peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,617
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on Dec 22, 2019 18:03:36 GMT
Just the fact that I'm not is making me angry, lol.
My 25 y/o dd came home for the holidays last night and, with my husband's approval, pulled my wet laundry out of the washer, stacked it in a heap on the dryer and proceeded to do her laundry - without putting mine in the dryer (why couldn't she put my clothes in the dryer? The world may never know). I walked by the laundry room about an hour ago and saw the pile of dampish clothes sitting there and I lost it. My dd was lucky she was out Christmas shopping because my head exploded.
My younger two dds high-tailed it out as soon as they could see me losing my mind and my dh was like "what's the big deal?" and then said my favorite phrase: "calm down."
I'm not a person who gets angry a lot. I don't fly off the handle; I don't yell and scream. My kids would whip into line when I did yell because they knew I really, really meant it when I yelled.
I resent that 1. no one seemed to think it would be a big deal to leave the wet clothes out overnight (would they have done that to a stranger in a laundromat?) and 2. when I get angry, it's not valid or acceptable. They are all allowed to have their various tantrums but I'm overwrought and hysterical when I have one of my very few and far between outbursts.
Gah! I'm so annoyed (but it does feel good to type it out!)
|
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Dec 22, 2019 18:07:25 GMT
Would you do that to a stranger?
Yes. That’s the understood/acceptable thing to do in a laundromat. We had a thread about it. You never, ever put someone else’s clothes in the dryer because you don’t know what gets line dried and what gets machine dried and you don’t want to ruin anything.
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 22, 2019 18:11:56 GMT
peabay I'll validate you. The same thing happens in my house. I am not allowed to have any feelings at all except happy, joy, joy. I am not allowed to be critical. I am not allowed to be sad. I am certainly not allowed to cry. I can't show disappointment either. Fist bump. Mom tough!
|
|
|
|
Post by nysparkle on Dec 22, 2019 18:15:18 GMT
I validate you getting angry.Someone leaving my wet clothes out while they do their laundry would make me mad too. Now my dh has never said to me don't get angry but I'm sure it is not appreciated. I am like you in that I'm slow to anger but when I do everyone knows it. The phrase "calm down" just makes me madder. My dh had the nerve to say that to me while I was in labor. I yelled back at him so loud the nurses came running! It wasn't funny then but I can laugh now.  |
|
|
|
Post by ~summer~ on Dec 22, 2019 18:16:12 GMT
Wet clothes left out overnight would be a big deal because it would get all musty. The only reason people might not put my laundry in the dryer is because a lot of my clothes don't go in the dryer, they know I hang them or lie them flat.
I've never felt that I'm "now allowed" to be angry. I do get angry and yell (I used to more often when kids were small and rooms would be an absolute wreck) quite a bit lol.
|
|
julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611 
|
Post by julie5 on Dec 22, 2019 18:18:50 GMT
Not really. My husband is not very tolerant of feelings. He feels like he needs to “fix things” as soon as they go wrong. Sometimes I just need to be mad or sad or whatever. I just need to sit with my feelings. And because he can’t handle that, I feel alone a lot.
