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Post by stargazer on Oct 2, 2014 21:01:44 GMT
Going out to dinner with a mixed group of dh's colleagues which (sadly) includes the most ignorant person we know.
Suggestions of what to say when he inevitably clicks his fingers at a waiter please? He will definitely do this as he has done it to me in my own home, I was too stunned to say anything that time but several of us have sworn "never again". He is truly ignorant & it's this type of behaviour which cost him his marriage but he is his parent's "little god" (despite being 45) so has never been taught any better or called out on it.
So witty (but company polite) suggestions welcome! Maybe the way to go is just to tell him "you do know that's incredibly rude, right?"
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Post by withapea on Oct 2, 2014 21:06:03 GMT
I'd just tell him it's rude. I've done it before and I think it's better to state outright than to joke or be passive aggressive about it. That is uncalled for and in no way acceptable behavior.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691 
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Oct 2, 2014 21:13:12 GMT
I guess it depends if you want to be classy or not. Nothing I can think of would be considered classy, so I wouldn't say a comeback at all.
I would, however, not be afraid to flat call him out on it, as long as my husband was okay with it and it didn't affect his career in any way. I would make sure the waitress was present, too.
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Post by stargazer on Oct 2, 2014 21:21:19 GMT
Don't intend to be rude (that would compound his behaviour) & it won't affect my husband.
As I was writing the post I was realising that the best thing to go would probably be just to tell him outright how rude he is. Good advice, thanks.
I kind of know that it won't change him but I have reached the point where I can't live with myself if I just keep letting it slide.
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Post by turangaleela on Oct 2, 2014 21:21:58 GMT
I'd just tell him it's rude. I've done it before and I think it's better to state outright than to joke or be passive aggressive about it. That is uncalled for and in no way acceptable behavior. I agree. I think that trying to be funny or indirect won't work on this dumbass. |
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Post by disneypal on Oct 2, 2014 21:22:49 GMT
Most of the time, the server will tell you his/her name up front. If he doesn't, ask him his name. Then when your co-diner snaps his fingers - just say "His name is X, you should just call him by his name."
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Post by stargazer on Oct 2, 2014 21:24:08 GMT
Most of the time, the server will tell you his/her name up front. If he doesn't, ask him his name. Then when your co-diner snaps his fingers - just say "His name is X, you should just call him by his name." That probably won't be the case in this place but I LOVE this idea! |
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
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Post by mallie on Oct 2, 2014 22:41:05 GMT
I've used the line, "Please don't do that. You are embarrassing us." That really doesn't leave wiggle room for argument. You're not telling him outright that he's an asshole, you're not asking him to treat the wait staff with respect (because obviously he doesn't respect them); instead you are putting the focus on your feelings. Which then puts the focus on his willingness to make his fellow diners comfortable -- either he's willing to stop to make everyone else happy or he's willing to keep doing something that he now knows embarrasses others.
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Post by sues on Oct 2, 2014 23:06:11 GMT
That would seriously make me gasp, if someone I was with did that to a waiter. Loudly.
Followed up by "I can't believe you did that."
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Post by sillyrabbit on Oct 2, 2014 23:58:04 GMT
"Unless you are a magician performing a magic trick, the snapping thing makes you look like an asshole. "
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Post by eebud on Oct 3, 2014 0:35:28 GMT
I've used the line, "Please don't do that. You are embarrassing us." That really doesn't leave wiggle room for argument. You're not telling him outright that he's an asshole, you're not asking him to treat the wait staff with respect (because obviously he doesn't respect them); instead you are putting the focus on your feelings. Which then puts the focus on his willingness to make his fellow diners comfortable -- either he's willing to stop to make everyone else happy or he's willing to keep doing something that he now knows embarrasses others. In a restaurant, this might be the best you can do. If he doesn't get it, follow up with "It's rude to snap your fingers at the staff". DH's stepfather can sometimes be really rude. One time we were at his house for the evening. He had finished his drink and wanted DH's mother to make him another. There is nothing wrong with him politely asking, especially if she is up and in the kitchen anyway. But, that was not the situation. We were all sitting in the living area having a nice conversation and he raised his glass and shook the ice in it that was supposed to tell DH's mother she needed to get up and get him a drink. I looked at him and said "Why don't you get off your ass and get your own drink". Believe me, he was stunned. LOL DH and I still laugh about it today. He then started to explain why he wanted DH's mother to fix him and drink and I said "Well, why didn't you just ask her nicely?". Needless to say, he doesn't shake his glass at her in front of me anymore. LOL |
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Post by jenettycakes on Oct 3, 2014 1:23:50 GMT
I say go with the consensus & call it like it is pending not disrupting waves for dh.
