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Post by kernriver on Jan 15, 2019 4:27:36 GMT
Of course. I was thinking about the times I had to rip my kids’ teachers a new one.Really? You went at a teacher? As an educator, that makes me very sad. Yep. Bad teachers make me very sad and angry.
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Post by kernriver on Jan 15, 2019 4:30:11 GMT
Of course. I was thinking about the times I had to rip my kids’ teachers a new one. You've never had to rip your kids' teachers a new one. That isn't your place - YOU ARE NOT THEIR BOSS! Huh? I’m my kids advocate and he was in a very bad situation. Of course it is my place. i don’t want to get this thread off course. Let’s just agree to disagree, ok?
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jan 15, 2019 4:36:43 GMT
I often remind staff - 9 times out of 10, the story behind the misbehavior won't make you angry; it will break your heart. Many parents do not see their part in their child's behavior. I have worked with great parents, but they needed some coaching in areas they just did not know about. It was not how they were raised so they just did not know. When I have had parents attack me I look at the child and think: That child is surrounded by this daily, what can I do to make a positive impact in that child's life. I just need to let go of the parent's anger and focus on the child, that is the reason I am there. Your students are lucky to have you. ❤❤❤
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,789
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jan 15, 2019 5:16:55 GMT
Really? You went at a teacher? As an educator, that makes me very sad. Yep. Bad teachers make me very sad and angry. Did you speak with the principal after speaking POLITELY with the teacher first?
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 15, 2019 5:43:46 GMT
Regardless of the reason, there is no excuse for a parent to rip into a teacher. Zero. Even if the teacher does suck, the parent has no authority over the teacher and no right to be nasty. ABSOLUTELY! It is NOT the parents place to rip into a teacher. Email the teacher with your issue, look for a mutually beneficial agreement. If that doesn't work, cc the principal and go from there. IME, parents think they are the "boss" of the teacher. Many times they have ZERO clue of what happens daily in the classroom in regards to their child's behavior. I have a kid that I asked 3 times in less than 5 minutes today to be quiet. 7th grader. QUITE capable of being quiet. Made the conscious decision to NOT be quiet. Said child ended up calling their parent because they kept needing to talk just to talk. I can't teach with that going on in my room all day. Not happening. The parent TORE into their kid. Kid came back to their seat and continued with his crappy behavior. I called, parent TORE into me for interrupting their day. Yeah, that parent won't get called again. Paper trail is going to be quite long on this one. I've been dealing with their lack of parenting for 94 days. I will deal with it for another 86 this year and then 180 next year. If a parent ripped into me (or other teachers in the building), communication would then go through the principal. All messages were sent to the principal and they CC'd me. Parents quickly found out that communication slowed down and other problems in the classroom were discussed. If the parent didn't like it, and oftentimes they were pissed at having to go through the principal, they tried to say they were sorry and stop that process. It didn't happen and they were much better at discussing future issues with the next year's teacher. Honestly, do you go ballistic on other professions? If you do, in many cases, you are asked not to come back. OP, sorry that happened to you. I think it happens to a lot of teachers who have high expectations or kids who aren't honest with their parents. Teaching is hard, for sure.
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Post by kernriver on Jan 15, 2019 6:11:39 GMT
I guess I’m just tired of the attitude on this board that is so pro-teacher that the possibility of the teacher actually being wrong and bad isn’t even considered. That was the case in my situation. The principal assured me that the teacher would act appropriately in the future and she assured my child’s safety in the classroom. It was an example of bias and misconduct on the teachers part. It had happened before to other children in her classroom. My son was not put in another class because 3 other kids were taken out of the class before the problem with mine started.
I’ve held my tongue for years on this board and maybe I’m tired and feel argumentative, but damnit, when your 9 yo kid is treated poorly by an adult in charge, you get angry. I am sorry the op feels bad about her situation and my original response to her tried to make available the other side of the coin. Not everything is always the kids/parents fault. Somethimes it really is the teacher.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Jan 15, 2019 6:33:33 GMT
{{{hugs}}} I'm not a teacher, but I spent the day picketing with some.
