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Post by Peace Sign on Aug 30, 2023 15:14:59 GMT
It turned out that DHR and Child Haven were not able to find any placement for her in our state, much less our county. She would have to go several states away to a teen mom home. DS leaned over to me and asked if we could step out and talk. He started crying and said that he did not want that for him or for her. He said he'd understand if I couldn't do it, but would I please consider taking her in. I told him that all I needed was his blessing and I would whatever it takes. We go back in and tell them we'd like for her to come live with us. The poor girl sat in there crying her eyes out thinking she was being sent away. The next big shock was this has to happen in 2 weeks! So I'm jumping through hoops to get an interim foster care licence until I can complete the 10 weeks of classes to become a foster parent. It's just until April when she will be 18 and qualify for living on her own with assistance. DHR will set her up with an apartment for 12 months, tapering the assistance. I'm going to need all the prayers I can get! I know this is going to be trying but I also think it will be rewarding as well. Hey River, I've fostered an 18 year old, and been there for her when she was 22 and pregnant. I feel I'm pretty well versed in the attachment, trauma and aging out of the system resources for older foster kids. Please reach out if you want to brainstorm anything. apearsonohio@yahoo.com Also, please PLEASE put a lock on your bedroom door and in addition HIDE anything valuable (jewelry) in there. Gold is easily pawned and kids love spending money. Even the nicest ones. Help the girl find a job.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Aug 30, 2023 15:28:46 GMT
River You will need to set boundaries etc. Even though you are "fostering" her, she is your son's girlfriend and living with their baby in your home. They need to bear the most of the responsibilities of that baby and have responsibilities around the house. This is excellent advice. It’s been many years ago, but my sister-in-law went through this. I think her son and his girlfriend were 16\17. She became the girls foster mother. SIL hired a nanny-maid. They we’re all living together, and the kids were continuing to have sex. They ended up with three children, and never married. The girl rarely worked and became a stay at home mom in my SILs house. These were my SIL’s only grandchildren, so SIL didn’t want to force them to move out. The girl finally moved out after she realized the boy was never gonna marry her. He went on to have three more children with another woman that he never married. Then he moved out of state to avoid various legal and financial obligations. My sister-in-law failed this son, and the other minor son that was living in the house at the time. That ended very tragically for the other son. It was a mess. It took a real emotional and mental toll on my sister-in-law. I know you love your son, but you need to teach him about his obligations. This baby is for life.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,515
Location: Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Aug 30, 2023 16:08:33 GMT
River You will need to set boundaries etc. Even though you are "fostering" her, she is your son's girlfriend and living with their baby in your home. They need to bear the most of the responsibilities of that baby and have responsibilities around the house. Absolutely! I've already starting laying down the rules for both of them seperately and together. She is used to having chores so she'll be doing the same ones at my house. When the baby comes, I've already told them that it's their baby and they will be responsible. Of course I'll help as any grandmother would, but I'll be just that..help. They will only be with me a few weeks after the baby is born depending on when she delivers. She's due March 30th and she get's the apartment sometime in April.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,515
Location: Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Aug 30, 2023 16:12:18 GMT
It turned out that DHR and Child Haven were not able to find any placement for her in our state, much less our county. She would have to go several states away to a teen mom home. DS leaned over to me and asked if we could step out and talk. He started crying and said that he did not want that for him or for her. He said he'd understand if I couldn't do it, but would I please consider taking her in. I told him that all I needed was his blessing and I would whatever it takes. We go back in and tell them we'd like for her to come live with us. The poor girl sat in there crying her eyes out thinking she was being sent away. The next big shock was this has to happen in 2 weeks! So I'm jumping through hoops to get an interim foster care licence until I can complete the 10 weeks of classes to become a foster parent. It's just until April when she will be 18 and qualify for living on her own with assistance. DHR will set her up with an apartment for 12 months, tapering the assistance. I'm going to need all the prayers I can get! I know this is going to be trying but I also think it will be rewarding as well. Hey River, I've fostered an 18 year old, and been there for her when she was 22 and pregnant. I feel I'm pretty well versed in the attachment, trauma and aging out of the system resources for older foster kids. Please reach out if you want to brainstorm anything. apearsonohio@yahoo.com Also, please PLEASE put a lock on your bedroom door and in addition HIDE anything valuable (jewelry) in there. Gold is easily pawned and kids love spending money. Even the nicest ones. Help the girl find a job. Thank you so much. I'll definately reach out! Good tip on locks and hiding valuables. You really just never know.
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Post by trixiecat on Aug 30, 2023 18:34:45 GMT
I just want to chime in and say you are a really good mom. My parents never would have done this for me - let me stay in their home if I would have gotten pregnant. I am glad you are setting boundaries, but I would also prepare yourself and them what the consequences will be if they overstep them. I am wishing all of you the best of luck.
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Post by sabrinae on Aug 30, 2023 22:55:58 GMT
Good luck to all of you. It can work but make sure you set clear boundaries and consequences now with her, with your son and with the foster agency. Make sure both of them have a plan for when she turns 18. There is money available to help her once she turns 18 - try to ensure there is a solid and realistic plan for her to access those resources for herself and the baby. Good luck to all of you.
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Post by shescrafty on Aug 30, 2023 23:11:54 GMT
I would speak with them about getting the birth control implant or shot. If they are to live with you after the baby is born, I would make that a condition if her staying there as soon as it is safe for her to do so. Discuss it in advance so that she is agreeable to it. I hope it works out for all of you!
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,539
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Sept 1, 2023 0:55:56 GMT
I’ve worked in CPS for nearly 31 years and I agree that given the state of their relationship, do not have her move in. Having a foster child in your home should be something you absolutely want to do. It is hard enough to do when you want to, it’s disastrous when you aren’t 100% committed.
