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Post by sawwhet on Sept 30, 2019 14:00:17 GMT
It seems to be getting worse these days. Thank you seems to be a thing of the past also.
I sent a FB message to a good friend of mine a few weeks ago. Her adult daughter scrapbooks and I was cleaning out my supplies because I don't sb anymore. Good supplies. Inches of cardstock, patterned paper, a Cuttlebug with dies and pretty much anything she wants. No response. The message was read. What about a "thanks for the offer, but no thanks". Nothing.
I have another friend (more of an acquaintance) who leads card making workshops at the rec. centre and at senior's home. I asked her if she'd like the items. She was happy to take them. I packaged them up nicely and I dropped them off at her home at the back door because she had to run an errand. That was it. No thank you. She was on FB all weekend. Nothing.
I offered a teacher friend of mine an educational service that we'd provide, for free. She pays for it each year and we were given some funding to reward some of our customers. No response. Again, she read the message. Even if she wasn't going to buy the service this year, it's free and beneficial. At least respond with a "thanks, not at this time" or something like that.
I contacted my friend's adult daughter who'd be an excellent candidate to work for my company. She works part time at her job right now. I told her that she could work 2-3 days (we're highly flexible) for us but she'd have to submit a resume and go through the interview process. We posted the job, didn't get a lot of response and really wanted a great, quality person. This young lady has a master's degree and experience in our field. It's double the $ as compared to her part time other job. She was super excited, told me that she'd submit and didn't. She said nothing. Okay, whatevs. For a girl living at home and complaining about the job market.....
Yeah, I'm a bit perplexed. Has responding become a thing of the past?
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 30, 2019 14:28:26 GMT
I don’t know, but all of those things would drive me to the edges of my sanity. Maybe part of the problem is the method in which you are contacting people? Maybe FB messenger isn’t the best way. It could be possible that the people are seeing the message from you at an odd moment when they pop on to FB to kill a bit of time but they aren’t in a position to make a decision at that moment so they put it off, and then forget all about it so they don’t end up getting back to you. I guess in any of those circumstances I would probably call the person directly and if they didn’t pick up or call back, time to move on. There are plenty of worthwhile places to donate to. I usually give anything craft related to my kid’s school. Not only are they happy to get it but I receive a tax donation slip along with the thank you note they always send.
As for not thanking you for the items and services you have so generously sent their way, that is just downright rude. I will note that with many people younger than me (50’s), it does seem to be something that is viewed as optional which I will never understand. Maybe it makes me an old biddy (LOL) but when people don’t acknowledge the gifts or other things I send their way, they drop down on my list of priorities and I no longer feel as compelled to go out of my way to do nice things for them in the future. It gives me greater pleasure to do nice things for people who show appreciation.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,137 
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Post by rickmer on Sept 30, 2019 14:31:24 GMT
i have to say, i know i get caught sometimes reading a message when i cannot respond and think i will come back to it. because it no longer shows as "new" i have missed a few things.
i have also been halfway through a text or email, got interrupted and *thought* i have sent it, not received a reply and then upon looking back at it, i find MY message in my drafts.
BUT there are many cases when people just don't bother. and shame on them.
i went for a group orientation session for an interview recently. the recruiter had 4 positions in the downtown office and 2 in the north office. she handled it this way to do an overview of the role, fill applicants in on the company and the culture and advise them of what to expect of the hiring process.
sixteen people were booked and confirmed for the session. six showed up. none sent messages as to why they were not able to make it. as a recruiter, they did her favour by not wasting 10 hrs of her timing going thru all that one-on-one in initial interviews. and they did ME a favour because i went from competing with 15 others to competing with 5 others.
(going for 2nd interview tomorrow!!!)
but i do think it's indicative of the times we live in. my friend had a cleaner working for them. seemed like a great guy... hurt his foot and didn't come into work. texted 5 mins before his shift. its a bakery so his role is important, all the baking sheets need to be washed so baker can start again the next morning. they spoke to him that night and he assured them he would be back the next day. they said "if you aren't able to, please let us know by 10am so we can cover your shift tomorrow". he agreed. and didn't show up the next day with no message. ugh.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,795
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Sept 30, 2019 14:32:40 GMT
sometimes I miss the phone being used as just that, a phone.
