quiltedbrain
Full Member
Posts: 429
Jun 26, 2014 3:34:53 GMT
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Post by quiltedbrain on Aug 14, 2018 17:21:50 GMT
We'll take DD to school in a week and a half. She's going to a school 10 hours away, so we won't see her again till Thanksgiving break. I am sad when I think about her not being here daily...she and I are close and I enjoy her company very much. But, I am super pumped for her new adventures! She got into her dream school and I am so excited to see where she takes it from here. Right now the excitement outweighs the sadness. I expect that her dad and I will have a teary drive home after move in day. But, I didn't cry at her HS graduation and I had expected I would then too, so who knows. I have been thinking about this transition and planning for it for a while now. DD is our only--I was my mom's only and she had a rough time after I went away to school. So, I have planned a lot to keep me busy as I enter this new phase of parenting. Also, I am grateful for technology that makes it easy to stay in touch.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 14, 2018 17:30:35 GMT
I read a magazine article about this recently (I think in Good Housekeeping) most people were happy for their children to be going out into the world, of course, there was some sadness about a stage of life ending but one woman was totally incapacitated by grief at her daughter going to university. She spent weeks and weeks crying, she went out for a run and ended up lying in a field sobbing for hours. She ended up having to have counselling about her 'loss'. My kids are at this near independence age and a lot of my peer's children are at the same stage. Truth, it seems like the single moms struggle with this the most. And again, this is just what I've seen among my peers. I am quite looking forward to my children being out on their own and me not having to parent every day. I suppose some of this comes from the fact that right now my children are a bit emotionally exhausting and I worry constantly. But how much I would love a break. Unfortunately my kids are not ready to launch and I will probably need to put in another 3-4 years to get them there. My poor friend, Wendy, (single mom) her son is a senior and she's already having a terrible time. She cried dropping her son off at band camp this week.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 14, 2018 17:31:04 GMT
According to Grown and Flown First off, those women on that site are WACKO!! so stop reading that BS. I've put 2 dd's thru college, over 8 yr period, and never cried. If I did it was proud tears, and not for long. I remember at oldest dd's freshman orientation the president said. "there are 2 kinds of parents. The parents that are going to get in the car and sob the whole way home, and the parents who are going to get in the car and high five each other'. Yea, that was us. high 5 for getting them there, for raising 2 great kids, and for them accomplishing their goals at 2 very good colleges.
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Post by Zee on Aug 14, 2018 17:51:19 GMT
I had to go look at Grown and Flown. I literally lol'd at the mom who quit breathing in a panic because she got a text from her DD that said "I need help". She couldn't believe two minutes had gone by since the text was sent and she had missed it. She was figuring out flight details.
I really hope that was just exaggerated for the article because that level of worry and anxiety is going to kill her.
My own personal first response would be "with what" bc my kid would never send a vague text in an actual emergency. I'd expect a question about cleaning or cooking or something, not getting ready to drop everything to rush to her side.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 2, 2024 23:53:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2018 19:09:48 GMT
DS1 sent me a text today that he taught his roommate how to do laundry. DH was in the Navy (and stationed in Virginia) when DS1 left home for Navy bootcamp and was so busy with his own life then that he wasn't as bothered by his absence as he is now that he's gone away for college. I have felt his absence with both, but I feel much more at peace that he's in college rather than serving on a Navy Destroyer. I like to plan things and that keeps me excited. We have enjoyed visiting fun places following DS1 on his adventures (Chicago for bootcamp grad, Pensacola for Navy school, San Diego for ship's homecoming from a 9 month deployment, etc...). We are a very close family and the boys always want to do things together. It's got me thinking about buying a small travel trailer or pop up camper rather than having to keep staying in hotels all the time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 2, 2024 23:53:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2018 19:34:49 GMT
Well, I did not refer to Grown and Flown and I have done pretty well. The only part that has been a little rough was going into his room yesterday to see what needs to be done to convert the space to an office. My DH is taking his absence harder than I am. We still have two at home, so it'll be the last one that I think will have us in tears. I updated my son's room thinking he would love being away from home. Nope. He moved back for his sophomore year. He loves his new bed and furniture. Yeah, we turned his room into a guest room when he joined the Navy. He came back when his four years were up and enjoyed the space. It's definitely going to be an office now. 😉
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Post by quinlove on Aug 14, 2018 19:41:35 GMT
I think it is possible to be very happy for someone and still sad for yourself. When I was a freshman, my mom and roommate's mom dropped us off for the final time. They were both smiles and laughing and happy for us. Several weeks later, my RA saw a picture of my mom in my room and looked really sad. I asked her why and she said, "This was the lady I saw crying so hard in the elevator." My mom was my biggest cheerleader and best friend. I never really gave it much thought how much different her life was going to be with all three kids out of the house. I went to college and was married and moved February of my senior year. She passed away when I was 23. I get why parents are sad. You certainly don't have to be, but it is certainly okay to mourn a precious chapter of your life. Your post broke my heart. Hugs to you.
