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Post by janet on Feb 24, 2022 14:18:07 GMT
2/25 update: he's alert but still intubated for his own safety. Today he's having surgery on his neck because of pinching to the spinal cord. This will determine if he's able to walk again. Doctors are hopeful but it's going to be a long road ahead with rehab, etc. But first he has to get through today's surgery. The kids say he is able to answer questions and knows what is going on.
Update: he's still at a 3 but recognized my oldest daughter. Also found out that he was drunk when this happened with a BAC of .23 and I am FURIOUS. (he works at a country club so apparently they were having after-work cocktails and oh I don't know was he going to DRIVE home? 17 y/o DD says "I will have plenty of time to be angry with him later, right now I just want him well.")
Ex-DH and I divorced 11 years ago and in the last few years have managed to become friendly, if not friends.
Last night he fell down a flight of 20 stairs at work and was discovered unresponsive and not breathing by a coworker who, thank God, knows CPR and was able to get him breathing again. Paramedics took him immediately, and he is in a medically induced coma.
NO brain bleeds fortunately, but he has at least one spinal fracture, paralysis and unknown head injury/concussion. MRI set for later today. My kids (DD23, DS21, DS19 and DD17) were able to see him in the hospital and said he was slightly responsive and knew they were there. He's in the ICU and intubated. It sounds like he pretty much landed on his head/neck all the way down the stairs. His Glasgow coma score was 3 when he was brought in, but I'm told it improved since then.
Oldest DD is trying to coordinate things at the hospital, telling relatives, getting insurance info, etc. She's going to meet the doctors for rounds at 9 AM and the other kids will go back at 10 AM.
I am trying to figure out the best way to support everyone while knowing that as the ex-wife I am not directly involved as a family member (he has not remarried but he has 2 older kids from a previous marriage, as well as adult siblings, and I would expect they would all come as well). I am being positive for my kids and trying to keep them upbeat, but it is of course very hard since no one knows what is going to happen.
Please send positive vibes/thoughts/prayers/whatever it is you do. I do not want my kids to have to go through losing a parent so young.
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Post by cmpeter on Feb 24, 2022 14:20:02 GMT
I’m so sorry. Sending healing thought his way.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Feb 24, 2022 14:23:03 GMT
You are in an awkward position, but clearly are being sensitive already to all the nuances of that. You’re doing the right thing by supporting your children through it in my opinion.
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Post by gar on Feb 24, 2022 14:24:51 GMT
I hope he recovers well for your children's sake.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 24, 2022 14:25:56 GMT
How scary. Sending healing thoughts your ex’s way, and wishes for calm and peace to you and the rest of your family. Hang in there.
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Post by Monica* on Feb 24, 2022 14:28:02 GMT
Oh my. Thinking of you, Janet, and what your family is going through.
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Post by Ryann on Feb 24, 2022 14:29:22 GMT
Best wishes and healing thoughts to your ex for a full recovery. Hopefully being surrounded by his family will help him heal.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Feb 24, 2022 14:29:42 GMT
oh, wow. scary!! Sending healing thoughts to him and peaceful thoughts for your kids.
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Post by Linda on Feb 24, 2022 14:43:28 GMT
prayers
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Post by mom on Feb 24, 2022 14:46:35 GMT
Oh my goodness. How scary! I will pray for him and for your kiddos.
You are supporting your kids in the best way possible: just being there for them. You are ready and willing to do what you can to help, and that says so much about you. You kids are extremely lucky to have you as their mom.
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Post by Lexica on Feb 24, 2022 14:53:30 GMT
How scary for your children, and for you since you have become good friends now. Thank goodness for that coworker who got him breathing again! I will keep you all in my prayers. Please keep us updated when you can.
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Post by withapea on Feb 24, 2022 14:58:42 GMT
I’m so sorry that happened. I’ll be keeping all of you in my thoughts. I hope he has the most positive outcome.
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Post by Horse scrap on Feb 24, 2022 15:24:43 GMT
Sending healing prayers for your ex-DH and for peace for your children. I'd say that if you were on decent terms with him, and his family, I'd go and be in the waiting room with your kids for a bit. Just so they know that you are there to hold their hands. (even us adult kids like have our mom nearby!).
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Post by janet on Feb 24, 2022 15:34:15 GMT
Sending healing prayers for your ex-DH and for peace for your children. I'd say that if you were on decent terms with him, and his family, I'd go and be in the waiting room with your kids for a bit. Just so they know that you are there to hold their hands. (even us adult kids like have our mom nearby!). I'm on decent terms with him but probably not the rest of his family. I will see what my kids want me to do. Still waiting for update from the doctor. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 24, 2022 15:36:59 GMT
I had a friend in the same position as you. Her ex had some serious medical problems. The kids were there for him (around the same ages as your kids) so while they are adults, they are young. He wasn't married so the burden fell upon the kids. She was friendly with her ex and stepped in (and her husband) to help the kids navigate paperwork and insurance and all that. His family had no problems with it either.
