AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Oct 4, 2018 21:04:55 GMT
They stopped inviting women to any of their “game” nights( including paintball/and the B.B. thing). They will only meet women at a pub/restaurant in a group. Nobody goes home as a couple. On the funny/smilie side. One of his friends just got engaged. The food east of the group is puzzled on how he did that! ( just kidding, but she did say it was like dating 7 guys). And it’s nice to know that the friends like her and think she is perfect for their friend. M They can only socialize in groups at a restaurant and women are not welcome to join their game nights? Help me understand this. I have a twentysomething son and daughter who live very differently than this, so I’m intrigued: these eight young men are effectively never with a woman - either friend or romantic interest - alone socially? Not a date? Not going with a female friend shopping or to a movie or a play or a walk? Single or plural women are not welcome at the guys’ homes, and the guys would refuse invitations to their homes? Just restaurants?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 2, 2024 3:54:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2018 23:02:17 GMT
They stopped inviting women to any of their “game” nights( including paintball/and the B.B. thing). They will only meet women at a pub/restaurant in a group. Nobody goes home as a couple. On the funny/smilie side. One of his friends just got engaged. The food east of the group is puzzled on how he did that! ( just kidding, but she did say it was like dating 7 guys). And it’s nice to know that the friends like her and think she is perfect for their friend. M They can only socialize in groups at a restaurant and women are not welcome to join their game nights? Help me understand this. I have a twentysomething son and daughter who live very differently than this, so I’m intrigued: these eight young men are effectively never with a woman - either friend or romantic interest - alone socially? Not a date? Not going with a female friend shopping or to a movie or a play or a walk? Single or plural women are not welcome at the guys’ homes, and the guys would refuse invitations to their homes? Just restaurants? . Pubs and restaurants. They go out in groups. No women at game nights. I am not sure if wives go. It’s okay right now. I am not really anxious for him to bring another gal home after the last one.
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Oct 4, 2018 23:33:20 GMT
My son just moved into a coed university residence last month. There is a lot of drinking on weekends and he has seen a couple of situations where he was uncomfortable enough with the level of intoxication and, therefore, ability to consent, to feel the need to intervene. Rather than helping them himself, he does this by either talking to the female residence advisor or the girl’s roommate so they can make sure to get the girl to safely to bed. A reasonable precaution for which nobody has yet to call him a woman hater. And while it's good of your son to help look out for these women (I do mean that Dalai Mama - I'm not at all meaning to pick a fight with you!), this just helps prove the point. Because in a reasonable, fair, just world, instead of "getting the girl safely to bed" men would step in to send the offending, creeping MAN home. Let's tell the truth - that'd solve more problems, because then he couldn't move on to harass another woman. But, beacuse men typically respond with anger and aggression (like when they're being questioned about their shitty past deeds) and women passively follow suggestions to get on home now, the assholes continue to roam out in (the relative) public, while the ladies are excluded for their own safety. Men can't be trusted to behave themselves, so let's exclude WOMEN from boardrooms, networking clubs, meals with Mike Pence, and dorm common areas "for their safety." How about if men just act like decent human beings, and then both genders can have the same expectations of safety, and the same opportunities to socialize, advance their careers, etc.?
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Oct 5, 2018 0:25:31 GMT
My son just moved into a coed university residence last month. There is a lot of drinking on weekends and he has seen a couple of situations where he was uncomfortable enough with the level of intoxication and, therefore, ability to consent, to feel the need to intervene. Rather than helping them himself, he does this by either talking to the female residence advisor or the girl’s roommate so they can make sure to get the girl to safely to bed. A reasonable precaution for which nobody has yet to call him a woman hater. And while it's good of your son to help look out for these women (I do mean that Dalai Mama - I'm not at all meaning to pick a fight with you!), this just helps prove the point. Because in a reasonable, fair, just world, instead of "getting the girl safely to bed" men would step in to send the offending, creeping MAN home. Let's tell the truth - that'd solve more problems, because then he couldn't move on to harass another woman. But, beacuse men typically respond with anger and aggression (like when they're being questioned about their shitty past deeds) and women passively follow suggestions to get on home now, the assholes continue to roam out in (the relative) public, while the ladies are excluded for their own safety. Men can't be trusted to behave themselves, so let's exclude WOMEN from boardrooms, networking clubs, meals with Mike Pence, and dorm common areas "for their safety." How about if men just act like decent human beings, and then both genders can have the same expectations of safety, and the same opportunities to socialize, advance their careers, etc.? And if the ‘creeping men’ were 18 year old boys who also live in the residence and who were just as drunk? Yeah, they got sent to bed as well.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Oct 5, 2018 1:55:53 GMT
They can only socialize in groups at a restaurant and women are not welcome to join their game nights? Help me understand this. I have a twentysomething son and daughter who live very differently than this, so I’m intrigued: these eight young men are effectively never with a woman - either friend or romantic interest - alone socially? Not a date? Not going with a female friend shopping or to a movie or a play or a walk? Single or plural women are not welcome at the guys’ homes, and the guys would refuse invitations to their homes? Just restaurants? . Pubs and restaurants. They go out in groups. No women at game nights. I am not sure if wives go. It’s okay right now. I am not really anxious for him to bring another gal home after the last one. Huh. It sounds like the policy is designed is to protect the guys from all women, even their female friends. (Unless some of these eight guys believes any of the others are a danger to women, which would be odd among friends.) I don’t endorse the “woman hater” name calling, but if I were a female friend or date of any of these men, and it became unacceptable to see him except in a group at restaurant or pub, and he wouldn’t come to my house or invite me to his, and we couldn’t do any of the things I do with other friends (movies, walks, work out, flea market, whatever), I would absolutely understand bristling at the level of distrust. But ultimately, you’re happy with your son’s policy and I’m happy that neither my son nor daughter has any such policies, which is better than the other way around, right?
