loco coco
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Post by loco coco on Sept 27, 2014 0:59:13 GMT
Im making an album for my nephew who is turning 5 next year. I was using pictures from FB so it could be a surprise but my SIL started using strong filters and collages on all of the pics so they didnt work for the book anymore. Over dinner I told her I was making this album and asked her to send some pics to me before she collages them She was very happy but said "why are you making him a book? do you not have anything else to scrap?" Its been 2 weeks or more and I cant forget this comment! Ill go ahead and say, Ive had 2 miscariages and 1 was early 2nd trimester. It was really hard. I would love to have kids and I guess in a way she is right, which is probably why I cant forget about it  I scrap my life with my husband and my 3 dogs, I do ancestry a lot but yea, I would love to scrap my own kids. I know she doesnt realize this hurt me and I dont want to bring it up or make a big deal but I am ready to get it off my mind! Anyway, has anyone ever received comments that hurt them about scrapping? How did you get your scrappy mojo back? How do you forget the comment? Am I thinking too much into it? I havent wanted to pick up a piece of paper since. Thanks for listening  if anything, it feels better just sharing this with other scrappers |
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Deleted
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Nov 25, 2024 13:34:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2014 2:07:48 GMT
I'm sorry you were hurt. I am sure your nephew is going to LOVE his album, though, so that is really what matters! Maybe she didn't mean it like that you shouldn't be scrapbooking him... but rather that she would think you'd have other things that are more important to you, not realizing how important nephew is to you?? I had my feelings hurt a tiny bit once. I made my MIL and FIL a scrapbook for their 25 year wedding anniversary, and the next time I saw MIL she said she really liked the album "once she took all that stupid extra stuff out". (OK, she probably didn't say the word stupid, maybe it was silly or ugly or something). OMG! That "ugly stuff" was stuff like MAMBI woven labels (remember when they were huge and popular?) and stuff like that. Not like cheesey stickers or anything. Oh well. That was about 10 years ago and I've never made her anything since. |
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Post by Scrapper100 on Sept 27, 2014 2:10:47 GMT
I don't think she said it to hurt you it is just that not everyone appreciates a scrapbook and maybe she was trying to hint that she wasn't interested in a scrapbook. I can't imagine not wanting one of my child but whatever. I doubt she meant it the way you are taking it but understand your feelings to. People that have children don't always understand the frustration of infertility.
I bet most scrap bookers have heard some not so nice things about the hobby such as how much time and money you spend on it. I know that most people on my gift list won't appreciate a scrapbook so I don't even go there. No reason to spend that much time, effort, and money on something they won't appreciate.
No idea about getting mojo back as mine has disappeared. I need to just sit down with supplies and see if I can create something
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Sept 27, 2014 2:14:00 GMT
I'm sorry you're feel hurt. People who have kids don't realize the hurt they inflict to those who have lost them. I don't have kids either (by loss) and sometimes it seems scrappy stuff is geared toward only scrapping kids events. I know it's not, but sometimes it seems that way. I usually scrap vacations or hikes or family events.
And yes, I've been hurt about my scrapping. By my DH. I went to a four day girlfriend scrappy weekend. We took a group photo, printed it, then did an "around the room" scrap - where the original person picks the paper, the next adds the photo, then next puts on the title, then ribbons, etc, etc, etc. When I came home and showed DH all my completed pages the one he like best was the one that I only chose the paper for! I was hurt beyond hurt. I stopped for a while, then realized missed it and that I scrap for me, not him. Around that same time he bought me my first laptop (as a peace offering, I think) and it came with PSE. I actually switched to digi scapping, which I enjoy more than I ever liked paper scrapping. So for me it worked out.
Again, I'm sorry. But don't give up your hobby because of your SIL. Like you said, she probably didn't even realize you were sensitive to it.
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dald222
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Post by dald222 on Sept 27, 2014 2:50:03 GMT
I am sorry she hurt you. Since you do genealogy..why don't you scrap some heritage pics.. You can ask your older family memebers for pics..they can email them to you. plus I found lots of my ancesters pics on ancestry.com. You do not have to pay to have a tree there. They have tons of stuff there. You can take the pics from there. You can scrap them You are able to do most everything without paying. I love that place. I have been paying for yrs. Our money is tight so i had to quit the membership a couple months ago. I realized that there is only a couple things I can't do without it. They will not delete my tree either if I do not pay for membership. heritage pics are so much fun to scrap. I love it. If you need a gallery of heritage pages...there are thousands on scrapbook.com. Check it out You may get excited about it.
