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Post by epeanymous on May 10, 2023 0:06:13 GMT
I thought I'd put it in the subject line, because I think I'm probably looking for validation, but, also, I am definitely not objective here.
My inlaws own a boat and live part-time in the Hamptons, so when they boat, they are boating out in the LI sound. My husband is visiting them there this summer with some of the kids. The last time we were there, they got really belligerent about life jackets, and said the kids didn't need them for the boat. I insisted, and it became a pretty big conflict.
Well, they are evidently intent on taking the kids out in the boat. I won't be there. I don't want them out there without life jackets. I'm not being overcautious, right? My inlaws are very bad with kid safety -- they refused to use car seats, and have driven under the influence with my kids and left them unsupervised in pools, for example, which is why I don't let my kids visit them without a parent in the first place. But because I know I'm pretty o.O already about their child safety practices, and I do not myself boat, I'm checking in to make sure I'm not a nutcase on this.
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Post by lucyg on May 10, 2023 0:09:20 GMT
They absolutely, positively need to wear life vests. Even adults are supposed to wear them! In California, at least. Will your husband actually enforce?
jeez, I wouldn’t want to let those people near my kids. And I’m pretty easygoing. But refusing to use car seats and driving under the influence? um, NO.
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Post by belgravia on May 10, 2023 0:16:22 GMT
That is such bullshit. Is your husband in agreement with you, or is he likely to cave to his parents if you’re not there? I don’t think I’d be sending my kids without me in that situation.
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Post by finsup on May 10, 2023 0:16:31 GMT
You are not overreacting even a little bit! I think they’re lucky they get to spend time with the kids at all at this point.
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Post by mom on May 10, 2023 0:16:44 GMT
Absolutely not a nut case. Lifejackets are a must.
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Post by *sprout* on May 10, 2023 0:18:28 GMT
Not overcautious at all. There is no way my kiddo would be on a boat without a life jacket.
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Post by refugeepea on May 10, 2023 0:18:32 GMT
Not a nutcase. Things can go wrong so fast, especially in open water!
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on May 10, 2023 0:22:58 GMT
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Post by *sprout* on May 10, 2023 0:23:18 GMT
Considering all the incidents where they put children in harm's way, unless I was absolutely, completely, 100% positive that DH would enforce the life jackets (or any other safety matter), the kids would absolutely not be going.
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Post by leannec on May 10, 2023 0:24:52 GMT
Long time boat owner here ... kids always wear life jackets ... no ifs ands or buts!
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Post by AussieMeg on May 10, 2023 0:25:50 GMT
What is wrong with with your lunatic in-laws?! OMG. I will definitely validate you. Please tell me that your husband will back you up and insist on the life jackets!
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Post by monklady123 on May 10, 2023 0:31:00 GMT
Considering all the incidents where they put children in harm's way, unless I was absolutely, completely, 100% positive that DH would enforce the life jackets (or any other safety matter), the kids would absolutely not be going. Yes, that!  |
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Post by supersoda on May 10, 2023 0:31:57 GMT
I'll just echo everyone else and say you are absolutely right.
Parenting just means some uncomfortable conversations with family. I had to tell one of my grandparents that my kids couldn't visit because they smoked in their home. If they wanted to see my kids they had to go to my mom's house. I had to tell another set that my kids absolutely would not be allowed over there with unsecured firearms.
I think they both thought I was being a little nuts--after all, I survived didn't I? But they complied and our relationships were no worse for wear in the long run. They understood my kids my rules. Hopefully, your DH stands with you and takes the heat on this.
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Post by snoopy on May 10, 2023 0:35:31 GMT
Considering all the incidents where they put children in harm's way, unless I was absolutely, completely, 100% positive that DH would enforce the life jackets (or any other safety matter), the kids would absolutely not be going. Absolutely agree 1000% |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 9:32:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2023 0:39:29 GMT
I'll validate you and go a step further. Honestly, if there had been instances of someone driving without car seats or under the influence, there is no way I, as mom, would let them go without me. I would have zero tolerance for either situation.
I'd also suggest if there is any way possible, get the kids into swimming and water safety classes. I do think lifejackets are essential for young children, and longer for those that can't swim. Personally, I was a strong swimmer at a young age and started lifeguarding and teaching swimming lessons at 14. I think it should be a requirement that every child learns basic swimming skills at a fairly young age. Although, if they drive under the influence, they would think nothing of boating under the influence. I just wouldn't want them there in the first place. Sorry you have to even be put in that predicament.
