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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 13:47:31 GMT
Update: Thank you for helping me talk this through. We just booked a campsite on a lake about 20 miles north of my cousins house. We booked for both Friday and Saturday night. We are going to make a weekend out of it which Jeremy really loved that idea. Dog will most likely go with us. I feel like this was a good compromise. I'll just have to watch and see if I find any other concerts I might like to go see. But being that the two of us will be camping by ourselves with a little detour for the party I feel like this was the best solution. Original post: OK, so here's the deal. Jeremy and I are coming up on our 10 year wedding anniversary in 3 months. Our anniversary happens to fall on a Saturday. My cousin has planned a graduation party for her daughter on our anniversary. Jeremy and I enjoy my cousin and her husband and the four of us have gotten together three times since Jeremy and I have been together. It is always a fun time. Neither of us really know her daughter, though. My mom used to take my kids on trips to visit them when they were little, so the kids knew each other when they were small. But none of the kids and adults have mingled in years. I also expect that my cousin and her husband will be busy with handling the party and will not be able to visit much with us during the party. However, a lot of my extended family will be there that I haven't seen in many years outside of Esther's funeral. As many of these people as were able came to Esther's funeral. Some of the older ones with chronic health conditions were unable to travel and I have not seen them but they most likely will be at this party. So I do feel like 1) it would be nice to see some of these family members, especially given that this is the last child to graduate for at least another 10 years and 2) I do also feel some sense of obligation because some of them really tried to attend the funeral. I am normally a very pro-family person. But this party is out of state. I will require us to drive about four hours one-way and will also require us to get a hotel room. We will also have the cost of boarding our dog. So basically, this trip would pretty much blow the whole weekend. I assumed we would go and there really wasn't any debate about it. But Jeremy asked me a couple of weeks ago if I wanted to do anything special for our anniversary. I had reminded him of this graduation party. Last night, however, I was online looking up summer concerts. I very much enjoy music and I was looking to see if there was anything I wanted to attend coming up. And you guessed it...the only concert I saw upcoming that I wanted to attend is also on this weekend. And I would be able to get tickets for $46 a piece. So not only would we get to enjoy a concert but we could have a nice dinner out too all most likely cheaper than the cost of a hotel room, gas, and boarding our dog. Of course Jeremy was not a single bit of help deciding and he was like, the whole thing is up to you. I'm feeling like the family party is the way to go. And before someone says something like, plan an alternative trip another weekend, our vacation funds are tied up in our camping trips and we are still renovating the camper. We also have some home improvement projects that must be done this summer so money *is* an issue. Time off is another issue. Jeremy has a very strict schedule and cannot just take a day off for a long weekend, for example. I do think we could most likely drive somewhere and have a fancy restaurant meal, but another trip on top of this weekend for the graduation party is just not an option. I will also admit that I'm curious to see what my sister is doing. I am going to find a way to bring it up with her. If she is going to the graduation party, it will tip me more in favor of not going to the party. I just feel like in the past few years I have a very hard time relaxing and having a fun time when my sister is around. And I would have fun at the party. So that is a factor too. OK, hit me with your opinions.  |
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,722 
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Post by pantsonfire on Mar 7, 2024 14:08:41 GMT
Large parties aren't my thing so that is a +1 point for being together for the anniversary.
I also don't feel obligated to attend a party of someone I don't know well just because some family members I hardly see will be there. Another point for anniversary date.
I say go have fun on your anniversary and enjoy the time together with Jeremy.
I'm not big on family obligations out of resentment. I choose to go because I look forward to going and hanging out. Not because I haven't seen x person in years and feel obligated to go since it has been x number of years. But that's just me.
Which ever you choose, enjoy your time!