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tracylynn
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Post by tracylynn on Sept 27, 2014 3:19:37 GMT
When I started scrapbooking I made a scrapbook for my Grandma. She doesn't get it. It didn't hurt my feelings, but I don't scrap for her anymore.
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I'm sure she didn't mean it the way you took, I think sometimes people just don't think.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 27, 2014 3:26:46 GMT
The comments that bother me are the ones that involve criticizing the use of my time. My SIL loves to let me know how very busy she is. The last time she said something I mentioned we all have the same amount of hours in the day, we all just use them differently. She has decided it is her mission to raise her three grandchildren (mom doesn't put in much effort) and she does every single thing for them. The 16 year old has yet to learn to pack his own suitcase and they travel for sports several times a month. Oy. Mine got a list and were packing for Mexico at 7 and 9. I think she just needs to be needed.
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Post by infochick on Sept 27, 2014 3:50:50 GMT
I feel for you. As someone else who is childless (not by choice, life has just worked out this way) I can understand how hurt you were by that comment. I also scrapbook a lot for my niece and nephew, and I would be devastated if my sister-in-law made a comment like that to me. You're giving your nephew an amazing gift by spending your time capturing memories for him. When I look through my nephew's album with him, he's always so thrilled with it. He even asks his parents to send me photos so I can put them in his book. Just try to focus on the love that you have for your nephew...it's an incredible gift and one that will be treasured for years.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 27, 2014 3:52:14 GMT
I'm sure your SIL didn't realize how insensitive her comment came across, especially in light of your personal loss/situation. (I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that.) It must have hurt you a good deal to still be thinking about it even weeks afterward. People who don't scrap often don't understand what a labor of love it is to create an album for someone they love, and that's really too bad. I would finish the album anyway because if your nephew is anything like my DD, he will LOVE having the book to look through! Kids love looking at pictures of themselves and hearing the stories that go with them, and that will make it worth doing. I can't say that anyone has ever said anything negative about my scrapbooking (at least not to my face, LOL) but there are plenty of people who have said they don't have the time to do it themselves. It's their loss if you ask me. People who scrap are leaving a legacy. Recently I had a friend over for a weekend to scrapbook when DH was at the cabin with DD. When he came home, he jokingly asked me something about "what did you do for the whole weekend?" So I showed him the layouts I had finished up of some beautiful portraits we had done of DD last year. The look on his face was priceless! He was stunned. He's seen many of my pages before but usually they are work layouts with no photos or journaling on them, but with the pics of our DD on them and the journaling it was a totally different thing. I think something finally clicked in his head that day about WHY I want to spend my time and money doing this, and I've been scrapping for almost 18 years! I could tell he actually appreciated my talent. |
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Elsabelle
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Post by Elsabelle on Sept 27, 2014 3:58:38 GMT
I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't think anything can hurt a woman like a miscarriage. I'm so sorry you've had to experience that - and twice too. She was probably so surprised that you'd put in the time it takes to make a scrapbook for her that maybe she didn't know how to receive that info. Kind of like how so many women don't know how to accept a compliment so they end up minimizing it and making the person who gave the compliment regret doing so. She probably blurted that out without thinking and surely she wasn't thinking about what you'd prefer to be scrapping. So many times we speak without thinking. I know I do. I'm just sorry that what she said hurt you. When something catches me off guard and hurts me I have to remind myself to let it go every time it comes up in my head and force myself to think of something else. It will fade if you decide to let it go.
I have had my feelings hurt about handmade gifts. I made a scrapbook for my MIL for a trip she took to Hawaii. I sent it off in the mail and never heard from her about it. DH finally got annoyed and called her. She said yes she received it and not a thing more about it. He got off the phone quickly and told me never to make anything for her again and I haven't. I made another album for someone who never used it but did make sure to call me when someone spilled a beer on it. I didn't make anything for anyone for several years, but I didn't have any problem scrapping for myself. About a year ago I made a mini for DH's step-mom. She called and told us how much she loved it and how she wanted us to send pictures to her right away so she could put them in. She said she showed it to everyone who came over. She gushed about it so much that I cried.
