twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,015
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Nov 23, 2018 22:36:38 GMT
For Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter dinner, any guests are family or near-family, and yes I expect them to help LOL. Same at my mothers house—I may technically be a guest, but no way am I leaving all that for her to clean up after we leave.
Now, for a party that I host and invite friends, I do not expect anyone to help clean up. Their only obligations are to have a good time and leave within a reasonable time frame when the party is over. Any lollygaggers may be pressed into cleanup duty, though!
ETA: I see the holiday events more as “communal meals” that everyone helps prepare and clean up, with the “hostess” function just a necessity so we all have a place to have the meal. The hostess/host already has the burden of cleaning the house, doing most of the shopping, and doing most of the heavy-duty preparation. The least the rest of can do is clean up!
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Post by chaosisapony on Nov 23, 2018 22:37:02 GMT
I appreciate it when they offer, but I don't get offended if they don't offer. They're my guests, I'm equally as happy to do the clean up and let them relax and visit.
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Post by supersoda on Nov 23, 2018 22:46:57 GMT
I'm pretty sure my FIL had never washed a dish until he came to my house, so I guess my answer is yes, at least for family gatherings. The whole letting women do all the cooking and cleaning while the men watch football thing just doesn't fly with me. If I'm cooking, I'm not cleaning, and I would not let my MIL clean either after she was working in the kitchen all morning. Of course, when I am at someone else's house, I will absolutely jump in and start cleaning.
For parties and other non-family-specific events, I don't expect my guests to clean, but I do think they should observe basic manners, like throwing away your own trash. The kids had a Halloween party and I was disappointed by how much trash their guests left sitting around (and the 3 broken patio chairs). I would be horrified if I found out my kids were behaving like this in others' homes. One of my kids and one of their guests actually cleaned up our patio after the rest of the kids headed upstairs--I was impressed with the guest who jumped in and started cleaning up.
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Post by cmpeter on Nov 23, 2018 22:58:44 GMT
I would expect them to offer just like I would if I were the guest. I also expect them to not insist if I decline the offer.
I can’t imagine not offering to help if I was the guest and then being willing to happily pitch in if my offer was accepted.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Nov 23, 2018 23:08:45 GMT
No.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Nov 24, 2018 0:50:11 GMT
If it’s family, I wouldn’t wait for an offer, I’d start assigning tasks. Not family are guests and I do not expect them to offer and I won’t get pissy about it behind their backs. As a guest I always offer and if told “no thank you” leave it alone.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Nov 24, 2018 1:33:41 GMT
Never.
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Post by Scrappyhappy on Nov 24, 2018 1:44:53 GMT
Well, we usually have 40 guests for Thanksgiving, this year we had 37. I sure appreciate all the help I can get when it comes to clean up.
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Post by txdancermom on Nov 24, 2018 1:47:10 GMT
No, I don't expect it, but if someone offers, I will usually accept. If it is family they will almost always step in and help out.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,775
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Nov 24, 2018 1:56:15 GMT
No. In fact I prefer they don’t help.
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janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,637
Jun 26, 2014 14:35:07 GMT
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Post by janeliz on Nov 24, 2018 2:18:55 GMT
Nah. I don’t have one of those big kitchens where everyone can gather comfortably, so I’d rather just knock it out on my own.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
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Post by melissa on Nov 24, 2018 2:31:08 GMT
No, I don't expect anyone to help but I LOVE it when they do... most of the time.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,198
Location: New York, NY
Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
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Post by christinec68 on Nov 24, 2018 2:40:27 GMT
I dont expect it and prefer that they dont. Its ok if people help clear the table so I can stack the dishes in the sink but by this time I've spent most of the day cleaning, cooking and prepping for company...I'd like to take it easy now and enjoy my guests.
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Post by PEAcan pie on Nov 24, 2018 3:04:13 GMT
Absolutely not, other than putting their dishes in the sink. I do not even do much except clear and load a few dishes. Want them to be pampered.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Nov 24, 2018 3:13:36 GMT
No, even with family. If you are a guest, you are a guest. Thank you. Yesterday I made sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, spinach dip and cranberry sauce. Then I drove two hours to my mom’s house, mashed the potatoes and helped set up. Afterwards I had to drive back home again. I’m tired too and don’t really want to help clean up. I’d rather stay home and cook myself, then dh does the cleaning
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Post by MissBianca on Nov 24, 2018 3:17:28 GMT
Yes but I also only host family. At my dads yesterday the kids helped clear, my brother put all the food in to-go containers and I washed and everyone else took turns drying. I didn’t want to leave my dad a huge mess.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,562
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Nov 24, 2018 3:30:04 GMT
I appreciate help bringing things from the dining table back into the kitchen, but please leave me alone to put leftovers away and do dishes! Or, if you're a really close friend, you can sit at the kitchen table and chat while I wash up. At my mom's house, Mom does the bulk of the cooking, and I wash the dishes while my SIL dries. I treasure that time chatting with SIL, and she never complains that I am a slow washer.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 24, 2018 4:15:08 GMT
If my family is around to help, then I expect them to do it. If not, it would depend on the mess and clean up time. I have been stuck in the kitchen for hours cooking and cleaning while everyone else chats and doesn't ask to help. I think a guest that you know well should at least ask and then either help or not depending on your answer.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,592
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Nov 24, 2018 4:16:22 GMT
Our big meals are almost all family. When friends are there they’re family too. Everyone starts stacking dishes and collecting things up to take to the kitchen. If tables and chairs are set up, people generally will start picking up and stacking stuff at the end. It’s great. No one asks for help and no one asks if they can help, it just gets done. When I’m a guest, i always offer to help and then just start doing if i’m given the go ahead, which is pretty much always. That said, I don’t judge if people choose to NOT help out. I prefer to be doing than just sitting.