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Post by birukitty on Aug 14, 2018 20:05:48 GMT
According to Grown and Flown First off, those women on that site are WACKO!! so stop reading that BS. I've put 2 dd's thru college, over 8 yr period, and never cried. If I did it was proud tears, and not for long. I remember at oldest dd's freshman orientation the president said. "there are 2 kinds of parents. The parents that are going to get in the car and sob the whole way home, and the parents who are going to get in the car and high five each other'. Yea, that was us. high 5 for getting them there, for raising 2 great kids, and for them accomplishing their goals at 2 very good colleges. I've never heard of Grown and Flown. Must have come about after I sent my DS off to college. He spent his first two years at community college after I homeschooled him through grades 6-12 because he has ADHD. He then transferred to a great state University and when I dropped him off he was very eager and I was so happy for him. Happy for his success and I must admit I drove home with a huge grin on my face-happy for getting some time on my own after what had been a very demanding previous few years. He is my only child. No tears from me. No gut wrenching sorrow of being separated-although the school he chose that had the perfect program for him was less than 2 hours away. DS did well at his college and had a great time during his time there.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,760
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Aug 14, 2018 20:37:51 GMT
Again the board has messed up the quotes. cindyupnorth & birukitty below is what I said and the quote in your last post, I didn't say anything at all about Grown and Flown. I really love your attitude. My first went from Ontario to British Columbia. We both flew to BC, stayed with friends for a few days & purchased some of the stuff that he needed that year (pillow, sleeping bag, other bulky stuff) & dropped him off at school. I had a great dinner with him the evening before he left. Talked about the important (call mom every Sunday) and the not-so-important stuff. He was a man and not a child. I gave him roots and wings. He soared in the sky. So proud of him.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,560
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Aug 14, 2018 21:03:31 GMT
You know, I've been thinking about the crying thing... I fully expect that I will cry, partly because I'll miss him, partly because I'm so incredibly proud of him (he's come a long way since some very tough years in elementary school), and partly because life milestones are inherently emotional for me (I cry at weddings when I'm the hired singer and don't even know the couple!)
The thing is that my youngest will be traveling with us for the drop-off, and I'm not so sure it would be helpful for him to see me fall apart... I may have to make an extra effort to hold it together.
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Post by kristi on Aug 14, 2018 21:47:26 GMT
My daughter will be on the quarter system & leaves in 4 weeks.
I am excited for her. I will definitely miss her but I am ready and she is ready to move on to the next adventure (nothing like a challenging senior year to help with this process).
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Post by Tamhugh on Aug 14, 2018 23:23:55 GMT
I cried at every event during older DS's senior year and expected to be a mess on college move-in day. When they day came, I cried a little when we pulled out of the driveway and then was fine all day. DS kept saying that I wasn't allowed to cry and then was shocked when I didn't. But he was just so happy that I couldn't cry.
Younger DS, I was the total opposite. I got through senior year with very few tears and thought I was ready for him to go. On move in day, I kept having to leave and go to the bathroom in the lobby to cry. It was constant. I cried all the way home. I think you are just never prepared to know how you will react.
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Aug 14, 2018 23:39:24 GMT
When my youngest two (twins) leave in two years, we will have had children in the house for 30 years. (There are 12 years between the oldest and the youngest.) Right now, I'm saying there won't be tears, but who knows.
Before going off to college, all the boys had been away from home for camps and stays with friends & relatives who live in much more awesome places, sometimes for many weeks at a time. It's given DH & I a taste of empty nesting and the kids a taste of being away from home. We all passed with flying colors.
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Post by genny on Aug 14, 2018 23:54:16 GMT
It’s possible to feel both ways honestly. My son transferred to finish his engineering degree, moved him last Saturday. He did his first 3 years here and lived at home. He’s a big boy, smart, responsible, honest, hardworking, goofy handsome and everything wonderful. I cried like someone had died. I’ve been in a funk since he left, I’m finally starting to come out of it. A little. I AM excited for him - this is something I never experienced (college way from home). I lived with my mom til I got married at 21, he is living in an apartment with friends. I am excited, beyond thrilled for him. I am SO proud of him. He is smart and driven has his shit together. I couldn’t be more proud. He’s arleady been offered an internship for next summer and if he does well he has a job when he graduates making more money than I do at 44. I am proud.