Texting etc is easier less intrusive in a lot of instances but sometimes it can't replace a quick phone call with short conversation to know the "message" has gotten through. And often quicker than the back and forth of texting.
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Post by katlady on Sept 30, 2019 14:35:45 GMT
Also, to read FB messages on your phone you need a separate app. from the regular FB app. Maybe they don’t have the message app on their phones.
I have noticed that getting a “thank you” is not easy these days.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Sept 30, 2019 14:39:37 GMT
I think FB messenger is the worst way to contact people. I rarely use FB on my laptop. On mobile they are separate apps. I don’t check Facebook everyday and I ignore messenger so I probably wouldn’t see your message for weeks. Also, agree that I may check text, email at times when I cannot reply. Once it’s no longer flagged as unread chances I’ll remember to go back and reply later are pretty low.
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Post by ajsweetpea on Sept 30, 2019 14:50:15 GMT
Ugh, I’m sorry. I think sometimes Messenger is not the best way to go. I know I have been guilty of reading messages, getting busy, and then forgetting to respond. (I don’t get a ton of messages on Messenger so it’s not the first method I think to check or go back to.)
Also, maybe people don’t want the item you are offering and are worried they will hurt your feelings. My friend offered me a huge car related toy for my son. Now don’t get me wrong, it was age appropriate and my son would love it BUT I am overwhelmed with toys in my house! I feel like I am constantly dropping bags of donations off yet my house still feels full of stuff! My friend is awesome and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by saying no (I think I overthink stuff!!!) but at the same time, I really don’t NEED more toys because I already feel stressed looking at the stuff we already have! So it took me a few days to respond no and I felt so bad about doing it. Maybe they are trying to avoid hurting your feelings? Although I know it’s also not polite to not respond and that also hurts feelings! But maybe they feel it’s easier to avoid than to say no?
The lack of someone saying thank you is very rude! It really doesn’t take long! Maybe she is sending you a written thank you card and that’s why you haven’t heard anything? Or maybe plans to text you some photos of the items being used by the seniors? I hope so! Otherwise, very rude!
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Sept 30, 2019 14:53:20 GMT
I get too many messages these days, and I get them 10 different ways. I'm sure I've been known to glance at something, realize it wasn't a quick reply or I needed to look at it closer, and then forget.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 9:14:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2019 15:09:55 GMT
When you are supposed to be working with the person running the program and that person does not respond to any emails for several days, it is maddening. I am supposed to be coordinating a fundraiser and have reached out to the director for dates and times and nothing. I sent the email several days ago. I am about to send another as the candy bars are sitting in a room with easy access and who knows who will walk off with a box?
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,084
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Post by used2scrap on Sept 30, 2019 15:11:55 GMT
Sometimes people are just going through too much in their lives that even a simple response is more than they can muster. I try to always assume this is the case, rather then rudeness.
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Post by disneypal on Sept 30, 2019 15:17:51 GMT
I understand and can relate. I have sent emails to our group of friends stating "Anyone interested in meeting up Wednesday night at 7 pm at XYX Restaurant? Out of 7 people, 2 might respond, the others don't. Later, I will be talking to some of them and they will say "Did y'all meet up?" So I know they read it. If you don't want to meet or can't just reply - it only takes a second to say "I can't" or "Yes". It's annoying.
