Montannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,486
Location: Big Sky Country
Jun 25, 2014 20:32:35 GMT
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Post by Montannie on Aug 16, 2019 15:13:19 GMT
Oh elaine, my heart is breaking for you and your family. I wish there was something I could do. I can offer my prayers for you all. Big cyber hugs!
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Post by librarylady on Aug 16, 2019 15:18:43 GMT
Your story breaks my heart.
Elaine, you say he begs to stay at home, and I do understand how that would be gut wrenching....gut wrenching.
But, when he is dangerous to you (you said he tried to choke you).....he MUST live somewhere else for your safety.
However, you say he functions as a kindergartner.....so, think of a kinder, who does not want to go to school. The parent must do what is best and send the child to school....and leave the child crying at the door.....
In your situation, perhaps you could find a suitable home, and then visit with him daily (stay several hours) for a week or two--so that he knows who his house mates would be. Then, when the day comes, he moves there. It will still be hard still, but you really must think of your safety.
Hug to you.
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Post by kristi on Aug 16, 2019 15:28:41 GMT
Elaine, I can the hear the love for your son & pain in your post & am so sorry you have to face this.
My father had a degenerative medical condition & lived with his mom his whole life. As he got older there were situations similar to yours and it was very difficult for her physically & mentally. I don't have the answers but just want to let you know I am sorry and hope that you are able to find some relief whether it be more respite care/day home/whatever works for your family.
{HUGS}
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,170
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Aug 16, 2019 15:30:15 GMT
I can’t even really imagine what it’s like for you and your husband. It takes an enormous amount of strength to live every day with the challenges you have.
Having to plan for permanent guardianship and care for your child is so tough, and I imagine it’s even harder when you know your child doesn’t really understand. Having him beg to not leave your home must be heart-breaking. Having to weigh that with your safety and his long-term needs is unimaginably heart-rending.
I wish only the best for all of you. And should you make the decision to place him in a group home sooner rather than much later, I hope you find one where he can be happy and safe and you can breathe easier knowing that he won’t face an even more difficult transition when you can’t be there for him any longer. In the meantime, I hope you get some more respite care so you can relax and recharge even a little.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 16, 2019 15:36:16 GMT
oh, Elaine. Much love and encouragement to you and DH. Good luck in court today.
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Post by busy on Aug 16, 2019 15:36:17 GMT
Thinking about you elaine. We're here for you.
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Post by tentoes on Aug 16, 2019 16:31:38 GMT
Adding my ((HUGS)) and concern for you and for your safety. I hope he can learn some self-control so you will be safe and unhurt. My heart goes out to you.
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Post by roberta on Aug 16, 2019 17:08:19 GMT
Thinking of you. Huge hugs!
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Post by lurker on Aug 16, 2019 17:33:43 GMT
How incredibly painful this situation must be for you. I wish you peace.
I'm also thankful you came back to the pod. We missed you!
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Post by maryland on Aug 16, 2019 18:00:25 GMT
Thinking about you.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Aug 16, 2019 18:32:36 GMT
(((Hugs))) - I wish I had words to comfort you, and ideas to change your situation. Hoping for peace and comfort and the best resolution for your family. Thank you for sharing your situation and being real about it. Please keep us updated and come here anytime you need to talk or find support.
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 16, 2019 18:42:36 GMT
Elaine my heart goes out to you. You carry a heavy burden. I wish there was something real that I could do to give you a reprieve. I keep you in my thoughts.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 16, 2019 18:54:11 GMT
It’s heartbreaking that this is your son’s future. Seeing all the young adults starting their lives can only be stabs in your hearts. Constant reminders of the life he deserves but will not get. Every time you’re asked to rejoice when a friend’s child graduates, gets married, becomes a parent. And now you see your peers enjoying their empty nests. Go traveling. Taking Sabbaticals. Becoming grandparents. Of course it hurts. Add that to the 24/7 stress that is caring for an adult sized child, and marking such an official, momentous age and legal act. Give yourself time to grieve, be assertive about finding yourself as much respite as you can. But after all that, remember there are many, here and just in general, who are not living the lives they thought they would have, having been cheated by illness, spousal betrayal, financial upsets, and other things. We all are a club, here to acknowledge that life is not fair, that things suck, but we keep going. elaine I know you will continue to make the right decisions for you and your family. And I grieve with you for the terrible ways your family dreams have been crushed.