Please let us know how it went.
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Post by stargazer on Oct 5, 2014 0:31:06 GMT
Amazingly enough he didn't click his fingers at wait staff tonight but he did show his ignorance several times. Fortunately I have come to realise that all of his colleagues see it as clearly as we do...not least when he offered to sign for the check when the chief exec of the company was there...he merely snorted with laughter & let the poor deluded fool keep up the pretence (as he murmured to me "he's only fooling himself"). He was also unhappy to realise that several of us had brought the lady who was retiring gifts & he had not...he was seen to kick them out of his way!
He did argue with me about education (I teach, he is a 45 year old single, childless man), apparently he knows more than I do...once he was on the back foot he told me he wasn't talking about children, then my normally very quiet husband spoke up & made such a good observation it left him nowhere to turn (dh is hoping this'll earn him the silent treatment in the office for a few days which he would greatly enjoy).
This is a guy we've known for 25 years so it's not like it's a snap judgement but tonight for the first time it really became clear to me that he is a misogynist...he bad-mouthed every woman they work with (except for the lady who was retiring & then only probably because she was there!). He butted in to every speech, every anecdote, every conversation...dh now has far worse bruises on his hand than he received when I have birth to either of our children as I squeezed his hand each time I had to bite my tongue not to argue with him or just plain tell him how unpleasant he is.
Only breakfast to get through now & I can be polite through that (probably!). Poor old dh has to work with this jerk though...
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Post by stargazer on Oct 5, 2014 0:33:49 GMT
On a separate note: dh, this guy & the husband of a friend all share a common first name. I had coffee with the friend this morning ... This is now the second time today I've thanked dh for not bring like a guy we know with the same name...everyone else we know with this name seems to be a complete jerk. I literally married the nicest man I know. Lucky me  |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:49:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2014 1:03:10 GMT
I'd orchestrate a moment to be in a position to snap my fingers at him. A little taste of his own antics.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 5, 2014 2:46:48 GMT
I'd orchestrate a moment to be in a position to snap my fingers at him. A little taste of his own antics. Oh, well, in that case, after he snaps at the waiter, you snap at him. "Hey." *snap* "You know that's rude, right?" *snap, snap* |
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,586
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Oct 5, 2014 2:48:23 GMT
I'd orchestrate a moment to be in a position to snap my fingers at him. A little taste of his own antics. Oh, well, in that case, after he snaps at the waiter, you snap at him. "Hey." *snap* "You know that's rude, right?" *snap, snap* I love this! I know it might not be the high road, but it's entertaining. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:49:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2014 2:53:31 GMT
I've used the line, "Please don't do that. You are embarrassing us." That really doesn't leave wiggle room for argument. You're not telling him outright that he's an asshole, you're not asking him to treat the wait staff with respect (because obviously he doesn't respect them); instead you are putting the focus on your feelings. Which then puts the focus on his willingness to make his fellow diners comfortable -- either he's willing to stop to make everyone else happy or he's willing to keep doing something that he now knows embarrasses others. In a restaurant, this might be the best you can do. If he doesn't get it, follow up with "It's rude to snap your fingers at the staff". DH's stepfather can sometimes be really rude. One time we were at his house for the evening. He had finished his drink and wanted DH's mother to make him another. There is nothing wrong with him politely asking, especially if she is up and in the kitchen anyway. But, that was not the situation. We were all sitting in the living area having a nice conversation and he raised his glass and shook the ice in it that was supposed to tell DH's mother she needed to get up and get him a drink. I looked at him and said "Why don't you get off your ass and get your own drink". Believe me, he was stunned. LOL DH and I still laugh about it today. He then started to explain why he wanted DH's mother to fix him and drink and I said "Well, why didn't you just ask her nicely?". Needless to say, he doesn't shake his glass at her in front of me anymore. LOL [br My husband 's father does this. I just ignore him. Husband does it when he wants to rile the troops. |
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Post by anniefb on Oct 5, 2014 2:56:25 GMT
I'd orchestrate a moment to be in a position to snap my fingers at him. A little taste of his own antics. Oh, well, in that case, after he snaps at the waiter, you snap at him. "Hey." *snap* "You know that's rude, right?" *snap, snap*  |
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Post by epeanymous on Oct 5, 2014 3:05:31 GMT
I agree with snapping at him . Also, I find that when people say something obnoxious and I am unable to formulate a good response, repeating back to them what they have just said with an upward inflection often works. |
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