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Post by busy on Aug 13, 2020 20:49:43 GMT
I think her behavior was poor but I also think it's really strange to order for someone without asking their input.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
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Jun 25, 2014 21:56:13 GMT
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Post by MaryMary on Aug 13, 2020 20:51:19 GMT
I think it’s kinda weird you didn’t ask. I always ask all my kids what they want.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Aug 13, 2020 20:51:31 GMT
I don’t understand all the peas acting like it’s hard to take people’s orders. I text my kids What do you want from Restaurant A? And they text me back their orders. I don’t have to move from the couch. It takes maybe 60 seconds. If they don’t know, they google the menu on their own and then tell me. In that case it can take up to two minutes. The horror. And my kids are way younger than 19. I would never do this to my kids. I just text and say you've got two minutes to tell me what you want from X restaurant. And they Google the menu and tell me what they want. I even ask DS and he's the world's pickiest eater and never veers from the same choice at every restaurant. I still ask. Because it's rude not to, IMO. Agreed. I just text ds & dh and say I'm ordering XYZ in 10 minutes, what do you want (if we're ordering take out I'm likely cooking noodles with butter for lil' picky eater but for shits and giggles I ask him too).
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 20:27:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2020 21:00:28 GMT
If I was ordering 6 individual meals, I would ask. If I was ordering meals to share family style, I would make the decision as if I was cooking.
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,930
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Aug 13, 2020 21:02:24 GMT
So much depends on the context, but since I’m adult and individual orders are being placed, if I am available to be asked, I’d like to be asked. I might be a bit miffed if I wasn’t asked, but I would try not to be dramatic over it. If I wasn’t available and someone took the initiative to provide food I did not have to cook or be picked up by me, I’d be grateful (and surprised and impressed) as long as the person didn’t get me something I don’t normally like.
Now, as a mom of 12 year olds, I usually ask what they want, but I’ve also just ordered and let the chips fall. I get too many “idk”s and arguing over which place we should order from, so sometimes I just order....but they are 12 and Mom gets to make executive decisions.
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Post by katlady on Aug 13, 2020 21:15:40 GMT
If they couldn't get a hold of me (say I was in a meeting or driving), then I wouldn't be upset. But, from a restaurant, yes, I would like to be asked. But, I wouldn't have a fit if I wasn't asked.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 20:27:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2020 21:19:22 GMT
Given that she always orders one of two things, I think it was a safe bet, albeit a little weird you didn't ask. However, it's your money and your dinner and I think she was out of line to be snotty about it. You don't "take orders" when you're cooking dinner, so I can see how in your perspective, this was the same thing--you're providing dinner.
OTOH, I can see from her perspective that she gets to order off the menu when you're at the restaurant, so how is this different?
But like I said, I think she was a snot in how she handled it and you're justified to be irritated about it.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 13, 2020 21:19:55 GMT
I would not be upset with my child at all. I would make a mental note to always send a quick text in the future.
I always text the kids when ordering, whether individual meals or family style, for their input. Whether you didn't see it as a treat last night, it kind of is if you've been cooking every day since April.
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Post by mrssmith on Aug 13, 2020 21:21:37 GMT
Last night i didn't feel like cooking and did pick up at Cracker Barrel. I ordered for everyone without asking For my soon to be 20 yr old a cheeseburger and loaded sweet potato as that or meatloaf is what she has ordered when ever we go. When she sat down for dinner she was upset and told me next time I order takeout to ask her what she wanted. She didn't speak at all during the meal and left the table as soon as she was done. I feel like she was rude being as I could of just said it was a free-of-all for dinner or threw some spaghetti together. I didn't think there would be so many responses, I want to clarify that the takeout was a very last min decision as it was down to start cooking and I just didn't have it in me so I quickly ordered and told my husband to pick it up. It wasn't a eat out "treat" but rather a quick grab for dinner. Ive been cooking every day since April and I needed a break. I don't think you did anything wrong. I would not be upset for someone else feeding me! I hate to cook.