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Post by Linda on Mar 7, 2024 14:16:28 GMT
I'm sitting on the bench with pantsonfire - enjoy the special time with Jeremy celebrating your anniversary. Send a congrats card to your cousin's daughter |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 14:25:07 GMT
Large parties aren't my thing so that is a +1 point for being together for the anniversary. Large parties are not Jeremy's thing either. And he does know my cousin and her husband and he also knows her dad pretty well as he has come to visit us. But Jeremy does not know the extended family either. So he may be quite bored and uncomfortable there. I'm not big on family obligations out of resentment. I choose to go because I look forward to going and hanging out. Not because I haven't seen x person in years and feel obligated to go since it has been x number of years. But that's just me. I just want to say that I don't have any resentment at all. I really don't. If it comes right down to preference though, I would rather be with Jeremy at the concert. None of these family members attended Chloe's graduation party either. Like I said, most of the family lives in Indiana (Chicago and suburbs) and we live in Michigan. Very few of my family has come to visit us here. Some just flat out can't due to health reasons. My uncle, cousin's dad, is the only family member who has ever been to my house. Still they are family. LIke I said, I would have a good time, but looking at the first quote, I now realize Jeremy might not. |
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Post by compeateropeator on Mar 7, 2024 14:32:52 GMT
Well I will probably be an outlier but there is always at least one. Hahaha.
Depending on the concert, I would probably pick the graduation party and find something else to celebrate the anniversary with at another date. I am also very much a music person. Therefore if it was an artist I absolutely love/hate to miss or some other special concert, that would probably change my decision. However if it was just a concert would like to see because I like watching live music and it is someone/some type that I enjoy, but nothing really special, I would do the family event on that weekend.
ETA - I now see the comment about Jeremy not liking the party and that would also factor into the decision.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 7, 2024 14:33:42 GMT
Since money is something of an issue and because Jeremy likely wouldn’t have as much fun doing the family thing, my vote would be for the dinner and concert. Send a card with a nice cash gift to the graduate along with your congratulations.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 14:34:51 GMT
Depending on the concert, I would probably pick the graduation party and find something else to celebrate the anniversary with at another date. I am also very much a music person. Therefore if it was an artist I absolutely love/hate to miss or some other special concert, that would probably change my decision. However if it was just a concert would like to see because I like watching live music and it is someone/some type that I enjoy, but nothing really special, I would do the family event on that weekend. This is not a bucket list concert. With that said, the artist is older so the chances of seeing them again are slimmer than a younger act would be. |
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Post by ntsf on Mar 7, 2024 14:37:21 GMT
I would go to the party, but I like seeing family.. since I have very little family
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Post by gar on Mar 7, 2024 14:40:02 GMT
Graduation just isn’t the same big deal in the UK so easy answer for me but even so, I think I’d say go to the concert 😊
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Post by compeateropeator on Mar 7, 2024 14:41:13 GMT
Depending on the concert, I would probably pick the graduation party and find something else to celebrate the anniversary with at another date. I am also very much a music person. Therefore if it was an artist I absolutely love/hate to miss or some other special concert, that would probably change my decision. However if it was just a concert would like to see because I like watching live music and it is someone/some type that I enjoy, but nothing really special, I would do the family event on that weekend. This is not a bucket list concert. With that said, the artist is older so the chances of seeing them again are slimmer than a younger act would be. That would also play into my decision. Now that I am turning 60 this year, older artists definitely get moved up my list because they are really getting up there also. 😆 |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 14:44:47 GMT
This is not a bucket list concert. With that said, the artist is older so the chances of seeing them again are slimmer than a younger act would be. That would also play into my decision. Now that I am turning 60 this year, older artists definitely get moved up my list because they are really getting up there also. 😆 I think too, it may not have been as big of a deal if I had seen anything else that appealed to me. I just did not. Seems weird to be a summer without concerts. lol |
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,884
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on Mar 7, 2024 14:45:30 GMT
I would go to the family event, but I recently went to one because my dad remembered to invite me for once. Was it weird? Yes. Did I want to go? No. Am I glad I went? Yes. They are getting smaller and smaller and some of those relatives live in other states and traveled a lot farther than I did to get there.
That being said, it was only two hours away for me and I didn't bring the husband or all my kids...
