Advice on how to handle sticky social situation UPDATE in OP

I know you said you didn't want to address it during a service, but could you turn it into a church issue? We're going to start being charged per extra bag, so we'd appreciate anything that can be done here during gatherings or fundraisers to reduce trash out put. We will be doing the same at the parsonage and would appreciate help in lessening the amount of trash we have as well. And then adding a sign to the cans reminding it is only for church and parsonage trash, any additional bags will be charged.

That way even for fundraisers people might be conscious of all the trash that produces.

i think you asked them to not put their garbage on the ground.

I'd take their garbage back to them and tell them the church cannot afford to pay for their garbage service. I'd also speak to their daughter about the situation.

You've danced around the issue for years. While they should certainly know better, they've basically had your tacit approval to take their trash. I think you owe them the courtesy of actually going over there and telling them directly that they cannot put their trash in your bin. I think making church announcements or otherwise involving other people without talking to them first and embarrassing them is rude. Obviously they are in the wrong and should never had started the practice. But don't escalate the drama by dragging a bunch of other people into the situation when you haven't ever actually asked them to stop.

Put the 'church only' sign on the can. I also don't see how keeping the can in the garage is passive aggressive. Seems like a normal place for them.

Can you tell the garbage company that if there are any bags on the ground by the can, they don't belong to you, so don't pick them up? Or are there occasions where it won't all fit in one can?

I'm just thinking that you take their bags out, leave them on the ground by the can, they don't get picked up, then they get returned to the neighbor with a note that the can is for 'church only' like the sign said.

The whole point of church in the first place is to hold one another accountable and to help each other grow to be more like Christ.  I find it a little shocking that you both think you shouldn't hold others accountable or make judgments about their moral choices.  That's your job!  We are all supposed to be helping one another do the right thing.  As followers of Christ we are supposed to point one another in the right direction. 

"Judging" is a loaded word these days, but in order to help others do what is right we need to be able to point out what is wrong.  It is your husband's job to help people learn what is right and do what is right.

Scripture says "encourage one another daily so that you do not become hardened by sin".

If you honestly thought this was a moral issue, yet you as allowed it to go on then you participated in the immorality of it. 

First of all, you are probably making this more difficult than it needs to be.  This could be an honest misunderstanding that could be cleared up with some direct conversation.  It doesn't have to be a "confrontation". 

Just go over and nicely tell them the truth, that they can not continue to put their trash in with the parsonage or the church trash.  It's not a big deal. 

Julie

Maybe you should bring up how the church wishes to handle this garbage situation with the council. If you personally are not paying the bill then the council can decide if your neighbor can continue to put his garbage in with yours and the churches. Maybe he's had this arrangement since before you came there.

I'm going to be the lone dissenter here I think. To preface my comments I'm going to say that I am a pastor's daughter and my husband and i have been involved in full time ministry for 35 years. I, too, live in a home provided for by the ministry where we work and live. I completely understand where you are coming from. COMPLETELY! I really feel you could bless this family by just paying for the extra bag! I mean how much can it be? You are already tithing I assume so use a portion of that tithe to pay for the bag. You will be paying back "evil" with good. How is that a bad thing? I TOTALLY get that people in your position - and mine- make FAR less that most other people in our circle of friends. I have never had to pay for utilities, garbage pick up or rent BUT I have never gotten to choose where we live, the condition of the house or yard, am on call 24/7, always lived out in the country on dirt roads which are hard on our vehicles and dealt with the myriad of other issues that come with the job.

So what if they sit back smugly and think they've "put one over on you"? You will have taken the higher road. Do this for them and others will do for you. That's what Paying it Forward looks like. They may have issues financial or otherwise that you have no idea about and this small blessing could really impact their lives. Find out from the garbage company what it costs and write a designated check to the church for that amount. I think this is one of those, "If a man asks for your shirt give him your coat as well" situations.

I would find out from the garbage company how much 1 extra bag costs and then I would tell the neighbor that it will cost this much money if they want to keep putting their garbage into your can.

IMHO you & your husband have knowingly enabled them - recently giving advice (i.e. no bags on the ground) - to steal from the garbage service for "3-4 years." Since the church pays for the garbage pick-up, I suggest both storing the bin & having it picked up at the church instead of the parsonage. Perhaps the realization they are mooching off the church/not you personally, inconvenience, &/or increased risk of being seen carrying their trash across the street will deter their efforts. Otherwise, the bin will be off parsonage property & the responsibility of the church to monitor, so you & your husband won't be conflicted about doing the right thing for fear of being seen as "judging other people on their moral choices." Hopefully no one else will also take the liberty to mooch off the church's resources! Good luck...

I can't believe I agree with slicksister but I do. I'm shocked that this has been going on for TWO YEARS! I'm sorry but you're past the point of being able to ask them to pay. Perhaps they had a deal with the last pastor to do this.

I'm sure it's part of the compensation package.  Even so, whether the church pays for the parsonage trash or the pastor pays for it out of his pocket, the neighbor shouldn't assume that they can just use it.

I agree with Volt-- let the session or church council or whatever governing body your church has deal with it. After all, they are the ones paying the bill. That said, I also agree with MorningPerson that the trash hauler has been doing work that he hasn't been properly compensated for and that's wrong.