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Post by Really Red on Jan 14, 2022 3:37:05 GMT
I don't know what to do. I just cannot stop the tears and the horrible awful pain of missing my son. My grief therapist tells me to compartmentalize and that works sometimes, but it's not working tonight. It's too late to call anyone and I hate to put that on them, too. No one can be here with me and it is awful for my friends and family to hear my pain. Everyone else can move on (and rightly so), but I cannot. I couldn't save my child - one of my three most important parts of my life - and that pain will absolutely never go away.
One of his friends told me that when she was in 9th grade and people were teasing her for being very small and not slender, that he stood up for her and made sure that everyone knew he wouldn't tolerate that. He was already close to his full-grown 6'5" by then and she told me she wasn't ever teased again. Another young boy came up to me at his service just weeping. He told me that the only reason he tolerated high school was because my son stood up for him on the soccer field. His friends and my friends have told me story after story about he continually stood up for people. And I would have done anything to do that for him. Just anything.
I do not doubt that he knew he was loved - he made that clear - and we all knew he loved us. I wish that made it easier for me, but it doesn't. I just want him next to me laughing and arguing some dumb teeny point where we differed in our beliefs. I truly do not think I can manage.
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scrappinwithoutpeas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,906 
Location: Northern Virginia
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Post by scrappinwithoutpeas on Jan 14, 2022 3:44:16 GMT
Hugs, Really Red. I'm so sorry you're struggling and in pain. I've read that losing a child is one of the most traumatic things someone can go through. Please know that we're here for you and you can share your grief here...I only wish I could make it go away so your heart doesn't hurt so much. |
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Post by gizzy on Jan 14, 2022 3:46:37 GMT
I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for the pain your soul is feeling. Do you have a place or person you can go to and just scream and rage and cry? Let it all out...until it builds again.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,019
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Post by mimima on Jan 14, 2022 3:47:04 GMT
I have no words but want you to know that I sit with you as you grieve. Love to you.
He sounds like he was truly kind and is deeply missed.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Jan 14, 2022 3:47:13 GMT
Do you want to call me? Pm me for my number.
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Post by peatlejuice on Jan 14, 2022 3:47:38 GMT
I wish I had the eloquence of some of our other Peas, but I just want you to know that I see you and feel your pain. Your son was clearly one of the good ones, and thank you for sharing his memory with us.
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Post by tentoes on Jan 14, 2022 3:48:20 GMT
I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I can't even imagine. ((HUGS)) to you. I hope you continue to see your grief therapist. I hope that helps!
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samantha25
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,905
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Post by samantha25 on Jan 14, 2022 3:48:23 GMT
These stories you have told about him are amazing. You provided for him and gave him the opportunity to thrive. I have my days of sadness loosing my mom to cancer in July. She knew her death was near, but told me she lead a fulfilled life. I'm sure your son felt the same. Hugs.
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Post by flanz on Jan 14, 2022 3:49:05 GMT
I'm so very sorry Red. Your pain is real and it's legit and I believe you need to allow yourself to feel it when it comes. I, too, wish I could make it disappear. More so, I wish I could bring your dear boy back to you.
Sending you love and prayers for strength as well as lots of support as you travel your grief journey. (((( hugs )))
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Post by librarylady on Jan 14, 2022 3:51:20 GMT
I do wish I could do something to ease the horrible loss you have endured. I send a hug and a plea to the masters of the universe to send you some healing. Has anyone suggested Compassionate Friends to you? It is a grief group for a parent who has lost a child--no matter the age of the child or the parent or the circumstances surrounding the death. There are many groups in many locations....and an online presence. www.compassionatefriends.org/Sending a virtual hug to you. |
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Post by amp on Jan 14, 2022 3:51:39 GMT
I'm glad you shared your grief here. You can't keep it bottled up. I understand your pain (as much as one can). I'm a single mother of a son who is my entire world. Losing him would be extremely hard on me. I wish I could make it better for you. Your son sounds like he was an amazing human being. He will be missed.
