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Post by peasapie on Apr 13, 2020 13:15:51 GMT
I love him dearly. But he considers the kitchen to be a dark hole from which he will not emerge if he enters, so he relies on me to make him his lunch and dinner every day and it's getting old...
He will make PB&J on toasted English muffins. and cereal. And he will fry a Beyond burger in a pan. But that's about it.
He waits for me to make lunch every day, whether it is a turkey wrap or tuna salad or whatever. And dinner every night.
I want to make some stuff up in advance that he can tackle without being afraid. Can you give me some suggestions? (He doesn't eat a lot of bread because he's pre-diabetic and doesn't eat red meat, which makes it harder...)
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Post by nlwilkins on Apr 13, 2020 13:32:57 GMT
I think it should start with purchasing ingredients that he would feel comfortable using. Then maybe you could prep some of the ingredients at first.
Start simple. Lunch does not need to be a big meal.
Tortilla wrapped around lunch meat with a slice of cheese.
Tuna fish with a little mayo mixed in eaten with crackers.
Deviled eggs and slices of bacon or ham.
Toasted English muffin with cheese.
Sliced cheese and meat balls (hand made ones frozen ahead of time, or purchased ones)
Little sausages with veggies.
You might also prepare leftovers from supper as a home made TV dinner - everything in one dish that is popped into the microwave to warm up.
But, let him fend for himself a few days a week. Perhaps he might get tired of the same things day after day and take baby steps to add variety.
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Post by Suziee2 on Apr 13, 2020 13:52:28 GMT
Find a good whole wheat bread that is low in carbs for sandwiches.
Does he eat ground turkey or chicken? Make a meatloaf or meatballs. DH will slice up and freeze individual portions for sandwiches or lunch.
DH will grill several breasts, thighs or legs and freeze in individual portions.
Make shredded chicken in the crockpot and freeze in meal sized portions for tacos/fajitas/chicken salad, etc.
Have a veggie prep night where both of you cut up veggies to be used for the next several days or the week. Some for salad, some to roast or even roast ahead of time.
Make a crockpot turkey breast.
Veggie casserole that will last for several days.
I get a clamshell of organic salad greens, wash and keep in my salad spinner (lasts for 3-5 days), I cut up veggies and put in zip locks so it is easy to reach in and make a quick salad. DH may add some of the cooked chicken breast to his.
Make chicken enchiladas or chicken/tuna casserole for the week or freeze in small portions. Use whole wheat noodles or low carb tortillas.
Good luck.
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snyder
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Post by snyder on Apr 13, 2020 13:58:56 GMT
How old is your son? That could make a bit of a difference, but everyone should be able to eat on their own starting from a fairly early age. Simple things like veggies and dip, cheese and crackers, mac and cheese for lunch ideas. For dinner, are you speaking of him making dinner for the family or just for himself? I would make him be in the kitchen watching every step you take to prepare whatever it may be that you decide to prep for him, because if he is old enough, then he should be helping with the prep as well. This reminded me of my son when he was 4 years old. He was always a very late sleeper, but one morning he came into my room and work me up. I was surprised as I was always up before he was. He informed me he made peanut butter sandwiches for us. Oh my gosh. I knife! and trying to spread peanut butter on bread, let alone the jelly. I just knew the kitchen was a disaster, but when I went down stairs, there sat my perfectly made peanut better and jelly sandwich. From then on, I allowed him to do more for himself as far as helping in the kitchen.
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Post by Merge on Apr 13, 2020 14:20:28 GMT
I'm sorry, is this a grown man we’re talking about? Just stop making his lunch. If he gets hungry, he’ll figure it out.
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Apr 13, 2020 14:29:33 GMT
I want to be super annoyed that a grown man is expecting you to make and bring him lunch every day. He is not afraid of the kitchen or incapable of assembling food. He just doesn’t have to.
But I realize that isn’t helpful. I’m assuming he loves you and cares about your well being. And if you’re both home now, it’s the perfect time to say, “I really need your help in the kitchen. Please come down and let’s make lunch together today. I would love your company, and eventually I would love if you could learn to make something and prepare lunch for me some days. I am getting burned out.”
