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Post by Merge on Apr 21, 2023 13:06:22 GMT
TW: suicide attempt
My 21 year old, who has bipolar, took most of a bottle of Klonopin last night and got an ambulance trip to the ER at 11:30. I was here with her until almost 2:00 AM.
She told the doctor that she wants to die and that she’s not been compliant with her bipolar meds, which makes sense as she’s usually stable when on them. She became combative with me and the staff and had to be sedated. Once she was sedated I went home for a few hours’ sleep.
My heart is broken. She is literally a week and half from finishing her bachelor’s degree. Now they’re talking evaluation for inpatient treatment when she wakes up. I came back about an hour ago and she is still sleeping, so I’m not sure if I should sit here and wait or go back home. I can’t be in the secure room she’s in with my phone, so I’m sitting out in a waiting area. I don’t want her to wake up and find I’m not here as she has pretty severe fear of abandonment.
Please have a good thought for us. Any advice is appreciated.
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Post by kristi521 on Apr 21, 2023 13:08:44 GMT
I wish I had words of wisdom. I am sure many others will come here with that. I just wanted to send big hugs your way. I am glad she is in a place where she can hopefully get the help she needs. I am sorry you are both going through this.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 21, 2023 13:09:34 GMT
Hugs
Wish I had advice but I don’t. But I hear you.
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Post by quinlove on Apr 21, 2023 13:17:34 GMT
Sending love to you, Merge. ❤️
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Post by auntkelly on Apr 21, 2023 13:17:40 GMT
I’m so sorry.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,906 
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Post by pilcas on Apr 21, 2023 13:18:03 GMT
I am so very sorry, can’t imagine how hard that must be.
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Post by gillyp on Apr 21, 2023 13:19:22 GMT
So sorry you are all going through this. Sending many supportive thoughts and hopes that re-evaluation will also bring some stability.
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Post by Lori McMud on Apr 21, 2023 13:25:33 GMT
So sorry. I will echo the others, she is in a safe place and hopefully she can get the help she needs.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 21, 2023 13:27:29 GMT
I’m so sorry - big hugs to you.
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None
Full Member
Posts: 453
Sept 17, 2017 13:10:30 GMT
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Post by None on Apr 21, 2023 13:29:52 GMT
Prayers, and well wishes for you all.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Apr 21, 2023 13:32:41 GMT
Oh Merge, I am so sorry to hear this. Sending all the good wishes and prayers for you. |
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,541
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Post by Just T on Apr 21, 2023 13:34:05 GMT
Oh, Merge, I'm so sorry. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts today. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.
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Post by tmarschall on Apr 21, 2023 13:38:08 GMT
I'm so sorry...this is heartbreaking. For what it is worth, I'm a college professor and this is a really tough time for students getting ready to graduate. Even the most stable ones. One of my dearest students...perfectionist but vulnerable, and also bipolar, had a crisis a few weeks ago. I was very scared for her when I could not reach her. She was hospitalized, but just for 4 days or so. If she needs to be somewhere safe to get things sorted out, please reach out/get her to reach out to her advisor. You shouldn't have to share details. I know it's not great timing. But we can work with things like this to preserve her ability to finish. So you both can concentrate on getting her better. There's a lot of fear and uncertainty around finishing the degree, what comes next, pressure to succeed. Maybe this doesn't apply here but it is a common these.
Sending love to you both.
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Post by gar on Apr 21, 2023 13:38:10 GMT
I can’t give you any advice but mum to mom, I have a huge hug for you. I’m sorry for how this much hurt ((hugs))
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 21, 2023 13:40:27 GMT
I am sorry, just very sorry. My kids had a very strong fear of abandonment, I think some of that tends to be because their dad wasn't really a part of their lives and they were so used to relying on me to provide everything that they felt so alone when I just didn't have it in me to give. Being off their meds really exacerbated this feeling in them, so I encourage you to stay even if sometimes you have to leave the room to collect yourself. Unless you have another trusted adult (I had grandma) who she knows is also 100% on her side.
There are a lot of things I still don't know despite all the things I have been through, but the thing that kept me going during times like this was reminding myself of how long it took me to take care of myself. I had to constantly remind myself that they didn't have the same level of maturity as I do after 20 years of treatment and that the learning curve for me was steep, so they were starting at ground zero and had to make the journey themselves. What I also know is that every inpatient treatment has the ability to teach something to your child. At the very least, it is a cooling off period where you are guaranteed that they will be mandated to take that medicine and maybe, just maybe, they will start to feel good enough again by the end that they will continue to take it once released.
I know my story can be discouraging for some because one half of it didn't end so well, but the immense improvement I'm seeing in Chloe right now was worth all the battles we faced. She finally said to me yesterday that she knows full well she has bipolar disorder and that medication is keeping her sane. She said that balance she's finally feeling is enough of an incentive for her to keep her away from alcohol and taking her meds. Those are the words every mother wants to hear. And finally after all the time I spent in hospitals with them, I got to see that moment. So I know it is possible.
I know how hard it is when you are thick in the moment of these kinds of situations and the worry you feel. I also want to reassure you that right now, she's in a safe place. It sounds like she is going to be forced into some kind of treatment. And that's where hope comes in. Time and treatment, maturity and stability. All these things matter. And the more you can be there, it makes a difference.
I'll keep both of you in my prayers.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,696
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Apr 21, 2023 13:42:49 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending hugs your way.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,990
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Apr 21, 2023 13:48:55 GMT
oh Merge, I'm so sorry mama, the worry, fear and pain must be soul crushing. Sending you love and good thoughts and my prayers that your daughter is eased of her suffering and gets the treatment and care that she needs. <hugs>
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Post by Tearisci on Apr 21, 2023 13:52:57 GMT
I'm so sorry but as others have said, she's in a safe place.
