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Post by Tamhugh on Jun 26, 2023 18:26:47 GMT
It really sucks to have a birthday around any kind of holiday, because people will always think you are being selfish to just want to celebrate. I have close family members who have birthdays around big holidays and I feel so bad that they seem to get overlooked but the folks in June never have to be accused of being selfish when they celebrate on their day. It's not like the birthday person planned to pop out at Christmas I have a child (now adult) with a June birthday. It sucked for him because his friends were always on vacation around his birthday. We thought about doing a half-birthday but that would have fallen at Christmas. I would go to the party in normal circumstances but we are bot allowed to take days off during the first week of school here. A 2 hour drive in the evening, on a holiday weekend becomes 3-4 hours here very quickly and by the time we would arrive, the party would be over.
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Post by compeateropeator on Jun 26, 2023 18:27:05 GMT
We drove to a relatives wedding a few years ago. It was two hours away. We stayed for the wedding etc and back home the same day. I agree if you don’t want to go and stay over just go for a couple of hours. You are obviously already taking Friday off. Others could take just a few hours if they can’t or don’t want to take the whole day. Saturday does seem like a better day for it but I totally get wanting to have one thing on your birthday if you can. Last Memorial Day I drove almost 3 hours to (then home in the same day, by myself) to go to my friend’s daughter‘s wedding. They are like family and it was so worth it. I can’t tell you the appreciation that my friend had that I made an effort to go to this important (to her) event. It was worth all the effort that I took to make it happen. I would go or not go, whatever your choice, but I would not try to discourage or poop on her party.
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Post by katiejane on Jun 26, 2023 18:36:15 GMT
I would go and get a hotel or air bnb and enjoy the weekend.
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Post by bratkar on Jun 26, 2023 18:40:30 GMT
20th anniversary vow renewal on labor day weekend in a very busy tourist town 50th birthday party thanksgiving weekend again in a tourist town
The person(s) meant a lot to us, so we made it work and we went. We made personal and financial sacrifices but we were happy to do so.
I totally get it and probably felt the same way you do right now, but 13 and 7 years later they are some of my best memories of our lives.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 26, 2023 18:53:02 GMT
I'm honestly confused on why you need a hotel to begin with for a party that starts at noon and you're two hours away. You were already taking off work so that's a non-issue for you - just something else to whine about which you're clearly doing. You don't want to go - so don't go - but I'd absolutely go and have a great time with a friend of FORTY YEARS. It's a long weekend, there will be another one in a couple of months. My guess is because quite a few of the friend group can't make it there until 8 p.m. at the earliest. If bbkeef wants to spend time with the friend group, she and her DH will have to stay late. If there are drinks involved, they may not be up for driving, so staying in a hotel is the best option. With it being a holiday weekend, staying for only one night in a hotel isn't possible because hotels are requiring a 2-night stay. Well she wasn't going to be seeing the late arrivals anyway at her cabin. So you don't see everyone and don't drink - what's the big deal? The OP is pissy about not doing what she wants on the long weekend, be pissy and don't go, but the idea that this is some kind of insurmountable burden for someone already taking off work on Friday is just silly.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jun 26, 2023 18:57:53 GMT
Curious what kind of party is it that it starts at noon? Is it a luncheon? Or like an all day affair? My friends would always do a party at dinner time, so I’m just curious what expectation is.
You could certainly drive up, have lunch, then get on road to your cabin around dinner time.
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Post by chlerbie on Jun 26, 2023 19:00:10 GMT
I'd go. I had a 50th birthday party and every person that came meant so much to me. It's expensive and a pain, but you have time to plan. I'd find a way to make it work.
