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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 26, 2023 23:00:21 GMT
I think having the party on Friday of a holiday weekend would be perfect. It allows you to extend the weekend, go to the party, and and the lake if you wish. I drive 2 hours each way to see good theater.. so the distance is not off putting to me.
I hope you can enjoy the weekend and Linda has a great b-day!
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Post by kelbel827 on Jun 26, 2023 23:01:09 GMT
This wouldn't even be a concern for me. It's my lifelong friend's birthday. Who cares when she wants to celebrate. If you are a friend, you go. If you are questioning it because it will put you out and you don't want to pay, are you really a friend?
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,563
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on Jun 26, 2023 23:30:55 GMT
If you are a friend, you go. If you are questioning it because it will put you out and you don't want to pay, are you really a friend? Seriously? You must be high maintenance!
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Post by Lurkingpea on Jun 26, 2023 23:37:01 GMT
It will be a 2 hour drive back to our cabin. I'm just going to say it-I don't want to spend money on a hotel. Linda would be the first one to say she couldn't afford it. My DH wants to go to our cabin Thursday like normal, then drive up to the party for a couple hours, then drive back later that day. I’d definitely do this. Yeah, it sucks to drive for 2 hours after the party, but I’d bet good money that you will be glad that you did it in the end. Exactly. We routinely drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back in one day to see a family member. I think for an important event like this you should go.
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Post by nightnurse on Jun 26, 2023 23:37:04 GMT
Another Christmas week baby, who has spent an entire life having to move what is supposed to be a celebration / appreciation of *me* to accommodate *other* people. It's easy for other people to say just move it. Be the adult, be mindful of others. It never the first thought to go the other way. Why can't just every so often people can say to that person, you know what *YOU* are the one that's important here, I'm going to be the adult and recognize you didn't choose when you were born, and a few bucks or a few hours is something I will do, because you are worth it. If lifelong friends can't do it, in a milestone year, without all the grief, than frankly, I don't think I'm really all that important when things really come down to it. Because if not under those circumstances, then it's never. But people like to think they are better friends than they actually might be. It's easy to do things when they are convenient / sync up with your ideas, the real measure is when it's not. It's a blunt question but is your time/money more important than honoring your friend? If the answer is "Yes," then just own it. And if you do decide to go, then don't be a martyr about it and lean into "everyone's sacrifice" in order to be there. Everyone has their "bridge too far" in every relationship, the thing about holiday birthdays /events is that it has a way of making things crystal clear when you run into other people's bridges. Yeah, I have issues about this. First, let me validate your feelings. Your birthday absolutely should be about you and I get it. I’m responding in general as well as to some of the things you said. However, this isn’t a “few bucks” it’s more than $500 just for the hotel. And getting the Friday before a holiday weekend off work isn’t easy or possible for everyone. It shouldn’t mean those people value you less. I have a friend that wanted me to drive her to an elective surgery and she only wanted to have it done one specific week in august that worked for her. I told her I already had two people off work in my small department of seven. Two is the max. She was furious and accused me of not caring about her. Well, I need my job. And while I could spend $500, I shouldn’t be accused of not caring about someone if I don’t want to or can’t. We aren’t talking a hundred bucks here, we’re talking what for some people is a whole week of take home pay. The idea that someone isn’t important unless we prove it with missed work, big expenses and lots and lots of inconvenience bothers me. Why not prove you value me and understand that I can’t make it because my time, money and comfort are important, too? Friendship and understanding go both ways
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 26, 2023 23:48:57 GMT
It will be a 2 hour drive back to our cabin. I'm just going to say it-I don't want to spend money on a hotel. Linda would be the first one to say she couldn't afford it. My DH wants to go to our cabin Thursday like normal, then drive up to the party for a couple hours, then drive back later that day. That’s what I would do Same here. There’s no way I’d want to drop over $500 for a weekend at an EconoLodge especially if I have somewhere nicer to go!