If he can’t do that for you, pbj and burgers in a pan is what he can have for lunch.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 13, 2020 14:35:34 GMT
I'm sorry, is this a grown man we’re talking about? Just stop making his lunch. If he gets hungry, he’ll figure it out.  Even my 9yo can make herself eggs a couple different ways, grilled cheese sandwiches, a can of soup, macaroni and cheese or a can of Spaghettios or ravioli in the microwave. Seriously, it isn’t that hard. Then there’s always frozen breakfast sandwiches, frozen french toast sticks, a bowl of cold cereal or microwave oatmeal. Reheated leftovers from last night’s dinner. Or grab and go stuff like cheese sticks, beef jerky, hard boiled eggs, Kind bars, Greek yogurt, fruit cups. |
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Post by Merge on Apr 13, 2020 14:41:01 GMT
I want to be super annoyed that a grown man is expecting you to make and bring him lunch every day. He is not afraid of the kitchen or incapable of assembling food. He just doesn’t have to. But I realize that isn’t helpful. I’m assuming he loves you and cares about your well being. And if you’re both home now, it’s the perfect time to say, “I really need your help in the kitchen. Please come down and let’s make lunch together today. I would love your company, and eventually I would love if you could learn to make something and prepare lunch for me some days. I am getting burned out.” If he can’t do that for you, pbj and burgers in a pan is what he can have for lunch. IDK, it might actually be helpful. Women raised in very traditionalist households sometimes need to hear that it’s OK to stop being subservient to the men in their lives, and that we shouldn’t need to coddle or cajole them into managing their own basic needs. |
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Post by destined2bmom on Apr 13, 2020 14:42:16 GMT
peasapie Aren’t you in a new relationship? I think he may love having you take care of him. And maybe he doesn’t want to eat alone? Does he like soups, canned tuna or canned chicken that you can mix with mayonnaise and spices and put in the fridge? A fruit salad and regular salad already made and in a bowl in the fridge.
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carhoch
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Post by carhoch on Apr 13, 2020 14:47:33 GMT
If he can read he can follow recipes if he doesn’t know how to read he can follow YouTube videos ,tell him you love him very much but you’re not his mother and it’s time for him to figure it out .
For the record I’m pretty sure he knows how but it’s just easier to let you do it.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 13, 2020 15:04:18 GMT
I'm sorry, is this a grown man we’re talking about? Just stop making his lunch. If he gets hungry, he’ll figure it out. I want to be super annoyed that a grown man is expecting you to make and bring him lunch every day. He is not afraid of the kitchen or incapable of assembling food. He just doesn’t have to. But I realize that isn’t helpful. I’m assuming he loves you and cares about your well being. And if you’re both home now, it’s the perfect time to say, “I really need your help in the kitchen. Please come down and let’s make lunch together today. I would love your company, and eventually I would love if you could learn to make something and prepare lunch for me some days. I am getting burned out.” If he can’t do that for you, pbj and burgers in a pan is what he can have for lunch. My first reaction was the same as Merge, but if I have already enabled the pattern that I'll make him lunch, I'd probably go a bit kinder and gentler like J u l e e. My family would LOVE me to make them breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. I did until the kids became big enough to handle the kitchen on their own, and they are now on their own until dinner. They would still LOVE me to do it for them, but never offer to it for me. I'm more than happy to make sure their favorite foods are in the house. Can you suggest to your guy that you'll make dinner if he makes lunch for both of you? Suggest cooking lessons during quarantine? I'm not sure how you making stuff in advance will change much of anything. The most I'll do these days it make up extra tuna salad/chicken salad/egg salad so they can make their own sandwich/salad after I'm done. Can he scramble eggs, make an omelette or heat up soup? |
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on Apr 13, 2020 15:07:51 GMT
Repeat after me: “Hi DH** I’m tired of waiting on you. Either make your own lunch or starve.”