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Post by hopemax on Jun 26, 2023 19:00:13 GMT
Another Christmas week baby, who has spent an entire life having to move what is supposed to be a celebration / appreciation of *me* to accommodate *other* people. It's easy for other people to say just move it. Be the adult, be mindful of others. It never the first thought to go the other way. Why can't just every so often people can say to that person, you know what *YOU* are the one that's important here, I'm going to be the adult and recognize you didn't choose when you were born, and a few bucks or a few hours is something I will do, because you are worth it. If lifelong friends can't do it, in a milestone year, without all the grief, than frankly, I don't think I'm really all that important when things really come down to it. Because if not under those circumstances, then it's never. But people like to think they are better friends than they actually might be. It's easy to do things when they are convenient / sync up with your ideas, the real measure is when it's not. It's a blunt question but is your time/money more important than honoring your friend? If the answer is "Yes," then just own it. And if you do decide to go, then don't be a martyr about it and lean into "everyone's sacrifice" in order to be there. Everyone has their "bridge too far" in every relationship, the thing about holiday birthdays /events is that it has a way of making things crystal clear when you run into other people's bridges.
Yeah, I have issues about this.
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samantha25
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Jun 27, 2014 19:06:19 GMT
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Post by samantha25 on Jun 26, 2023 19:02:04 GMT
How long of a drive is it from your house to your cabin? Just wondering... I would go. Is your husband driving? Then he could be the designated driver. How often do you go to your cabin?
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Post by maryland on Jun 26, 2023 19:05:33 GMT
I would go. How far is the drive from the party to where you will be spending the rest of the time? Could you go Thursday night to Duluth and stay that night and leave after the party? It will be a 2 hour drive back to our cabin. I'm just going to say it-I don't want to spend money on a hotel. Linda would be the first one to say she couldn't afford it. My DH wants to go to our cabin Thursday like normal, then drive up to the party for a couple hours, then drive back later that day. This sounds like a good idea!
If it wasn't in the budget for taking off work and staying at a hotel, I wouldn't do it and wouldn't feel guilty about it. We are at the point now that we spend so much making others happy and we want to do things/spend money for around our house that make us happy. So I prefer to say no to other things and spend the money the way we need to (lots of houses repairs for us). But if it was easily in the budget and we didn't have other plans, we would probably go and have fun with friends.
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pilcas
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Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Jun 26, 2023 19:08:10 GMT
Curious what kind of party is it that it starts at noon? Is it a luncheon? Or like an all day affair? My friends would always do a party at dinner time, so I’m just curious what expectation is. You could certainly drive up, have lunch, then get on road to your cabin around dinner time. At my family’s a summer party would begin around 1pm, time spent grilling eating and yes, several hours, some family members arriving later, kind of a who,e afternoon into evening deal.
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Jun 26, 2023 19:22:08 GMT
Another Christmas week baby, who has spent an entire life having to move what is supposed to be a celebration / appreciation of *me* to accommodate *other* people. It's easy for other people to say just move it. Be the adult, be mindful of others. It never the first thought to go the other way. Why can't just every so often people can say to that person, you know what *YOU* are the one that's important here, I'm going to be the adult and recognize you didn't choose when you were born, and a few bucks or a few hours is something I will do, because you are worth it. If lifelong friends can't do it, in a milestone year, without all the grief, than frankly, I don't think I'm really all that important when things really come down to it. Because if not under those circumstances, then it's never. But people like to think they are better friends than they actually might be. It's easy to do things when they are convenient / sync up with your ideas, the real measure is when it's not. It's a blunt question but is your time/money more important than honoring your friend? If the answer is "Yes," then just own it. And if you do decide to go, then don't be a martyr about it and lean into "everyone's sacrifice" in order to be there. Everyone has their "bridge too far" in every relationship, the thing about holiday birthdays /events is that it has a way of making things crystal clear when you run into other people's bridges. Yeah, I have issues about this. I don’t know what your experience is but not everyone has a ton of vacation days to take, and sometimes even when you have them, there are times when you can’t take them due to job requirements. I find when people make events on a weekday afternoon they are really assuming that taking off from work is not a big deal. They have every right to make their plans as they wish as long as they understand it won’t work for everyone. I remember when my kids were young my sick days were not for when I was sick but I needed to save them for when my kids were sick. I mean, did the hosts even considered that people would have to take off work? Obviously to them not a big deal but you can’t assume it’s 5he same for others.
