Anyone have experience with selective mutism in children?

I have actually had 3 students with selective mutism. I am headed to a movie but if no one wiser pops in I will post my experiences and recommendations this evening!

I’ve had a couple of students with selective mutism over the years. One of them loved to sing but I never heard her talk

I don’t have much advice except to say that mom shouldn’t hesitate to take the results of his evaluation to his school before school even starts. The school district may be required by law to provide some services/therapies for him.

Besides choosing the best classroom teacher for him, please make sure all his specialist teachers are aware of the condition. We don’t always get informed if a child is being evaluated for sped services and someone might think he is being stubborn or simply refusing to speak.

I wonder if a speech therapist might be able to give insight on this.

I'm a speech therapist and selective mutism considered outside our scope of practice. It is more appropriate for a counselor and psychologist.

All 3 kids were successful in school, I imagine that is a huge concern for parents, but all 3 of them were able to navigate school very well.  


One child I never heard talk, I never even witnessed them speaking to friends, but they did have friends, so there was obviously some communication worked out with them.   This child was not in my pre-K, but our before school and summer camp program.  I actually looked them up on Facebook and they are an attorney now.  

The second one would whisper to their sibling when they were together and eventually would speak one or two  words to me if no one was near us.   I would see them whispering to friends in class or outside though.   This continued through 5th grade.  

The third child is now in first grade and didn’t hardly speak at all the first year they were with us.   The second year they would say a word or two to me at the start of the year (again if we were away from other kids and teachers) and eventually we could have full conversations as long as no one came near us.   As soon as someone else walked over they would go silent.   We had a lot of good conversations in the hallway while waiting for other kids or during recess.   Towards the end of our time in Pre-K they would whisper talk at a table activity if they had a question or wanted to point something out to another child.    This child is very bright and I am pretty sure they were able to read at age 4.  They were certainly able to add and subtract single digits.  This is obviously not anything we taught, it was just apparent in convos and by their actions with our table activities.    This child was in class when we were shut down for covid and I was very worried for them as they had made such good progress.  We had a teacher that this child was familiar with due to our class being “buddies” while we were in person so we lobbied hard to have our student put in their class.  The student actually did very well with the online class and would contribute to class discussions and was willing to do small presentations even.   When they started back in person they were back to being more selective, but definitely less so then they were in our class.   Now that they are in first grade and I see them all the time in the hallway, they are still quiet, but I do see them talking to their friends and they always speak to me.   Their teacher says they don’t want to participate in group discussions, but are doing very well.

Speech therapy services were not part of any of the kid’s services.   Our most recent pre-K didn’t qualify for an IFSP (pre-K IEP) and I don’t think the other kids had an IEP either.   It is definitely more of a psychological disorder then something speech therapy can help.   All the kids I know had private therapy.  


The main thing I would say is that EVERYONE who works with the child needs to be aware of the situation.  It is helpful to teach them the sign for bathroom so they can communicate with their teacher.   As far as I can tell the best thing the teacher can do is be aware, be patient, be understanding and obviously never call the child out in group discussions.   I spoke very quietly to the children myself, I don’t know if that helped or not, but I will say that the kids would choose to come to me first if they needed something.   I would also repeat what they did say to me.  Most communication happened in small group time as well.   You have to give the kids space to talk, teachers are busy and often have other kids clamoring for attention, but you have to give the kids a few beats to allow them the chance to talk if they want to.  

I would reassure the parents that their child can be very successful in school both academically and socially even if they remain selectively mute.   

I know you are not supposed to let the child rely on non verbal communication, but honestly I think the more comfortable the child is the more likely they are to talk.  


I hope that helps.

I’ve had several in Pre-K. All had different degrees of selective mutism. All three loved school. One grandma would tell me that her dgd would rattle off her whole day as soon as she got home.

What worked for me:
Always include them as if they are speaking. They can still participate in “discussions” if they are given non-verbal options for response. When asking direct questions I would use phrasing that gave the option for a verbal or non-verbal response. Occasionally I did get verbal responses. If the child did use words, I never drew attention too it or pushed too hard.

All three of them eventually did begin speaking at school in later grades. I was at a school where I would continue to see them in the hallways/on the playground, etc as they progressed through the grades. At that point I got to have some great conversations!

Our daughter had it as a child. She didn't speak at school until maybe 3rd/4th grade, and then only in a whisper to a few select friends for many years. She would chatter in the car until we turned into the parking lot of the school and then nothing until we left the parking lot at the end of the day.

She had amazing teachers, all were very accommodating and also very different. One was very strict and another was the opposite. Most were somewhere in the middle.

It was stressful for sure, but she turned out great (if I do say so myself). In high school she spoke in front of several hundred people for a girls scout thing, she led songs at girl scout camp, she won lots of academic awards and is now in grad school working on her doctorate in physics!

Our nephew has it, he's about 30 now, still very quiet but will take part in a conversation, maybe 2-3 word replies.

His parents had him in therapy and used medication when he was young.

He has always had some quirks, still does, but recently became engaged. They will go to the courthouse to get married. He has a job as a ski lift operator in winter and ground maintenance at a golf course in the summer.

When I taught middle school, I had a student with selective mutism. Unfortunately both the school and parents were very ill-informed. They put the child in my theatre class for their elective hoping I could cure/force/convince the child to talk. They very specifically did not want me to modify any assignments to remove the performance/speaking component. It didn't work and I'm afraid did more damage.

Since he is older than three, Child Find will evaluate him for special education in your district. (The agency is called Child Find for FCPS, it may be slightly different for your school district).

It will take probably 3 months through the school system, so it will be pushing it to have it done in time for school, but she should call and start the process tomorrow. The school system should run a full battery of diagnostics and he should be given an IEP. That will help determine the classroom he is in.  Thus will all be free of charge. Please have her call first thing tomorrow morning - like by 9 am - because there is an official timeline for this process that will be started as soon as she calls and refers her child into the system. 

Some teachers are better with and given more kids with IEPs. He will also need the extra support at school of a classroom that may have an extra IA to support the kids with IEPs. An IEP will get him the emotional supports, in addition to whatever else he needs to “access the general Ed curriculum” (yes, that wording is very specific to the VA process). If he doesn’t talk at school and shuts down easily, he will have difficulty accessing the curriculum without SPED supports. 

You did! She must have had a great deal of trust in you.

My 12yo dd has a friend who has selective mutism. They've been friends since pre-K. The friend still doesn't speak at school. In elementary school, she would whisper to some teachers, but that was it.

She speaks to my dd in her own home and at my house when they're in dd's room with the door shut. When she's outside her room, she won't talk. She's never spoken to me and doesn't make eye contact with me either. I just talk to her like normal. I ask a lot of questions (like what kind of snack she wants, etc) and she'll nod/shake her head until I come to the right answer.

For the longest time, her mom said that she was just like that herself and said she wasn't worried about it. They kept saying she'd grow out of it. Now that she's in middle school, they've finally started her in therapy. I don't know if she's taking any medication for it. I've only learned about the therapy from my dd.