I hope you feel better now that you've gotten the chance to vent. When I've lost my mojo I find that scraplifting is the fastest and easiest way to get back to scrapping.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Sept 27, 2014 4:06:53 GMT
It sounds to me like your sister was just surprised that you would go to that length for your nephew. Like, you'd seriously drop all the other things you want to work on just to make a book for him? Really? Wouldn't you rather do projects for yourself? How nice of you to do that for him!
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Post by penny on Sept 27, 2014 11:39:57 GMT
It's hard when someone hurts your feelings over the hobby that cheers you up or relaxes you... You want to scrap to get happy again but it's a reminder too... What about making a LO of something you love, for someone who will appreciate it... I think you just need a big dose of smiles, appreciation, and some oohs and ahhs The truth is not everyone will like scrapbooks, just like not everyone likes baseball... Maybe she'll love it and maybe she won't, but your nephew will... His mom might think Instagram is the best way to look at photos of her son, but he'll love having a real book all about himself... She might only understand the value after she sees how much he likes it... |
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Post by LisaDV on Sept 27, 2014 11:44:06 GMT
So sorry you feel hurt by her comment, and understand, but like other's above, think she didn't mean it in a mean way. She was probably just surprised you'd do something so wonderful. Don't let it stop you from creating something your nephew will cherish.
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scrappington
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in Canada
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Post by scrappington on Sept 27, 2014 12:09:52 GMT
Hopefully you just took the comment the wrong way. I really think you should let it go. I know easier said then done but continue scrapping. Make the album. Ask again for some pictures.
Maybe make a card or something else to get your mojo back.
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Sept 27, 2014 13:56:23 GMT
I'm sorry you were hurt by her comments.
I've been doing crafting since I was 5 and my grandmother put a needle in my hand and taught me to sew. One thing I learned early on from being with and watching her work, is to always inquire from a possible recipient if they would like a handmade item and to never ever surprise anyone with a handmade item. And even if someone requesst it, I will ask further questions after the time someone begged me to make a handmade quilt (as in not made with machine, every stitch by hand ) and I later saw it in their dog's bed. They told me that the colors were "not quite right" for their bedroom (note that they picked out the fabrics), so they gave it to their dog.
So yes, I've been hurt and it's taught me to be extremely careful about giving my time and effort away.
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Post by Sassenach on Sept 27, 2014 14:28:56 GMT
I'm sorry your SIL said some thoughtless things. I can see how that would sting. I've been scrapping for many years and one thing I have learned is to do it for myself. My husband is supportive but he doesn't gush over my creations like I wish he would. That's ok though because scrapbooking is for me. It makes me happy and that's all I need. It took me a while to get to that point and that's ok.
To get your mojo back look through your albums and at some of your favorite layouts. That always helps me.
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kitbop
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Post by kitbop on Sept 27, 2014 15:20:59 GMT
I'm so sorry you feel bad I can understand. She probably thought she was being kind, suggesting that she knew you were giving of your precious time to do this for your nephew when you could be scrapping for yourself. She obviously doesn't understand your situation fully. Yes, my mom hurts my feelings all. The. Time. About scrapping. She constantly tells me how I should do it differently next time!!! For example, I've given her hand made (or basic grey) calendars for Christmas the past 5 years. Every year she complains. It's too big. Too small. I chose the wrong photos. Bad colours. Etc. Last Christmas, she told me that "next year I only want pictures of the entire family in each month. Get yourselves together and take a family shot, every month and use those pictures"l So, yeah. Not the actual family activities. She wants posed pictures. Not to mention we all know how hard it is to get everyone together for a pic! The kids HATE that! She's not getting a calendar this year. My MIL will still get hers. She raves about them, has them all displayed in her house permanently, and says she wants nothing else from us but her calendar. |
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iowgirl
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Post by iowgirl on Sept 27, 2014 15:40:38 GMT
I am sorry your feelings were hurt, and I also think she probably didn't mean to do that...
One thing to maybe think about, is the pictures off Facebook...