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Post by bbkeef on Jun 26, 2023 19:25:03 GMT
Thanks to all the kind peas and your perspectives. And to the one rude poster-you get nothing.
It wasn't just me having anxiety over this party. I feel really bad for the friends that can't get out of work early on Friday. We have talked to the couple about changing it to Saturday so that more friends could attend. She is adamant the party is on Friday. For DH and I, we were always going to go one way or another. I think I convinced 2 other couples to go too. They are hoping to get out of work early. I did book a hotel just in case and they let me do only the one night. I am able to cancel the reservation up to the day of the party.
We are definitely spoiled that most of our friends and family are within an hour drive.
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Post by hopemax on Jun 26, 2023 19:39:25 GMT
Another Christmas week baby, who has spent an entire life having to move what is supposed to be a celebration / appreciation of *me* to accommodate *other* people. It's easy for other people to say just move it. Be the adult, be mindful of others. It never the first thought to go the other way. Why can't just every so often people can say to that person, you know what *YOU* are the one that's important here, I'm going to be the adult and recognize you didn't choose when you were born, and a few bucks or a few hours is something I will do, because you are worth it. If lifelong friends can't do it, in a milestone year, without all the grief, than frankly, I don't think I'm really all that important when things really come down to it. Because if not under those circumstances, then it's never. But people like to think they are better friends than they actually might be. It's easy to do things when they are convenient / sync up with your ideas, the real measure is when it's not. It's a blunt question but is your time/money more important than honoring your friend? If the answer is "Yes," then just own it. And if you do decide to go, then don't be a martyr about it and lean into "everyone's sacrifice" in order to be there. Everyone has their "bridge too far" in every relationship, the thing about holiday birthdays /events is that it has a way of making things crystal clear when you run into other people's bridges. Yeah, I have issues about this. I don’t know what your experience is but not everyone has a ton of vacation days to take, and sometimes even when you have them, there are times when you can’t take them due to job requirements. I find when people make events on a weekday afternoon they are really assuming that taking off from work is not a big deal. They have every right to make their plans as they wish as long as they understand it won’t work for everyone. I remember when my kids were young my sick days were not for when I was sick but I needed to save them for when my kids were sick. I mean, did the hosts even considered that people would have to take off work? Obviously to them not a big deal but you can’t assume it’s 5he same for others. Lifelong friends should know another friend's circumstances. They would know if there were kids at home, they would know if someone had a job that made taking time off a particular hardship. They know they aren't 20 or 30 somethings, juggling a ton of balls. Yes, I'm making an assumption that this far in life, for these friends, the birthday person knows that these aren't the deal breakers they might be in a more general circumstance / random population, or even another point in their lives.
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 26, 2023 19:49:32 GMT
I would go. How far is the drive from the party to where you will be spending the rest of the time? Could you go Thursday night to Duluth and stay that night and leave after the party? It will be a 2 hour drive back to our cabin. I'm just going to say it-I don't want to spend money on a hotel. Linda would be the first one to say she couldn't afford it. My DH wants to go to our cabin Thursday like normal, then drive up to the party for a couple hours, then drive back later that day. That is what I would do. Anyone from Minnesota knows how crazy it will be in Duluth on a holiday weekend.
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Post by busy on Jun 26, 2023 19:51:18 GMT
Yes, I would go. There's ample notice and it's a lifelong friend. I don't think two hours is a particularly long drive - if the hotel prices feel too expensive, just drive there and back same day.
Personally, my feelings would be pretty hurt if a friend of 40 years couldn't be bothered to brave some traffic for my 50th birthday when they knew about the party three months in advance.
