Advice on how to handle sticky social situation UPDATE in OP
Sept 26, 2014 13:26:36 GMT
**GypsyGirl**, blue tulip, and 1 more like this
Post by willscrapforfood on Sept 26, 2014 13:26:36 GMT
UPDATE: I wanted to wait a few weeks to update to make sure I gave you the most accurate update! 
First, thanks so much to all who offered such helpful advice for our situation. A day or two after I posted, but before the next garbage day, my husband met the neighbor outside doing yard work and talked to him. I wasn't there, but from what my husband told me, he was fairly direct. He just stated that the garbage company had changed the pick-up policy to not include any bags on the ground and from now on there could only be church or parsonage garbage inside the cans. The neighbor blustered a little about them changing the policy, but I think it was more embarrassment about being called out. They haven't added any garbage to ours since. We are also going to make an announcement after more time has passed (so the neighbors don't think we are directing to them) to tell the congregation about change so that they know to handle garbage differently when there are large events at the church. I haven't put a sign on yet, but plan to do so after the announcement has been made.
It hasn't been uncomfortable around the neighbors as we are not acting like there was never an issue. They are doing the same, so it's not weird like I feared it would be. Whew!
I'm coming to the peas as you guys always seem to know how to handle difficult situations tactfully, and I think I need an outsider perspective and advice. I can't go to anyone local for advice on this.
We are a part of a small farming community and live out of town in the country, but on a county highway road. At our intersection, there is a church (where my husband is the pastor), an immediate next door neighbor, and 5-6 houses on the other side of the church. We've been here 11 years, during which time the church has always paid for a local garbage company to come and pick-up our garbage and the church's garbage. Everyone else in the rural area has to either pay for the same service or bring their garbage to the local dump. Most people around here burn what they can and then bring the rest to the dump. I don't know of anyone that pays for garbage service.
We've always had two cans which are located on the side of our house behind our garage, so they are accessible but out of sight. The church has a cleaning person, and that person puts a bag of trash into the cans once a week after cleaning. Typically there isn't more church garbage than 1-2 bags, except once per month we have a potluck and several times per year there are fundraisers in which case the garbage is significant.
Our immediate neighbor is a couple in their early 60s with whom we are friendly, but not particularly close. They are active members in the church. To give you a sense of our past relationship: we talk when we are outside, they've watched our kids a few times over the years, and we trade cups of sugar occasionally. They are a bit on the nosey side, and we are fairly private people so we maintain a distance from them on purpose as my husband's job requires us to be discreet. The wife likes to gossip and we can't be involved in talking about other people. I know they talk about us to other people so we have been purposely friendly, but not overly informative.
A few years back, these neighbors started putting their personal bags of garbage (2 per week) in our cans and then bringing them to the curb. At the time, it was a little weird and awkward as they aren't paying for the service, but my husband is their pastor so we didn't know how to handle it. My husband's take was that it was kind of dishonest and a bit rude, but not really our place to hold other people accountable. Plus we have to be so careful about what we say to people so as not to offend. They now no longer bring them to the curb, but they continue to put their garbage in there.
Two weeks ago we had a large fundraiser and there was a TON of garbage. Besides the two full cans, there were probably 10 bags on the ground. Our garbage company is small and the garbage man has to manually lift each bag from the can into the truck. The same day, we received a call from the garbage company that they were going to bring out one larger can and we had to fit everything into that. If there was additional garbage on the ground, the church would be charge a fee per bag.
Do you see where this is going? If you've made it this far... I'm almost there.
After the change in garbage pick-up, I told my husband that we needed to say something about them putting their garbage in there and he reluctantly agreed. We met the wife outside one morning doing something else and I said to her, "will you please tell your husband, that the garbage company now gave us one large can and we have to fit all of our garbage plus the church's garbage in it. If there are any bags on the ground, we will get charged." She said she'd tell him and made some small talk. I was thought that was enough to embarrass them and they'd stop doing it on their own.
Fast forward to this week. Last night I went to put my garbage in the can and bring it out to the curb and the neighbor had already put a bag in there. At this point the can was completely full and I put my bag on the very top and couldn't close the lid all the way. I brought the can out to the curb, but this morning I see that they put another bag on the very top and couldn't close the lid at all.
How do we handle this situation at this point? Apparently we can't be subtle, but we can't afford to offend them either. I had thought about putting a sign on the can "the garbage company is now charging for any additional garbage, please only put church garbage in here," or something to that affect. But it just seems so passive aggressive. Thanks for any advice!