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Post by compeateropeator on Jun 27, 2023 0:16:49 GMT
If you are a friend, you go. If you are questioning it because it will put you out and you don't want to pay, are you really a friend? Seriously? You must be high maintenance! I wanted to say something similar with your post, that you must be a crappy friend…but thought better of it. 😉😄 But you seem to be a “say what you want type person” so I will put it out there. 😆😆
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 27, 2023 0:27:06 GMT
Another Christmas week baby, who has spent an entire life having to move what is supposed to be a celebration / appreciation of *me* to accommodate *other* people. It's easy for other people to say just move it. Be the adult, be mindful of others. It never the first thought to go the other way. Why can't just every so often people can say to that person, you know what *YOU* are the one that's important here, I'm going to be the adult and recognize you didn't choose when you were born, and a few bucks or a few hours is something I will do, because you are worth it. If lifelong friends can't do it, in a milestone year, without all the grief, than frankly, I don't think I'm really all that important when things really come down to it. Because if not under those circumstances, then it's never. But people like to think they are better friends than they actually might be. It's easy to do things when they are convenient / sync up with your ideas, the real measure is when it's not. It's a blunt question but is your time/money more important than honoring your friend? If the answer is "Yes," then just own it. And if you do decide to go, then don't be a martyr about it and lean into "everyone's sacrifice" in order to be there. Everyone has their "bridge too far" in every relationship, the thing about holiday birthdays /events is that it has a way of making things crystal clear when you run into other people's bridges. Yeah, I have issues about this. First, let me validate your feelings. Your birthday absolutely should be about you and I get it. I’m responding in general as well as to some of the things you said. However, this isn’t a “few bucks” it’s more than $500 just for the hotel. And getting the Friday before a holiday weekend off work isn’t easy or possible for everyone. It shouldn’t mean those people value you less. I have a friend that wanted me to drive her to an elective surgery and she only wanted to have it done one specific week in august that worked for her. I told her I already had two people off work in my small department of seven. Two is the max. She was furious and accused me of not caring about her. Well, I need my job. And while I could spend $500, I shouldn’t be accused of not caring about someone if I don’t want to or can’t. We aren’t talking a hundred bucks here, we’re talking what for some people is a whole week of take home pay. The idea that someone isn’t important unless we prove it with missed work, big expenses and lots and lots of inconvenience bothers me. Why not prove you value me and understand that I can’t make it because my time, money and comfort are important, too? Friendship and understanding go both ways 100% this. My SIL would always hold her kid’s “family” parties on the actual day even though it was very inconvenient for us, but then she would hold the “kid parties” for the same birthday with their friends and their friend’s kids on the more convenient adjacent weekend day. SMDH. DH and I both hated that. Sure, make *us* take a half day off work to come to your kid’s party at 5:00 pm on a weekday halfway across town, but let your friends come celebrate on Saturday. Cool, cool. 🙄
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Post by mom on Jun 27, 2023 0:51:22 GMT
I would absolutely go and if needed, drive back that night. It’s a one time thing and there will be other weekends for the cabin.
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Post by NanaKate on Jun 27, 2023 1:15:56 GMT
Unless I couldn’t afford $266 per night for two nights, nothing could keep me away. Friends for forty years don’t come along too often and life is short!
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Post by chaosisapony on Jun 27, 2023 2:22:20 GMT
For a friend of 40 years I would definitely go. I'd probably grumble at holiday weekend traffic but in the grand scheme of things, who cares. Go, celebrate your friend, and enjoy your holiday weekend.
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 27, 2023 3:35:58 GMT
After thinking a bit, I will say that I could not be at the party at noon. My district has a no-leave policy when extending breaks (due to sub shortage) so I would have to get the superintendent's approval to take the day and it could be unpaid if approved at all.
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Post by vjlau on Jun 28, 2023 1:22:20 GMT
Has anyone suggested to her that her immediate family - husband and kids - do something ON her birthday, and do the party another day? My son has the same bday, and we always do a household celebration on the day of, and a party the week before or after.
I would definitely go. If you have the day off, I'd go early. Arrive at noon, stay until 4, drive your two hours back to the cabin and start your weekend like you would if you had to work. I drive an hour to work (and again home) daily, so the drive doesn't phase me for a fun party.
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Post by zztop11 on Jun 28, 2023 11:55:59 GMT
To start a party at noon on the Friday of a holiday weekend in a tourist town is asking a lot of guests. I wouldn't go. Would just say that I have to work. The end. As they say, no is a complete sentence. Then maybe I would stop by on Sat. morning on the way up to my cabin.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,135
Location: New York, NY
Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
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Post by christinec68 on Jun 28, 2023 12:18:45 GMT
Thanks to all the kind peas and your perspectives. And to the one rude poster-you get nothing. It wasn't just me having anxiety over this party. I feel really bad for the friends that can't get out of work early on Friday. We have talked to the couple about changing it to Saturday so that more friends could attend. She is adamant the party is on Friday. For DH and I, we were always going to go one way or another. I think I convinced 2 other couples to go too. They are hoping to get out of work early. I did book a hotel just in case and they let me do only the one night. I am able to cancel the reservation up to the day of the party. We are definitely spoiled that most of our friends and family are within an hour drive. I am glad you were able to work out a one-night stay with the hotel!! That was the killer part for me...the 2 night minimum.
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Post by paulao on Jun 28, 2023 13:06:51 GMT
Duluth is a tourist town???