Work non-responses are the worse!! I don't expect a reply the second I ask but they should get back to me within 24 hours at least, especially when I KNOW they are in the office (different floors). Often, my work is held up because I am waiting on your feedback. Instead I have to take the time, leave my office go to your floor and stand in front of them face to face only to have them reply "Oh, I saw your email, I meant to let you know that the answer is 'yes'" - If they saw my email and the answer was a simple YES - then why didn't they reply? UGH!!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 30, 2019 15:22:55 GMT
Ugh, I’m sorry. I think sometimes Messenger is not the best way to go. I know I have been guilty of reading messages, getting busy, and then forgetting to respond. (I don’t get a ton of messages on Messenger so it’s not the first method I think to check or go back to.) Also, maybe people don’t want the item you are offering and are worried they will hurt your feelings. My friend offered me a huge car related toy for my son. Now don’t get me wrong, it was age appropriate and my son would love it BUT I am overwhelmed with toys in my house! I feel like I am constantly dropping bags of donations off yet my house still feels full of stuff! My friend is awesome and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by saying no (I think I overthink stuff!!!) but at the same time, I really don’t NEED more toys because I already feel stressed looking at the stuff we already have! So it took me a few days to respond no and I felt so bad about doing it. Maybe they are trying to avoid hurting your feelings? Although I know it’s also not polite to not respond and that also hurts feelings! But maybe they feel it’s easier to avoid than to say no?The lack of someone saying thank you is very rude! It really doesn’t take long! Maybe she is sending you a written thank you card and that’s why you haven’t heard anything? Or maybe plans to text you some photos of the items being used by the seniors? I hope so! Otherwise, very rude! As someone who has been on both sides of this fence, honestly the best thing you can do is to just let her know right away so she can go on to the next person on her list. Waiting several days does no one any favors because she’s waiting on your answer and in the meantime is stuck waiting to unload this thing she probably really wants gone. If you know right away that you don’t want it or can’t use it, I’m sure it won’t hurt her feelings to just tell her so. She just wants to be able to move it along to someone who can use it, and probably the sooner the better. One of my kid’s younger cousins and her parents were visiting with us a few weeks ago. I had a box of my kid’s outgrown clothes and I told the mom to go through it and take whatever she thought she might be able to use. She picked out a few things but didn’t take it all, and that’s okay. My thought was that if they *could* use some of it it would save them a little money, and if not I will move it out in some other way. Either way I need this stuff gone. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 9:14:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2019 15:38:13 GMT
I still think that calling is the best method of contact. And if no response in a few days, a follow up call.
People reply too heavily on texting/messenger. I don't have the messenger app and so I only see messages when I log into facebook (which I rarely use) on the computer. I have had several messages about parties, get togethers.
I will also get on FB and mark as read even when I haven't read them.
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Post by MichyM on Sept 30, 2019 16:05:21 GMT
I agree that the method you used for contact, especially since these are acquaintances, or the adult child of an acquaintances isn't the best. IMO a call or an email would be best. Also, it sounds like you've reached out to these people out of the clear blue...and your offers to help these people out were very kind. However in cases such as this I don't think I'd get bent out of shape because they didn't reply.
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Post by nlwilkins on Sept 30, 2019 16:06:50 GMT
This is not new. Remember when messages were left on the phone and you would not hear back? Or I remember sending invites with a RSVP date and still not hear back. People's inboxes are the equivalent of yesterday's answering machines.
I have seen a major reluctance in people to just call and talk to the person instead of leaving messages of some sort. Phone calls give you immediate feedback and you can move one. Messages leave you hanging. Just look at your inbox - is it empty? probably not. How many of those emails in your inbox are needing responses? Yep, we all do it, leave it in the inbox so we can get back to it later not caring that we might be leaving someone hanging waiting on a response.
If you need a timely response then say so in your emails or other messages. A little phrase such as, "if I don't hear from you in two days I will assume the answer is no or not interested."
If you are dealing with this at work with your team, it is time to institute a response requirement. When I was a Project Manager I required team members to respond with one word answers at least so I have a record that they received the emails I sent. It took a little bit of training but it was worth it. I would resend the report or message until I got the response with a note that said since I had not heard from them, I was concerned they did not get it the first time.
Remember the pea axiom - you teach people how to treat you. If you accept a non response, and let it go, then that will continue. I you need a response, then keep sending the message until you get it and send it several ways until you get the response making sure the recipient understands it is their fault they are being bombarded with these messages.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 30, 2019 16:14:51 GMT
I got one of my FB messenger messages a year after it was sent. Mine can be wonky.
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,674
Location: So Cal
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Post by caangel on Sept 30, 2019 16:25:08 GMT
I find that for everyone text messaging is the most reliable way to get a hold of someone. For a younger (teen-30s) If they don't reply and I need to get a hold of them I will DM through IG. Then email. FB messenger only if we have communicated that way before or as an absolute last ditch effort. Call only in an emergency.
For someone older text->email->call-> FB messenger or DM in IG.
