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Post by ajsweetpea on Oct 8, 2014 12:33:43 GMT
I am throwing a bridal shower for a relative. Invitations went out recently. Another relative responded via e-mail and RSVP-ed not only for herself but for another relative, who was not invited to the shower. This person's name appeared nowhere on the invitation so there was no illusion that she was invited. The bride provided me with names and addresses of people she wanted invited and this person was NOT on the list, as she is not close to the bride. She often causes a lot of drama, has angry outbursts and I am pretty sure she has some undiagnosed mental health issues. How do I handle this? I don't want this party to turn into a disaster which it is very possible if this person was there. How do I handle this? I think there is going to be drama if I say this person isn't invited. Should I just let this person come knowing she might spoil the party? If not, how do I tell the other relative that this person was not invited? Thanks in advance for any help! Seriously, after this wedding, I am not going to agree to be in anymore weddings!
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,039 
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Post by Nanner on Oct 8, 2014 12:37:20 GMT
I would tell the invited relative that the invite list was very exact and tight and that you are sorry but drama queen was not sent an invite and therefore not invited. No way would I be opening this up to be a nightmare party.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
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Post by mallie on Oct 8, 2014 12:40:48 GMT
There's going to be drama no matter which way you slice the cake. So I'd choose the drama that does not ruin the bride's party.
I'd call up the relative and say, "Drama Queen was not invited to the party." Lather, rinse, repeat. Seriously, just keep repeating those words no matter what excuse or wheedle or pressure the other relative tries to pull. Don't explain, don't give excuses, be a brick wall. Because you can't argue with a brick wall. Just state the facts. Just the facts, ma'am.
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Post by gar on Oct 8, 2014 12:42:09 GMT
Do you think the invited relative invited the drama queen or might she have invited herself? To answer your question - no, you should not just let the uninvited guest waltz her way in but you need to find a way to stop her. It's hard to say what'll work not knowing the relationships/people involved but no, you don't just gatecrash events like that - it's unacceptable and so is enabling it.
ETA - we don't know if the invited guest was 'forced' into including the drama queen or chose to.
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Post by monklady123 on Oct 8, 2014 12:42:26 GMT
Yes, what they said before me. ^^^^
I hate it when people feel entitled to do whatever they want. Yes, it will cause drama, but the bottom line is that this is the bride's day, so too bad for Drama Queen. ugh
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Post by Pahina722 on Oct 8, 2014 12:44:13 GMT
This party is for the bride, not the family. Simply tell relative that Nutter was not invited, the bride doesn't want Nutter at the party, and if relative can't respect the bride's wishes, then relative shouldn't attend either.
But then I don't have much tolerance for such behavior.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 8, 2014 12:48:48 GMT
The nutter wasn't invited, so like the others said, tell the rude presumptive relative that the guest list is set and that there is no room for additional people. And quite honestly, I want to take the respondent off the list as well. My only concern is that she may show up anyway.
It really amazes me how presumptive and rude people are about showers. Makes me hate them even more.
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Post by myboysnme on Oct 8, 2014 12:56:42 GMT
I guess that relative [HASH]1 has a reason for wanting to include relative [HASH]2. Does she not drive alone or something? Anyway, Call her up and tell her that you could only invite a certain number of guests so you are so sorry but you can't accommodate anyone extra.
I will say though, when I got married years and years ago, there were some people who RSVP'd with more than the number who were on their invite, and we did tell them no extra people, so they chose not to come at all. If I could go back I would try to accommodate the extras; try to be more inclusive. Some people have a penchant for drama, but that does not mean someone who hasn't previously demonstrated it won't go off the deep end either. Lots of things ruin parties. For example:
I got roped into giving a baby shower for my cousin's daughter. I had to travel 2 hours, spent lots of time and not a little bit of money on the shower. I kept it simple, had iced tea and lemonaide, but my cousin (the mom) started serving coffee in the kitchen; since I had not planned to serve hot beverages (it was a mid afternoon August event) and had people socializing in the kitchen like a coffee clatch. If she wanted to host, she could have and saved me lots of effort. In the end, a car full of guests got lost despite the detailed map I enclosed and they didn't bother to look at, and the shower was all disorganized with so many late arrivals and the coffee clatch in the kitchen. Someone brought uninvited kids who were right in the mix like kids are. If there had been an undesireable relative it would not have made any difference.