As a parent, I hate when other parents treat teachers this way. All I can say is please don't take it personally. There are just some awful, venomous people out there. Ask me how I know... Thirteen years ago when in the third week of kindergarten I saw a very tall mom leaning over the assistant principal screaming bloody murder. I thought to myself, it seems like a bad idea to mistreat the people who care for your most precious little dumpling but whatever. Of course our daughters were in the same class and the rest of the year I got to witness her lambaste the kindest of all teachers just back from maternity leave.
Third grade, same mom walks through the office without signing in. An aide asks her to sign in, she gets abusive and threatens the aide. I step in and confront her. Our daughters become friends. Awkward.
Fifth grade graduation, she spills the watermelon she has prepared for the graduation party and tries to pick it up and serve it to the kids. Another small confrontation.
Sixth grade we all celebrated because her kids went to a different school. Seventh grade we cried because she transferred to back to our school. Ninth grade we celebrated again because her kids went to private school. Tenth grade she was back. We now fear for college.
Insofar as the teachers and administration she is universally hated. They too live in fear of her shenanigans and use the bureaucracy as a buffer. She will never change and many now cross the street when they see her.
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Post by kernriver on Jan 15, 2019 6:37:22 GMT
{{{hugs}}} I'm not a teacher, but I spent the day picketing with some.
As a parent, I hate when other parents treat teachers this way. All I can say is please don't take it personally. There are just some awful, venomous people out there. Ask me how I know... Thirteen years ago when in the third week of kindergarten I saw a very tall mom leaning over the assistant principal screaming bloody murder. I thought to myself, it seems like a bad idea to mistreat the people who care for your most precious little dumpling but whatever. Of course our daughters were in the same class and the rest of the year I got to witness her lambaste the kindest of all teachers just back from maternity leave.
Third grade, same mom walks through the office without signing in. An aide asks her to sign in, she gets abusive and threatens the aide. I step in and confront her. Our daughters become friends. Awkward.
Fifth grade graduation, she spills the watermelon she has prepared for the graduation party and tries to pick it up and serve it to the kids. Another small confrontation.
Sixth grade we all celebrated because her kids went to a different school. Seventh grade we cried because she transferred to back to our school. Ninth grade we celebrated again because her kids went to private school. Tenth grade she was back. We now fear for college.
Insofar as the teachers and administration she is universally hated. They too live in fear of her shenanigans and use the bureaucracy as a buffer. She will never change and many now cross the street when they see her.
And what happens if that awful venomous person is the teacher?
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Jan 15, 2019 6:48:41 GMT
And what happens if that awful venomous person is the teacher? Up the food chain until you hit the superintendent. Write letters and document, document, document. Enlist other parents and document.
During the financial crisis we had 3 principals in 5 years. Each came from downtown and was just in a holding pattern until retirement. A couple were really terrible.
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Post by christine58 on Jan 15, 2019 13:21:45 GMT
I guess I’m just tired of the attitude on this board that is so pro-teacher that the possibility of the teacher actually being wrong and bad isn’t even considered. That's so not true. There have been posts about kids who have had bad teachers. There are awful people in every occupation. There are many of us who are teachers on this board who have been treated very poorly by parents and maybe that's what you've seen. We are not always right nor are we always wrong. I am sorry your son had such a horrible experience. Kudos to you for being his advocate. Maybe if you had given us the backstory, some of the responses would have been different.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Jan 15, 2019 13:45:45 GMT
And what happens if that awful venomous person is the teacher? Up the food chain until you hit the superintendent. Write letters and document, document, document. Enlist other parents and document.
During the financial crisis we had 3 principals in 5 years. Each came from downtown and was just in a holding pattern until retirement. A couple were really terrible.
