Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 7:20:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 22:59:38 GMT
Quick background: DH (73) has had highly aggressive bladder cancer for 4 years now (I've lost count) and has had many tumor removals. He's had BCG treatments (a form of chemo) and they keep coming back. He kept hearing that he "wasn't a candidate" for bladder removal surgery because of his poor health (type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, a-fib and congestive heart failure, lung cancer, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, severely overweight...). We got a 2nd opinion with another Urologist who said he'd "die on the table"--not too nice.......... Then we went to an Oncologist who said that he's very complicated and a high risk and he'd need a much better Urology surgeon and cancer center. Fair enough. That's where we stopped because more bladder tumors popped up. They haven't reached his bladder wall, which means that his cancer hasn't yet spread, but the chance of that happening gets greater all the time........
Okay, so we went to his 3 month primary doctor checkup today and she reviewed everything. We asked one more time about going to a good cancer center, and she said that she reviewed his new cardiology tests and his Cardiologist said that he had a recent heart attack. The bottom portion of his heart is only at 50%, besides his congestive heart failure and a-fib. He said that DH wouldn't be a candidate for a long surgery, and that he has "at most 5 years to live" due to his heart, so basically either his heart issues or his cancer will be a cause within 5 years. We were IN SHOCK!!!!!!!
His Cardiologist made it seem very light and good when we saw him. He said that DH had to focus on losing weight so he could breathe better, and just move around, plus eat healthy, etc............ DH took that badly and began eating whatever he wanted and being very petulant with me. Plus, I've been having migraines (in bed for 2 days at a time) and he eats whatever he wants while I can't watch over him. I truly believe that he's doing what he wants with the remainder of his life, but that this will cut it even shorter.
I guess this was just a vent. I'm saddened and shocked, and still intent on getting him better healthcare and trying to help him clean up his diet and lifestyle. I can't tell if he's depressed (he's on 3 Rx's for depression) or if he's feeling tired and sick because of his health. Hard to tell!
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Post by dewryce on Jun 14, 2019 23:03:22 GMT
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. Big (((hugs))) from me.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Jun 14, 2019 23:04:35 GMT
So sorry to hear all this. Hugs coming your way.
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Post by mrssmith on Jun 14, 2019 23:04:45 GMT
Wow. That's a lot. I hope that news was delivered with compassion. Sending you strength and peace.
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Post by Outspoken on Jun 14, 2019 23:06:29 GMT
Wow! This is a lot to be told all of a sudden. I’m sorry that you all are dealing with this. I assume he sees a therapist to help him emotionally deal with what’s at hand? I wish the best for you both in finding the right care and strategies to become healthier.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jun 14, 2019 23:07:55 GMT
What a shock that must have been to both of you, especially on top of everything else. (((Hugs))) to you both.
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ashley
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Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
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Post by ashley on Jun 14, 2019 23:15:26 GMT
That is a huge shock!
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 14, 2019 23:23:00 GMT
Wow. What a big shock that must have been!
I don't know that I have anything helpful to say. Just hugs that you find some peace with it. We all have stories about people who were supposed to die within a certain timeframe and beat the odds. Not to compare humans and dogs, but here goes... we had a medically fragile dog that wasn't supposed to live for another year and she lived to be 13 1/2 (a good age for a golden/lab). You just can never give up.
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Deleted
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Sept 29, 2024 7:20:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 23:32:56 GMT
I sorry. I would speak with his cardiologist and double check that that is the correct diagnosis. I'm surprised that his GP would deliver this news vs his cardiologist.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,582
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jun 14, 2019 23:42:32 GMT
I am so very sorry. That's a big bit of news to digest. I hope he proves to be an exception. Prayers for you both.
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Post by quinlove on Jun 14, 2019 23:56:31 GMT
Sending hugs and love. ❤️
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jun 15, 2019 0:12:30 GMT
Omg I was not expecting this. I will PM you when I have something encouraging to say ok? Give me an hour.
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Post by lucyg on Jun 15, 2019 0:20:38 GMT
I am sorry for this news, BUT: sometimes even doctors don’t know what they're talking about. When compwalla first went to her doctor with very specific symptoms and knowing something was seriously wrong, the (female) doctor told her not to worry, it was just signs of menopause starting. WRONG!!
So at least talk to the cardiologist before you start to panic, okay?