Do what you think, but just remember that the uninvited relative will probably not be the only disruption.
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,238
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Oct 8, 2014 12:59:08 GMT
Put your big girl panties on and tell the relative that she cannot invite other people. Case closed.
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 8, 2014 13:01:40 GMT
Yikes. I can only say good luck!
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Post by epeanymous on Oct 8, 2014 13:07:57 GMT
I agree that there will be drama either way so go with the drama that doesn't spoil the bride's day. "I am so sorry, but as isn't invited." That is it.
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Post by Miss Ang on Oct 8, 2014 13:16:31 GMT
Personally, I would tell the bride and make sure wants the fallout from the drama that rejecting Miss Not Invited will cause. If the bride is of the opinion that she doesn't care what the fallout is, I would message the person that RSVP'd and let her know that the other person she RSVP'd for was not on the list of people to be invited, therefore she was not and is not invited.
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Post by hosschick on Oct 8, 2014 13:16:39 GMT
Unless I was already certain that DramaQueen had been specifically excluded, I'd contact the bride and let her make the call.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,156
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Oct 8, 2014 13:21:43 GMT
Personally, I would tell the bride and make sure wants the fallout from the drama that rejecting Miss Not Invited will cause. If the bride is of the opinion that she doesn't care what the fallout is, I would message the person that RSVP'd and let her know that the other person she RSVP'd for was not on the list of people to be invited, therefore she was not and is not invited. I like this idea... Let the bride in on the issue and then handle it however she chooses for you to. |
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Post by littlemama on Oct 8, 2014 13:35:47 GMT
Ugh, what an awkward situation for them to have put you in. I think I would let the bride know and see which way she wants the drama to go, then do what she wants.
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Post by LAM88 on Oct 8, 2014 13:40:06 GMT
Personally, I would tell the bride and make sure wants the fallout from the drama that rejecting Miss Not Invited will cause. If the bride is of the opinion that she doesn't care what the fallout is, I would message the person that RSVP'd and let her know that the other person she RSVP'd for was not on the list of people to be invited, therefore she was not and is not invited. I agree with this. I wouldn't make a move without checking with the bride first. She may just say that in the interest of family harmony, Miss Not Invited can just come along. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 8, 2014 14:10:19 GMT
Personally, I would tell the bride and make sure wants the fallout from the drama that rejecting Miss Not Invited will cause. If the bride is of the opinion that she doesn't care what the fallout is, I would message the person that RSVP'd and let her know that the other person she RSVP'd for was not on the list of people to be invited, therefore she was not and is not invited. I agree with this as well. The bride may have to deal with decades of ill will and even more drama at her wedding if if the uninvited guest is barred from the shower. Let her make the decision. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Oct 8, 2014 14:33:57 GMT
I personally think the uninvited guest will show up anyway. So just let her. Just make the friend aware that is bringing her, and the bride, and hopefully you can deflate any drama that might happen.