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Post by pierkiss on Nov 24, 2018 4:22:34 GMT
Not if I’m hosting.
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Post by psoccer on Nov 24, 2018 4:24:33 GMT
The holidays are usually just family. At my parents, my dad would clear the table, and he and I would wash and put things away. At my in-laws, my father in law, and one BIL would strip the table, and I would wash dishes with my daughter. At our house, the kids strip the table, and my daughter and I wash. I would like my husband to help out, but he acts like it's beneath him.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 24, 2018 4:44:12 GMT
When I am a guest, I will almost always offer to help in some way even if it’s just helping to clear and scrape the dishes and stack them by the sink. I know that some people have dishes or glassware that has to be handwashed, so I’m not going to guess what can or can’t go in the dishwasher. I don’t expect guests to do anything but enjoy themselves, but if they offer they should expect me to accept, especially if I’ve been on my feet cooking all day, LOL.
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Post by nlwilkins on Nov 24, 2018 5:20:04 GMT
When my guests offer to help, I let them know I would rather do it myself but give them a chair to keep me company and talk to me while I clean up. That way they know they are doing what is helpful, and not getting in the way. I hate having to sit by myself or with the kids while the hostess is cleaning up. Either let me help, let me sit and talk with you or come sit with me and do the clean up later. In my mind a good hostess does not leave her guests alone while she is cleaning up. The clean up comes after they leave except for putting food away to keep it from spoiling.
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Post by gar on Nov 24, 2018 9:11:24 GMT
So seasidemermaid, what's your take? You said 'only' SIL offered to take down tables so I'm guessing you would have liked more help?
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,378
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Nov 24, 2018 9:42:30 GMT
I guess I'm the cheese who stands alone - I cooked for 3 days for Thanksgiving yesterday and hosted 15 people. After dinner was served, they all insisted I sit and they cleaned. It was all family, but I sure as hell sat while they cleaned. They didn't scrub it from top to bottom - there's still things that need to be done and I'll be doing them as soon as I get off the computer - but they did the majority of the dishes and helped put things in reusable containers etc... Why the heck should I do everything? Why can't the clean up be pot luck too? Have to admit I agree with this. Admittedly, I don't host the big holiday celebrations because it's more work for others to bring food over and cook in the common room of my building (free space anyone in the building can reserve - like a large living room with a stove/oven fridge in a small area) than to go to mom and dad's. Folks just take turns making the turkey. Anyway - when I do host things like family birthday gatherings or friends, I get help. That kitchen area is tiny. I can't maneuver easily to deal with dishes, etc. And in the case of friends, they tend to treat it as hosting me in my own space, because they don't have a wheelchair accessible home. hope that makes some sense.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,397
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 24, 2018 10:14:45 GMT
No. I preference to do this myself.
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Post by malibou on Nov 24, 2018 10:15:19 GMT
For Thanksgiving I had a turkey, stuffing, cheese and cranberry sandwich at Pret a Manger in London. I had to bus my own table. We usually travel during Thanksgiving and I haven't had a Thanksgiving meal on the day in years. We do a nice dinner - not turkey - for the in-laws as a Fauxgiving. Since its only the 5 of us, no real help is needed. Since this Fauxgiving takes place at the in-laws and I prep at home and cook as much as I can ahead. there is typically only the dishes and a pan or serving bowl or two to wash. I bring all of my pans and such that I brought home dirty and clean them there. Mil used to do the dishes, but they are pretty lax about the process, and dh, ds and I kept getting wonky stomachs after eating there. So now dh and I do dishes before and after the meal.
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Post by compeateropeator on Nov 24, 2018 13:03:35 GMT
Like a lot of Peas, to me there is a difference between hosting a family holiday and a dinner party/guest event.
For Family holidays everyone should pitch in. For a dinner party, I like it if people can just relax and enjoy themselves. However if they offer and it is something that needs to be done right then and there, I happily take them up on their offer.
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Post by candygurl on Nov 24, 2018 14:16:22 GMT
Family over for holiday meals, yes. We usually host about 30 people and that’s a lot to clean up. Plus, if we want to dessert or play games, we need the tables cleaned. If it’s a guest, no I wouldn’t expect them to help, but most of them do. People like to feel needed and probably feel awakard not helping if everyone around them is. I don’t expect to clean dishes or anything but mostly taking stuff to the counter.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Nov 24, 2018 15:10:15 GMT
Nope. My kids are my guests during thanksgiving and I like cleaning up after they’ve enjoyed the meal.
Five years ago I was homeless on thanksgiving and I vowed never to complain about doing dishes again if I found a home. And I never have.
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