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Post by withapea on Jan 31, 2019 18:50:45 GMT
I just want to send you an armload of love and strength. I so admire the way you're supporting your daughter. Of course there are going to be mixed emotions but you are giving your child exactly what she needs, love and support. Make sure you take care of yourself too.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 31, 2019 19:03:07 GMT
Best of luck to your daughter on this journey. Go and concentrate on all the details, surgery is scary and emotional in all circumstances. I'd warn her ahead of time so that she knows that it's not a lack of support for her, but I'm sure she'll understand and I'm positive you'll regret not being there.
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Post by leftturnonly on Jan 31, 2019 19:03:13 GMT
(Insurance approved the surgery! Can you freaking believe it?!?)
I asked if she cared if I went, as I am likely to be the post op caretaker. She is fine with it.
Now I'm looking online at info on the surgery, and am getting teary-eyed.
I'm worried I'll negatively affect this doctor visit that my daughter is so excited about.
Should I tell her I'm a bit weepy, and ask if she still wants me to go? Make up a reason not to go? Go, and try to suck it up? Oh goodness, that's a big step. You're the mother and this is major surgery. You are going to be nervous and teary-eyed. The doctors will expect that and that is no reason for you to not be involved every step of the way. I've "known" you a long time on this board and I can not believe that you would ever be happy making up a reason not to go. It would tear you up completely. Go. Be there for your child. You were there every step before it was announced, "It's a boy!," and you should be there every step before it is announced, "It's a girl!".
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 31, 2019 19:06:28 GMT
Talk to her beforehand and tell her that you're excited, happy, nervous and all the other emotions and that those emotions might leak out of your eyes a bit. I'm sure she'll understand. I agree. One of my dear friends went through this. She had to grieve her daughter, but loves her son. She said the hardest thing was when her DS received his new birth certificate.
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 31, 2019 19:06:47 GMT
I just want to send you an armload of love and strength. I so admire the way you're supporting your daughter. Of course there are going to be mixed emotions but you are giving your child exactly what she needs, love and support. Make sure you take care of yourself too. Beautifully said. I agree.
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Post by colleen on Jan 31, 2019 19:16:08 GMT
I just want to send you an armload of love and strength. I so admire the way you're supporting your daughter. Of course there are going to be mixed emotions but you are giving your child exactly what she needs, love and support. Make sure you take care of yourself too. Beautifully said. I agree. Ditto. You are a wonderful mom.
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Post by dudleypippen on Jan 31, 2019 19:21:46 GMT
Thank you! That's so fucking eloquent. You can do this. Your hopes and dreams for a son have to die. Now you have a daughter and you and she can do all the girly things in the world together. I have a DDIL and we do the girly stuff all the time. I did girly stuff with my mother. I hate this expression but you have to be brave for her. Then get her a Sephora/Ulta gift card. She’s going to need it. Not everyone who identifies as female uses/enjoys beauty products or makeup. While I think your comments were well intended it’s harmful to perpetuate gender as a dichotomous variable where female= girly.
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zztop11
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,537
Oct 10, 2014 0:54:51 GMT
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Post by zztop11 on Jan 31, 2019 19:27:19 GMT
My son in law is a reconstructive urologist. Where is she having this done?
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Post by Menjiness on Jan 31, 2019 19:47:59 GMT
You are an amazing Momma.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,790
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jan 31, 2019 19:57:10 GMT
Yes, go, your DD wants and needs you there with her. Sending tons of positive thoughts and prayers for a successful surgery and a quick recovery. You rock, Mom!!!
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Post by chlerbie on Jan 31, 2019 19:58:32 GMT
I'm sure she already understands that this will be emotional for you and also knows how much you're in her corner. Talking about it a bit beforehand will prepare her that it might happen, but the support you give will be invaluable.
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Post by Really Red on Jan 31, 2019 20:26:58 GMT
Your daughter is lucky to have you. Some tears are okay. It's okay to be worried a bit for her. Not buckets of them, but a tear here and there shows you care. You should be able to say they're tears of joy that she's getting what she has wanted for so long, but also tears because surgery is hard and you love her and hate her to be in pain.
It is so great that you are there with her. My DD has trans friends and I don't think one of them had a parent who was on board. One of her friends committed suicide just after graduation (prior to surgery) and I can tell you right now that her friends who have parents on board are so super well adjusted and those who don't struggle a lot.
Your daughter is just so lucky. Hope all goes beautifully!!
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Post by phoenixcov on Jan 31, 2019 20:40:31 GMT
My regards to you and your daughter sharlag. Please let me know if you need any help post-op.
