Dear extended family...I'm done hosting holiday dinners.

I really do want to send that text. Or better yet, how about "Since I only see you twice a year, we've moved. Have a happy holiday!" Gee, I'm really struggling with this. I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world that thinks this way.

A little back story here... I started cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for my immediate family and extended family about 12 years ago. I think I took over when someone decided to serve sub sandwiches and BBB beans on china. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Who does that? Anyway, I offered to take the job over.

So, for Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve I cook for 35+ people. Full dinner service with tablescapes that I go all out on. People bring their extended families, many never rsvp and no one except my dad and kids bring anything. There's no help in cleanup either from this extended group.

Last year a group came an hour early since they were going to the movies. An hour early! Yeah they never rsvp'd and ate all the appetizers because the turkey wasn't done. I was still in my sweats and no where near ready for guests. They left dirty plates on the main table and actually ended up breaking one crystal goblet. To which I was told, oh well if you can afford that stuff... Never mind the fact that I saved for it and have bought pieces over the last 10 years are so.

Over the years I've always purchased gifts for the kids that come. These extended families never bring for my grandkids, but for the other extended family. So last year I didn't give out gifts to them. Of course I didn't see the look on their faces because I spent the whole time doing dishes. By the time I was finished most of them had left.

If you've followed me this far thanks. Actually as I reread this I should easily be able to send that text.

I was thinking the same thing! That is just nuts!

Lord there are some harsh people. It is family. Two weeks before a holiday and you are going to disinvite everyone? Some of these suggestions are way over the top. Don't tell them and let them show up to an empty house? WTH? Who does that??

IMHO, cancelling a holiday 2 weeks prior, unless there is an emergency, is a total dick move. They are family. They are more important than your fricking glass and your fancy tablescape. Buy some paper plates, ask folks to bring stuff, and drink a glass of wine and chill out a little.

If you want to cancel next year, do it early enough that people aren't left out in the cold.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Stop being a martyr and make a change. if you choose to continue, but dole out the clean up DON'T MAKE ALL THE WOMEN CLEAN UP! That pisses me off to no end. everyone can help including men and children.

I understand how you feel. I have been invited to many Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners and I always just show up. I think for me it is a two part thing. First, in my family growing up, guests are guests. We did not ask them to bring anything or clean up. They were our guests! They came, we ate, played games, then they went home. We did the same thing at their houses on other holidays. Second, every time I have asked what to bring I am told "oh nothing don't worry about it". So, I don't bring anything. Then I read threads like this and I feel really bad for not contributing! This past year I have quit asking and just show up with something. Usually something fun like cupcakes or a themed dessert.

Then there is the clean up issue. Again, growing up, my mom was just as the OP described... in the kitchen cooking all day and then in the kitchen cleaning up all night. If anyone asked if she needed help she said it was faster for her to just do it herself. So we let her. Then one year she had a major freak out about no one helping and we didn't have a big holiday dinner for years!

Anyway I guess the point of my post is that some of us just have received so many mixed messages we are really not sure how to act. Sending an email or making some phone calls telling people what you need done for the holidays shouldn't upset anyone. It is not too much to ask them to contribute and help, but they are not mind readers.

I really do want to send that text. Or better yet, how about "Since I only see you twice a year, we've moved. Have a happy holiday!" Gee, I'm really struggling with this. I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world that thinks this way.

A little back story here... I started cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for my immediate family and extended family about 12 years ago. I think I took over when someone decided to serve sub sandwiches and BBB beans on china. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Who does that? Anyway, I offered to take the job over.

So, for Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve I cook for 35+ people. Full dinner service with tablescapes that I go all out on. People bring their extended families, many never rsvp and no one except my dad and kids bring anything. There's no help in cleanup either from this extended group.

Last year a group came an hour early since they were going to the movies. An hour early! Yeah they never rsvp'd and ate all the appetizers because the turkey wasn't done. I was still in my sweats and no where near ready for guests. They left dirty plates on the main table and actually ended up breaking one crystal goblet. To which I was told, oh well if you can afford that stuff... Never mind the fact that I saved for it and have bought pieces over the last 10 years are so.


Over the years I've always purchased gifts for the kids that come. These extended families never bring for my grandkids, but for the other extended family. So last year I didn't give out gifts to them. Of course I didn't see the look on their faces because I spent the whole time doing dishes. By the time I was finished most of them had left.

If you've followed me this far thanks. Actually as I reread this I should easily be able to send that text.

I host that many for Thanksgiving. I got overwhelmed the first year by all the dishes. My dh's grandmother, in her 80's told me "Life is too short, why don't you just use paper plates for crying out loud". So every year since we decorate the table with kraft paper and burlap and paper plates. I'm not even kidding. The only dishes that get washed are the serving dishes and everyone brings potluck so they wash their big dish. If grandma, the matriarch doesn't care, then no one should. So if you want to keep hosting because you enjoy the people but not the work, take it down a few notches.

Ok I sent the text. I'm just flabbergasted at one of the replies I got back.

So step sister says, oh no problem we were planning on doing something else here. So obviously I wasn't going to be invited to that.

I could kick myself.

You know I think you hit the nail on the head canadianscrappergirl, I am not making the memories I want to make. I'm sending it out tomorrow in a group text. I know I'll get some pushback, but I need to stand firm.

it's totally my fault for letting this get as bad as it has. Did I mention that once my stepmother threw up in my front yard because my food made her sick? Yeah, she played human blender with the cocktails. Those are memories I need to forget!