When she has the baby, linking your son with an attorney to file for a paternity test ASAy would be the first thing. Secondly, if she is in another state, find out if that state has a putative father registry and have him register on it.
Third, keep in touch with her caseworker as I don’t know whether she will be 18 when the baby is born. The caseworker can’t tell you anything, but at least the agency will be aware of who is the alleged father.
I am a bit bothered by posters’ comments that she (the teen) is manipulative and got pregnant to manipulate your son. It takes 2 to tango and 2 have to be responsible for effective birth control. In addition, no one can “make” her do a pregnancy test.
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Post by gar on Sept 1, 2023 7:45:12 GMT
I’ve worked in CPS for nearly 31 years and I agree that given the state of their relationship, do not have her move in. She has agreed for that to happen, later in the thread.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,539
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Sept 2, 2023 2:23:41 GMT
I’ve worked in CPS for nearly 31 years and I agree that given the state of their relationship, do not have her move in. She has agreed for that to happen, later in the thread. I was weighing in, but thanks.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,515
Location: Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Dec 6, 2023 19:42:47 GMT
Bumping with an update in the original post.
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Post by Basket1lady on Dec 6, 2023 19:46:30 GMT
That's a great update! It's amazing how a bit of human kindness can turn a person around. I hope it continues to go well for you and your family.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,175
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Dec 6, 2023 20:04:46 GMT
Fantastic update. I'm glad things are going well.
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Post by KelleeM on Dec 6, 2023 20:08:19 GMT
I’m glad things are going well! How exciting to have a granddaughter…they’re amazing!!
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Post by mom on Dec 6, 2023 20:10:41 GMT
Oh I am so happy things are going well for all of you!
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
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Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on Dec 6, 2023 20:12:06 GMT
River wonderful update! Here is to a continuing healthy pregnancy and smooth childbirth for all involved.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,515
Location: Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Dec 6, 2023 20:24:52 GMT
I’m glad things are going well! How exciting to have a granddaughter…they’re amazing!! Thanks! I am over the moon excited about this granddaughter. After raising 3 boys and having all nephews, some pink and sass is going to be welcomed! I feel unbelievably blessed that I'm able to be here through every step as A's foster mom. Just a few months ago, I really didn't want this responsiblity. God pushed me any way and here I am feeling blessed.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Dec 6, 2023 20:32:02 GMT
UPDATE 12-5-2023 on my DS, my new foster daughter (his girlfriend), and my granddaughter on the way: It's been a few months now and I thought I'd update on how things are going. It was a rush to get a provisional fostering license before her 2 weeks were up and had to move out of Child Haven, but I did it. Now I'm almost fully licensed. It takes a lot to become a licensed foster parent, let me tell ya. She moved in with us on Sept 8th and while it's been a huge adjustment, things are going very well. My DS is saying that things between them are the best they've ever been. She's working part time and is doing her school work virtually now. That's been really good since morning sickness has been terrible for her and is still terrible. She's 24 weeks now and I've really enjoyed watching her baby bump grow. We are fixing up the spare room as a nursery and having a blast with it. I threw them a gender reveal party (it's a girl!!!) and she cried so much. She said she never would have had any of this without me. She has really grown up a lot in a short few months. I feel terrible now that I was ready to say no because she seemed very manipulative. But after taking 10 weeks of foster care classes, I learned that it's a coping skill for being lost and moved around. DS got a new job making double what he was and he is absolutely loving it. It's working with a company that's in the field of study he wants to do now. He's decided to become a mehanical engineer and work with DoD helicopters (which is what I do btw). Best news is after a year, they will pay for his college tution. What a wonderful update!!!!!
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anaterra
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Posts: 3,844
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Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Dec 6, 2023 20:51:13 GMT
@river that is such a great update!!! I have been thinking about you and your family... wishing you all the best!!!
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Post by Zee on Dec 6, 2023 20:58:54 GMT
How nice to hear it's going well.
I feel for the girl, it's hard to navigate relationships when you're young and haven't had good role models for that. I think I was kind of feral when I was a teenager and it took me quite a while to learn how to have a healthy relationship with a partner. Don't be surprised if they stumble from time to time. I wish them the very best!
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Post by holly on Dec 6, 2023 21:09:00 GMT
That is such a great update. It’s sounds like things are going well for everyone. Your update brought a little tear to my eye.
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Post by jemali on Dec 6, 2023 21:12:31 GMT
I’m so glad to read your update!
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Kerri W
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Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Dec 6, 2023 21:24:12 GMT
What a wonderful update! Thanks for sharing
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Post by sabrinae on Dec 6, 2023 21:36:49 GMT
That’s a great update. I’m glad things are going well for all of you. Hopefully it continues to go as smoothly as it can. Please continue to help her use her case managers to access the resources that are available to her as a teenager aging out of foster care. Those resources are there for a reason and should be utilized.
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Post by gar on Dec 6, 2023 21:38:52 GMT
Lovely update 😊
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Post by AussieMeg on Dec 6, 2023 21:53:11 GMT
Thank you for taking the time to update us. I am so happy (and relieved!) that things are going so well. But how are we possibly going to be able to wait another 18 weeks or so for the next update...... the birth announcement?!
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Dec 6, 2023 22:39:10 GMT
I love this update! God bless you all!
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peabay
Prolific Pea
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Dec 6, 2023 22:46:46 GMT
I love a good update! Yay!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 6, 2023 22:47:42 GMT
I’m so glad things are working out all the way around. I hope things continue to go smoothly with her pregnancy and once the baby comes.
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Post by dewryce on Dec 6, 2023 22:50:17 GMT
Wonderful update, so glad things have improved and are going so well!
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