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Post by quinmm14 on Aug 16, 2019 18:57:59 GMT
I'm so sorry, and even that doesn't seem like enough.
Hugs.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 26, 2024 8:04:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2019 19:05:00 GMT
Huge gentle hugs for you today.
Whatever you decided to do, you are not alone.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Aug 16, 2019 19:07:05 GMT
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Post by catck on Aug 16, 2019 20:08:12 GMT
No words, just hugs and love to you and your family.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,855
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Aug 16, 2019 20:21:57 GMT
Thinking of you today, Elaine.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Aug 16, 2019 20:31:35 GMT
i am so very sorry. i have a dear friend with a 7 year old and i see that in her future as well. she is still bigger than he is so is able to manage his angry outbursts... for the time being. she is single mom with no family - her widowed mom is the only that can help and lives a 3 hour flight away. her sister has said her son is "no longer welcome in our home" and the grandmother lives with that daughter and her family so grandma comes out for 2 weeks in the summer and it is the *only* break she gets. she is a 5' tall 73 year old woman - soon enough she will be unable to handle him. a friend's husband was lamenting about their 12 year old son growing up and pulling away from him recently. he said it's such a sad time - the years when he would walk through the door and get "DADDY'S HOME" and a huge hug have gone by and now his son thinks he knows nothing and is boring. i empathized with him but did remind him it's a normal developmental stage that some parents would give *anything* to experience. that he should try to count his blessings. everything i think to say sounds hollow - just know we are always here to listen and support. (((hugs))) to you.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,623
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on Aug 16, 2019 20:48:32 GMT
Sending hugs. I wish the best for all of you.
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Post by cannmom on Aug 16, 2019 20:58:36 GMT
Hugs . I’m keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
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Post by tmarschall on Aug 16, 2019 21:30:48 GMT
Sending love. I hope you will find time to be kind to yourself today.
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,433
Jul 6, 2014 23:59:59 GMT
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Post by peasquared on Aug 16, 2019 22:06:51 GMT
I am so sorry, elaine. Life is so hard sometimes. It makes me truly wonder if this is hell and that someday we'll get our heaven. We are here for you night and day and we love you!
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Aug 16, 2019 22:29:05 GMT
I hope today went well. I had tears in my eyes after I read your post. Please take care of yourself too, Elaine. We love you and we worry about you.
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Post by grate on Aug 16, 2019 23:09:14 GMT
Sending you love. My mil took care of her daughter, (nonverbal, 4 year old level BUT could wash herself and go to day school) until she died at 83. I know how hard and stressful that was but to add violent and have to dress and bathe, you are one special person. I am so sorry that what you wish to have, doesn't seem in your grasp. To say hang in there, seems so trivial, I wish there was something I could say to help.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Aug 17, 2019 0:31:03 GMT
elaine , my heart breaks for you. I wish I could think of something profound to say. I am so sorry you are dancing this. Ugh - dancing = dealing with. Stupid autocorrect!
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lisaknits
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,344
May 28, 2015 16:14:56 GMT
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Post by lisaknits on Aug 17, 2019 1:44:22 GMT
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Post by elaine on Aug 17, 2019 2:52:40 GMT
Thanks for asking! I checked in while waiting for court and it went fine. Only a few minutes before the judge and then 1 1/2 hours in a clerk’s office finalizing all the paperwork and getting notarized copies of the guardianship certificate. DS didn’t really understand what was going on and was fairly subdued, but was happy that we got to stop for bagels and lox and cream cheese for lunch on the way home. It is a big relief to have this part of the paperwork and process done. My thanks to everyone again for all of the support you freely give - you lift me up.
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Post by jenjie on Aug 17, 2019 3:08:11 GMT
Thanks for asking! I checked in while waiting for court and it went fine. Only a few minutes before the judge and then 1 1/2 hours in a clerk’s office finalizing all the paperwork and getting notarized copies of the guardianship certificate. DS didn’t really understand what was going on and was fairly subdued, but was happy that we got to stop for bagels and lox and cream cheese for lunch on the way home. It is a big relief to have this part of the paperwork and process done. My thanks to everyone again for all of the support you freely give - you lift me up. I’m so glad it went well for you. Many of us I’m sure were thinking of you throughout the day. Much love my friend.
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Post by JoP on Aug 17, 2019 5:44:53 GMT
I’m so glad it went well elaine
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