** Dear Husband or Dick Head - your choice.
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Post by Merge on Apr 13, 2020 15:08:56 GMT
I'm sorry, is this a grown man we’re talking about? Just stop making his lunch. If he gets hungry, he’ll figure it out. I want to be super annoyed that a grown man is expecting you to make and bring him lunch every day. He is not afraid of the kitchen or incapable of assembling food. He just doesn’t have to. But I realize that isn’t helpful. I’m assuming he loves you and cares about your well being. And if you’re both home now, it’s the perfect time to say, “I really need your help in the kitchen. Please come down and let’s make lunch together today. I would love your company, and eventually I would love if you could learn to make something and prepare lunch for me some days. I am getting burned out.” If he can’t do that for you, pbj and burgers in a pan is what he can have for lunch. My first reaction was the same as Merge, but if I have already enabled the pattern that I'll make him lunch, I'd probably go a bit kinder and gentler like J u l e e. My family would LOVE me to make them breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. I did until the kids became big enough to handle the kitchen on their own, and they are now on their own until dinner. They would still LOVE me to do it for them, but never offer to it for me. I'm more than happy to make sure their favorite foods are in the house. Can you suggest to your guy that you'll make dinner if he makes lunch for both of you? Suggest cooking lessons during quarantine? I'm not sure how you making stuff in advance will change much of anything. The most I'll do these days it make up extra tuna salad/chicken salad/egg salad so they can make their own sandwich/salad after I'm done. Can he scramble eggs, make an omelette or heat up soup? I’m not saying she has to be mean about it. It could be as simple as hey, making two lunches every day is wearing on me - would you please manage that for yourself now? I disagree that it is also then her responsibility to teach him how to do something as simple as making lunch. We have all the world’s knowledge at our fingertips. |
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Apr 13, 2020 15:21:20 GMT
The more I think of it, I cannot imagine what it would be like to simply say, “I don’t know how to make anything to eat” and have someone bring food to me three times a day. It’s just not even slightly reasonable for an able bodied human above age eight. I can get a little stabby thinking about it.
I cannot stand enabling behavior or enabled people. But I also have never been in a relationship where this was the norm or expected. So a little grace and some communication might be all it takes. However, if that didn’t work and the expectation was for things to continue the way they are at the expense of one person in the relationship wearing thin and becoming resentful, then I would have no problem putting peanut butter, English muffins, and burger patties on the grocery list and calling it lunch.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 13, 2020 15:29:12 GMT
I would teach him. Take him in the kitchen when it's time, and walk him through HIM making lunch for both of you. Then, once he masters a few things, you can take turns.
It's entirely possible no one ever taught him the basics.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 13, 2020 15:38:54 GMT
I have this “conversation” with my hubby often.
I’m really, really, really tired of deciding—then making —what everyone wants to eat every damn day!!
I think I’d fall over dead if one of them just took charge and made dinner, or lunch even—without me doing anything or saying anything or answering questions on what to do how to make it.
They all know how to do stuff. They can all cook, prep, etc.
But they wait for me.
😕
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 13, 2020 15:45:02 GMT
He can eat english muffins with peanut butter and/or cereal until he feels like figuring it out. We're talking lunch here people. You need zero cooking skills to make lunch. I mean this is straight up crazy talk. I seriously can not wrap my brain around this at all.
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Apr 13, 2020 15:45:32 GMT
Tonight I am making a big pasta salad with beans, feta cheese, tomatoes, olives etc. there will be lots left over. That will be lunch for the next two days. Same when I make a big pot of soup. There are sandwich meats. It really is in your hands to train him.
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Post by Merge on Apr 13, 2020 15:50:30 GMT
I have this “conversation” with my hubby often. I’m really, really, really tired of deciding—then making —what everyone wants to eat every damn day!! I think I’d fall over dead if one of them just took charge and made dinner, or lunch even—without me doing anything or saying anything or answering questions on what to do how to make it. They all know how to do stuff. They can all cook, prep, etc. But they wait for me. 😕 On the nights when I don't cook dinner for whatever reason, husband and teenage child tend to eat cereal or cheese and crackers or leftovers. No one dies from the lack of a "proper" meal. I figure if they feel the need for a "proper" meal on those nights, they'll figure out how to make one. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2020 15:51:36 GMT
It's not her son it's her partner. Oh come on, I think we can all agree he isn't doing this out of fear. He likes being waited on, and he's come to expect it. That isn't fair on you and you're just going to become more resentful the longer it goes on. Does he at least help to clear up and do the dishes?
