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Post by mellowyellow on Nov 11, 2014 20:22:50 GMT
Good for you for sending the text! But I think you have also brought some of this on to yourself. We host either Christmas or Thanksgiving every year. This year it will be Thanksgiving. We will have 25-30 people over and I send out an email with the time, date and a list of food items. I start by filling in my name on the items I will be making. Other family members fill in or add on what they would like to bring. I buy Chinet paper plates, plasticware, plastic solo cups and napkins and call it good. I don't have china and I don't have enough dinner plates to feed everybody. It's easier to throw it all away after we are finished.
I made a decision to simplify my life several years ago and it has been working nicely for me. I don't overdo it on meals, gifts, holidays, etc. I set boundaries for myself and I'm comfortable with that. I can enjoy the holidays and it's not one big stress fest for me. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your holidays this year!
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Nov 11, 2014 20:23:24 GMT
raindancer, I love your table decor! Consider it scrap-lifted. Or in this case is it table-lifted? Sorry for the hijack. Thanks! It is so easy and makes everything so much more enjoyable. That year was a paper tablecloth and burlap, but either way. All the greenery is from the yard/mountain and it goes too. After dinner is done my husband and I throw all the candles and stuff into a bin for next year and then wad it all up and toss it in the trash. Clean up is a breeze. And it can look pretty while not being such a hassle. (The first year we used grandma's china...all handwash. I wanted to die). It's very freeing. I hope you do steal it and that your holiday is as simple as ours is now!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 2:11:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2014 20:25:49 GMT
Ok I sent the text. I'm just flabbergasted at one of the replies I got back. So step sister says, oh no problem we were planning on doing something else here. So obviously I wasn't going to be invited to that. I could kick myself. Good for you. Sorry you will be seeing others true colors...
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 11, 2014 20:42:16 GMT
Ok I sent the text. I'm just flabbergasted at one of the replies I got back. So step sister says, oh no problem we were planning on doing something else here. So obviously I wasn't going to be invited to that. I could kick myself. GOOD FOR YOU! Her response just proves you were right all along, so no self-kicking is necessary. I sincerely hope that you and your (now much smaller!) family have a peaceful, pleasant and enjoyable holiday season!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 2:11:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2014 20:56:04 GMT
Don't kick yourself. Think of how much fun you'll have with your immediate family for the holidays.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,294
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Nov 11, 2014 21:32:29 GMT
Ok I sent the text. I'm just flabbergasted at one of the replies I got back. So step sister says, oh no problem we were planning on doing something else here. So obviously I wasn't going to be invited to that. I could kick myself. Why kick yourself? It's the first affirmation that you did the right thing for you and that your instincts about some of your family members are spot on! Plus, remember, that's more than likely her passive-aggressive knock back at you and they didn't have anything planned, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. So, again, why kick yourself? Nantini is kicking herself because she didn't do it years ago! (at least that's what I think she meant.) Good job Nantini.
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Post by mom2luke on Nov 11, 2014 21:37:12 GMT
I personally think two weeks is plenty of notice. Generally in my family either my brother cooks or I cook. Sometimes, we don't decide who will host until the week before!
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Nov 11, 2014 21:42:54 GMT
You can't please them all! I'm glad you sent it, but not surprised that would be someone's response. I hope you have a nice relaxing Thanksgiving!
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Nov 11, 2014 21:46:54 GMT
I'm so glad that you sent the text! I hope you keep us apprised of your new, better Thanksgiving tradition.