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Post by hopechest on Aug 13, 2020 21:24:58 GMT
Disclaimer: My kiddo is 4. I often order for my household (husband included) in a situation like that. I don't take requests. I know roughly what people like and I order that. I put it under the same category as I also don't ask what they would like when I cook. When they sit down, they eat the food on the table. Whether it came from a restaurant or my stove is irrelevant. Now, if this is a special thing, or I have time, I will certainly ask people what they want. But in a quick 'drive-by just get 'em fed' situation no.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 13, 2020 21:26:47 GMT
Late to this post but we order out often. If someone isn't around to ask I try to choose something for them that they have liked in the past. I make effort to ask but if I don't hear back, I either go ahead with what I think or I don't get them anything and let them fend for themselves.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 13, 2020 21:27:51 GMT
Last night i didn't feel like cooking and did pick up at Cracker Barrel. I ordered for everyone without asking For my soon to be 20 yr old a cheeseburger and loaded sweet potato as that or meatloaf is what she has ordered when ever we go. When she sat down for dinner she was upset and told me next time I order takeout to ask her what she wanted. She didn't speak at all during the meal and left the table as soon as she was done. I feel like she was rude being as I could of just said it was a free-of-all for dinner or threw some spaghetti together. I didn't think there would be so many responses, I want to clarify that the takeout was a very last min decision as it was down to start cooking and I just didn't have it in me so I quickly ordered and told my husband to pick it up. It wasn't a eat out "treat" but rather a quick grab for dinner. Ive been cooking every day since April and I needed a break. I don't think you did anything wrong. I would not be upset for someone else feeding me! I hate to cook. Yeah and that's from your perspective as the mom. You choose, you plan, you cook. From the DDs perspective it was the first shot she had at choosing her own dinner, arestaurant meal and she didn't get it.
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Post by tentoes on Aug 13, 2020 21:32:08 GMT
I think she was rude. I order pizza all the time and don't ask anybody! If they don't like what is on the table they are on their own.
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Post by maryland on Aug 13, 2020 21:35:32 GMT
I would have asked what everyone wanted if possible. But you ordered what she usually gets, and it's not like this is the only time she can eat at Cracker Barrel. It sounds like she acted very childish. I am on your side. My kids would have been thrilled that I got what they usually want. They are always happy for takeout! (I think anything is better than my cooking, so I may see things differently than others for that reason).
Now if you were making her pay, I would just reimburse her for her meal.
Maybe she was having a bad day, and that's why she was so upset over a meal? I know myself and my husband/kids have days where something really makes us mad, and we take it out on each other (for example, I saw a man without a mask at Sheetz this morning, and my mood was ruined for the day!) Maybe she just had a really bad day?
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Post by chaosisapony on Aug 13, 2020 21:37:15 GMT
I think she was rude and unappreciative. However, I find it odd you wouldn't ask what everyone wanted before ordering food.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 20:27:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2020 21:37:51 GMT
I don't think you did anything wrong. I would not be upset for someone else feeding me! I hate to cook. Yeah and that's from your perspective as the mom. You choose, you plan, you cook. From the DDs perspective it was the first shot she had at choosing her own dinner, arestaurant meal and she didn't get it. Jeremysgirl, The two oldest stay in our 5th wheel on the property since dorms have closed and they just come over for dinner each night. I will say my view of her is shaded and she just comes, eats and leaves ,while my other daughter helps with after dinner dishes and interacts with us and their siblings. They both have their own income, so they are not reliant on us. I can see your perspective on the subject though.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 13, 2020 21:44:38 GMT
Yeah and that's from your perspective as the mom. You choose, you plan, you cook. From the DDs perspective it was the first shot she had at choosing her own dinner, arestaurant meal and she didn't get it. Jeremysgirl, The two oldest stay in our 5th wheel on the property since dorms have closed and they just come over for dinner each night. I will say my view of her is shaded and she just comes, eats and leaves ,while my other daughter helps with after dinner dishes and interacts with us and their siblings. They both have their own income, so they are not reliant on us. I can see your perspective on the subject though. I get that she behaved like a baby. I agree. There's no need for that. I assumed you wanted to know what we felt about the entire situation. And a college kid does have their own money. I get it she probably has a job and maybe transportation but my kids who are that age aren't often getting food from cracker barrel or other restaurants. If they buy food it's usually fast food. So from perspective my kids would have viewed this as a treat. And I can see their disappointment to not be able to choose.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Aug 13, 2020 21:45:07 GMT
I always ask what everyone wants. I tell everyone to text me their order so it's all in one place.