I'd be very tempted to make my own lunch, ask him what he's having then let him get on with it.
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moodyblue
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Post by moodyblue on Apr 13, 2020 15:54:10 GMT
The few things you say he will make are fine for lunch. He can make those.
And if he can make those, he can do other things.
How long has this been going on? He may like having you do it, but he’s not incapable of doing it. He’s just gotten used to things the way they are.
And if you prepare everything in advance, and he just has to pull it out and maybe reheat it, you’re still taking on the responsibility.
Old dogs can learn new tricks. Let him.
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Post by scrapcat on Apr 13, 2020 15:56:12 GMT
You can prep a few items to use in different ways, like have some lettuce, celery, cucumber chopped, veggies that work for salad or wraps and keep everything in separate glass containers in fridge. Then he can just assemble what he wants?
Some ideas: tuna salad, buffalo chicken salad, taco salad (prep meat, have fixings like cheese, sour cream, avocado etc), egg salad, Mediterranean salad or greek (olives, feta, roasted chickpeas)
You can have grilled chicken chopped up and set aside, that can work on anything. Or even pasta, bowties or penne can be a base like a pasta salad style. Also fillers like rice, quinoa, potatoes, beans. I generally always keep hard boiled eggs that can be added to salads or just as an extra protein.
What about cans of soup?
So each week I just have like 2 ideas from the above, and get everything prepped and leave it in fridge for anyone to make lunch or dinner from it. Then it can work as cold salad/sandwich or warmed up in a tortilla, quesadilla or like a grain bowl.
Do a Pinterest search of easy lunch prep or something like that and there will be tons of ideas.
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used2scrap
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Post by used2scrap on Apr 13, 2020 15:59:59 GMT
If you feel you must teach him how to do it, I’d start by making “assemble your own” type lunches. Ie instead of making sandwiches, make a platter of lunch meats or tuna, cheese, tomato, lettuce, pickles etc. and get out the bread loaf and mayo/ mustard jars. Then assemble yours and let him assemble his. Eventually stop making the platter, just get out the ingredients in their respective containers. Then eventually just stop and he should be capable of making a sandwich. You could do the same with pasta/sauce/meatballs or salad/veggies/cheese/eggs/cooked chicken or beans and taco fixings etc.
]
Does he ever cook breakfast/dinners? I’d have him helping cook dinner (grate this cheese, cut this onion, dive these peppers, cook this rice etc) ASAP.
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Belle
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Post by Belle on Apr 13, 2020 16:28:35 GMT
For my teens, I make a big pot of something on Sunday afternoon or Monday morning. I portion it out into mugs or bowls and they can then grab and microwave to warm it up throughout the week. We have other things they can "make" but the mugs/bowls of already made lunch seem the most popular.
I usually just rotate through these recipes - taco soup (for your guy you could use ground turkey), chicken noodle soup, chicken and wild rice soup, Mexican style rice and beans with ground beef (sort of like a Mexican style fried rice), white bean and rosemary soup, split pea soup.