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Post by hop2 on Jun 26, 2023 19:58:52 GMT
I would book a nearby hotel for thur night & Friday night and go to the party then head to ‘cabin’ Saturday
If it’s my friend of 40 years I’d make the extra effort to be there
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Post by Laurie on Jun 26, 2023 20:11:44 GMT
Thanks to all the kind peas and your perspectives. And to the one rude poster-you get nothing. It wasn't just me having anxiety over this party. I feel really bad for the friends that can't get out of work early on Friday. We have talked to the couple about changing it to Saturday so that more friends could attend. She is adamant the party is on Friday. For DH and I, we were always going to go one way or another. I think I convinced 2 other couples to go too. They are hoping to get out of work early. I did book a hotel just in case and they let me do only the one night. I am able to cancel the reservation up to the day of the party. We are definitely spoiled that most of our friends and family are within an hour drive. Are you saying hopemax's post sharing the perspective of someone who has spent her life dealing with a holiday birthday as rude? FTR, I don't think her post was rude at all. As for me I would go or do dh's suggestions. Either she is a friend that is worth the effort or not. Only you can decide how much effort her friendship is worth.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jun 26, 2023 20:14:50 GMT
I would take Friday off work.
Drive to your cabin Thursday night after work.
Invite and host other friends would don't want or can't afford to spend the money on a hotel. Depart Friday morning at 9:30am for the party (I like to arrive in area early, you can always stop for a beverage and muffin, croissant, etc...). Car pool with friends and have one designated driver for the ride back.
Enjoy the party, then depart for your cabin.
Stay at cabin until late Sunday afternoon-evening, then depart for home. I would want to avoid all the Monday-holiday weekend going home traffic.
The only thing that would prevent me from going is finances. I can't afford hotel prices on a holiday weekend.
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Post by hopemax on Jun 26, 2023 20:44:30 GMT
Thanks to all the kind peas and your perspectives. And to the one rude poster-you get nothing. It wasn't just me having anxiety over this party. I feel really bad for the friends that can't get out of work early on Friday. We have talked to the couple about changing it to Saturday so that more friends could attend. She is adamant the party is on Friday. For DH and I, we were always going to go one way or another. I think I convinced 2 other couples to go too. They are hoping to get out of work early. I did book a hotel just in case and they let me do only the one night. I am able to cancel the reservation up to the day of the party. We are definitely spoiled that most of our friends and family are within an hour drive. Are you saying hopemax's post sharing the perspective of someone who has spent her life dealing with a holiday birthday rude? FTR, I don't think her post was rude at all. As for me I would go or do dh's suggestions. Either she is a friend that is worth the effort or not. Only you can decide how much effort her friendship is worth. Thank you. My post is a perspective the same as everyone else's. A birthday should be a happy time, but if you are the one with a holiday birthday the feelings are often tinged or flat out painted with sadness, hurtfulness, disappointment, frustration because you know it can't ever be the same as other people's birthdays because of all the expected compromises. And as a PP mentioned, can also come with the insinuations that you're the one selfish. Or rude. And the expectation that you should, year after year, be the one to bite your tongue, put on the happy, "I understand-face," and not express disappointment and other negative feelings, so not to upset your lifelong friends. It's tiring being expected to do all the compromising, and the suppressing of emotions every year. Normally, Peas would tell a person to celebrate their birthday the way they want, which is what OPs friend apparently has chosen for this milestone. As you can see, it's not so easy to do that.
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Post by bbkeef on Jun 26, 2023 20:49:42 GMT
Are you saying hopemax's post sharing the perspective of someone who has spent her life dealing with a holiday birthday rude? No, she's not the rude one at all! It was another respectful point of view IMO. I actually understand her point of view. Our godchild was born on Christmas day. We have celebrated her half birthday more than once at her request!
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Post by littlemama on Jun 26, 2023 20:51:55 GMT
A 40 year friendship and you would not need to take a daynoff as you will already be at your cabin? I would make the trip.
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Post by guzismom on Jun 26, 2023 20:53:59 GMT
I'd go. It's not Linda's fault that she was born on a holiday weekend. It's not like she's a casual acquaintance.
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 26, 2023 20:59:58 GMT
Off OP only...
Her DH wants the party at noon. What does Linda want? Personally, I'd likely take the day, go to the party, and drive to the cabin that night if it was feasible. Or take a half day, stay the night there, and the go to the cabin the next day.