First, thanks so much to all who offered such helpful advice for our situation. A day or two after I posted, but before the next garbage day, my husband met the neighbor outside doing yard work and talked to him. I wasn't there, but from what my husband told me, he was fairly direct. He just stated that the garbage company had changed the pick-up policy to not include any bags on the ground and from now on there could only be church or parsonage garbage inside the cans. The neighbor blustered a little about them changing the policy, but I think it was more embarrassment about being called out. They haven't added any garbage to ours since. We are also going to make an announcement after more time has passed (so the neighbors don't think we are directing to them) to tell the congregation about change so that they know to handle garbage differently when there are large events at the church. I haven't put a sign on yet, but plan to do so after the announcement has been made.
It hasn't been uncomfortable around the neighbors as we are not acting like there was never an issue. They are doing the same, so it's not weird like I feared it would be. Whew!
I'm coming to the peas as you guys always seem to know how to handle difficult situations tactfully, and I think I need an outsider perspective and advice. I can't go to anyone local for advice on this.
We are a part of a small farming community and live out of town in the country, but on a county highway road. At our intersection, there is a church (where my husband is the pastor), an immediate next door neighbor, and 5-6 houses on the other side of the church. We've been here 11 years, during which time the church has always paid for a local garbage company to come and pick-up our garbage and the church's garbage. Everyone else in the rural area has to either pay for the same service or bring their garbage to the local dump. Most people around here burn what they can and then bring the rest to the dump. I don't know of anyone that pays for garbage service.
We've always had two cans which are located on the side of our house behind our garage, so they are accessible but out of sight. The church has a cleaning person, and that person puts a bag of trash into the cans once a week after cleaning. Typically there isn't more church garbage than 1-2 bags, except once per month we have a potluck and several times per year there are fundraisers in which case the garbage is significant.
Our immediate neighbor is a couple in their early 60s with whom we are friendly, but not particularly close. They are active members in the church. To give you a sense of our past relationship: we talk when we are outside, they've watched our kids a few times over the years, and we trade cups of sugar occasionally. They are a bit on the nosey side, and we are fairly private people so we maintain a distance from them on purpose as my husband's job requires us to be discreet. The wife likes to gossip and we can't be involved in talking about other people. I know they talk about us to other people so we have been purposely friendly, but not overly informative.
A few years back, these neighbors started putting their personal bags of garbage (2 per week) in our cans and then bringing them to the curb. At the time, it was a little weird and awkward as they aren't paying for the service, but my husband is their pastor so we didn't know how to handle it. My husband's take was that it was kind of dishonest and a bit rude, but not really our place to hold other people accountable. Plus we have to be so careful about what we say to people so as not to offend. They now no longer bring them to the curb, but they continue to put their garbage in there.
Two weeks ago we had a large fundraiser and there was a TON of garbage. Besides the two full cans, there were probably 10 bags on the ground. Our garbage company is small and the garbage man has to manually lift each bag from the can into the truck. The same day, we received a call from the garbage company that they were going to bring out one larger can and we had to fit everything into that. If there was additional garbage on the ground, the church would be charge a fee per bag.
Do you see where this is going? If you've made it this far... I'm almost there.
After the change in garbage pick-up, I told my husband that we needed to say something about them putting their garbage in there and he reluctantly agreed. We met the wife outside one morning doing something else and I said to her, "will you please tell your husband, that the garbage company now gave us one large can and we have to fit all of our garbage plus the church's garbage in it. If there are any bags on the ground, we will get charged." She said she'd tell him and made some small talk. I was thought that was enough to embarrass them and they'd stop doing it on their own.
Fast forward to this week. Last night I went to put my garbage in the can and bring it out to the curb and the neighbor had already put a bag in there. At this point the can was completely full and I put my bag on the very top and couldn't close the lid all the way. I brought the can out to the curb, but this morning I see that they put another bag on the very top and couldn't close the lid at all.
How do we handle this situation at this point? Apparently we can't be subtle, but we can't afford to offend them either. I had thought about putting a sign on the can "the garbage company is now charging for any additional garbage, please only put church garbage in here," or something to that affect. But it just seems so passive aggressive. Thanks for any advice!
Does the can itself have a place for a lock?
. 
I wonder about asking outright if they are paying a fee for using the garbage. I know they don't, but we don't pay the bills (we just see them). I could act ignorant and just ask and then that could be my out for telling them they really can't use it then.