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,661
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Nov 11, 2014 21:55:32 GMT
I'm really curious how you worded the e-mail.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 11, 2014 22:23:01 GMT
nantiniI need an updated pic of the cute doggie that was in your avatar at the old pea place. Oh and your SS---complete passive aggressive on her part. She's probably pissed that you're not hosting and instead of saying something like "no problem...enjoy your day etc" she turned it around to hurt you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 2:11:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2014 23:29:33 GMT
Ok I sent the text. I'm just flabbergasted at one of the replies I got back. So step sister says, oh no problem we were planning on doing something else here. So obviously I wasn't going to be invited to that. I could kick myself. I am so sorry. That just really stinks Don't. Kick yourself. Go kick those ingrates.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Nov 11, 2014 23:34:58 GMT
Enjoy your thanksgiving, Nantini. I'm sure it will be much less stressful.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Nov 12, 2014 0:02:13 GMT
While I admit I just love me a good holiday-dinner or in-law thread, I am always astonished by the ease with which people speculate about the OP's probable faults (tendencies toward martyrdom...chronic haughtiness...whatever). Criminy.
OP, good for you. Enjoy your new possibilities. (Among the possibilities is a Chinese restaurant and movie on Christmas. Not that I would personally know anything about that option. Nope.)
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Post by nantini on Nov 12, 2014 0:22:43 GMT
Ok, well I haven't read all the replies but most of you get where I'm coming from.
Years ago the step monster did Thanksgiving. She had her faults when it came to pulling dinners off and most of them unfortunately included being inebriated and downright mean. I decided at least for my family I wanted something more. So, like I said I took over the duties. The first year I did everything I thought would make it picture perfect. I was pleased and everyone enjoyed it. That was my happy place. But over the years it started to deteriorate. I was working myself to death to try and make it perfect. My immediate family appreciated it and helped but the others didn't. I think for the longest I just wanted to believe it was ok. (That's why I said I was kicking myself) I know how it really was and no one likes to admit they've been taken advantage of. When my step mother died, it became more apparent I wasn't really part of that side of the family. As time goes by it becomes more clear it was my "made up family" and not what I thought it was. I guess this year I've decided to move on. But I really want to say a big f-u. It was never real.
So, I sent the texts and the responses have been ... Oh we're planning on doing something else anyway to get this, "We're going out of town" . So no one was coming anyway. For those that said 2 weeks to bail wasn't enough notice, well I'm not sure when I would have been told they weren't coming. Probably at Christmas!
And to top it off, I said you might as well know we are traveling from Dec 12-24. I won't be able to host Christmas either. And I signed it with the passive aggressive, Have a GREAT holiday!
For those that understand, I sincerely thank you. There's nothing like the Peas for setting you straight and telling you you're right.
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Post by nantini on Nov 12, 2014 0:24:01 GMT
Omg. I swear I can't seem to edit that... It's step mother, not monster.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 12, 2014 0:33:04 GMT
Ugh, I just read this whole thread. I am sorry you dealt with this but hope this is the first of many years of fun holidays and good memories.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 12, 2014 0:35:41 GMT
Omg. I swear I can't seem to edit that... It's step mother, not monster. I think step monster works!!!
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Post by LAM88 on Nov 12, 2014 0:38:12 GMT
People suck Nantini! I'd be tempted to give some sort of passive aggressive response to your step sister who had no intentions of inviting you after all the years you have hosted her and her family.
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Post by LAM88 on Nov 12, 2014 0:45:06 GMT
Here, just copy and paste this letter ... Don't forget to change the names to your family though! ;-) (Sounds like it's time to change it up into something you enjoy!) Hmmm...while I'm totally on board with making it clear to others that they need to help out, I think you're WAAAAYYY over the top in your demands. I may ask people to bring a side dish and to let me know what they're bringing, but I would never tell them exactly what they had to prepare and what recipe to use and how they have to bring it. If you are really that particular then maybe you should do it all your own. If you are going to ask for help then you should be gracious enough to accept whatever they bring. I can't wrap my mind around insisting that someone else make the Silver Palate Pumpkin pie. I have my own pumpkin pie recipe that I love, and if that wasn't good enough for you then it's too damn bad. And frankly, if I want to buy a nice pumpkin pie from a local bakery then you should accept that too. And if I don't want to bring a pie at all and would rather bring something else like my fabulous squash soup, then you should figure out how to make that work too.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Nov 12, 2014 0:49:21 GMT
Here, just copy and paste this letter ... Don't forget to change the names to your family though! ;-) (Sounds like it's time to change it up into something you enjoy!) Hmmm...while I'm totally on board with making it clear to others that they need to help out, I think you're WAAAAYYY over the top in your demands. I may ask people to bring a side dish and to let me know what they're bringing, but I would never tell them exactly what they had to prepare and what recipe to use and how they have to bring it. If you are really that particular then maybe you should do it all your own. If you are going to ask for help then you should be gracious enough to accept whatever they bring. I can't wrap my mind around insisting that someone else make the Silver Palate Pumpkin pie. I have my own pumpkin pie recipe that I love, and if that wasn't good enough for you then it's too damn bad. And frankly, if I want to buy a nice pumpkin pie from a local bakery then you should accept that too. And if I don't want to bring a pie at all and would rather bring something else like my fabulous squash soup, then you should figure out how to make that work too. Ummm, a pea did not write that letter! I have no idea where it came from originally, but it's been posted here for years!
