Teachers: parents that rip you a new one, coping

I'm not a teacher but I just want to say I'm sorry that happened to you.

Try to remember that when people act like that, it usually doesn't have anything to do with you. It's all about them. You don't know what's going on in that person's life right now - maybe they just got bad news or are under a lot of stress about something else.

Also - remember that kids who consistently make poor behavior choices often (not always) also have parents who also lack emotional or behavioral self control. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

Take a deep breath and let it go! Treat yourself to a little something after school and pat yourself on the back for remaining calm and professional. If this kid has parents who will "tear you a new one" via email, he probably relies on you to be the calm, thoughtful, steady one in his life.

I am sorry. Just know there are more parents out there that appreciate you than there are jackasses.

Trying to get this straight - you sent an email reminding them of behavior expectations?  Why?  Has student been slipping in the days after christmas?  Or was he/she behaving?  If my kid were behaving and I got that e-mail, I'd be kind of upset. It's unnecessary.  I probably wouldn't rip your head off, but I wouldn't be happy.  

Your post made it sound like you preemptively sent an expectation reminder before a behavior issue popped up.

I don’t know how teachers deal with some parents. It can’t be easy!

It’s been going on way too long. Have you given a thought to refer this child or call a meeting with specialists? Rating scales? Have those been done?

Just tossing out somethings. I’m guessing you’ve done these.

I still believe the parents are tapped. Not an excuse just could be the reality.

They’re upset about something concerning their child.  Expect emotions to run very high.  Do your best but expect the parent to react with an unusual amount of emotion because its regarding their child.  And remember that no matter how much you want to do right by the child, the parents want it more.  Its an unequal equation and the teacher usually comes out on the short end of things. 

I'm not a teacher, but I am a parent and I'm so sorry the parent upset you when all you were trying to do was help their child. I agree with what others have said. Most parents don't want to hear bad things about their children. Emotions are high. You did what you could to diffuse the situation. Be confident that you did it in the best interest of the child.

Of course.  I was thinking about the times I had to rip my kids’ teachers a new one.

To answer your question, how I let conversations like that roll off my back...

first, it sometimes takes a while. But I've learned several things over the years. Some of them may not apply.

The apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree. If a kid doesn't know how to treat people, he probably learned his disregard for respect from home.

Some people's problems aren't mine. If a parent overreacts to something I am going to assume they have some issues at play. Maybe they are going through a rough time or maybe they're a-holes. Those problems aren't mine and I don't have to take on their burdens.

Parents have no power over me. They can make my boss' life complicated and in turn he can complicate mine, but they have zero direct power. If they want to ruin my day they're going to have to work for it. 

sometimes parents have no frickin' clue what to do with their kids. They're at a loss and they react poorly when they're told what they're trying isn't working. They may expect that the teacher is the expert and if the teacher doesn't know, then what are they supposed to do?

or the opposite - how in the world is their child an issue at school when he's a perfect angel at home? It must be because the teacher sucks. 



Regardless of the reason, there is no excuse for a parent to rip into a teacher. Zero. Even if the teacher does suck, the parent has no authority over the teacher and no right to be nasty. In the future I would not recommend making a phone call after an email like that. If you feel you must call, make sure there is someone else in the room and you do it over speakerphone. 

I used to take things personally. I rarely do now. People that act that way just are not worth your emotions. I promise you, she isn't worried about it like you are. 

I agree with this

As a parent I have so much respect for teachers. I'm sorry that you have to deal w/this frustrating situation. My ods is studying to become a teacher and I have told him that biggest hurdle will likely be the parents.

ABSOLUTELY! 

It is NOT the parents place to rip into a teacher.  Email the teacher with your issue, look for a mutually beneficial agreement.  If that doesn't work, cc the principal and go from there.  

IME, parents think they are the "boss" of the teacher.  Many times they have ZERO clue of what happens daily in the classroom in regards to their child's behavior.  I have a kid that I asked 3 times in less than 5 minutes today to be quiet.  7th grader.  QUITE capable of being quiet.  Made the conscious decision to NOT be quiet.  Said child ended up calling their parent because they kept needing to talk just to talk.  I can't teach with that going on in my room all day.  Not happening.  The parent TORE into their kid.  Kid came back to their seat and continued with his crappy behavior.  I called, parent TORE into me for interrupting their day.  Yeah, that parent won't get called again.  Paper trail is going to be quite long on this one.  I've been dealing with their lack of parenting for 94 days.  I will deal with it for another 86 this year and then 180 next year.