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Post by ~summer~ on Jan 14, 2022 18:31:26 GMT
Really Red checking in with you today to see how you are doing
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Post by Chips on Jan 14, 2022 18:59:05 GMT
Big hugs and I am so very sorry for the passing of your son. While not the same at all - my grief after my husband died was so raw - I was on auto pilot barely surviving. I tried grief share about 3 three months after he passed and found it too painful I just cried when I tried to open up so that was too soon for me. Then at about 5 or 6 months I did Fox Valley Hands of Hope www.fvhh.net/get-help/ Since this was around 2/2021 all of the sessions were online so if they still are that might be an option for you. At about 9 months I started waking up from sleeping having panic attacks and my blood pressure was really high. I finally realized I needed medical help and called my doctor. Honestly if I was in the right/normal frame of mind I would of done that a lot sooner. I also realized that for me being in such a place of pain, depression or anxiety I really didn't have the capacity to make healthy decisions. I am about 16 outs of my husband's death and it is still so hard. I recently joined a meetup for widow/widowers and that has helped me get out and talk to others in the same situation. Wish I could give you a hug and be there but we are all here for you.
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Post by bc2ca on Jan 14, 2022 19:13:31 GMT
No one can be here with me and it is awful for my friends and family to hear my pain. Everyone else can move on (and rightly so), but I cannot. Please don't think for a second that it is awful for your friends and family to hear the pain. Or that they have moved on. IME, the awful part is not hearing the pain, but knowing there is nothing I can do to stop it. I'm glad you were able to reach out to your niece yesterday,
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Jan 14, 2022 19:15:34 GMT
The terrible thing about grief is that you can't ignore it, can't go around it, you have to go through it. It will feel as though you can't possibly endure the pain, but you will. No one can do this for you, or even really help you. Grief is a lonely, incredibly painful, place and time. One day you may realize you haven't cried yet that day. Or perhaps you are hungry for a favorite food. Or something makes you smile. It will happen eventually. Don't try to rush it. We must all grieve at our own pace and begin to live again at our own pace. This is the worst thing that could happen to you. It shouldn't happen to anyone. I send a heart filled with love to you, though I know it won't help. Take each day one hour, even one minute, one second at a time. Do whatever you need to do to survive.
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Post by sideways on Jan 14, 2022 19:32:23 GMT
I’m so sorry. Your son sounds like a lovely person.
I haven’t read the whole thread, so I don’t know what’s been said. I get not wanting to feel like you’re burdening other people with your pain. I do the same thing. But, that’s just the pain clouding your judgement. In reality, those who love you will not feel burdened.
Wishing you peace.
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Post by MichyM on Jan 14, 2022 19:38:33 GMT
I am so very sorry for all the pain you are experiencing. I cannot imagine how devistated I would be if my son died. Sending lots of warm thoughts to you...
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Post by scrapcat on Jan 14, 2022 19:44:59 GMT
I'm so sorry you are in pain. You are entitled to grieve however you want/need. There's no timeline. Your son sounds like a true friend. I've found strength in just trying to get through the next minute sometimes. I wish you peace.
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Post by scrappintoee on Jan 14, 2022 19:59:20 GMT
One of his friends told me that when she was in 9th grade and people were teasing her for being very small and not slender, that he stood up for her and made sure that everyone knew he wouldn't tolerate that. He was already close to his full-grown 6'5" by then and she told me she wasn't ever teased again. Another young boy came up to me at his service just weeping. He told me that the only reason he tolerated high school was because my son stood up for him on the soccer field. His friends and my friends have told me story after story about he continually stood up for people. And I would have done anything to do that for him. Just anything. Wow!!! What a kind, empathetic, amazing person he was !!!! I'd also love to hear more about him ! I am so, so sorry for your unrelenting pain! I totally understand what you mean about feeling as though you not can't manage. Just as everyone else has posted, I REALLY wish I could somehow help you, but I know it's not possible, so I can only send (( hugs ))
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,930
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Jan 14, 2022 20:00:30 GMT
I am so very sorry. There are no words that can describe this type of pain.
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jennamama
Full Member
Posts: 114
Jul 13, 2018 18:42:10 GMT
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Post by jennamama on Jan 14, 2022 22:19:46 GMT
Please continue to share stories and know that people care. You are not alone. Reading how wonderful your son is really reminded me that I should do more to stand up when I can because it does make a difference in people's lives. He is an inspiration. As a mother, I can't imagine your pain. We are all here for you.