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,905
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Oct 5, 2018 2:10:45 GMT
Try being the mother of an African American or Latino boy. Talk about worry! Will he be falsely accused of a crime? Will be be pulled over for driving a nice car? Will he be shot in the back by police? Will he be beatened by gangs because he refused to join? I'm not saying you have no right to worry about your sons. My sons both have autism and I know that increases their chances of something bad happening. I worry about them falling for a scam or being assaulted by someone just for sick fun. Believe me I worry. But I'm saying that statistically speaking, a white male is safer from being falsely accused of a crime.
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Post by shevy on Oct 5, 2018 17:49:41 GMT
This is not just a women's false accusation gone wrong. You realize this, right? This is a whole system participating in it. Yes, the woman is wrong is accusing, if nothing happened. But it then goes through many many catchalls that should be catching these cases so there is no prosecution. The system failed these men, not a woman.
I don't know how that’s supposed to be comforting to anyone worried about false accusations or how you think you’re contradicting that a woman falsely accused. I don't contradict her false accusation. At all. What I'm trying to point out is that when someone, anyone, falsely reports a crime...there is a system that follows up. A system that has checks and balances to hopefully catch these false accusations - and most often does. What I should have said is that there is a system that is either complacent or inadequate that comes after that accusation.
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Post by dewryce on Oct 5, 2018 20:26:01 GMT
Men don't even have to interact with a woman to be accused. While the number of men may be small statistically, the higher his profile the greater the chance of an unfounded accusation. Especially if we give credibility to accusations about activities that happened decades in the past. Fair or not, my daughter did/does have a part to play in her safety by keeping her wits about her. No one is going to say "I raped her" and have her say "No you didn't" My sons on the other hand, only need a woman to know his name to accuse him or even he vaguely look like someone else. He can be a teetotaler and not touch drugs, not be alone with a woman but none of that matters if she says "he raped me" and especially if she says "he raped me 30 years ago" even though she has told no one in those 30 years. No police report, no therapist report with a name... nothing until he became a high profile person that represents an ideology she finds distasteful and suddenly she is wanting to name names and talk in public. I could accuse each of your husbands for rape and mess his career up if I wanted. Any woman he has ever had any sort of work/social contact can. In the same vein, a woman doesn't have to be doing anything risky or even speaking with a male, heck she can be home alone with security doing everything "right" and still be sexually assaulted. (And obviously it goes without speaking that this holds true for males as well). The point is, both of the potential victims need to take precautions and that is still not going to stop every occurrence. I have always said that false allegations happen, and they are very wrong, and need to be addressed. I fully believe in prosecuting the perpetrators. If what we are doing right now isn't working, then let's fix it. The problem I am having right now is twofold. 1) The common automatic assumption when someone is accused of sexual assault is that the accuser is lying, even when statistically speaking that is highly improbable. There's initially no proof that they are, and yet they are assumed guilty. It should go both ways. 2) That this concern about false allegations is being used to over-ride the conversation about sexual assault. They are two separate, important issues. But politically right now, the "false allegation" claim is being used as a weapon to stop conversations about sexual assault. And the frequency it happens is being blown out of proportion to create a false narrative and distract from the real issue. If a credible witness is being treated like this at this level, with all eyes on them, why would women coming forward anywhere expect to be treated any differently?
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lindas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,210
Jun 26, 2014 5:46:37 GMT
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Post by lindas on Oct 5, 2018 20:37:40 GMT
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 2, 2024 3:54:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2018 0:50:39 GMT
Yes, it's terrifying that there is a place for people to anonymously accuse men of sexual assault and ruin their lives. They get to name names and yet remain anonymous. This is not helping women in the least little bit, it's making it worse for them to be able to come forward and be believed. I hope they get sued to holy hell.
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Post by SockMonkey on Oct 15, 2018 23:37:58 GMT
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 16, 2018 0:05:50 GMT
Those pesky conservatives/republicans just creating anything to deflect the fucking idiots in charge.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 16, 2018 1:03:38 GMT
Heard something today that men are more likely to be sexually assaulted than accused of a sexual assault. I wonder if that has statistics behind it. I am sure it does.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 2, 2024 3:54:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2018 1:06:57 GMT
That website that is a place for people to anonymously accuse someone of sexual assault and ruin their lives. They get to name names and yet remain anonymous. Where is the responsibility to the truth here? What's stopping someone from using this site to even a score? Talk about weaponizing.
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Post by SockMonkey on Oct 16, 2018 23:19:40 GMT
That website that is a place for people to anonymously accuse someone of sexual assault and ruin their lives. They get to name names and yet remain anonymous. Where is the responsibility to the truth here? What's stopping someone from using this site to even a score? Talk about weaponizing. I was commenting on the OP, not on your posts. I didn’t even read your post until you quoted me. Unless I quote you, I am not responding directly to you. Have a nice day.
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