Now when he’s mad, that’s another situation entirely. I started speaking up and telling him how stupid he looked carrying on over things that were pretty silly and he’s started to calm his tits down. Wet laundry, yes, be mad because that’s a lot of money in clothing. But wasting a dollar pizza when no one even eats leftovers out of the fridge, no, we’re not yelling at a kid for only eating half the dollar pizza.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 19:16:35 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2019 18:20:24 GMT
Just the fact that I'm not is making me angry, lol. My 25 y/o dd came home for the holidays last night and, with my husband's approval, pulled my wet laundry out of the washer, stacked it in a heap on the dryer and proceeded to do her laundry - without putting mine in the dryer (why couldn't she put my clothes in the dryer? The world may never know). I walked by the laundry room about an hour ago and saw the pile of dampish clothes sitting there and I lost it. My dd was lucky she was out Christmas shopping because my head exploded. My younger two dds high-tailed it out as soon as they could see me losing my mind and my dh was like "what's the big deal?" and then said my favorite phrase: "calm down." I'm not a person who gets angry a lot. I don't fly off the handle; I don't yell and scream. My kids would whip into line when I did yell because they knew I really, really meant it when I yelled. I resent that 1. no one seemed to think it would be a big deal to leave the wet clothes out overnight (would they have done that to a stranger in a laundromat?) and 2. when I get angry, it's not valid or acceptable. They are all allowed to have their various tantrums but I'm overwrought and hysterical when I have one of my very few and far between outbursts. Gah! I'm so annoyed (but it does feel good to type it out!) 1) taking a strangers wet clothes and leaving them on a table IS acceptable. So what your dd did there is ok in a laundry mat but not in a home. 2) however, YOU are not a stranger AND she WAS raised in your home so she should have had some idea as to what could/could not be put in the dryer so she should have done that. If there was a newish item she wasn't sure about she could have hung it on a hanger to "Line dry" and let you know. 3) She should have told you she left your wet laundry instead of ignoring it. You have a right to be angry. I'll validate you. You aren't a laundry mat or a stranger. She should have talked to you about the laundry. |
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,617
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on Dec 22, 2019 18:21:03 GMT
Would you do that to a stranger? Yes. That’s the understood/acceptable thing to do in a laundromat. We had a thread about it. You never, ever put someone else’s clothes in the dryer because you don’t know what gets line dried and what gets machine dried and you don’t want to ruin anything. I wouldn’t do that to a stranger. I was available. I was at work, but am reachable through text. They just had to text me and ask. |
|
julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
|
Post by julie5 on Dec 22, 2019 18:22:00 GMT
Would you do that to a stranger? Yes. That’s the understood/acceptable thing to do in a laundromat. We had a thread about it. You never, ever put someone else’s clothes in the dryer because you don’t know what gets line dried and what gets machine dried and you don’t want to ruin anything. I wouldn’t do that to a stranger. I was available. I was at work, but am reachable through text. They just had to text me and ask. I would never touch a strangers clothes at the laundry mat. That’s weird. |
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on Dec 22, 2019 18:22:23 GMT
I will also validate you. How much work could it possibly take for your dd to move your laundry to the dryer? If she was unsure about what to do she could have done the wild thing and asked you. Hey, we all get angry sometimes. I'm on your side this time.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 19:16:35 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2019 18:25:03 GMT
Would you do that to a stranger? Yes. That’s the understood/acceptable thing to do in a laundromat. We had a thread about it. You never, ever put someone else’s clothes in the dryer because you don’t know what gets line dried and what gets machine dried and you don’t want to ruin anything. I wouldn’t do that to a stranger. I was available. I was at work, but am reachable through text. They just had to text me and ask. all the more reason to be mad. I'd be on a "two day lecture series about how to deal with wet laundry in a home" She needs to treat you just a bit like she would treat a future mother in law or other hosting family. At 25 she is no longer a child at home but another adult who can help take care of everyone else, including YOU. |
|
|
|
Post by Merge on Dec 22, 2019 19:41:13 GMT
I love you for this post. Young adult daughters acting like jerks and mom being the only one in the house who is expected to keep her cool at all times. Yep, story of my life right now and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
I so hear and validate you. Merry Christmas! Hang in there. ☺️
|
|
|
|
Post by craftedbys on Dec 22, 2019 19:57:39 GMT
Sorry you were so disrespected and treated like you aren't allowed to be angry.
I embrace all the feels and if my family doesn't like my emotions, well that is their problem, not mine. I have different levels of mad, but if I have a full blown Southern mama come apart my family know they effed up.
BTW, you can better believe that *I* would not be the one rewashing the load of laundry.
|
|
trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
|
Post by trollie on Dec 22, 2019 20:05:08 GMT
|
|
trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
|
Post by trollie on Dec 22, 2019 20:05:45 GMT
And I'll validate you. I'd probably lose my shit too.
|
|
|
|
Post by **GypsyGirl** on Dec 22, 2019 20:09:47 GMT
I was at work, but am reachable through text. They just had to text me and ask. And if she's anything like my DD, she will text you for just about anything under the sun! So why not text about the laundry? I'll validate you on getting mad. I also can't believe that your DH has gotten to this stage of life and not figured out that telling an angry woman to "Calm down" is NEVER a good idea! |
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Dec 22, 2019 20:12:45 GMT
I totally validate you!
For what it's worth, i would never dream of taking my mom's laundry out and just leaving it rumpled and wet.