I did this and nothing ever happened. And when your kid has been in school as long as mine has (15 and in the public school 7th grade) you don’t have an entire school year of letter writing to waste on a bad educator. My kid got lost in the politics of school management. I need her to be EDUCATED. So I took on the role myself because I can’t keep fighting with a district that’s is broken. But I didn’t rip into any teachers. I wouldn’t treat a teacher any differently than I would a Walmart cashier and I would never scream at a cashier. I mean that says more about me than the cashier/teacher if I did. We can disagree without resorting to humiliating someone who’s trying to do their job even if I don’t agree with the method.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Jan 15, 2019 14:16:50 GMT
I’ve been on both sides of this.
As a high school teacher I’ve had parents yell at me and as a parent I’ve had teachers do the dumbest things and I’m left feeling dumbfounded and calling the principal. And sometimes the principal is wacky. It can go both ways.
As a teacher I focused on my circle of influence. I could help the student during class time but that was it. And there was no way I could do anything with the parent. If the parent came to me for help I let them know how I was helping during class time. At some point the student and parent need to help themselves and I couldn’t put in more effort than they were. I do think that becoming a parent made me a more understanding and flexible teacher. I thought I was before but I see now that I really wasn’t. I was pretty strict.
As a parent I try to sit back and relax but it doesn’t happen. Such dumb things go on in classrooms. Yesterday dd came home with a story about a teacher and I just said you’re right I’d be upset too but let’s move on. We can agree to disagree with the teacher (she put the kids in groups and dd wasn’t happy with her group - then when others complained teacher allowed the others to branch off together and left dd alone with the one kid who won’t work so dd has to do it on her own but this other kid gets credit). Dd said she wish she’d complained about the group because the complainers got what they wanted. I’d love to call the teacher and say what is up but then I’d be calling this teacher every day! This is elementary school.
So I think it goes both ways. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Maybe communicate less with parents and just deal in your classroom. Can admin help you with the situation. When I had a disruptive student and parent help was limited I had the admin step in — sit next to kid, pull kid out when necessary. Basically principal stepped in like an aid and did the disciplining and I taught the class. Not every teacher and kid mesh together well.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 15:33:13 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2019 15:14:07 GMT
I guess I’m just tired of the attitude on this board that is so pro-teacher that the possibility of the teacher actually being wrong and bad isn’t even considered. That was the case in my situation. The principal assured me that the teacher would act appropriately in the future and she assured my child’s safety in the classroom. It was an example of bias and misconduct on the teachers part. It had happened before to other children in her classroom. My son was not put in another class because 3 other kids were taken out of the class before the problem with mine started. I’ve held my tongue for years on this board and maybe I’m tired and feel argumentative, but damnit, when your 9 yo kid is treated poorly by an adult in charge, you get angry. I am sorry the op feels bad about her situation and my original response to her tried to make available the other side of the coin. Not everything is always the kids/parents fault. Somethimes it really is the teacher. THIS x 1000! Teachers do not walk on water.ALL professionals should be dealt with in a professional matter. But getting yelled at at work happens. In both the private and public sector. Oftentimes a principal does NOT want to deal with a 'bad' teacher either, so it takes a parent to insist something changes. I always start with the teacher but have no issue going to the principal. Or the super if the principal has no cojones. I have had to mediate many times between parents and teachers - most recently because of a bullying behavior by a teacher against another employee's child who was a student (high school). Another time a teacher was dumping out kids backpacks in anger, claiming all the kids were stupid and were only going to be fast food workers (middle school). A third example was one who kept doing a headsnap in class because she kept falling asleep in front of the students.(elementary school) This is just three examples I quickly came up with after being involved as a parent and parent group leader for 18+ years. A bad accountant may get you audited, but a bad teacher can damage a child's psyche. I posted last week about a teacher telling another student my daughter was in the ER. She and I had a conversation about how inappropriate that was. I could have gone up the ladder and made a stink, but she was responsive to my criticism (delivered properly, no yelling)and apologized. Had she been dismissive it would not have gone as well.