I would absolutely want to be there for her birthday party
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pinklady
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Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on Jun 26, 2023 21:02:45 GMT
Are you saying hopemax's post sharing the perspective of someone who has spent her life dealing with a holiday birthday as rude? FTR, I don't think her post was rude at all. As for me I would go or do dh's suggestions. Either she is a friend that is worth the effort or not. Only you can decide how much effort her friendship is worth. Her post wasn't rude but it sure was overly dramatic. I don't understand why grown adults get so worked up over their birthday. As to the OP, it sounds like she already had plans. Honestly, if it was an inconvenience to change the already made plans, I probably would skip the party. If I could fit it in to my already made plans, then I'd go. Frankly the birthday girl sounds self absorbed. My party HAS TO BE ON MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY. What 50yr old acts like that! I also get the sense that there is some backstory that we don't know about the birthday girl that may make a difference is the choice to go or not.
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Post by Laurie on Jun 26, 2023 21:11:06 GMT
Are you saying hopemax's post sharing the perspective of someone who has spent her life dealing with a holiday birthday as rude? FTR, I don't think her post was rude at all. As for me I would go or do dh's suggestions. Either she is a friend that is worth the effort or not. Only you can decide how much effort her friendship is worth. Her post wasn't rude but it sure was overly dramatic. I don't understand why grown adults get so worked up over their birthday. As to the OP, it sounds like she already had plans. Honestly, if it was an inconvenience to change the already made plans, I probably would skip the party. If I could fit it in to my already made plans, then I'd go. Frankly the birthday girl sounds self absorbed. My party HAS TO BE ON MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY. What 50yr old acts like that! I also get the sense that there is some backstory that we don't know about the birthday girl that may make a difference is the choice to go or not.
I agree that there is most likely a backstory that is behind this. I have found that there seem to be a lot of people that place a lot of importance on their birthday or often birthday week. I am always surprised the number of employees that ask for their birthday off (not because they have big plans) or taking off their child's birthday because they are pulling them out of school for the day. Maybe I am officially old because this all seems silly to me. However, I recognize that not everyone thinks the way I do and I would go. I would most likely grumble about it to my dh as I also do with weddings that are on long weekends but I would just suck it up and go and not say anything to said friend about it. I stand by my post though that hopemax wasn't rude in her reply.
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mimima
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Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Jun 26, 2023 21:13:36 GMT
My birthday is often on Labor Day weekend (it's August 31st,) so Linda has dealt with this her entire life. I say go and enjoy - it's not her fault.
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Post by compeateropeator on Jun 26, 2023 21:26:40 GMT
As some one that has a holiday birthday and works in a 24/7/365 department (so I work at least half of the holidays) I have a lot of experience in not celebrating things on their actual day. The birthday thing has been my whole life, so even as a kid I sometimes longed to be able to have a party or get together on my actual birthday.
I never was able to and it is not the end of the world but If some day I can I will. I kind of consider it a bucket list item. 😆. If you can make it great, if not oh well.
I treasure my friendships enough that I do what I can to to support and celebrate with my friends…but I also value my friendships enough to understand when they can’t participate in various things or events because of legitimate reasons. Give and take. I also don’t think that Hopemax’s post was overly dramatic. 🤷🏻♀️
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 26, 2023 21:48:36 GMT
I agree that there is most likely a backstory that is behind this. I have found that there seem to be a lot of people that place a lot of importance on their birthday or often birthday week. I am always surprised the number of employees that ask for their birthday off (not because they have big plans) or taking off their child's birthday because they are pulling them out of school for the day. Maybe I am officially old because this all seems silly to me. However, I recognize that not everyone thinks the way I do and I would go. I would most likely grumble about it to my dh as I also do with weddings that are on long weekends but I would just suck it up and go and not say anything to said friend about it. I stand by my post though that hopemax wasn't rude in her reply. I've been officially old for years then.
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Post by Zee on Jun 26, 2023 21:55:40 GMT
I can't imagine being this put out by a lifelong friend's 50th birthday plans, unless I just couldn't afford the trip. In which case I'd drive there and back the same night, as I have done for weddings and engagement parties and showers.
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