To me, she went a little overboard with it (she even left her brand new job during training in another state) to help. In my opinion, that was a bit much but not my business.
So I would say do as much as you are comfortable and if it seems to cause problems within the family step back...
Prayers for everyone! Glad he has a good support system.
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Post by malibou on Feb 24, 2022 15:39:24 GMT
Wishing a stellar medical team and complete recovery. Wishing that the kids find themselves with many more good years with their dad.
Because this happened at work, this will be a workers comp case. Your daughter needs to find out what she needs to do there.
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Post by twinks on Feb 24, 2022 15:39:32 GMT
I am so sorry this is happening. The only thing you can do is be there for your children and support them. If they don’t know what to do, you can offer suggestions and guidance.
I will keep everyone involved in my prayers.
PS. Just a couple of things of advise for your children. Have a person in charge of talking to the doctors and getting the information out. Medical staff don’t like having to talk to everyone individually. It can change out, but not too often. We did it monthly with my Mom. Also get a notebook or binder. Write down who you talked to and a summary. I suggest a binder so when the bills and insurance stuff start coming in, everything is in the same place. I would copy everything electronically and put it on there. Because I was the auditor in the family, they let me do this. It saved us many times.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
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Post by purplebee on Feb 24, 2022 15:58:12 GMT
Sending prayers for recovery. Sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing.
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Post by mayceesgranny on Feb 24, 2022 16:08:34 GMT
Sending positive thoughts for quick healing!
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casii
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Post by casii on Feb 24, 2022 16:13:03 GMT
Sending healing zaps and prayers. And for strength for you and your kids.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,606
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 24, 2022 16:14:18 GMT
Sending my best. Your poor kids - that's a lot to deal with at their age.
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Post by gillyp on Feb 24, 2022 16:18:12 GMT
What a horrible thing to happen and how lucky he was found. I hope he shows signs of improvement soon.
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Post by janet on Feb 24, 2022 16:27:14 GMT
Wishing a stellar medical team and complete recovery. Wishing that the kids find themselves with many more good years with their dad. Because this happened at work, this will be a workers comp case. Your daughter needs to find out what she needs to do there. Nope, he was off the clock and drinking. They will deny it. Since I have 20 years in claims and hospital billing/collections for WC/liability, I will be the point person on that if it comes to that, but I fully expect it to be denied. Fortunately he has health insurance. |
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Post by jenjie on Feb 24, 2022 16:33:34 GMT
Oh wow I’m so sorry. Regardless of how it happened, it’s horrible and I am grateful for the way you are supporting your kids and hoping for a good outcome in all of this. Praying for all involved. I think your dd is right. There is plenty of time to be angry later. Now is the time for them to just BE.
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Post by Basket1lady on Feb 24, 2022 16:53:00 GMT
I’m so sorry that your family is going through this.
If he is conscious, he may want to sign a durable power of attorney so that the kids can pay bills and such. They will need a lawyer to draw that up. If he’s not, they will probably have to declare him incompetent if it goes on for more than a week or so.
Do the kids have money for parking, food, lodging, gas? My kids are about the same age and would have some troubles paying for just that after a week or so.
I agree with having a designated person, a notebook, and a folder to keep all the important papers. They are still in shock and aren’t going to remember much of the technical details from now. Would one of the older children step in to take over that job? That’s a lot to lay on even a 23 year old.
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Post by tentoes on Feb 24, 2022 16:58:07 GMT
So sorry. I hope he does well, and I hope the kids handle the situation well. Praying for you all.
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Post by malibou on Feb 24, 2022 17:46:34 GMT
Wishing a stellar medical team and complete recovery. Wishing that the kids find themselves with many more good years with their dad. Because this happened at work, this will be a workers comp case. Your daughter needs to find out what she needs to do there. Nope, he was off the clock and drinking. They will deny it. Since I have 20 years in claims and hospital billing/collections for WC/liability, I will be the point person on that if it comes to that, but I fully expect it to be denied. Fortunately he has health insurance. Damn! Will he face any problems for drinking at work even though he was off the clock? |
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teddyw
Drama Llama
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Post by teddyw on Feb 24, 2022 18:20:55 GMT
I feel for your kids. That’s a lot to take on. I’d just ask them what they want from you.
I hope he recovers.
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Post by janet on Feb 24, 2022 18:45:54 GMT
If he is conscious, he may want to sign a durable power of attorney so that the kids can pay bills and such. They will need a lawyer to draw that up. If he’s not, they will probably have to declare him incompetent if it goes on for more than a week or so. Do the kids have money for parking, food, lodging, gas? My kids are about the same age and would have some troubles paying for just that after a week or so. He's not conscious enough to sign anything right now but it's a good idea for when he wakes up. The 2 younger kids live with me, oldest DS is in college at Iowa but will stay here. Oldest DD lives with him but has all her own stuff. |
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Feb 24, 2022 23:08:00 GMT
I'm so sorry. I hope things go OK for him.
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