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Post by papersilly on Apr 13, 2020 16:34:09 GMT
DH has made his own lunch the entire 30 years we’ve been married. Whether he’s home or brown bags it, he can do it. Does his own laundry too. But have him make one dinner recipe? I wish.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Apr 13, 2020 16:37:53 GMT
I love him dearly. But he considers the kitchen to be a dark hole from which he will not emerge if he enters, so he relies on me to make him his lunch and dinner every day and it's getting old... He will make PB&J on toasted English muffins. and cereal. And he will fry a Beyond burger in a pan. But that's about it. He waits for me to make lunch every day, whether it is a turkey wrap or tuna salad or whatever. And dinner every night. I want to make some stuff up in advance that he can tackle without being afraid. Can you give me some suggestions? (He doesn't eat a lot of bread because he's pre-diabetic and doesn't eat red meat, which makes it harder...) I’m of the mind of WTH?? He waits for you to make his lunch??! How old is he? Are you married? New relationship? I would start with being gone at lunch and telling him there is bread etc to Make a sandy , or leaving a note with a can of soup or where to find stuff. Your time is just as valuable as his |
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QueenoftheSloths
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Apr 13, 2020 16:45:40 GMT
Given the extremely large number of peas complaining of cooking burnout, a lot of this advice seems unnecessarily harsh towards the OP.
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Post by silverlining on Apr 13, 2020 16:52:16 GMT
Sorry, I'm not buying a fear of the kitchen that only appears after breakfast  Maybe start with making lunch together? Then he can start making lunch for you 3 days a week? Baby steps until he is a gourmet chef serving you two meals a day! |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Apr 13, 2020 17:03:42 GMT
So I'd be curious to know... what did he do before you were in his life? He managed basic sustenance somehow.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 13, 2020 17:04:17 GMT
The more I think of it, I cannot imagine what it would be like to simply say, “I don’t know how to make anything to eat” and have someone bring food to me three times a day. It’s just not even slightly reasonable for an able bodied human above age eight. I can get a little stabby thinking about it. This is the part I'm having trouble with in my own life. I'm not commenting on the OP, I do not judge her. But I'm having a very hard time finding a balance between, I like to show my love by taking care of you and I'm getting stabby because you're not doing the same for me when I'm not quite feeling like having the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have this “conversation” with my hubby often. I’m really, really, really tired of deciding—then making —what everyone wants to eat every damn day!! I think I’d fall over dead if one of them just took charge and made dinner, or lunch even—without me doing anything or saying anything or answering questions on what to do how to make it. They all know how to do stuff. They can all cook, prep, etc. But they wait for me. My son has been trained to care for himself and prepare his own meals. He is such a picky eater that he was trained from a very early age that if he wasn't eating what I served, he was on his own to prepare something he would eat. But my DH is very much like this. And I'm quickly tiring of it. I'm having a really hard time with behavior not being reciprocated. I know, if I just leave it and do not prepare dinner, he will get up and make himself a box of macaroni and cheese or some such other unhealthy, ungourmet food. But I feel like he should be taking a turn making a meal for both of us that is a quality meal. On the nights when I don't cook dinner for whatever reason, husband and teenage child tend to eat cereal or cheese and crackers or leftovers. No one dies from the lack of a "proper" meal. I figure if they feel the need for a "proper" meal on those nights, they'll figure out how to make one. I don't want this. I know he will feed himself. I want him to take a turn feeding me. Given the extremely large number of peas complaining of cooking burnout, a lot of this advice seems unnecessarily harsh towards the OP. I agree. I wish we could put down the boxing gloves and have a real discussion about this. Because I'm willing to bet there are more of us in this boat than are willing to admit. Our husbands are not dicks. I live in a world where I never have to mow a lawn or snowblow a driveway. He's on it. I am a spoiled princess that way. But the everyday household chores take me a significant amount of time and I am in a place where I want some help. He knows I like to bake and that I enjoy showing my love by having a family meal like we did yesterday. It's part of my heart to care for others by nourishing them. But I'm fed up with being the only one who does it. I want someone to care for me this way too. |
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Even my 9yo can make herself eggs a couple different ways, grilled cheese sandwiches, a can of soup, macaroni and cheese or a can of Spaghettios or ravioli in the microwave. Seriously, it isn’t that hard. Then there’s always frozen breakfast sandwiches, frozen french toast sticks, a bowl of cold cereal or microwave oatmeal. Reheated leftovers from last night’s dinner. Or grab and go stuff like cheese sticks, beef jerky, hard boiled eggs, Kind bars, Greek yogurt, fruit cups.
