s/o weddings: Destination weddings

I am generally not a fan and there are only 4 people in this world I would consider attending a destination wedding for- our 3 "nieces" (actually the children of dh's cousin, but we have been very close to them since birth) and my own son.
Of the 3 girls, one was to be married in Jamaica in 2020, but rescheduled to may 2021. We did not attend - I lost my job in January and vaccines were not yet available and we didnt know when we would be able to get them. Her older sister is getting married next year in Playa del Carmen. I wouldnt travel to Mexico of my own volition, but we will be going for this.

Most people who have destination weddings do so in part to pare down the guest list and they know that many people, including close family may not be able to swing it. You are not obligated to go if it doesnt work for your family.

(Where are you staying? We will be at Ocean Paradise)

Hugs! I find them to be difficult for all of the reasons you mentioned and then some.

So coming from somebody who works in the wedding industry, but who's daughter may very well be doing this same thing lol....

I know as a couple they will do it to save $$. They are totally ok with only those who can afford to go actually go. If everybody pays their own week at the resort, then the wedding package add on would be under $5000 (depending on where/resort fees) vs $30,000+ for something at the venue she loves here.

We don't have to deal with the school system here - and all our kids would pay their own way to go. But we do have to deal with MY schedule in the busy summer wedding season. So her choosing February in Dominican (or wherever) would totally work for me. My only thing would be - I need to co-ordinate with the resort to get permission to decorate the cake. They can bake it and ice it, I just want to be able to take flowers along to add for the decoration.

I get the venting - I do it as well - but opposite reason. I know all the right people - and while it wouldn't be free, a few vendor friends would discount things a bit. But if they are paying for it, then a resort wedding is right in their budget. And we could help out with a larger chunk of the total wedding part bill, vs having it here.

I have no problem with couples wanting to get married elsewhere. HOWEVER, if that's what they want to do, I think they're morally obligated to either pay all the travel expenses of the people they insist be there or explicitly (and sincerely) tell everyone that they're under no obligation whatsoever to attend and there will be no hard feelings if they don't. Obviously there should be at least a year's notice as well, if they have any intention of anyone joining them. I think it's a nice gesture to have a full reception at "home" for those who can't make the big trip.

We didn't have a destination wedding, but we did have a small wedding, necessitated by the venue which was meaningful to us, and a large reception. We didn't bear any ill will to those who didn't want to travel for "just" a reception. Another family member had a destination wedding with the ceremony in an inhospitable place (altitude, warm and w/o shade at noon, steep 900' unpaved walk to get there), expecting their families to attend but leaving it to others to figure out how their two parents with health and mobility issues might be able to make it. It was incredibly inconsiderate.

We're attending a destination wedding next month.

I don't really consider a destination wedding to be a vacation. When you have to get dressed up and attend events that someone else has planned, that's not really a vacation in my mind.

It's easy to say "you don't have to go," but realistically, when you've been friends w/ the parents for forty years, it's pretty hard to say "we just don't want to spend the money and take the time to go to your child's wedding."

With regard to the handful of destination weddings we've attended, I've never felt like the couple chose a destination wedding to save money. I think all the destination weddings we've attended would have been cheaper in the couple's hometown. I think the bride and groom just wanted to have a destination wedding.

That is why we ended up coming back to the states for our wedding. We were living in Puerto Rico and I really wanted the ceremony there, but expecting everyone to fly in for that seemed too much, so we got married in Indiana. LOL. Maybe someday we can do vow renewals in P.R. at the top of El Yunque like I dreamed about. <3

I’m not a fan of destination weddings and simply RSVP no. In reality invitations I’ve received are not people I would normally vacation with. I got a save the date for my cousins destination wedding for next April. I’m not going, I never considered going. I went to his first wedding less than 5 years ago. I have already been to this destination on a past vacation. April isn’t a good time for me to take off work. I wasn’t invited to bring my long term SO who I was dating since before my cousins first marriage. The all inclusive resort starts at $500 a night and some suites go for over $1000 a night and they want you to stay 6 nights. You cannot attend the wedding if you don’t stay at their resort. I think he’s going to be surprised how few people are actually going to come. I think they are inviting around 150 people. I only know of one person on our side of the family that plans to attend. It’s a child free resort so his brother who is married with kids has to attend without his wife. I think destination weddings are asking your guests to put a lot of time and expense into your wedding day. If he was getting married locally he’d have a much bigger turn out as almost all his guests are local to where he lives.

My daughter got engaged a couple of weeks ago. She's thinking of having a wedding at the Biltomore Estate in NC. Most of the guests will be traveling from out of state anyway, even if the wedding was local. At least it's not out of the country! lol

I don't really get the idea of guests at destination wedding. It seems like that is the type of wedding that would only involve immediate family.

I don't think there is an obligation to go, no matter who it is. Lots of people like to do destination weddings from around here, somewhere all inclusive in the winter. From the wedding couple or the people invited I've never heard anyone feel obligated. You get an invite and if you can afford the time and money go, if not you don't no hard feelings. The wedding couple knows not everyone will come but still wants to extend the invitation to many people not just close family.

I've been to 2 destination weddings. One my sister's, but the groom's sister didn't come. One a friend of DH's, we always go away in the winter so this made our choice for us that year. We had a great time at each and I'm not a peopley person. Each wedding had 30-50 people. The only cost difference would be if you typically pick a lower bracket package then what the wedding couple picked. All inclusive is a cheap vacation, we can't fly somewhere, get a hotel and meals for the price of an all inclusive and it's reasonable without drinking alcohol.

I’m also not a fan for all the reasons listed but I’ll add one more. Everyone I know who’s had a destination wedding got legally married in the States before the destination wedding for logistics reasons. So you’re actually paying all that money to go to a party, not a wedding. 😝

I’ve only been invited to one, and we did attend and paid for my adult kids to go too because it was important to me to support my family member for many reasons. We rolled with it and had a very nice time and enjoyed being on vacation with family members outside our household, but it wasn’t a destination or time of year we would have chosen for a vacation.