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,091
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jun 15, 2019 0:23:27 GMT
I am so sorry. It’s a tough road and he probably is depressed.
The one question I would ask is this:
Do you want to see 74 or 78?
74 feels young, while many people are lucky to get as close to 80 as 78.
My dad had Parkinson’s and fought it like crazy for several years. Then glioblastoma took him at 80 while he was still getting as much life as he could despite Parkinson’s.
Your DH has a choice to keep fighting as long as he can. 78 or 79 is a nice long life. And he may get longer. My dad did. His hard work probably bought him a couple more years. He’d always say that every day above ground is a good day.
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moodyblue
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Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jun 15, 2019 0:24:39 GMT
That had to be hard to hear. I’m so sorry about that.
As someone mentioned, it’s a little odd to be getting that news from the general doctor rather than the cardiologist - but I also know that some doctors won’t/don’t tell you the negative stuff at all, or not as bluntly as others, unless you explicitly ask. Your husband has quite a few serious health issues. The doctors may assume that you already realize his life span may be severely impacted by these so don’t tell you directly.
Depending on what you WANT to hear and maybe know, you could certainly talk to the cardiologist for his take on what to expect, but you know that no one can tell you precisely on life expectancy. Some people keep tooling along for many more years than expected, even with many health issues.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
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Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Jun 15, 2019 0:25:19 GMT
I’m so sorry. Sending hugs.
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hutchfan
Drama Llama
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Jul 6, 2016 16:42:12 GMT
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Post by hutchfan on Jun 15, 2019 0:35:53 GMT
Sending hugs and saying prayers.
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jun 15, 2019 0:41:05 GMT
That is so hard. Every bit of what you wrote. Hard from all sides. Sending you all the hugs!!
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Post by tentoes on Jun 15, 2019 0:44:21 GMT
Sending hugs and prayers to you and your DH. So sorry for that diagnosis. I'm really surprised the doctor stated a time limit.
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Post by mlynn on Jun 15, 2019 0:46:31 GMT
I have an aunt who has defied the doctor's prognosis. I can recall conversation with my mother in the early to mid-80's. At that point, she was supposed to have already been dead for some time according to the doctors. Here it is 2019 and she is still around. She has outlived their predictions by at least 40 years. She is still in pretty good shape. It has not been a sickly or degenerative 40+ years
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 15, 2019 0:54:22 GMT
I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to be told.
I know it is frustrating to see your dh eat contrary to what his doctors have told him to, but remember that you can only be a cheerleader and not a prison warden.
So many (((hugs))) to you and your dh.
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Post by scrapmomof2 on Jun 15, 2019 1:09:37 GMT
I'm so sorry for this shocking news. It's really hard to face our own mortality. Best of luck to outliving the doctor's predictions!!!
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purplebee
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Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jun 15, 2019 1:20:01 GMT
So sorry to hear this. Sending prayers for hope and healing. Hugs....
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Post by destined2bmom on Jun 15, 2019 1:23:53 GMT
I am so sorry for both of you. I understand how shocking it must have been to hear this news. You have both been through so much. Sending many prayers and hugs to you and your DH.
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Post by librarylady on Jun 15, 2019 1:33:15 GMT
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sad to read this. I cannot imagine how shocking that office visit would have been. I can't believe the dr. said that to you and DH.
I send you a hug of comfort.
Hope those headaches end soon. I am sure it is stress related. Here comes another hug.......
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Jun 15, 2019 1:49:14 GMT
Sending you {HUGS} and good thoughts. My FIL had a complicated on going medical history, and his "timeline" changed by years through out his life, based on doctors diagnoses. This is all new information that needs to be processed by you guys, as well as all the doctors involved. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 15, 2019 2:05:17 GMT
This must be just overwhelming you both. I'm so sorry.
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Post by jenjie on Jun 15, 2019 2:18:56 GMT
Oh wow I’m so sorry. Praying
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jun 15, 2019 2:23:07 GMT
That's hard to hear all at once. You and DH need to sit down and talk. He needs to decide how he wants to proceed. What he eats is up to him, you unfortunately can only stand by. But you also need to tell him how you feel and how much you should have to watch him decline if he chooses NOT to help himself! Give him some time to process this new info. The very best to you both!
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
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christinec68
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Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
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Post by christinec68 on Jun 15, 2019 2:24:24 GMT
I can’t imagine how hard that was to hear. I am very sorry. (((Hugs)))
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