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nyandnc
Junior Member
North Carolina
Posts: 67
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Post by nyandnc on Oct 8, 2014 14:37:43 GMT
I agree with getting the bride's opinion.The extra guest may not have been invited because the bride isn't close to her and didn't think extra person would be interested in attending.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 8, 2014 14:42:13 GMT
Is the uninvited relative, invited to the wedding? You definitely should warn the bride if she's not as she may have more drama ahead of her. Is the drama queen the only relative not invited (ie all cousins were invited, but her?) It's possible someone thought it was an oversight, or someone is trying to make a point.
families + weddings = CRAZY
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Post by *christine* on Oct 8, 2014 14:45:29 GMT
Wow, I was surprised to see so many responses that they would call the RSVPer and tell them the annoying family member could not attend. I'm a wuss, I would never want to get in the middle of that! I would probably go back to the bride and secretly hope she says, OK whatever let annoying annie come along.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 8, 2014 15:38:23 GMT
There's going to be drama no matter which way you slice the cake. So I'd choose the drama that does not ruin the bride's party. I'd call up the relative and say, "Drama Queen was not invited to the party." Lather, rinse, repeat. Seriously, just keep repeating those words no matter what excuse or wheedle or pressure the other relative tries to pull. Don't explain, don't give excuses, be a brick wall. Because you can't argue with a brick wall. Just state the facts. Just the facts, ma'am.  The way I am reading this, you are all related so you know what the family fallout will be if you make it clear this person is not invited. You know the bride did not invite her, so I wouldn't bother consulting the bride, I would go back to the invited guest and make it clear you are happy she can make it, but XXX is not invited. I DO feel your pain, because DH has a couple of relatives who are constantly changing guest lists to suit their needs or trying to guilt us into including people we don't want in our lives. His aunt wasn't sure she could make our wedding because 4th cousin 6x removed was heartbroken to not be invited, crying herself to sleep every night, etc., (long story, tiny wedding with firm line of who invited). DH would not get into a discussion with his aunt, just reminded her the deadline for RSVPing if she would be there. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 8, 2014 15:48:39 GMT
I would ask the bride too. It may be that she would rather have the person there then cause the additional drama of telling her she's not invited. I know if I were a bride in that situation and it was family, I would probably suck it up just for the sake of family harmony.
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JustTricia
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Location: Indianapolis
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Post by JustTricia on Oct 8, 2014 15:56:38 GMT
I agree with asking the bride.
Do you think relative A assumed relative B was invited, so she asked her about it? And B just went along with it due to her drama ways? A may be innocent of everything except talking about the invite.
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Post by scrapsotime on Oct 8, 2014 16:05:08 GMT
I think the bride has already made her wishes clear by not inviting the drama relative to begin with.
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Post by ~Zoey~ on Oct 8, 2014 16:08:47 GMT
I would ask the bride too. It may be that she would rather have the person there then cause the additional drama of telling her she's not invited. I know if I were a bride in that situation and it was family, I would probably suck it up just for the sake of family harmony. 
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Oct 8, 2014 16:12:31 GMT
I'd also check with the bride to be sure she's ok with it. There may be some fresh issue between them that would ruin her day just seeing the other person. And if she says to let her come, I'd then contact the person who put her name on the RSVP and tell her you expect her to keep Drama Queen in line.
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Post by Mary_K on Oct 8, 2014 16:24:29 GMT
You are in charge of the shower. You say:
"Bride, guest RSVP'd for crazy non-guest but don't worry, I will be telling guest that crazy non-guest is not invited."
Let the chips fall where they may.
Mary K
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plasticlight
Junior Member
Posts: 51
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Post by plasticlight on Oct 8, 2014 16:30:10 GMT
Wow, I was surprised to see so many responses that they would call the RSVPer and tell them the annoying family member could not attend. I'm a wuss, I would never want to get in the middle of that! I would probably go back to the bride and secretly hope she says, OK whatever let annoying annie come along. This is totally what I would do! Total wuss here too  But in all honesty - as a bride who is about to have her own shower soon, would prefer you to tell me about the situation and let me handle it from there. And again, as a (wussy) bride, I would just let her come but make sure there were people who were on crazy-person-control to deal with anything the annoying family member might try to throw out. I actually have three in place to deal with a certain person at my own wedding (she can't make it to the bridal shower, thank goodness!). |
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Oct 9, 2014 10:31:10 GMT
Let the bride know and then follow up with whatever she wants you to do. Good luck. Keep us updated.
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