You have every right to feel how you do. It's not just about the laundry. You were disrespected. It's not okay.
|
|
janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,633
|
Post by janeliz on Dec 22, 2019 20:15:29 GMT
I do get the “Whoa there, crazy lady, what’s gotten into you??” looks when I lose my cool around here. And wet laundry left behind for me to take care of (cause who else could possibly pick up after everyone, right?) would definitely make me lose my cool.
|
|
|
|
Post by femalebusiness on Dec 22, 2019 20:16:03 GMT
How angry I was would depend on if I had already, at one time, told them not to ever take my laundry out of the washer and leave it in a wet heap without letting me know. If they had been told, they would be sorry that they did that. I would be pissed! If they were not aware I would be nice but firm about telling them to never, ever do that again.
I don't ask nor need permission to do anything in my life. I'm too old to be told what I am allowed to do.
|
|
scrappington
Pearl Clutcher
in Canada
Posts: 3,139
|
Post by scrappington on Dec 22, 2019 20:18:20 GMT
I understand. I am not allowed to be mad. I'm overreacting if I do.
I totally get it
|
|
LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
|
Post by LeaP on Dec 22, 2019 20:34:50 GMT
Another validation. I would be hopping mad and twice as mad if my mate was clueless about why. Let's call it validation²!
|
|
|
|
Post by kernriver on Dec 22, 2019 20:41:47 GMT
That would make me mad. And the ‘calm down’ response sends me into orbit.
|
|
psiluvu
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
|
Post by psiluvu on Dec 22, 2019 20:48:22 GMT
I will validate you!! You have a right to be angry and your dd shouldn't have been so thoughtless Your dh should have just zipped his mouth.
I am normally very even tempered and calm but in the rare instance I am not the phrase calm down sends me into a tornado of rage.
|
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 22, 2019 20:48:37 GMT
I will also validate you. How much work could it possibly take for your dd to move your laundry to the dryer? If she was unsure about what to do she could have done the wild thing and asked you. Hey, we all get angry sometimes. I'm on your side this time.  I can see maybe not knowing if everything ought to go in the dryer, but I don’t get not saying anything about leaving a wet pile of clothes in a heap. And yes, sometimes a well placed outburst gets the point across a lot better than being calm when you are exploding inside. |
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on Dec 22, 2019 21:01:36 GMT
I would have lost it, too.
|
|
Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
|
Post by Nanner on Dec 22, 2019 21:05:29 GMT
I validate you. I used to feel the same way about not being allowed to get angry. Also, it's just another part of the "Mom doesn't matter, nor do her things".
|
|
freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
|
Post by freebird on Dec 22, 2019 21:07:00 GMT
Are you on your period?  That was a favorite of my ex. Why? because you're a complete dumbass when it's time for me to have my period? I would have been pissed off too. 25 is not 12. And once you get to 12, I think you should be able to manage how laundry works. It was just complete disrespect. It's not like a laundrymat, it your OWN GD HOUSE. You *own* that washer, not the 25 year old. Show respect. |
|
pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,538
|
Post by pinklady on Dec 22, 2019 21:24:11 GMT
Would you do that to a stranger? Yes. That’s the understood/acceptable thing to do in a laundromat. We had a thread about it. You never, ever put someone else’s clothes in the dryer because you don’t know what gets line dried and what gets machine dried and you don’t want to ruin anything. This is the stupidest response. It’s not a laundromat, it’s the family home. To the OP your daughter was wrong. If she didn’t know if the laundry should have gone in the dryer then she should have hung it all on hangers to dry. |
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on Dec 22, 2019 21:24:59 GMT
peabay I had a minor cleaning incident with my adult child. My husband gave in before me. I sent my son a text of multiple things to do since he inconvenienced his father and the people that needed to use the bathroom. It helped to keep a distance rather than talking to him at the time. He did comply. 
|
|
scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,763
|
Post by scrapngranny on Dec 22, 2019 21:31:00 GMT
Knowing she is 25 and not a teen I would lose it too.
My dad never allowed me to angry or sad. It was frustrating.
|
|
I can see maybe not knowing if everything ought to go in the dryer, but I don’t get not saying anything about leaving a wet pile of clothes in a heap. And yes, sometimes a well placed outburst gets the point across a lot better than being calm when you are exploding inside.