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Post by mayceesgranny on Jan 14, 2022 22:52:10 GMT
Hugs to you - please know that people really do care and want to help. Feel free to express yourself here and to keep sharing his memory.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 14, 2022 23:21:20 GMT
I am so very sorry. Sending you hugs. I can’t even imagine your sorrow.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Jan 14, 2022 23:27:18 GMT
There are no adequate words, but I am deeply sorry for your pain and loss. Sending you ((hugs)).
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Post by mom on Jan 14, 2022 23:29:03 GMT
I am sorry, Red. Truly the best thing you can do is to talk about him. People want to help you carry this pain. Let them. Im here if you want to chat.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Jan 15, 2022 1:57:46 GMT
{{{hugs}}} After a friend passed away it was suggested to share memories of the loved one. Maybe reach out to some of his friends. As others mentioned writing down your memories may bring some comfort.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jan 15, 2022 2:39:28 GMT
My heart aches for you - I'm so very sorry. Sending prayers for you to have a few moments of peace (I know "big peace" may be too far away right now).
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Post by quietgirl on Jan 15, 2022 2:49:14 GMT
I hear you and I am so sorry
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jan 15, 2022 4:16:45 GMT
So heartbreaking. We ache for you. We ache for your son. Please tell us more about this tall glass of compassion.
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Post by Zee on Jan 15, 2022 4:19:42 GMT
Your love for your son has always come through your posts here. I'm so deeply sorry for your pain and your loss.
❤️❤️❤️
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,179
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jan 15, 2022 5:31:40 GMT
What wonderful stories about your son!
Telling stories, sharing memories - wonderful, and also painful, as you are reminded that you can’t make more memories and everything has changed. You can feel more than one thing at a time, so you can love hearing the stories and also feel great pain too.
While I don’t know the pain of losing a child, I know that grieving for my husband has been more painful than I ever could have imagined. Having people who know the type of pain you feel can be enormously helpful - but it doesn’t make the pain go away. It can help you feel some comfort in knowing that you are not alone, and seeing others who have moved “forward” in time is a positive. (I do not like the idea of “moving on” and much prefer the phrase “moving forward” to describe your path.)
Comparing grief is not helpful, but I think "out of order" death is harder to deal with than losing someone who dies after a long, well-lived life. I found the book It’s OK That You’re Not OK, by Megan Devine, to be a helpful read. A couple of my family members who were most supportive also found it a helpful book for them, in dealing with their grief and in being able to be there for me.
It’s hard to understand how you can feel so much pain and possibly survive it. People would apologize for telling me about their own struggles and the stresses in their lives - they didn’t understand that I needed (still need) to get out of my own head and have normal conversations. It’s not that I could forget the grief and pain but I could set them aside for a time and breathe by focusing on someone/something else. You need that reprieve.
And for those who have not experienced deep loss and grief like you are, I tell them to imagine their worst nightmare - and that I’m living mine. You WILL survive this but you will be forever changed.
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Post by zima on Jan 15, 2022 5:39:49 GMT
I am grateful you are here and we are here as a community so you can have someplace to put your thoughts down and know they are seen and valued.
We are here to listen and help as much as we can.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Jan 15, 2022 6:12:21 GMT
I'm so sorry, for your loss and for your pain. I wish you peace and comfort - I can't even imagine what you're going through.
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Post by katlaw on Jan 15, 2022 6:13:16 GMT
I am so sorry.
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Post by tryingtobewise on Jan 15, 2022 6:21:16 GMT
I missed this post yesterday but I also want to add that all of my love and support go out to you. I am so sorry you lost your son. Grief is devastating. Please don’t lose hope that it will ease a bit with time. Your son sounds like a wonderful person.
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Post by bearmom on Jan 15, 2022 13:01:25 GMT
I have nothing to offer except hugs. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jan 15, 2022 13:08:15 GMT
((HUGS))
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Post by peasapie on Jan 15, 2022 13:15:56 GMT
There isn’t a single parent whose heart doesn’t ache for you. Every one of us. It’s the thing each of us fears most and while we are incapable of helping, we hold you up in solidarity.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Jan 15, 2022 13:28:44 GMT
I’m so sorry. Sending ((hugs)).
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Post by NanaKate on Jan 15, 2022 13:38:54 GMT
Big hugs ❤️
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Post by KelleeM on Jan 15, 2022 14:24:23 GMT
My heart hurts for you. Your pain is beyond what I can imagine. I’m so sorry.
I find talking about my late husband helpful but sometimes it sets off crying that seems to never end but other times it’s really cathartic.
Sending you hugs.
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