attitude will drag you down. My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me. My life really started the day that I met him. If you have ignored your relationship because you've been busy now may be the time to put a lot of energy into recapturing that magic you felt when you first met. two more things- even though you live in the boonies, could you go for a drive every once in a while on a Saturday or Sunday? just 'for a drive' not necessarily 'TO' somewhere specific... either with your husband, or by yourself? Explore around where you live, and you might find some interesting stuff- a farm that raises bees and sells honey, fresh eggs, a small-town diner you've never been to before, etc. (I don't remember where you live-- Minnesota, I think?) Right now, my boyfriend is gone all month long, and is only home one weekend a month (he's an OTR truck driver). I do NOT like being home by myself on the weekends when he's not home, so I typically go out somewhere on Saturdays, just to get out of the house and keep from sitting on the couch in front of the tv all weekend long. Yeah, the floor and rugs do need to be vacuumed and there's laundry to do, but no one besides me will see it for the next three weeks, and I can do it in the evenings after getting home from work. I'm going to guess that your husband might be feeling some of the same things as you, if your kids are recently out of the house or will be soon- does he need to work the schedule and hours he works? Could he perhaps cut back a bit so you can spend more time together? Can you take some time to talk with him about your 'long-term' plan as a couple after the kids are out of the house? Like femalebusiness said, perhaps together you can both work on reconnecting as a couple, and not just as "mom and dad." Because you were together before your kids were around, and you'll still be together after they're out of the house. Take a weekend trip away with him somewhere; go for a day trip together; do things together that AREN'T related to work around the house. My boyfriend is super-competitive, so it's tough to play games with him, but occasionally we'll play a game of scrabble or yahtzee, or put together a jigsaw puzzle, etc. and we'll just TALK while we're doing it. Or we sit on the patio together in the evening; he smokes a cigar and drinks bourbon, I drink a small glass of Grand Marnier or Drambouie, and we talk about anything and everything, for HOURS-- we can talk about childhood memories, books we've read, movies we've watched, an interesting radio show I heard recently, science, debate about religion / God (we're both agnostic), random interesting stuff the cats or dogs do, anything... our conversations can be VERY far-ranging. Honestly, in my opinion those conversations are some of the BEST times we spend together, because to me it shows that we still find each other INTERESTING as a person. Even if we look different, feel older, or have health issues over the years, I hope that fact doesn't change (too much) as we get older.
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Post by leftturnonly on May 4, 2018 19:36:11 GMT
I'm in a funk too and I am only approaching 43. I have been in a rut ever since I graduated graduate school in August of 2016. I'm exhausted from raising kids. I hate that I only see my husband on weekends. My new bipolar med has helped me gain over 30 pounds. I've been so busy with learning new things at my new job, I'm wiped out at the end of the day. I need to pick one thing at a time and just get my shit together. There's a feeling of being old that comes from a lot of mental stress. It's not my age that has made me feel old, it's been the stress. As long as you continue to realize just how many challenges you have already faced down, you have something positive to hold on to on those days where you find yourself struggling the most. It is a cruel option between gaining weight or having better mental health. {{{hugs}}} But you know, as hard and confusing as it can be, aging sure beats the alternative. Wise words! My husband has been in Afghanistan for the past year. He’ll now be there another year. I feel like I’m wasting the last really good years of my life in a marriage I’m not getting a whole lot out of anymore. I’ve had these feelings for years though, and both me and my husband have closely examined the reasons we married in the first place, which had more to do with religion and culture than actual love and desire. Possible divorce was put on the table before he left. Four children are the main reason we’ve held it together for almost 24 years now, but we are steadily growing further apart in all areas, and the current geographic situation isn’t helping. I really don’t know where we’ll be in a couple of years, but at this point if it’s not together anymore I wouldn’t be surprised, nor do I think I would be too sad about it. It is very difficult to learn to live together again after being apart like you and your husband are. Best of luck however your marriage plays out.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,997
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on May 4, 2018 20:41:24 GMT
I'm sorry you are struggling, cindyupnorth. I'm 48, married forever and just starting to feel like that. It doesn't help that most of my co-workers are 15-20 years younger than me. I feel inadequate in the work place in some ways.
If you are looking to change your wardrobe, go on Pinterest and star pinning outfits. And there is a great fashion thread on this board.
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Post by grate on May 4, 2018 21:41:36 GMT
I turn 50 on Sunday and I am feeling the same. Happy to be alive, had a heart attack/SCAD at 48 but was thinner and in much better shape than now. So I go back and forth. I have few regrets as I have lived the way I have wanted to but I am getting restless as well. UGGGH so frustrating.
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Post by slicksister on May 4, 2018 22:46:48 GMT
I turned 59 in March and I feel the same way. Over weight, body aches ALL. THE. TIME, wrinkles, grey hair, feeling invisible, etc. I keep very busy with a part time job, lots of get togethers with friends, paper crafting, crochet and quilting but I have no family except the cowboy, nearby and live in a town of 250 people with the nearest town 1 and a half hours away. Closest restaurant is 20 minutes away. I wear mostly jeans and cute tops with vests or other layers over. I have bad feet so cute shoes are kind of out of the question. I live in 399 sq. ft. so space is at a premium. I'm pretty picky about the clothes I buy. I just joined Trunk Club. I got my first box and loved it. I bought a pair of skinny jeans and a black shawl sweater. I don't wear make up and never have nor do I have a skin regime. Not something I'm interested in nor will make time for. I exfoliate and use sun screen in the summer and that is about it.
Does anyone know of any YouTube channels where the host is older and grey and overweight? I mean the ones I watch everyone is skinny and not frumpy at all.
