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Post by craftmepink on Feb 23, 2019 17:07:51 GMT
Ok Peas, I need your help,
I was recently released from the hospital due to an illness (had to stay there for 4 days) and won't be returning to work for another week. But I'm dreading the endless questions from the very nosy coworker that I work with. Basically, there's no way of avoiding her since we work closely together. I don't know if she means any harm but she's one of those people who will hold information about someone over their heads. Also, she is a big mouth, as in if you tell her anything, she will let the entire world know.
I can't really say MYOB b/c she's the type of person who's very persistent, nosy, and loves to give unsolicited advice. I really don't want to be rude about it b/c we'll also still have to work together.
So my question is, what do I tell her when she asks why I was out for a couple weeks? I also have a couple of follow up doctor appointments that I have to go to as well.
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lurkyloo
Full Member
Posts: 284
Dec 5, 2018 6:53:08 GMT
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Post by lurkyloo on Feb 23, 2019 17:10:33 GMT
Ok Peas, I need your help, I was recently released from the hospital due to an illness (had to stay there for 4 days) and won't be returning to work for another week. But I'm dreading the endless questions from the very nosy coworker that I work with. Basically, there's no way of avoiding her since we work closely together. I don't know if she means any harm but she's one of those people who will hold information about someone over their heads. Also, she is a big mouth, as in if you tell her anything, she will let the entire world know. I can't really say MYOB b/c she's the type of person who's very persistent, nosy, and loves to give unsolicited advice. I really don't want to be rude about it b/c we'll also still have to work together. So my question is, what do I tell her when she asks why I was out for a couple weeks? I also have a couple of follow up doctor appointments that I have to go to as well. Why can’t you say, “I’m sorry, I just don’t feel like talking about it”? Repeat, repeat, repeat until she gets bored and realizes there’s no reward. |
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,370 
Location: MN
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Post by smcast on Feb 23, 2019 17:15:12 GMT
"It was a personal matter I don't care to discuss. Thank you for your concern."
Eta: if she persists, you can say, " I'd rather focus on work right now."
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Feb 23, 2019 17:18:35 GMT
If your coworker continues to bug you about this can you go to your supervisor? Maybe they need to know in a very direct manner that your health issues are not their business unless they are a medical doctor. Them continuing to annoy you I consider harassment.
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Post by cmpeter on Feb 23, 2019 17:22:16 GMT
I would also say “I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about it, but thank you for your concern”.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,200
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Feb 23, 2019 17:24:06 GMT
You have to be firm. If you decline to tell her and she persists, ask her why she wants to know. And yes, maybe you’ll have to go to a supervisor if she doesn’t give up,
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Post by scrapmaven on Feb 23, 2019 17:27:36 GMT
"It was a personal matter I don't care to discuss. Thank you for your concern." Eta: if she persists, you can say, " I'd rather focus on work right now." This This This! |
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keithurbanlovinpea
Pearl Clutcher
Flowing with the go...
Posts: 4,287
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Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Feb 23, 2019 17:31:32 GMT
I can't really say MYOB b/c she's the type of person who's very persistent, nosy, and loves to give unsolicited advice. I really don't want to be rude about it b/c we'll also still have to work together. You don't have to say MYOB, but you are under no obligation to say anything at all. She can be whoever she wants. How you respond/react to her is yours to own so just stick with "I'm feeling better and glad to be back. " |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 5, 2024 5:02:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 17:31:36 GMT
"It was a personal matter I don't care to discuss. Thank you for your concern." Eta: if she persists, you can say, " I'd rather focus on work right now." This. Then if she doesn't let it go take it to a supervisor. |
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,904
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Feb 23, 2019 17:37:08 GMT
She probably persists because it works for her. Don't give in, it's none NONE of her business. Take the advice from others above and refuse to play. If she continues involve a supervisor/manager. She needs to learn boundaries asap.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it's enough that you are recovering. But take the long view, if she learns her lesson on this occasion she is likely be more circumspect going forward.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 5, 2024 5:02:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 17:38:37 GMT
"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."  J/K. Do like the other peas have said, thank her for her concern, but tell her you don't want to talk about it and want to focus on work. |
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Post by hop2 on Feb 23, 2019 17:47:14 GMT
"It was a personal matter I don't care to discuss. Thank you for your concern." Eta: if she persists, you can say, " I'd rather focus on work right now." this and if that doesn't work follow with I'd appreciate it if you mind your own business and remain professional at work, but if it were me there'd be an expletive in there - in my head at least. I know i can't swear at work but i'd be thinking it. MYOFB DO you have an HR office who can mediate? |
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Post by beachbum on Feb 23, 2019 17:54:57 GMT
I would look her straight in the eyes and say, "Why do you want to know?" And then just look at her with a confused look on your face. It's worked for me before with one of those nosey busybodies.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,328
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Feb 23, 2019 17:55:06 GMT
I've been there done that. "It's personal matter and I'd rather not talk about it." Lather. Rinse. Repeat. If she continues to pester you then go to HR.
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Post by shelby on Feb 23, 2019 17:59:46 GMT
It's nice of you to care. I wasn't feeling well for awhile there but feel much better now thank you. Now I need to get to work to catch up so can't chat now.
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 23, 2019 18:04:12 GMT
Not only the words you use are important, but you also have to use your body language to get your point across. I think some people (more often women) try to soften things ups so the situation isn't awkward. Your privacy is important. When she asks you, face her, look her directly in the eye and say what you need to say. Then hold that look. If you seem wishy-washy about not sharing the information, she will return. If you have made her uncomfortable for asking a rude question (if she does), she will be less likely to ask again.