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Post by Merge on Jan 15, 2019 15:19:19 GMT
I guess the next time a parent or student does something I don't like, I'll just "rip them a new one..."
I'll be sure to let y'all know how that turns out. 😂
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Post by gulfcoastgirl on Jan 15, 2019 16:32:48 GMT
When a parent, or anyone, rips into you, you've got to correct them immediately, just as you would a student who was disrespectful. Like what others have said before, there is usually some underlying reason parents are being jerks. That's their problem, your responsibility is with their child. However you need to do it, shut them down and get them quickly off the phone. Refer them to the main office for an appointment, and dont attend alone. My first principal told us to hang up on a parent if we had to, just do it while WE were talking. Good luck. ☺
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Jan 15, 2019 16:41:22 GMT
I often remind staff - 9 times out of 10, the story behind the misbehavior won't make you angry; it will break your heart. Many parents do not see their part in their child's behavior. I have worked with great parents, but they needed some coaching in areas they just did not know about. It was not how they were raised so they just did not know. When I have had parents attack me I look at the child and think: That child is surrounded by this daily, what can I do to make a positive impact in that child's life. I just need to let go of the parent's anger and focus on the child, that is the reason I am there. Your students are lucky to have you. ❤❤❤ Thank you. I am no longer in the classroom, but I share this sentiment a lot with my staff. My favorite children were often the ones that caused the most problems. I had some great parents to work with most of the time, but I have had the ones described in the OP. It took me a while to get to the point of refocusing on the child, but since that clicked in my head, my perspective changed completely. I would still have my moments, but eventually got to this point.
OP, teaching is a calling, a passion, it is not for everyone. The saying on my desk right now is: Working hard for something we don't care about is called stress, working hard for something we love, is called passion.
I am not really into sayings, but there are a few that have really impacted how I look and deal with life.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Jan 15, 2019 16:53:26 GMT
I guess I’m just tired of the attitude on this board that is so pro-teacher that the possibility of the teacher actually being wrong and bad isn’t even considered. That was the case in my situation. The principal assured me that the teacher would act appropriately in the future and she assured my child’s safety in the classroom. It was an example of bias and misconduct on the teachers part. It had happened before to other children in her classroom. My son was not put in another class because 3 other kids were taken out of the class before the problem with mine started. I’ve held my tongue for years on this board and maybe I’m tired and feel argumentative, but damnit, when your 9 yo kid is treated poorly by an adult in charge, you get angry. I am sorry the op feels bad about her situation and my original response to her tried to make available the other side of the coin. Not everything is always the kids/parents fault. Somethimes it really is the teacher. I have seen this side also. I had started working in a child care center. I had one mom come in everyday and ask how her child was. I said she did well, she had some small behavior things, but nothing that really concerned me, she was just one of the more active children in the classroom. After a couple weeks I finally asked why she seemed so concerned about her child, I was not seeing anything in the classroom of concern. She said until I started she would come in everyday and be told nothing but the negative about her child. I seriously almost started crying at this point. Mom and I had a long talk and we had a great relationship. To reinforce what Mom described we were having lunch one day and the Director walked into our classroom and instantly corrected the child about being too loud. The entire group was loud, I have no idea how she even figured this one child was the loudest. The other teacher in the classroom made a comment about the whole group being loud and the Director insisted that this child was by far the loudest and could be heard down the hall. The Director did not like this child and I have no idea why.
Another little tidbit, this child started talking about an older brother she had. There was no record of an older brother in her application, so we had no idea what she was talking about. The Director started saying she was lying and it was a sin to lie (yes this was a Christian child care center). I talked to Dad at pick up one time and explained what the child was saying. He said he recently found out he had another child from a previous relationship and they met him a couple weeks ago. I thought it was pretty awesome we could not share in this child's excitement of a new brother, and I will admit, it felt pretty good to go into the Director's office and explain how WRONG she was.
You can find threads supporting parents here and threads supporting teachers here, there are great and horrible in both.
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