My mother took a bunch of pics of Facebook of my kids and scrapbooked for them. They love the scrapbooks, but all of them were quite taken aback that she was taking their pictures off Facebook. I told them that they had to realize that anything they put online was fair game (and they knew that - they were nice pictures with their friends, sports, etc)... But they were still so shocked. They said it really felt "odd" and it did impact how they used Facebook. They don't put any pics up anymore "because of Grandma".....
I don't know that is the situation for you, but its something to think about. I don't want to hurt your feelings any more.. really... just wanted to mention it as a reason she might have been surprised and made the comment.
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Post by woodysbetty on Sept 27, 2014 16:31:22 GMT
It sounds to me like your sister was just surprised that you would go to that length for your nephew. Like, you'd seriously drop all the other things you want to work on just to make a book for him? Really? Wouldn't you rather do projects for yourself? How nice of you to do that for him! I'm so sorry your felling were hurt but I think I would choose Eddie n Harley's reaction...... |
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Post by myboysnme on Sept 27, 2014 21:41:34 GMT
My grandmother got very upset about my journalling about her dad. In fact she wouldn't even look at the book after she read something she said I got wrong. She also got upset about the pictures I had in there - she didn't know where I got them. Um grandma, you gave them to me!
I also redid a heritage album for my mom and she got upset that I included relatives of hers that she didn't know. She said, "Why is this album full of pictures of people I don't know? This is MY album!" Um, mom, they are your relatives. It is a HERITAGE album!
I also redid a page called 'Daddy's Girl" and she got upset about that because that was her favorite page. The page looked so nice and still said "Daddy's Girl" She got over it though. When I was talking to her about it later she didn't even remember.
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Deleted
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Nov 25, 2024 13:34:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2014 21:54:10 GMT
Yes. Probably everyone who has a loved hobby and has done something for someone else has got their feelings hurt. No one but your sil knows why she said that, but just wanted to say sorry for your losses.
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Deleted
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Nov 25, 2024 13:34:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2014 22:54:16 GMT
Oh...how insensitive. I am so very sorry she doesn't get it. Hugs.
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NoWomanNoCry
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Sept 27, 2014 23:20:10 GMT
Made MIL a Mother's Day card and she took it ..looked at it...said nothing and put her cup on it to use as a coaster. Card was ruined from the wetness from the glass.
I refuse to make cards for people who aren't scrappers or people who I know 100% won't appreciate them.
Also the comment "why do you scrapbook? You don't have kids" pisses me off to no end. Sorry but my DH and I are important enough to scrapbook as well!
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Post by Mary W on Sept 28, 2014 0:52:10 GMT
I'm so sorry you're hurting. Remember why you scrap - you enjoy the hobby, you want to preserve memories, you want to document your heritage, etc. etc. Try not to let other people ruin what you enjoy with their insensitive comments. When my granddaughters were about 2 & 5, they were getting ready to move down here to Florida from Alaska. I made them a scrapbook with pictures of everybody in the family and pictures of Florida so they could get to know us and their new home. After they moved down I discovered bits and pieces of the scrapbook. I asked her about it and she told me the girls got ahold of it and tore it up! I was so upset! She was supposed to keep it put up, take it out to show it to them, not just let them have it! I'm just shaking my head at all your stories. People who don't scrapbook do not understand not only the time and effort we put into our work, but also the heart. Now I just make my albums for me. The girls love to look at them, and I'm teaching them now how to scrapbook, so I hope at least one of them will appreciate the craft and become a scrapbooker in the future. On a side note, that "around the room" scrap that GiantsFan mentioned sounds like fun. I'm going to try that at my next crop! |
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Post by Night Owl on Sept 28, 2014 1:44:49 GMT
When I first started scrapbooking I went to a crop party and the women at the table were all scrapbooking pictures of their children and one of them asked me why I scrapbooked since I don't have kids. I was embarrassed plus it hurt a bit since we had been trying and at the time nothing was happening.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Sept 28, 2014 2:32:33 GMT