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 28, 2023 13:16:04 GMT
To start a party at noon on the Friday of a holiday weekend in a tourist town is asking a lot of guests. I wouldn't go. Would just say that I have to work. The end. As they say, no is a complete sentence. Then maybe I would stop by on Sat. morning on the way up to my cabin. I can certainly understand the risk when you host something in the middle of a work day that you're going to get declines if people have to work, but that's not the OPs issue. She already stated she's taking off Friday and planned to leave Thursday for their cabin. So really it's about spending a handful of hours at a party for a 40 year old friend and some driving vs 4 days of doing what you want for the holiday weekend.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,516
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Jun 29, 2023 2:21:25 GMT
I would go. How far is the drive from the party to where you will be spending the rest of the time? Could you go Thursday night to Duluth and stay that night and leave after the party? It will be a 2 hour drive back to our cabin. I'm just going to say it-I don't want to spend money on a hotel. Linda would be the first one to say she couldn't afford it. My DH wants to go to our cabin Thursday like normal, then drive up to the party for a couple hours, then drive back later that day. Do that. I drove over two hours to go to my nephew’s birthday party on a Sunday recently. I hung out with my family for a couple hours and then drove back It was a lot of driving for a day and I was alone, but I was glad I did it. I am a cabin owner. It’s ok for people to miss a day of cabin life - even on a holiday weekend. I don’t live far from Duluth. If you will be driving north on 35 traffic might be kind of busy and slow at times, but the city itself won’t be bad - hotel rates will definitely be peak. You’ll be back at your cabin that evening and you’ll still have a good share of the weekend. I think it’s interesting that they are hosting it Friday at noon. I’d have a hard time asking people to take off a day of work for a birthday party - even if it’s a milestone birthday.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,516
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Jun 29, 2023 2:50:32 GMT
Duluth is a tourist town??? Yes. It is the first city that leads up the north shore of Lake Superior. That long stretch is a major tourist destination in the state.
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Post by mags243 on Jun 29, 2023 14:27:41 GMT
The whole situation would annoy me. I really don't get having to celebrate a birthday on the actual day, especially when you are 50. Part of hosting a party is to consider your guests, and I think throwing a party in the middle of a Friday, holiday or not, is selfish. Expecting people to take a day off, probably spend $$ for a hotel, possibly find a sitter (yes, 50 year olds can have young kids) is too much. None of my friends would do that. In this situation I would go then drive back the same day.
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Post by peasapie on Jun 29, 2023 14:31:18 GMT
Yes I’d go, and I’d make reservations in the tourist town to stay for a few days before and after. My friends are very important to me.
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Post by dewryce on Jun 30, 2023 10:00:43 GMT
For a lifelong friend I’d give them a kidney, taking the day off for their birthday and driving 2 hours to and from our cabin wouldn’t cause me to blink.
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Post by dewryce on Jun 30, 2023 10:06:50 GMT
To start a party at noon on the Friday of a holiday weekend in a tourist town is asking a lot of guests. I wouldn't go. Would just say that I have to work. The end. As they say, no is a complete sentence. Then maybe I would stop by on Sat. morning on the way up to my cabin. I can certainly understand the risk when you host something in the middle of a work day that you're going to get declines if people have to work, but that's not the OPs issue. She already stated she's taking off Friday and planned to leave Thursday for their cabin. So really it's about spending a handful of hours at a party for a 40 year old friend and some driving vs 4 days of doing what you want for the holiday weekend. Agreed. And a holiday weekend that occurs every year at that, how many huge milestone birthdays do we have?
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 30, 2023 13:37:16 GMT
I would go to the party if at all possible, since it is for an old friend.
I would never dream of asking a host to reschedule a party to make it more convenient for me. If it was impossible for me to go, I’d call the host and explain and tell them how sorry I was I couldn’t come.
If the invitation says the party starts at noon on a holiday, I’d assume the party starts at noon and will last all day and evening, unless the invitation says otherwise. If I couldn’t take off work to attend, I’d call the host and explain. More than likely, the host is going to say “come whenever you can! They’ll be people coming and going all day and all evening.”
I think the OP’s plan for the day of the party and the rest of the weekend is perfect. That’s just what I would do.
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Post by littlemama on Jun 30, 2023 16:04:11 GMT
Duluth is a tourist town??? I was more horrified by the cost of a night's stay at an Econolodge!
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 30, 2023 16:20:03 GMT
Duluth is a tourist town??? Yes. It is the first city that leads up the north shore of Lake Superior. That long stretch is a major tourist destination in the state. We went every summer for years!
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Post by tryingtobewise on Jun 30, 2023 18:14:44 GMT
I’d go with your husband’s plan.
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Post by Laurie on Jun 30, 2023 18:19:51 GMT
Duluth is a tourist town??? I was more horrified by the cost of a night's stay at an Econolodge! It’s not. I just looked and they are $146, $167 and $188 depending on which Econolodge in Duluth.
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