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Post by pierkiss on Jan 31, 2019 20:51:11 GMT
You should definitely go. You will regret it later on if you skip it. Maybe beforehand explain to her that you are feeling ALL of the emotions. And that while you’re incredibly happy for her and this huge step she’s making, you might cry. The tears are not because you are unhappy, but are there because you are releasing ALL the emotions.
It’s ok to cry at big life events. Sometimes our hearts are bursting with whatever emotion we are feeling and we need a physical outlet.
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Post by pierkiss on Jan 31, 2019 20:53:50 GMT
Oh! I almost forgot.
Congratulations to your daughter and your family!
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jan 31, 2019 20:54:05 GMT
Your daughter is so lucky to have you. I wish every trans person had someone in their corner. It's such a gift.
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Post by Tamhugh on Jan 31, 2019 21:30:57 GMT
I may be totally wrong but maybe she is feeling a little nervous and weepy herself. No matter how much she wants this, it has to be a little scary. Maybe if you sit down and tell her that you are feeling emotional about it and reassure her that your tears are not from lack of support, she will Be able to express any fears and emotions she may have.
Most importantly, good luck and be strong!
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Post by breakfastattiffanys on Jan 31, 2019 22:42:59 GMT
Definitely go! I love what another poster said, it’s like the birth of your daughter. I think you’ll regret not going for this huge event in both your lives. I have a friend whose child is transgendering female to male...and doing the hormone injections while at college 8 hours away. He posts a lot on Instagram and I get weepy watching them! So proud of him for being so brave.
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Post by mrssmith on Jan 31, 2019 22:45:14 GMT
Hugs to you! You are so supportive and the love you have for your daughter shines through the computer!
Putting the transgender issues aside, I think everyone should have a 2nd person present when discussing major surgery both for support and to ask questions/take notes. It's still a big process and I think you should know what she is in for so that you can help her afterwards.
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,799
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Jan 31, 2019 23:07:56 GMT
...I think everyone should have a 2nd person present when discussing major surgery both for support and to ask questions/take notes. It's still a big process and I think you should know what she is in for so that you can help her afterwards. Agreed. Plus, it's normal for a parent to be concerned about their child having major surgery. (((hugs)))
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,821
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Jan 31, 2019 23:35:40 GMT
Tell her you may become weepy, but they are happy tears. You are happy she will finally be who she is meant to be and that you admire her bravery.
The date of her surgery can become her new “birthday”. Keep us posted on how you are both doing.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jan 31, 2019 23:44:07 GMT
(((hugs))). Your daughter is lucky to have you as her mom.
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Post by sabrinae on Feb 1, 2019 0:05:14 GMT
I’ll just echo the sentiments of talk to your daughter and explain the tears aren’t a lack of support and go with her. I wish you both all the best. Your doing great by supporting your daughter.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 9:22:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 0:09:51 GMT
I'd go with her since you'll be caring for her post-op! A friend of mine went with her son about 8 mos ago. She cried when she was with her friends and support team. She had lost her other son to a drug overdose a year before that, so she said that she feels like she just lost 2 sons. I get it. But she has a lot of people supporting her and she goes to therapy. Her son (not sure if he's referred to as her daughter) is doing well and so is his mom.
Good luck to your DD and to you. I think it's natural to grieve what was her childhood and life up until now, but I'm sure that in her mind, she's very much relieved and excited to get on with this part of her new life. I wish her the best!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 30, 2024 9:22:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 0:16:29 GMT
I'd worry about crying as well. You have a lot of emotions you are dealing with, but it's important to go with a list of questions prepared as to what to expect with aftercare. You got this. We're here for you!
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Post by lovemybabes on Feb 1, 2019 0:37:29 GMT
I think I agree with everyone. Just tell her you may be emotional, and be there for her. ((hugs)) I think she is lucky to have you!
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,578
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Feb 1, 2019 1:56:46 GMT
My son in law is a reconstructive urologist. Where is she having this done? KU med. And thanks, everyone. It went great. You all are so kind. Words can’t express how much it helps me to come here and get such generous feedback.
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Post by lucyg on Feb 1, 2019 2:05:58 GMT
Well, I’m a day late and a dollar short. Glad it went well. I was only going to say, GO! It’s okay to cry.
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Post by FrozenPea on Feb 1, 2019 2:08:32 GMT
Glad it went well. You are a great mom! ❤️
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Feb 1, 2019 2:30:55 GMT
She should definitely have a second set of ears, and a hand to hold at the appointment. I'm sure she has done her research, but she has to be a little nervous about the appointment. My DS had to have reconstructive surgery of his nose after a bad break playing basketball, and I was a hot mess. You are her mama. You get to be everything from a little weepy to a hot mess. She knows you support her, and she will understand. The surgeon will understand. Congratulations to your DD and know you are an awesome mom.
ETA: Glad it went well!
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