But I am still sad because he’s my boy and I have hugged him almost every day of his life since he was born 7 weeks early. And now I don’t get that hug everyday. is it selfish? I don’t think so. I’m not bugging him, I don’t dump my feelings on him (that’s for DH, who coincidentally and surprisingly feels the same as I do and cried too (though not as much)). He knows how loved he is and I do too. But I miss the little shit, a lot. He has a big presence and it is missed in this house.
But I’ll be real with you - I wish it didn’t bother me as bad it does, It would be SO much easier.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 15, 2018 0:51:20 GMT
I had to go look at Grown and Flown. I literally lol'd at the mom who quit breathing in a panic because she got a text from her DD that said "I need help". She couldn't believe two minutes had gone by since the text was sent and she had missed it. She was figuring out flight details. I really hope that was just exaggerated for the article because that level of worry and anxiety is going to kill her. I told you! they are flat out nuts!!
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Post by Really Red on Aug 15, 2018 2:01:56 GMT
I read a magazine article about this recently (I think in Good Housekeeping) most people were happy for their children to be going out into the world, of course, there was some sadness about a stage of life ending but one woman was totally incapacitated by grief at her daughter going to university. She spent weeks and weeks crying, she went out for a run and ended up lying in a field sobbing for hours. She ended up having to have counselling about her 'loss'. My kids are at this near independence age and a lot of my peer's children are at the same stage. Truth, it seems like the single moms struggle with this the most. And again, this is just what I've seen among my peers. I am quite looking forward to my children being out on their own and me not having to parent every day. I suppose some of this comes from the fact that right now my children are a bit emotionally exhausting and I worry constantly. But how much I would love a break. Unfortunately my kids are not ready to launch and I will probably need to put in another 3-4 years to get them there. My poor friend, Wendy, (single mom) her son is a senior and she's already having a terrible time. She cried dropping her son off at band camp this week. jeremysgirl I think we all have to remember that everyone doesn't hit milestones at the same time. They didn't at 2 or 3 months and they don't at 17 or 18. I remember everyone being so sorry that my daughter couldn't read until the middle of first grade. She now is my only reader and a voracious one at that. My son was running at 9 mos, but my niece didn't walk until 16 mos and now she flies. Every child is different and it is only when we appreciate that and let them do what they need to do instead of expecting them to be at this point or that, that these kids grow into who they need to be. Bravo for you for realizing that. So few people do.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 15, 2018 2:06:27 GMT
Really Red I thank you for saying that. Some days it's a bitter pill to swallow as many of my friends are preparing in these last few weeks to drop their kids off at college. Some days I'm ok with it and some days I'm not.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 15, 2018 4:19:16 GMT
Really Red I thank you for saying that. Some days it's a bitter pill to swallow as many of my friends are preparing in these last few weeks to drop their kids off at college. Some days I'm ok with it and some days I'm not. Please don't judge your family by anyone else's. Everyone does their own thing. My youngest is still at home going to school at 22. I don't mind at all. He is our entertainment. Thankfully he's gone all day at work or school, but our evenings are full of a delightful young man. Friday nights, we go out for dinner with him and his girlfriend. I really don't care that most of my friends' kids were gone at 18. It is normal, but I don't pride myself on always being normal.
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Post by Really Red on Aug 15, 2018 11:32:32 GMT
Really Red I thank you for saying that. Some days it's a bitter pill to swallow as many of my friends are preparing in these last few weeks to drop their kids off at college. Some days I'm ok with it and some days I'm not. It's really hard when others ask you about your kids, too. Or even when you want to boast about something your child did, but everyone else's has already BTDT. I think it's incredible that you understand your children's needs well enough to give them what they need rather than what a book or society tells you is right at this point in time. It takes a strong parent and a strong child to deal with all that. It is not fun being outside the norm in anything.
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Post by pennyscraps on Aug 15, 2018 15:47:38 GMT
I cried so much when ODS left for college and when YDS left, I was like "YEAH!" Everyone processes differently, including the kiddos. Boys emote differently. He'll probably love it, but never in a gushy way that 18-19 year old girls do. I remember being so jelly of the girl moms who got to DECORATE a room. ODS was like, "Let's unload, run to Target, and then y'all can head home." I was like "Dude, we drove TWELVE hours for this drop off." We left about 5 hours after we set the first box in his dorm room.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 15, 2018 22:31:24 GMT
I am not a crier (especially not in front of anyone)- but big goodbyes get to me. My dd's move-in day is Friday. I'm a little worried about keeping myself together. I guess that day will be busy enough to distract. The next morning when we head home will be a killer though. It won't be a matter of 'sad' though - it will be the big change in our family and all-over-the-place emotions. Change is good, but it comes with a whole new set of worries, and sometimes I just want to dig my heels in and resist. And then- if I can manage to keep myself together, God help me if I see someone else losing it. THAT will do me in for sure. I"LL cry when she leaves...i've been watching the saga for years...i'm in it with you - along with kristen and brandi gina
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Post by deekaye on Aug 15, 2018 22:38:53 GMT
Oh my gosh, I put on a brave, happy face for DD when she moved to college, even though she was a bit sniffly.... but I cried off and on for four hours in the car on our drive back home! At one point I asked DH if he wanted me to drive. He said "No, I'm afraid you'll turn around and head back". Ha!