If they don't get back to me then I just move on. You can only do so much.
The lack of thanks is annoying but I can also see someone getting busy and forgetting. I may ask how xyz is enjoying ABC that I gave them (in a non passive aggressive way). Usually that conversation lets me know that they appreciate it even if they don't explicitly say thank you. Many times I'm just happy that something that I have no use for is useful for someone else.
Now if they are totally ungracious about it that is different. But it tells me that I should look for someone else who will appreciate my offerings next time.
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Post by shessoaverage on Sept 30, 2019 17:05:28 GMT
Obviously not talking about you, OP, but I know people who, when you respond to a text, then expect you to participate in a 90 minute texting conversation. It's cowardly, but sometimes I don't answer until the next day. I'm not talking about "I just got bad news from a medical test" texts, more like, "You will never believe what my a$$#ole brother just wrote to me" type texts.
Maybe the friend in the OP knows her daughter is snobby about scrapbooking supplies and only wants to buy her own. She can't think of a way to say, "My daughter is ungrateful and doesn't want supplies from other people." Your friend is afraid to insult you since you made the kind offer, so she just doesn't do anything and lets it drop?
I have been on both sides of this. I sent a $75 horse blanket to someone on one of the horse forums I read. I wasn't using it, so I thought I should give it to someone who could. I spent $25 shipping it. Never heard a word. I did get delivery confirmation from UPS, but that was it. On the other side, I'm not a heavy user of Instagram. I didn't even know there was a messaging component to it, but the other day I got an email from Instagram saying I had unread messages. Huh. I brought up the app and saw a message sent in July. I replied apologetically and said "Yes, let's get together some time." I see that it was read, but no reply. Whatever. The world is screwed up enough without making up stories about other people's responses.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 9:14:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2019 17:06:13 GMT
A formal business communication should be made through a more formal method - eg email. Facebook and text are not considered formal methods even though they are convenient because they are not reliable. Email has the more reliable technology around it and can be traced if it fails to go through while FB, IM and text cannot.
Also, email gives me a way to triage incoming messages. I can leave something in my inbox until I do something with it and I see the email over and over because I have that central collection location. I don't always check Facebook. Many days I have to ignore my text messages because other things take priority.
Then again, like a previous poster says a good old phone call makes all the difference in the world.
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Post by busy on Sept 30, 2019 17:10:19 GMT
i have to say, i know i get caught sometimes reading a message when i cannot respond and think i will come back to it. because it no longer shows as "new" i have missed a few things. I think this is extremely common for people... it's also why I don't open messaging apps if I don't have time to respond. My rule is either respond immediately or put it in my task manager for a response at a later time, if it requires more time than I have at the moment. I get a lot of messages in a lot of different apps, so if something's been read, it gets pushed down the list by newer messages quickly. If I think I'm going to remember everything I need to respond to without any kind of system, I'm an idiot. I think a lot of people believe they'll remember what they need to get back to but don't. It's rude but I would also try not to take it personally. IME, a lot of people don't have good habits/systems for managing all the different "inboxes" we have these days and things fall through the cracks. |
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Sept 30, 2019 18:23:13 GMT
I’m not certain what causes it, but if you find a cure for it please let me know.
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Post by newfcathy on Sept 30, 2019 18:41:45 GMT
I respond quickest via text, though not as fast as my ds would like....
Now that I’m not working, I rarely check my email. Messenger, I check more often, but I sometimes miss the odd message.
If I was waiting for a reply, I would simply call, but then I’m 60, and old fashioned that way 😄.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Sept 30, 2019 18:53:10 GMT
I admit to sometimes forgetting to respond..although if you ask me a question I tend to get back sooner but if it’s general conversation I do sometimes forget.
The one thing that drives me crazy is people who will call you and you don’t pick up then they will text that they tried to call you...then post on your FB wall followed by a FB PM. I can not handle that madness.
