UPDATE Teenage pregnancy - advice please
Aug 15, 2023 19:44:37 GMT
Bridget in MD, lucyg, and 23 more like this
Post by River on Aug 15, 2023 19:44:37 GMT
UPDATE 12-5-2023 on my DS, my new foster daughter (his girlfriend), and my granddaughter on the way:
It's been a few months now and I thought I'd update on how things are going. It was a rush to get a provisional fostering license before her 2 weeks were up and had to move out of Child Haven, but I did it. Now I'm almost fully licensed. It takes a lot to become a licensed foster parent, let me tell ya. She moved in with us on Sept 8th and while it's been a huge adjustment, things are going very well. My DS is saying that things between them are the best they've ever been. She's working part time and is doing her school work virtually now. That's been really good since morning sickness has been terrible for her and is still terrible. She's 24 weeks now and I've really enjoyed watching her baby bump grow. We are fixing up the spare room as a nursery and having a blast with it. I threw them a gender reveal party (it's a girl!!!) and she cried so much. She said she never would have had any of this without me. She has really grown up a lot in a short few months. I feel terrible now that I was ready to say no because she seemed very manipulative. But after taking 10 weeks of foster care classes, I learned that it's a coping skill for being lost and moved around.
DS got a new job making double what he was and he is absolutely loving it. It's working with a company that's in the field of study he wants to do now. He's decided to become a mehanical engineer and work with DoD helicopters (which is what I do btw). Best news is after a year, they will pay for his college tution.
UPDATE 8-29-2023:
It turned out that DHR and Child Haven were not able to find any placement for her in our state, much less our county. She would have to go several states away to a teen mom home. DS leaned over to me and asked if we could step out and talk. He started crying and said that he did not want that for him or for her. He said he'd understand if I couldn't do it, but would I please consider taking her in. I told him that all I needed was his blessing and I would whatever it takes. We go back in and tell them we'd like for her to come live with us. The poor girl sat in there crying her eyes out thinking she was being sent away. The next big shock was this has to happen in 2 weeks! So I'm jumping through hoops to get an interim foster care license until I can complete the 10 weeks of classes to become a foster parent. It's just until April when she will be 18 and qualify for living on her own with assistance. DHR will set her up with an apartment for 12 months, tapering the assistance.
I'm going to need all the prayers I can get! I know this is going to be trying but I also think it will be rewarding as well.
-----------------------------------
I'm a little distraught but also very excited to be a grandma. I could use some advice or at least some encouragement that I'm not a horrible mom/soon to be grandma.
Here's the backstory, it's a little long.
My son is 18, graduated high school this past May and had plans to join the military. That was delayed because he didn't weigh enough to enlist yet. Anyway, in the meantime he's working a full-time job.
He's been dating a young girl named A for almost a year. She’s 17 and just started her senior year of high school. She lives at a place called Child Haven. It’s sort of a group home for teenage girls that didn’t get placed in foster care. Her mom has been in and out of prison for drugs most of A’s life, so her grandmother was raising her. 3 years ago, her grandmother passed away and that’s why she’s at Child Haven. A can be very sweet and charming and for the most part she fits in with our family well. I take her sometimes to get nails done or shopping. However, she’s got another side to her that’s very conniving and she finds ways to get what she wants no matter the cost to others.
An example is this past May. She had gotten into trouble for vaping, and I think some weed. She was living in a house on property with 5 other girls and what is called house parents. Over the course of this past year, I’d gotten to know the house parents pretty well. When she got in trouble she was grounded for a month and that included not being able to go to DS’s graduation. She had a fit and ended up making up stuff that got the house parents in trouble, she got moved out of that house and into another house which was her plan all along according to DS. Her social worker got it worked out so she could attend DS’s graduation and A was all happy again. She has since started talking about ways to get out of Child Haven. She’s mentioned wishing she could just live with us multiple times. I just brushed it off as any young girl wanting to get out of the system.
My DS has been wanting to break up with her, but he’s shy and doesn’t want to hurt her or go through her crazy wrath. Well, this weekend they came to me and showed me a positive pregnancy test. DS wanted to sit down and discuss all the options, but she says there’s only one option and that is she is having the baby and coming to live with us while she is pregnant. She can’t stay at Child Haven while pregnant (I don’t know why). So now I’m thrown into this, and we have a meeting with her, her house parents, her social worker and Child Haven on the 23rd.
I am not prepared to take her in AT ALL. I bought a small house last May, I’m single and barely financially stable. But how can I turn her away if the only two options are for her to come live with us, or she gets sent to another county that does take in pregnant teenagers? I feel like I'm in-between a rock and a hard place. Then when the baby is born, I'm afaid I'll be doing most of the raising. I do know DS will step up but I really can't see him being a father until he grows up a lot.
DS is not happy about any of it, but says he’ll do whatever he needs to for her and his baby. He wants to put it up for adoption.
ETA...
Her house mom and I took her to the doctor. She's 7 weeks along and we got to hear the heartbeat. They had to do an ultrasound because she was bleeding a little. She's due March 30th.
DS does absolutely believe it's his. She's very clingy to him and he says he doesn't think she has seen anyone else. Plus she's only allowed to go out with him and has an early curfew. They even worked at the same place all summer.