I'd be annoyed if my husband ordered dinner out and did not ask what I wanted.
To be honest, it's a pretty penny to eat out, so I would want to get the most bang for my buck by making everyone happy.
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Post by redbusc on Aug 13, 2020 21:45:53 GMT
Our DS is still at home (21 yo) while attending school... I normally send a text asking what he and DH would like, but DS is usually playing xbox and cannot be disturbed by looking at a menu online and replying in a timely manner. That said, I would tell my DS that he was lucky we were including him in the takeout meal, otherwise he could fend for himself with whatever is in the fridge/freezer. I have received a few types of attitude from DS about this and since he has no income and dad and I are paying, then we have the say. Sometimes I just tell both my boys that I will surprise them with what they get to eat when it arrives (whether I bring it home from a drive through or I order it online for delivery).
After reading that your DD doesn't help after meals I would be miffed too. Even in our household of 3, whoever does not cook/help does KP duty.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,333
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Aug 13, 2020 21:47:53 GMT
As a mom whose been there and done that it's her age. It can be really hard to blow it off, but that's what you gotta do. Hang in there!
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 13, 2020 21:53:38 GMT
She is entitled to feel however she wants about it though I taught my kids they were allowed to 'feel' any way they wanted to... but they weren't necessarily allowed to 'act on' those feelings. I think that's a good guideline for an adult, too. You can be disappointed, mad, or whatever. But you are not allowed to subject the rest of the family to the fallout of your poor behavior as a result. Give yourself a timeout until you can come back and deal with your feelings in a constructive way.
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Dallie
Full Member
Posts: 490
Feb 25, 2020 16:33:25 GMT
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Post by Dallie on Aug 13, 2020 21:54:48 GMT
Yeah and that's from your perspective as the mom. You choose, you plan, you cook. From the DDs perspective it was the first shot she had at choosing her own dinner, arestaurant meal and she didn't get it. Jeremysgirl, The two oldest stay in our 5th wheel on the property since dorms have closed and they just come over for dinner each night. I will say my view of her is shaded and she just comes, eats and leaves ,while my other daughter helps with after dinner dishes and interacts with us and their siblings. They both have their own income, so they are not reliant on us. I can see your perspective on the subject though. It is a simple quid pro quo: if she wants food, then she needs to clean up. No cleaning up, then she is on her own for food. And any attitude means no free food too.
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Post by myshelly on Aug 13, 2020 21:55:38 GMT
Yeah and that's from your perspective as the mom. You choose, you plan, you cook. From the DDs perspective it was the first shot she had at choosing her own dinner, arestaurant meal and she didn't get it. Jeremysgirl, The two oldest stay in our 5th wheel on the property since dorms have closed and they just come over for dinner each night. I will say my view of her is shaded and she just comes, eats and leaves ,while my other daughter helps with after dinner dishes and interacts with us and their siblings. They both have their own income, so they are not reliant on us. I can see your perspective on the subject though. I think it’s really, really hard to be used to living on your own and then have to come back home through no fault of your own. Ordering dinner for her instead of asking what she wanted probably made her feel even more infantilized.
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Post by maryland on Aug 13, 2020 22:00:45 GMT
She is entitled to feel however she wants about it though I taught my kids they were allowed to 'feel' any way they wanted to... but they weren't necessarily allowed to 'act on' those feelings. I think that's a good guideline for an adult, too. You can be disappointed, mad, or whatever. But you are not allowed to subject the rest of the family to the fallout of your poor behavior as a result. Give yourself a timeout until you can come back and deal with your feelings in a constructive way. That's what I meant in my post above, but you are much better with words than I am!