I'd like to say that's the last time I cried but one month after she graduated from college she married and moved to California. Tears every time we leave each other. Four years later she and SIL moved to New York... yep, more tears. Not big ugly crying, but definitely misty I'll-miss-you tears.
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Post by sues on Aug 16, 2018 13:54:49 GMT
I am not a crier (especially not in front of anyone)- but big goodbyes get to me. My dd's move-in day is Friday. I'm a little worried about keeping myself together. I guess that day will be busy enough to distract. The next morning when we head home will be a killer though. It won't be a matter of 'sad' though - it will be the big change in our family and all-over-the-place emotions. Change is good, but it comes with a whole new set of worries, and sometimes I just want to dig my heels in and resist. And then- if I can manage to keep myself together, God help me if I see someone else losing it. THAT will do me in for sure. I"LL cry when she leaves...i've been watching the saga for years...i'm in it with you - along with kristen and brandi gina Thank you! The big day is tomorrow. I am not going to make it dry-eyed, I know it. Cross your fingers for us. My husband and son are big marshmallows. My sister and I are also marshallows but we struggle with showing it. We're going to be a mess in all different ways.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 16, 2018 14:38:58 GMT
I just need to say that I miss her terribly. I posted up thread and she's now been at college for a week and it sux having a long-distance relationship with my DD. I've given her wings to fly and she won't know I"m feeling this way but I've hated not talking to her everyday. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. It will get better and I'll get used to it- I'm just hating it right now.
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Post by fredfreddy44 on Aug 22, 2018 14:47:40 GMT
Well we leave today and drop him off at the dorms tomorrow. Feeling more relief that this will be over soon, the whole year long college starting process....it should be great!
We watched a few episodes of The Simpsons last night, that reminded me that we watched The Simpsons while I was in labor right before we went to the hospital....
I also joked that my husband needs to find a good Talking Heads song to play on the way up there. You see, when we came home from the hospital after he was born, my husband put on "Stay Up Late" to play. We should have another TH song as we drop him off but we agreed "Road to Nowhere" was not a good choice....
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Dalai Mama
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La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Aug 22, 2018 15:18:21 GMT
My eldest starts university in a week. While I'm excited and happy for him, I'm sad af for me.
He's my mini-me - sarcastic and cynical - he's the kid I can have whole snarky conversations with without ever speaking a word. I will miss him fiercely.
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Post by mom on Aug 22, 2018 15:18:59 GMT
Well we leave today and drop him off at the dorms tomorrow. Feeling more relief that this will be over soon, the whole year long college starting process....it should be great! We watched a few episodes of The Simpsons last night, that reminded me that we watched The Simpsons while I was in labor right before we went to the hospital.... I also joked that my husband needs to find a good Talking Heads song to play on the way up there. You see, when we came home from the hospital after he was born, my husband put on "Stay Up Late" to play. We should have another TH song as we drop him off but we agreed "Road to Nowhere" was not a good choice.... Good luck! We dropped DS1 off on Saturday and the only time I cried was when we were leaving and DS1 told the dogs bye.DS started to tear up and I cried then. But after we were on the road and moving him in, no tears. Like you, relief.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 22, 2018 18:17:14 GMT
My eldest starts university in a week. While I'm excited and happy for him, I'm sad af for me. He's my mini-me - sarcastic and cynical - he's the kid I can have whole snarky conversations with without ever speaking a word. I will miss him fiercely. I have one of those too. He's starting his last year of college and lives at home. I completely appreciate him and don't mind him living here at all. We made live on campus his freshman year and he happily moved back home after that.
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Post by Really Red on Aug 22, 2018 19:58:12 GMT
quiltz I am really sorry for your loss. It is the worst kind of thing to happen. But this is a space where people can and should be able to vent. That is all OP and others are doing and there is nothing wrong with what they said here.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,916
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Aug 22, 2018 20:19:45 GMT
I’m driving home from dropping dd #3 for her freshman year. I got ready but didn’t cry. Probably because I’ve crying for the past week(not in front of her) I am not a crier usually. She’s had a lot of difficulties so I’m the most apprehensive with her leaving.
I did not cry at all with my other girls because I knew they were starting one of the best times of their life based on my experience.
I will say This is our 4th university for my kids and this was the most disorganized move in ever. This school did not have a good system at all.
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