I think my biggest thing is that I feel sooo invisible. Our town is a VERY young demographic and my opinion is never sought out, acknowledged or appreciated. I have had people either outright ignore any input I may have, act condescendingly or just turn and walk away from me. I have a lot to offer but no one wants to give me a chance. I have good friends here that I love and we get along fabulously. It's a very, very unique situation I live in and it's some of the younger set I come into contact with through my job and social life that I struggle with a bit. Most of the time I can just shake my head and shrug my shoulders but sometimes it gets to me.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 4, 2018 23:12:10 GMT
I’m a little older than you but yes, we could be twins. I agree with being more tired, and also that doing things with and for my kid keeps me young at heart and up with the times. And LOL about the moms at school! I feel the same way. They come in for field day and stuff all dressed up in heels or tall dressy boots and stuff, and I’m standing there in my jeans, hoodie and memory foam Skechers thinking, “You DO realize we’re going to be OUTSIDE, chasing after our kids in an actual FIELD, right?” That’s when the saying ‘You Do You’ comes immediately to mind. I know they’re probably judging me superficially and thinking I’m a frumpy old grandma and I totally don’t care. I’m at the stage in my life where I know who my true friends are and I really don’t need to try that hard to impress anyone anymore. It’s kind of funny actually when they come to get their kid from one of my kid’s birthday parties saying, “Guess what mom! Her mom actually MADE the cupcakes and they looked like they came from that fancy bakery. And she made all the decorations and the piñata and the party favors and even all the games too! And it was SO AWESOME! How come *I* can’t have a party like that?” Yeah. Go ahead. Judge me NOW why don’t you? Haha...I ❤️ You. I bet we'd be amazing friends IRL. 😁😊 Right back at ya!
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on May 4, 2018 23:30:09 GMT
I'm 58. A few months ago, I took a look in a mirror and was horrified to see that I looked old!!! The wrinkles were there, the skin under my eyes and on my eyelids was crepey - when did that happen!?!? So I ramped up the skin care, started exfoliating and using masks weekly (instead of occasionally) and wearing full make-up (for years, I'd worn moisturizer, mascara and lipstick only). I spent a fortune on all the stuff! But I use it. Every day. I also went for a few makeovers at Sephora to re-learn how to apply the make-up, as well as a skin fit session with regard to skin care. And watched you-tubes galore, to learn any possible tricks! And I signed up for Get Your Pretty On and once I get home from work and on weekends, I wear my outfit of the day, I feel I look so much more put together. (I didn't have a problem with putting things together for work). I'm still thinking about signing up for Adore Your Wardrobe, but the new session doesn't start until fall, and it costs a lot more. I'll decide this summer. Now that spring is finally here, after all of our crappy snowy, ugly weather, I'm walking more. I will admit - I HATE working out, and finally came to the realization that it just is not going to happen. I'll walk. I like that. And I'm considering getting a bike this summer. I still look like a middle aged woman, but I feel better about myself. I feel like I'm making an effort to make myself feel better about what I look like. Nanner, that sounds a lot like me! I am really good about moisturizing. I do wear foundation every day, as my skin tone is blotchy. I HATE working out. Like you, I would rather walk, or bike. It's hard though because I live so far out in the woods. I drive in to town and walk too, but I could just hear all the little gossips...WHAT is SHE doing? ha. What is adore my wardrobe? Like I said I have done stitch fix. Tried Dia once. Also a few others, but can't remember the names. Adore your Wardrobe was discussed in this thread. 2peasrefugees.boards.net/thread/76269/unhappy-appearance-right-makeup-clothes?page=3She teaches you how to dress for your body shape, how to properly take your measurement, and she seems to have great reviews. Some of our Peas have taken her course and loved it. Get Your Pretty On is also discussed in that thread. It's very reasonably priced ($39 for the seasonal challenges). The summer capsule list will be out in about 3 weeks. I'll be signing up again. There are several Peas who are doing this one as well. We can't get Stitch Fix in Canada, and that's the only reason I've never tried it. I used to drive to the walking track and run my laps there (when I ran). I didn't care who saw me or what they thought about it. Sometimes, in the winter, DH and I will drive to the large outlet mall about 15 minutes away and walk around in there for an hour or so. It gets us moving when it's really cold outside.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,034
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on May 5, 2018 3:25:57 GMT
Ladies, ladies, ladies. Just stop with the "old" talk. 56 here and I'm sorry, I'm not going to surrender to the number. It's all about how I feel. How hard I push. And how much I seek my passions every day. Chin up! In the last 6 years I've learned to Scuba dive, traveled the globe and just bought a tent and some gear to go primitive camping complete with a bio stove and home made fire starter. Sometimes you just have to say ... WTF! You had me until you said tent and primitive. ^ same. I’d rather golf than primitive camp and I hate golf
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Post by threegirls on May 5, 2018 4:11:55 GMT
I'm 52 and I'm good friends with a gentleman who is 100 years old! Having a friend that is almost twice your age makes you feel young. He is amazing. He lives on his own and has a party every Tuesday night from 5:30 to 9:00. Usually between 20-30 people show up to his weekly party. He supplies all of the beer, wine and food. Even at 100 he drinks plenty of beer.
Every person that meets him asks how he has made it to 100. His answer is to try to be positive, see the beauty in simple things and most importantly, have lots of friends and go out and do things. Be as active as you can be. He has a calendar in his kitchen. Let me tell you, that old man has more social engagements than anyone I know. Not too long ago there was one week where there was only one free night/day! He doesn't let being blind on one eye and deaf in one ear slow him down. I agree with his philosophy but I do think good genes help him.
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