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Post by nantini on Nov 12, 2014 0:58:44 GMT
Yeah a glass or 2 of wine helps! I love that letter, I should have done that years ago. ?
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Post by LAM88 on Nov 12, 2014 2:06:38 GMT
Hmmm...while I'm totally on board with making it clear to others that they need to help out, I think you're WAAAAYYY over the top in your demands. I may ask people to bring a side dish and to let me know what they're bringing, but I would never tell them exactly what they had to prepare and what recipe to use and how they have to bring it. If you are really that particular then maybe you should do it all your own. If you are going to ask for help then you should be gracious enough to accept whatever they bring. I can't wrap my mind around insisting that someone else make the Silver Palate Pumpkin pie. I have my own pumpkin pie recipe that I love, and if that wasn't good enough for you then it's too damn bad. And frankly, if I want to buy a nice pumpkin pie from a local bakery then you should accept that too. And if I don't want to bring a pie at all and would rather bring something else like my fabulous squash soup, then you should figure out how to make that work too. Ummm, a pea did not write that letter! I have no idea where it came from originally, but it's been posted here for years! I guess I always skipped that thread.
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Post by DinCA on Nov 12, 2014 2:36:15 GMT
Ok, well I haven't read all the replies but most of you get where I'm coming from. Years ago the step monster did Thanksgiving. She had her faults when it came to pulling dinners off and most of them unfortunately included being inebriated and downright mean. I decided at least for my family I wanted something more. So, like I said I took over the duties. The first year I did everything I thought would make it picture perfect. I was pleased and everyone enjoyed it. That was my happy place. But over the years it started to deteriorate. I was working myself to death to try and make it perfect. My immediate family appreciated it and helped but the others didn't. I think for the longest I just wanted to believe it was ok. (That's why I said I was kicking myself) I know how it really was and no one likes to admit they've been taken advantage of. When my step mother died, it became more apparent I wasn't really part of that side of the family. As time goes by it becomes more clear it was my "made up family" and not what I thought it was. I guess this year I've decided to move on. But I really want to say a big f-u. It was never real. So, I sent the texts and the responses have been ... Oh we're planning on doing something else anyway to get this, "We're going out of town" . So no one was coming anyway. For those that said 2 weeks to bail wasn't enough notice, well I'm not sure when I would have been told they weren't coming. Probably at Christmas! And to top it off, I said you might as well know we are traveling from Dec 12-24. I won't be able to host Christmas either. And I signed it with the passive aggressive, Have a GREAT holiday! For those that understand, I sincerely thank you. There's nothing like the Peas for setting you straight and telling you you're right. I'm so sorry. It really hurts to be taken advantage of and to realize that your idea of family and theirs is not the same. I wouldn't read any more of their replies. Just delete them. I'm serious. Tomorrow, don't give it another thought. Let go of the stress and take back the joy you've lost. And just think how awesome your holidays will be this year!