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Post by compeateropeator on Jan 14, 2022 3:51:53 GMT
I am so sorry for your pain. Your son was an amazing person to have such kindness, empathy, and compassion for others. Those qualities are a true testament to his wonderful gentle soul and I hope they can rise above your pain to give you some comfort knowing what a huge impact he made on so many lives. I am so so sorry and sending you nothing but love and hugs.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jan 14, 2022 3:52:12 GMT
My mum and dad know what you are going through. She was my sister. The pain is unbearable but one day after crying every few minutes some happiness happened. It was small but it was there. Life will get bearable again. I am so sorry your pain is so intense. If you want to PM me you can. I am so very sorry.
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Post by tinydogmafia on Jan 14, 2022 3:53:49 GMT
I am holding you close in my thoughts. Sending so many hugs.
Would it help to share more of how amazing he was? It sounds like he impacted so many lives. How outstanding a young man he was.
So many positive thoughts coming to you. The Peas are here to hold you up tonight, or anytime you might need us.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jan 14, 2022 3:54:36 GMT
I promise you, if you were my friend and needed to call someone or ask someone to come over at any hour, I would want you to call me. It wouldn’t be too much to ask.
I will sit with you and message with you as long as you need right now and throughout the night if you want to peamail me.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 14, 2022 3:56:55 GMT
I'm so very sorry Red. Talk, talk, talk about your memories, the memories others have shared with you. All the funny things that were uniquely him. If you're a writer, journaling might also help. All those special things about him that live on through you. We're here and care and want to know more about your wonderful son.
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Post by peanutterbutter on Jan 14, 2022 3:56:58 GMT
(((Great big hugs))). I am going to be up all night , pm me if you want to talk about anything or nothing, and I will give you my number.
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Post by elaine on Jan 14, 2022 3:57:53 GMT
I hear your pain and sorrow. He sounds like an amazing person: the world has lost a treasure.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
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Post by luckyexwife on Jan 14, 2022 4:06:22 GMT
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Please share more stories about your son with us, I want to hear more about him. I don't think you're in North Dakota, but if you are, reach out to me and I would love to meet you for coffee and hear more about him.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jan 14, 2022 4:07:52 GMT
It's too late to call anyone and I hate to put that on them, too. No one can be here with me and it is awful for my friends and family to hear my pain. You can put it on us. We are here with you. Sending virtual hugs and support. |
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jan 14, 2022 4:12:03 GMT
I believe that there is no grief on earth like that of a bereaved parent. Your loss is so unnatural in the order of things.
I don't think there are any words that will lessen your unimaginable pain.
The best we can do is offer our ears and our love and let you know that you are held in the arms and hearts of every person here. We will not turn away from your pain, no matter how raw.
Would you like to share more about your beautiful boy? You are not alone.
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janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,633
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Post by janeliz on Jan 14, 2022 4:16:11 GMT
I wish there was anything at all I could say to make your pain even slightly more bearable. Know that I hear you and I’m so sorry for what you are going through.
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Post by Neisey on Jan 14, 2022 4:16:30 GMT
Big hugs to you!
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,632
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Post by valincal on Jan 14, 2022 4:18:00 GMT
I am so sorry. As a parent I can’t imagine what you are going through…I don’t want to. The pain must be immeasurable. I think of you often and I wish there was something I could say to help. But I know I can’t. Your family is in my thoughts..take care.
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Post by snoopy on Jan 14, 2022 4:18:29 GMT
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. Your son sounds absolutely amazing and I’m so glad that others have been open enough to share their stories with you. What a treasure your son was.
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Post by lucyg on Jan 14, 2022 4:20:56 GMT
I am so very sorry. I have seen what the loss of a child (young or old) has done to a parent, and I know it is horribly painful and never fully goes away. The peas have your back.  |
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Post by Merge on Jan 14, 2022 4:21:19 GMT
I’m very sorry. I can’t imagine your pain. Big hugs to you.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jan 14, 2022 4:22:01 GMT
I’m so, so sorry. Just keep telling yourself that he knew he was loved- and he loved you in return. Try to focus on one positive to get through the night. I’m so very sorry - I wish I could take away your pain.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Jan 14, 2022 4:23:58 GMT
I’m so sorry that you’re in such pain. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you raised such a wonderful, kind, compassionate son. Please know we’re thinking of you.
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,347
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Jan 14, 2022 4:38:25 GMT
I am so sorry. Gentle hugs. He was like a wonderful son and friend.
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