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
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Post by muggins on Feb 23, 2019 18:05:24 GMT
You may wish to speak to your supervisor first so she/he can tell the rest of the staff not to ask you. I’ve had that happen a couple of times with coworkers who’ve been absent due to the death of a relative or illness. The supervisor gives everyone a heads up before they return.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 23, 2019 18:26:54 GMT
Why worry about being rude to someone who's being rude to you? I'd offer a polite, ""It was a personal matter I don't care to discuss." If she asked the question again, I'd offer an "I answered you yesterday/earlier today why are you asking me again ?" She'll get the message if you make it clear it's none of her damn business and she's pissing you off. Busybodies know who is too polite to be rude and who will tell them to mind their own damn business.
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Post by craftmepink on Feb 23, 2019 18:44:45 GMT
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I do like the simple approach of keep repeating the same thing whenever she asks. My manager is also going to talk to her before I come back. Everyone in the office knows what a busybody she is. And I don't know if she really means any harm.
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Post by nlwilkins on Feb 23, 2019 18:47:30 GMT
You oould even add. "if you persist in trying to bully me over this, I will have to ask for intervention from management" She IS being a bully and that should not be allowed. By pointing this out to her, you are putting her on notice that you are not having it.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Feb 23, 2019 18:51:55 GMT
"I prefer to keep discussions about my health separate from work. Thank you for your concern though."
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 5, 2024 5:02:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2019 18:56:10 GMT
I like to end those kind of conversations with *..... and once I feel ready to discuss it, I will let you know.*
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Feb 23, 2019 19:00:22 GMT
"It was a personal matter I don't care to discuss. Thank you for your concern." Eta: if she persists, you can say, " I'd rather focus on work right now." This!! Next step = supervisor! I would look her straight in the eyes and say, "Why do you want to know?" And then just look at her with a confused look on your face. It's worked for me before with one of those nosey busybodies. Repeat above! |
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Post by Patter on Feb 23, 2019 19:00:33 GMT
I would also say “I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about it, but thank you for your concern”. Ditto, ditto, ditto. Every single time. Don't give in. You will feel so much better doing what's right for you instead of giving in to her! |
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
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Post by melissa on Feb 23, 2019 19:03:27 GMT
Bubonic plague. They say they don't think I am still contagious.
Or better yet.... Bubonic plague. I signed out against medical advice. Just got tired of being in isolation.
That should keep her far away! LOL
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Post by Basket1lady on Feb 23, 2019 19:07:51 GMT
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I do like the simple approach of keep repeating the same thing whenever she asks. My manager is also going to talk to her before I come back. Everyone in the office knows what a busybody she is. And I don't know if she really means any harm. I don't know if she means any harm but she's one of those people who will hold information about someone over their heads. Also, she is a big mouth, as in if you tell her anything, she will let the entire world know. Yes, you do know. She is showing you by her past actions. Maybe she isn't literally blackmailing you, but she is making you feel uncomfortable and is invading your privacy. And she's sharing that knowledge with others. Trust your gut. Stand firm. Your hospital stay is none of her business. |
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desertgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,646
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Post by desertgirl on Feb 23, 2019 19:10:36 GMT
Broken record technique always worked with middle school students when I taught.
You have to mean it, though. Giving in will allow her to crawl through any other cracks.
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Post by tentoes on Feb 23, 2019 19:18:53 GMT
Bubonic plague. They say they don't think I am still contagious. Or better yet.... Bubonic plague. I signed out against medical advice. Just got tired of being in isolation. That should keep her far away! LOL I like this one!! That should do it! Glad you are feeling better! |
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Post by chaosisapony on Feb 23, 2019 19:34:53 GMT
Choose something very embarrassing and contagious. Tell her about it and your symptoms repeatedly.
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Post by Lexica on Feb 23, 2019 19:40:11 GMT
Many years ago, I had a good-sized tumor (benign) removed from right below my breast and I didn’t want to discuss it at the office. We too had one of those nosey women who has to know everything about everyone. I was only out for a day and a half and when I returned, I was very uncomfortable because the underwire on my bra pressed on incision area. It was really painful. Going braless wasn’t an option and I had a deadline so I couldn’t take more time off. I didn’t anticipate this so I hadn’t purchased a bra that didn’t have an underwire. I loosened it as much as possible, but it was obvious that I was moving a little bit cautiously and she noticed.
She asked where I had been and why was I so stiff. This woman was as thick as she was nosey. I told her I had a reoccurring bout of Ebola. By her lack of reaction, it was obvious she didn’t know what Ebola was. I had a coworker in the office who was also a very dear friend. His office was right across from this woman’s desk so he could hear her talk. Sure enough, she began telling people about my reoccurring Ebola. As I expected, people laughed when she said it and just walked away. We all knew this woman wasn’t bright.
Eventually, someone must have clued her in on that one and she kept pestering me for answers. I kept giving her insane medical issues. I even told her I had an orchiectomy. (removal of a testicle) Again, she just nodded knowingly. My friend heard her tell someone that I had something to do with orchids or something. She never did confront me about the stories and stopped asking me after the orchid answer. I admit, I rather enjoyed giving her these medical conditions because everyone she told realized immediately what I was doing and the joke was then on her. Since we all hated her nosey gossip, it became an office thing and everyone started having interesting medical reasons for taking a day off. They may still be doing it to her.
Depending on how bright your busybody is, you might want to have some fun with it like we did.
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