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Post by Linda on Apr 21, 2023 13:54:09 GMT
((((Hugs)))) and prayers.
I echo the advise to reach out to the school
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Post by Merge on Apr 21, 2023 13:54:56 GMT
I'm so sorry...this is heartbreaking. For what it is worth, I'm a college professor and this is a really tough time for students getting ready to graduate. Even the most stable ones. One of my dearest students...perfectionist but vulnerable, and also bipolar, had a crisis a few weeks ago. I was very scared for her when I could not reach her. She was hospitalized, but just for 4 days or so. If she needs to be somewhere safe to get things sorted out, please reach out/get her to reach out to her advisor. You shouldn't have to share details. I know it's not great timing. But we can work with things like this to preserve her ability to finish. So you both can concentrate on getting her better. There's a lot of fear and uncertainty around finishing the degree, what comes next, pressure to succeed. Maybe this doesn't apply here but it is a common these. Sending love to you both. Thanks for your perspective. I agree her fear of finishing school and launching into the “real world” is at the root of all this. She had a job interview yesterday and was just so weepy over it because it all sounds so uninteresting and she can’t imagine spending all her days like that. When she is medicated, she is rational and understands that our first job is usually not super exciting, and she’s been excited to earn a real salary and be independent. Her professors all along have been very supportive and understanding when she isn’t feeling well, for which I am grateful. When she’s awake and in a place to do it, we’ll figure out her options and contact her advisor. I’m hopeful she can take incompletes and finish the work when she’s feeling better. |
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naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,916
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Post by naby64 on Apr 21, 2023 13:55:15 GMT
Merge, I am so sorry to read this. I don't have any experience with this but I know a mama'a heart. I am sending love and hugs to you. And your girl!
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Post by agengr2004 on Apr 21, 2023 13:55:44 GMT
I'm so sorry Merge. We just went through this with my 14 year old about 6 weeks ago (major depression). My advice, don't leave. Even though all you can do is sit there, it shows that you're there. The hardest thing I ever had to do was leave DD at the inpatient facility even though it was the best thing for her and I so wasn't prepared for that. I had a nurse tell me in the ER, no matter how hard it is right now, she's safe and that's the most important thing.
I'll be thinking about y'all.
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Post by Merge on Apr 21, 2023 13:56:29 GMT
I am sorry, just very sorry. My kids had a very strong fear of abandonment, I think some of that tends to be because their dad wasn't really a part of their lives and they were so used to relying on me to provide everything that they felt so alone when I just didn't have it in me to give. Being off their meds really exacerbated this feeling in them, so I encourage you to stay even if sometimes you have to leave the room to collect yourself. Unless you have another trusted adult (I had grandma) who she knows is also 100% on her side. There are a lot of things I still don't know despite all the things I have been through, but the thing that kept me going during times like this was reminding myself of how long it took me to take care of myself. I had to constantly remind myself that they didn't have the same level of maturity as I do after 20 years of treatment and that the learning curve for me was steep, so they were starting at ground zero and had to make the journey themselves. What I also know is that every inpatient treatment has the ability to teach something to your child. At the very least, it is a cooling off period where you are guaranteed that they will be mandated to take that medicine and maybe, just maybe, they will start to feel good enough again by the end that they will continue to take it once released. I know my story can be discouraging for some because one half of it didn't end so well, but the immense improvement I'm seeing in Chloe right now was worth all the battles we faced. She finally said to me yesterday that she knows full well she has bipolar disorder and that medication is keeping her sane. She said that balance she's finally feeling is enough of an incentive for her to keep her away from alcohol and taking her meds. Those are the words every mother wants to hear. And finally after all the time I spent in hospitals with them, I got to see that moment. So I know it is possible. I know how hard it is when you are thick in the moment of these kinds of situations and the worry you feel. I also want to reassure you that right now, she's in a safe place. It sounds like she is going to be forced into some kind of treatment. And that's where hope comes in. Time and treatment, maturity and stability. All these things matter. And the more you can be there, it makes a difference. I'll keep both of you in my prayers. Thank you - I was hoping you’d weigh in. Maturity is a big part of it for sure. |
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Post by disneypal on Apr 21, 2023 13:58:33 GMT
Oh my goodness...I'm glad she survived. I will be praying for her and for you.
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Post by Horse scrap on Apr 21, 2023 13:59:39 GMT
I couldn't scroll by and not let you know that I'm praying for your daughter, and for you. Please, if you can, stay at the hospital. She'll need her mom, even just in sight/knowing you're there. Hang in there, and we are all hanging with you!!!!
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,759
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Apr 21, 2023 14:03:28 GMT
Merge hugs to you, your dd and your family. There is nothing like the feeling of helplessness while you wait in ER, I know. You will be in my thoughts while you navigate this path.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,422
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Post by tanya2 on Apr 21, 2023 14:04:01 GMT
I'm so sorry you both are going through this
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Post by essiejean on Apr 21, 2023 14:15:36 GMT
My heart is broken for you and your daughter. Sending love, good vibes, prayers and anything else I can think of your way.
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Post by MZF on Apr 21, 2023 14:18:17 GMT
No advice, just many prayers and (hugs) to you and your family.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,166
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Apr 21, 2023 14:18:25 GMT
Merge, my heart goes out to you, your daughter, your whole family. I know how tough this is, and that you will feel you have to be the one that holds everything together. I know you will absolutely be there for your daughter, but look after yourself too, that is very important. I’m sending you huge hugs from across the pond.
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