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Post by spitfiregirl on Aug 13, 2020 22:03:01 GMT
sounds like people in your house need to get a dose of.... fend for yourself. Mom needs a break and when you tried to get one you got dogged. F that. I think a mom strike is in order. I have a 20 yo at home too and the dude is on his own. He cooks and cleans for himself. Best wishes mom. Take a break.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Aug 13, 2020 22:11:54 GMT
Yeah and that's from your perspective as the mom. You choose, you plan, you cook. From the DDs perspective it was the first shot she had at choosing her own dinner, arestaurant meal and she didn't get it. Jeremysgirl, The two oldest stay in our 5th wheel on the property since dorms have closed and they just come over for dinner each night. I will say my view of her is shaded and she just comes, eats and leaves ,while my other daughter helps with after dinner dishes and interacts with us and their siblings. They both have their own income, so they are not reliant on us. I can see your perspective on the subject though. The eating and leaving would irritate me a lot. I have two girls, 19 & 16. The 19 year old makes a mess in the kitchen and only partially cleans it up while the 16 year old just wants takeout for every meal. While I do ask them if what they want to order if we get take out, any complaints about the place we are ordering from means they forfeit the order. Teen are sooo annoying and so hard to please. I feel your pain.
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Post by hopemax on Aug 13, 2020 22:12:45 GMT
While I can see your reasons, I would be upset about not being asked. There are times I have a craving for something, and times the thought of the same something I usually like, turns my stomach. I take one bite and I want to throw it away. The feeling is the same as if being forced to eat something I actively dislike. Maybe, that doesn't make sense to others, and I don't want to call it a food issue because it's not the same level as people who have more serious issues. And if I'm having a bad food day, then yeah, I'm not going to be talkative, and just want to get away. Especially, if I know it's an "issue." Staying or engaging would just lead to potential escalation, which I would want to avoid.
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iluvpink
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Posts: 4,291
Location: Michigan
Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Aug 13, 2020 22:16:32 GMT
While I think it's better to ask, I have had times where I have done the same for my 20 year old dd. Usually when she's not yet home and because she's at work or taking a nap and I can't ask her and we want to order now.
I can see your dd being annoyed but you ordered what she normally ordered and it sounds like you were in a hurry. She'll live.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,617
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 13, 2020 22:19:40 GMT
I'll validate you - my 22 year old who is home after graduating from college and not entirely thrilled to be here, would behave the same way. She has behaved the same way - she's doing keto and she threw a little fit (not too bad, but enough to be annoying) when I made a non-keto friendly meal last week.
I let her have it - I have cooked more meals in the last 6 months than I have in the last 6 years. Coming up with meals that everyone will eat and enjoy is not a simple task. She has other things she can eat and I had just had it with people complaining.
That being said, I always ask what people want when we do take out. I've learned that the hard way!
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,291
Location: Michigan
Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Aug 13, 2020 22:23:05 GMT
I agree she was rude and should be thankful that you included her in the take-out, considering she is TWENTY YEARS OLD! As the order taker for the house, it can be exhausting. Going to each member, have them hum-hah around about what they want, ask if the take-out could be somewhere else, blah blah blah. Just like I'm not a short-order cook, if I'm getting take out, I order family style of a similar type meal that I would be fixing - i.e. spaghetti, salad, and bread. Pizza. etc. I rarely order individual take-out meals. But if I did, and it was sandwiches, I would ask everyone what kind do they want. If someone is bringing home food for me to eat, I eat it and am just happy that I got a night off! So yes, I would be upset with her, and next time, free-for-all and figure it out for herself. I hate it. Somehow I'm always the one doing it. Last month we rented a beach house and had another family (dh's cousin etc) and dd's BFF. So four adults and four teens/young adults. It was a huge hassle to find a place everyone agreed on, then get all the orders/special orders together and ordered. Plus the main food delivery service in that area requires you to call and they were super busy. I swear it took around 30-45 minutes to agree on a place and order. And for some reason nobody else wanted to do it, so I got stuck with it.
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