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Post by epeanymous on May 10, 2023 0:39:52 GMT
I'll just echo everyone else and say you are absolutely right. Parenting just means some uncomfortable conversations with family. I had to tell one of my grandparents that my kids couldn't visit because they smoked in their home. If they wanted to see my kids they had to go to my mom's house. I had to tell another set that my kids absolutely would not be allowed over there with unsecured firearms. I think they both thought I was being a little nuts--after all, I survived didn't I? But they complied and our relationships were no worse for wear in the long run. They understood my kids my rules. Hopefully, your DH stands with you and takes the heat on this. OMG about literally every issue it is "we survived, so you are being a weirdo." I always say, "yes, you survived, but what about the kids who didn't?" and they roll their eyes. Thank you, everyone. Sometimes it's hard for me to know because I've had so many awful experiences with them over the years, and dh is so determined to maintain a civil relationship with them that I worry I'm overreacting to normal things. The only kids I'm sending are the teenagers, who are old enough to both self-advocate and narc, so I'm pretty confident that if I tell them "you do not get on the boat without a life jacket" they will not, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't engaging in the functional equivalent of telling them they needed life jackets in the swimming pool. |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 9:32:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2023 0:59:09 GMT
Some areas make it illegal for minors to not be wearing a life jacket regardless of what boat they're on.
When my kids were little, they were not allowed on a boat without a lifejacket. A kayak rental place would not let them get in kayak without one.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,956
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on May 10, 2023 1:06:34 GMT
So if you are not there, will the person with your children be there to enforce the life jacket wearing? If it is your husband and he doesn't, he would be living in the dog house for a very long while. I sure would be livid with my inlaws if they acted like yours.
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Post by Linda on May 10, 2023 1:11:28 GMT
we always had to wear lifejackets on the boat when I was growing up (my folks had a boat from about 1981-1986 ish...so I would have been 11-16 and my sister 7-12)
I believe in states that don't have a law about lifejackets, the coast guard requires them for under 13s and recommends for everyone
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Post by silverlining on May 10, 2023 1:23:35 GMT
I have very strong memories of being on a sailboat on Long Island Sound in a storm. It was scary! I was in college and needed that life jacket for my own peace of mind. I agree with everyone else! I hope your dh is willing to stand up to his parents.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 10, 2023 1:23:45 GMT
I thought yes they are required! As posted above.
I am from the era of no seatbelts. As soon as I had them in my car..
So no belt = no ride!
Same for life jackets on a boat .
No discussion!!
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Post by Lexica on May 10, 2023 1:27:52 GMT
We had a boat and used to go to the Colorado River multiple times each summer to ski and just enjoy the river. I learned to swim as a very young child and we had a pool in my parent’s backyard. We also had a pool in our own yard so both my DH and I were very strong swimmers. There is no way either of us would have gotten into the boat without life jackets on! And this was the rule for everyone that rode in our boat, adults and kids alike. Yes, we could swim, but if another boat crashed into ours and we fell overboard, possibly hitting our heads on the side of our boat as we fell, we would need those life jackets.
There was a lot of alcohol consumed during a river trips and some stupid decisions made, not by us, but we saw plenty with other boaters. You mix a river or other source of deep water, alcohol, and a speeding boat together and it is just a matter of time before someone is seriously injured or killed.
If your in laws refuse to provide life jackets, they would not be seeing my children. I cannot believe they would even argue about this. Anyone I know that owns a boat knows you must have a life jacket for every person on your boat.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 10, 2023 1:30:50 GMT
Life jackets in a boat. Seatbelts in a car. No impaired drivers.
I will always err on the side of caution with my grandchildren. And with any child entrusted to my care.
Who cares if they don’t like you? Who cares if they talk badly about you? Stand up for what is right.
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Post by flanz on May 10, 2023 1:33:26 GMT
I would never leave them alone with my kids!!!
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Post by Bridget in MD on May 10, 2023 1:36:34 GMT
I don’t know how old your kiddos are but I would tell them if they get in any boat they HAVE to wear a life jacket.
Can you purchase ones specifically for the kids? I know there are some people have a pile of life jackets to share but they get musty or BO smells or have what looks like dirt or stains on them, so I know as a kid I didn’t always want to wear them. Having my own my help the kids comply even if thier grandparents poo poo the idea.
I am a pretty strong swimmer and I got caught in a riptide with my daughter once in the ocean. It was shocking how tired I got so fast. And my DD was scared. I think about that whenever I start to think oh I won’t need a life jacket. And then I put it on!
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Post by littlemama on May 10, 2023 1:43:19 GMT
Life Jackets are a must for anyone on a boat, but especially for children.
Neither you nor your husband should he willing to budge on this and your children should be instructed that they are not alloeed to go on the dock or the boat without a life jacket under any circumstances
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peabay
Prolific Pea
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on May 10, 2023 1:46:03 GMT
there's a guy missing right now in Great South Bay because his boat flipped. Missing boater I hope your dh can stand up to them and say "no fucking way". This is insane! |
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Post by Lurkingpea on May 10, 2023 1:54:59 GMT
They absolutely, positively need to wear life vests. Even adults are supposed to wear them! In California, at least. Will your husband actually enforce? jeez, I wouldn’t want to let those people near my kids. And I’m pretty easygoing. But refusing to use car seats and driving under the influence? um, NO. Exactly. I would not let my kids with anyone who thinks it is ok to drink and drive. |
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on May 10, 2023 2:06:04 GMT
I'll join the pile-on.
YES life jackets are an absolute must.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
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Post by used2scrap on May 10, 2023 2:44:27 GMT
Not negotiable. You are validated.
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