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Post by sawwhet on Sept 30, 2019 18:53:27 GMT
This is not new. Remember when messages were left on the phone and you would not hear back? Or I remember sending invites with a RSVP date and still not hear back. People's inboxes are the equivalent of yesterday's answering machines. I have seen a major reluctance in people to just call and talk to the person instead of leaving messages of some sort. Phone calls give you immediate feedback and you can move one. Messages leave you hanging. Just look at your inbox - is it empty? probably not. How many of those emails in your inbox are needing responses? Yep, we all do it, leave it in the inbox so we can get back to it later not caring that we might be leaving someone hanging waiting on a response. If you need a timely response then say so in your emails or other messages. A little phrase such as, "if I don't hear from you in two days I will assume the answer is no or not interested." If you are dealing with this at work with your team, it is time to institute a response requirement. When I was a Project Manager I required team members to respond with one word answers at least so I have a record that they received the emails I sent. It took a little bit of training but it was worth it. I would resend the report or message until I got the response with a note that said since I had not heard from them, I was concerned they did not get it the first time. Remember the pea axiom - you teach people how to treat you. If you accept a non response, and let it go, then that will continue. I you need a response, then keep sending the message until you get it and send it several ways until you get the response making sure the recipient understands it is their fault they are being bombarded with these messages. At work it is different. I tell our clients that dates are offered on a first come, first served basis (and they are). They usually respond quickly. I do have a team at work and response has not been a problem. Let me clarify, the first 2 situations were via messenger from people who are on FB all the time. I know they have messenger. Messages were marked as read. The second two situations were via email. Regarding phone calls, my 2 adult kids rarely pick up the phone. They'd rather screen their calls using call answer. |
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Post by sawwhet on Sept 30, 2019 19:02:43 GMT
I agree that the method you used for contact, especially since these are acquaintances, or the adult child of an acquaintances isn't the best. IMO a call or an email would be best. Also, it sounds like you've reached out to these people out of the clear blue...and your offers to help these people out were very kind. However in cases such as this I don't think I'd get bent out of shape because they didn't reply. No. The first person is someone that I hang out with periodically. She's readily available on Messenger. She read it in a minute. The second person is an acquaintance who again is on FB all the time and I do interact with her. I sent her a message and she responded immediately. The third person was an email. The fourth was an email but we had several conversations on one thread so the email addies are correct. I've know this daughter for her entire life. Spent time at their family cottage. They've left their dogs at my home while they're on vacation. Not exactly strangers. |
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Post by bdawnb on Sept 30, 2019 19:03:34 GMT
I rarely look at emails or Facebook messenger. And I mean RARELY. I hate email. I never look at events on Facebook either. I do respond to texts and voicemails. If you want to ask me something text or call. And as my husband deliberately emails me important information that he knows I’ll never see I know I miss things. But I just hate it.
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Post by mustlovecats on Sept 30, 2019 19:07:22 GMT
When this happens to me I just assume the person saw it but couldn’t respond at that time, got busy and just never did.
I hope that when I do it, people assume similar of me. It’s usually the truth. It happens, it’s nice when people are just gracious.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Sept 30, 2019 19:08:56 GMT
So you have to decide what you’re willing to live with. You can’t make people respond how and when you want. You can change your message to not require a response (assume a no answer if you don’t hear back) or you can decide not to offer the people who don’t answer anything in the future. As with most things, you can only control your response. Expecting that to change is a lesson in futility.
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Post by alexa11 on Sept 30, 2019 19:16:23 GMT
I have 2 people in my life that do this constantly and it.drives.me.insane!!! Most of the texts are about going to to eat. One is my nephew and you can forget calling because he doesn't answer his phone either. I wouldn't go through all of this trouble but my mom would like to see her grandson once in awhile. So, I blow up his phone with crazy memes. I know that's childish, but it makes me feel better. Another is a friend- there are 3 of us. One always texts back immediately- yay- and the other I have to harrass so we can make plans!  |
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Post by sawwhet on Sept 30, 2019 19:23:14 GMT
So you have to decide what you’re willing to live with. You can’t make people respond how and when you want. You can change your message to not require a response (assume a no answer if you don’t hear back) or you can decide not to offer the people who don’t answer anything in the future. As with most things, you can only control your response. Expecting that to change is a lesson in futility. It was a general complaint about how I felt it was rude to not respond. The supplies offered are gone. The service that we were offering was accepted by another teacher and we've hired 3 new people at work. My solution was to move "on-to-the-next". |
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