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Post by BuckeyeSandy on Nov 12, 2014 2:49:11 GMT
Ok, well I haven't read all the replies but most of you get where I'm coming from. For those that understand, I sincerely thank you. There's nothing like the Peas for setting you straight and telling you you're right. I saw this the first day you posted and really had no advice, I came back to it and I believe what you are doing is the best! But just in case not all the "hangers on" got the hint, I'd be GONE, NOT HOME on Thanksgiving, go elsewhere because your "extended family" sounds like there would still be a bunch showing up and expecting you to do it all for them.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 12, 2014 7:05:44 GMT
Ok I sent the text. I'm just flabbergasted at one of the replies I got back. So step sister says, oh no problem we were planning on doing something else here. So obviously I wasn't going to be invited to that. I could kick myself. GOOD FOR YOU! Her response just proves you were right all along, so no self-kicking is necessary. I sincerely hope that you and your (now much smaller!) family have a peaceful, pleasant and enjoyable holiday season!
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,875
Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Nov 12, 2014 10:33:01 GMT
Here, just copy and paste this letter ... Don't forget to change the names to your family though! ;-) (Sounds like it's time to change it up into something you enjoy!) **EDITED QUOTE TO TAKE OUT IMAGE OF MARNEY'S-BIG-CRAZY-LONG-THANKSGIVING LETTER** Hmmm...while I'm totally on board with making it clear to others that they need to help out, I think you're WAAAAYYY over the top in your demands. I may ask people to bring a side dish and to let me know what they're bringing, but I would never tell them exactly what they had to prepare and what recipe to use and how they have to bring it. If you are really that particular then maybe you should do it all your own. If you are going to ask for help then you should be gracious enough to accept whatever they bring. I can't wrap my mind around insisting that someone else make the Silver Palate Pumpkin pie. I have my own pumpkin pie recipe that I love, and if that wasn't good enough for you then it's too damn bad. And frankly, if I want to buy a nice pumpkin pie from a local bakery then you should accept that too. And if I don't want to bring a pie at all and would rather bring something else like my fabulous squash soup, then you should figure out how to make that work too. The letter is a joke. It first appeared on Awkward Family photos years ago. It gets posted on Two Peas every year as tradition. :-) it is supposed to be TIC to say she should be demanding like Marney. From one extreme, not telling anyone anything, to telling everyone over-detailed instructions. The point is, she wasn't happy with the way things were going and she had the power to fix it. And she did! Hope she has a wonderful holiday!!!
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Post by miss_lizzie on Nov 12, 2014 11:21:45 GMT
Good for you! Does it feel like a giant weight has been lifted from your shoulders?
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Nov 12, 2014 11:57:24 GMT
I host that many for Thanksgiving. I got overwhelmed the first year by all the dishes. My dh's grandmother, in her 80's told me "Life is too short, why don't you just use paper plates for crying out loud". So every year since we decorate the table with kraft paper and burlap and paper plates. I'm not even kidding. The only dishes that get washed are the serving dishes and everyone brings potluck so they wash their big dish. If grandma, the matriarch doesn't care, then no one should. So if you want to keep hosting because you enjoy the people but not the work, take it down a few notches. Where did you find those fabulous paper plates? I'm thinking of going to paper plates for Thanksgiving if I can find some big ones that are study enough to hold up to Thanksgiving foods.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Nov 12, 2014 13:35:29 GMT
I host that many for Thanksgiving. I got overwhelmed the first year by all the dishes. My dh's grandmother, in her 80's told me "Life is too short, why don't you just use paper plates for crying out loud". So every year since we decorate the table with kraft paper and burlap and paper plates. I'm not even kidding. The only dishes that get washed are the serving dishes and everyone brings potluck so they wash their big dish. If grandma, the matriarch doesn't care, then no one should. So if you want to keep hosting because you enjoy the people but not the work, take it down a few notches. Where did you find those fabulous paper plates? I'm thinking of going to paper plates for Thanksgiving if I can find some big ones that are study enough to hold up to Thanksgiving foods. I actually can't remember? Eek. I check out party city, target, grocery stores, until I find what I like. But I will let you in on a secret, I just buy what I like but buy extra and tell everyone that it's doubled up on purpose. I set out two plates at each spot.
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