On a side note, that "around the room" scrap that GiantsFan mentioned sounds like fun. I'm going to try that at my next crop! Daughtry Fan - this is the video that gave me the idea. Progressive SB Video And below is the format we used. We had 11 gals attending. It took us a long time to figure out the rotation to get it back to the original paper picker. I think we had a three or five minute time limit for each stage. Progressive Pages 1 Pick Background Paper, Trim To Size Pass One To The Left Should Be At Person 2 2 Cut 4x6 Photo Mat And Attach Pass Three To The Left Should Be At Person 5 3 Cut 4x6 Photo Mat And Attach Pass One To The Right Should Be At Person 4 4 Mount Photos Pass Two To The Left Should Be At Person 6 5 Add Journaling Box Or Alternative Pass One To The Left Should Be At Person 7 6 Add Title Pass Three To The Left Should Be At Person 10 7 Add Date Pass Two To The Right Should Be At Person 8 8 Add A Metal Or Fiber Embellishment Pass Three To The Left Should Be At Person 11 9 Add A Word Embellishment Pass Two To The Right Should Be At Person 9 10 Add Any Final Touches Or Embellishments Pass Three To The Left Should Be At Person 1 (Just be warned that your DH will like this page the BEST! LOL!) Edited - sorry the formatting is wonky. I cut and pasted from Excel. |
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Post by stefdesign on Sept 28, 2014 2:36:40 GMT
I'm sorry you were hurt by her comments. I've been doing crafting since I was 5 and my grandmother put a needle in my hand and taught me to sew. One thing I learned early on from being with and watching her work, is to always inquire from a possible recipient if they would like a handmade item and to never ever surprise anyone with a handmade item. And even if someone requesst it, I will ask further questions after the time someone begged me to make a handmade quilt (as in not made with machine, every stitch by hand ) and I later saw it in their dog's bed. They told me that the colors were "not quite right" for their bedroom (note that they picked out the fabrics), so they gave it to their dog. So yes, I've been hurt and it's taught me to be extremely careful about giving my time and effort away. Wow! That's one of the most insensitive and clueless things I've seen in a long time... talk about ungrateful! I'm speechless (almost!) And, LocoCoco- I can certainly understand why you are hurt. I would be too. I hope you continue your loving project as enthusiastically as you started, and don't let her ruin your creative and kind gift. I'm sure your DN will love your album! |
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dald222
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Post by dald222 on Sept 28, 2014 6:59:03 GMT
In my post I forgot to say I sorry for your losses. Maybe she doesn't understand how sensitive that can be.
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Post by miominmio on Sept 28, 2014 7:39:46 GMT
OP, I'm sorry your feelings got hurt, but I think you should try to put it behind you. Unless someone has struggled with infertility themselves, they can't understand how intense and raw the feelings about it can be (and that goes for other things people experience in life, too). When we were struggling with infertility, there were times when my feelings were hurt, but when, realistically, what people said wasn't meant to be hurtful.
And as crafters we just have to realize that those who don't knit, scrap or do some other kind of craft, just don't understand the time and love involved in making something. I make cards, but most people I know don't "get it" so they get something from the store. And there is no way I will knit a sweater for someone without first having them picking out colors and pattern themselves. I'm not spending a ton of money and weeks knitting without being sure that the sweater will be used.
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purplebee
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Post by purplebee on Sept 28, 2014 12:02:26 GMT
I understand that many people are just not into crafting of any kind. I think they look at it as a frivolous pastime, and really have no idea of the time and love that goes nto something handmade. But I also think that common courtesy and good manners are fast becoming a thing of the past.
OP, I would like to think that the comment made about your nephew's album was just a thoughtless remark, and not intended to hurt. But I would think twice about scrapping for her again. Don't let that stop you from enjoying your craft, it is so satisfying to have a creative outlet! Who/what you scrap is no one's business but your own!
Now the dog bed quilt situation is unbelievably rude! Holy cow! Talk about unappreciative! But maybe the dog loves it?
And the Mother's Day card coaster, and the complaining calendar recipient - oy!
Ladies, scrap for those who love you and your creations, but most of all, scrap/create for yourself!
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I scrap my life with my husband and my 3 dogs, I do ancestry a lot but yea, I would love to scrap my own kids. I know she doesnt realize this hurt me and I dont want to bring it up or make a big deal but I am ready to get it off my mind! 
if anything, it feels better just sharing this with other scrappers 