Another thing... She doesn't drive yet. She hasn't had enough driving time to get a license. Either DS picks her up or her house parents takes her where she needs to go.
It's been a few months now and I thought I'd update on how things are going. It was a rush to get a provisional fostering license before her 2 weeks were up and had to move out of Child Haven, but I did it. Now I'm almost fully licensed. It takes a lot to become a licensed foster parent, let me tell ya. She moved in with us on Sept 8th and while it's been a huge adjustment, things are going very well. My DS is saying that things between them are the best they've ever been. She's working part time and is doing her school work virtually now. That's been really good since morning sickness has been terrible for her and is still terrible. She's 24 weeks now and I've really enjoyed watching her baby bump grow. We are fixing up the spare room as a nursery and having a blast with it. I threw them a gender reveal party (it's a girl!!!) and she cried so much. She said she never would have had any of this without me. She has really grown up a lot in a short few months. I feel terrible now that I was ready to say no because she seemed very manipulative. But after taking 10 weeks of foster care classes, I learned that it's a coping skill for being lost and moved around.
DS got a new job making double what he was and he is absolutely loving it. It's working with a company that's in the field of study he wants to do now. He's decided to become a mehanical engineer and work with DoD helicopters (which is what I do btw). Best news is after a year, they will pay for his college tution.
UPDATE 8-29-2023:
It turned out that DHR and Child Haven were not able to find any placement for her in our state, much less our county. She would have to go several states away to a teen mom home. DS leaned over to me and asked if we could step out and talk. He started crying and said that he did not want that for him or for her. He said he'd understand if I couldn't do it, but would I please consider taking her in. I told him that all I needed was his blessing and I would whatever it takes. We go back in and tell them we'd like for her to come live with us. The poor girl sat in there crying her eyes out thinking she was being sent away. The next big shock was this has to happen in 2 weeks! So I'm jumping through hoops to get an interim foster care license until I can complete the 10 weeks of classes to become a foster parent. It's just until April when she will be 18 and qualify for living on her own with assistance. DHR will set her up with an apartment for 12 months, tapering the assistance.
I'm going to need all the prayers I can get! I know this is going to be trying but I also think it will be rewarding as well.
-----------------------------------
I'm a little distraught but also very excited to be a grandma. I could use some advice or at least some encouragement that I'm not a horrible mom/soon to be grandma.
Here's the backstory, it's a little long.
My son is 18, graduated high school this past May and had plans to join the military. That was delayed because he didn't weigh enough to enlist yet. Anyway, in the meantime he's working a full-time job.
He's been dating a young girl named A for almost a year. She’s 17 and just started her senior year of high school. She lives at a place called Child Haven. It’s sort of a group home for teenage girls that didn’t get placed in foster care. Her mom has been in and out of prison for drugs most of A’s life, so her grandmother was raising her. 3 years ago, her grandmother passed away and that’s why she’s at Child Haven. A can be very sweet and charming and for the most part she fits in with our family well. I take her sometimes to get nails done or shopping. However, she’s got another side to her that’s very conniving and she finds ways to get what she wants no matter the cost to others.
An example is this past May. She had gotten into trouble for vaping, and I think some weed. She was living in a house on property with 5 other girls and what is called house parents. Over the course of this past year, I’d gotten to know the house parents pretty well. When she got in trouble she was grounded for a month and that included not being able to go to DS’s graduation. She had a fit and ended up making up stuff that got the house parents in trouble, she got moved out of that house and into another house which was her plan all along according to DS. Her social worker got it worked out so she could attend DS’s graduation and A was all happy again. She has since started talking about ways to get out of Child Haven. She’s mentioned wishing she could just live with us multiple times. I just brushed it off as any young girl wanting to get out of the system.
My DS has been wanting to break up with her, but he’s shy and doesn’t want to hurt her or go through her crazy wrath. Well, this weekend they came to me and showed me a positive pregnancy test. DS wanted to sit down and discuss all the options, but she says there’s only one option and that is she is having the baby and coming to live with us while she is pregnant. She can’t stay at Child Haven while pregnant (I don’t know why). So now I’m thrown into this, and we have a meeting with her, her house parents, her social worker and Child Haven on the 23rd.
I am not prepared to take her in AT ALL. I bought a small house last May, I’m single and barely financially stable. But how can I turn her away if the only two options are for her to come live with us, or she gets sent to another county that does take in pregnant teenagers? I feel like I'm in-between a rock and a hard place. Then when the baby is born, I'm afaid I'll be doing most of the raising. I do know DS will step up but I really can't see him being a father until he grows up a lot.
DS is not happy about any of it, but says he’ll do whatever he needs to for her and his baby. He wants to put it up for adoption.
ETA...
Her house mom and I took her to the doctor. She's 7 weeks along and we got to hear the heartbeat. They had to do an ultrasound because she was bleeding a little. She's due March 30th.
DS does absolutely believe it's his. She's very clingy to him and he says he doesn't think she has seen anyone else. Plus she's only allowed to go out with him and has an early curfew. They even worked at the same place all summer.
Another thing... She doesn't drive yet. She hasn't had enough driving time to get a license. Either DS picks her up or her house parents takes her where she needs to go.