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 14:50:43 GMT
That being said, it was only two hours away for me and I didn't bring the husband or all my kids... If it were an afternoon party, I could feasibly travel back and forth in one day. But the start time is like 5pm and I'm not a night person. Driving back at night just isn't something I'd feel comfortable doing. And I could leave Jeremy home, but it's our anniversary and that seems weird not to spend it together. Plus, I think he would feel obligated to go because I have been to many, many family things with him over the years. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 15:00:14 GMT
Graduation just isn’t the same big deal in the UK Graduation isn't the same big deal in my mind either. I mean basically for Chloe's graduation we had dinner catered by our local taco joint and our family + grandparents and my sister's family. My cousin on the other hand, is having a huge blowout. There will be boat rides on their lake and food trucks and all the alcohol you can drink and a photo booth. I mean they really go all out. We did not go to her son's party as we were on vacation at that time but we heard about what a huge, big deal it was. This is why I don't think we will get to visit with them either. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 15:02:24 GMT
I would go to the party, but I like seeing family.. since I have very little family I like seeing family too. And my cousin's brothers will be there from Arizona too. I haven't seen them in years. I think Jeremy might really like them too. |
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Post by allison1954 on Mar 7, 2024 15:03:46 GMT
I am one that an actual number date on the calendar isn’t so important .
Being a divorced mother at one time , and having to deal with the inevitable sharing of holidays makes me much more flexible. How many times have we had to celebrate the Sunday before cause it was the kids’ year to be at dad’s house?
The fact that you haven’t seen many of this people because they can’t travel and others showed up for Esther’s funeral would push me to go and celebrate my anniversary on Sunday or such when I got back.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,696
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Mar 7, 2024 15:07:32 GMT
I would choose the anniversary over the graduation. Send a gift and have fun with the hubs!
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,642
Location: Kansas City -ish
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Post by Anita on Mar 7, 2024 15:10:52 GMT
Given the fact that it's a mini-family reunion of sorts and these are people you haven't seen in years, I'd choose the graduation party and celebrate the anniversary another time. Happy anniversary, by the way.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 15:12:37 GMT
I am one that an actual number date on the calendar isn’t so important . I am not a calendar date person either. So at first, it didn't seem like a big deal to me. I was just really disappointed to see the concert was the same weekend. If it were the weekend after, I would have been like no big deal. And maybe if there had been more than one concert I wanted to see, we could have made alternate arrangements too. So I am not stuck on that particular date. We will most likely end up going to the family party because well, if I'm being honest, I'd probably walk around feeling nothing but guilt if I chose something different. I thought peas could help me think about it from all angles. You guys never disappoint!  |
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Post by quinlove on Mar 7, 2024 15:21:39 GMT
I agree with you that if you don’t go to the party, you will feel bad about it. Plus, it’s a party. And, you are getting a hotel room for your anniversary. So that’s special.
Also, which side of the poll do you secretly hope to see winning ? There’s your answer. 😊
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Post by ntsf on Mar 7, 2024 15:22:37 GMT
I would go to the party, but I like seeing family.. since I have very little family
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Post by lisae on Mar 7, 2024 15:25:04 GMT
When I first started reading, I was sure I'd pick the anniversary dinner and concert but I think you should do the family event. There will be other concerts, but you never know when you will get to catch up with your family.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 15:35:27 GMT
Also, which side of the poll do you secretly hope to see winning ? There’s your answer. Honestly, I think I would be fine either way. Would I like to be at a concert with my husband? Yes. But I see him every day. The date is not the big deal for me. And the family party would be a total no-brainer if I didn't have to travel, board the dog, and get a hotel room. I will, of course, send the graduate a card and gift, but I'd do that no matter what so it really wasn't a factor for me. But the other expense for a few hours of visiting seems onerous. If it were down the street? I'd be there in a heartbeat. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Mar 7, 2024 15:43:03 GMT
I’d go to the concert and send a check to the graduate.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Mar 7, 2024 15:55:32 GMT
From someone who has no immediate family left except DH and DS and 3 cousins whom I haven't seen in years, I'm a strong vote for the family party.
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Post by smasonnc on Mar 7, 2024 15:56:57 GMT
But none of the kids and adults have mingled in years. I also expect that my cousin and her husband will be busy with handling the party and will not be able to visit much with us during the party. This is a cousin? With whom you don't even socialize? How many people are invited to this graduation party that they are coming from far and wide? Anniversary. Final answer. Send a nice gift. Disclaimer, my opinion might be a little off because my in-laws didn't attend their son's college graduation, or our kids' graduations. This size graduation party is a foreign concept to me. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Mar 7, 2024 16:05:59 GMT
I would prioritize the weekend with my partner, and do that.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Mar 7, 2024 16:09:22 GMT
Could you get a pet friendly hotel and bring your pup so you dont have to pay for a kennel?
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Post by katlady on Mar 7, 2024 16:23:37 GMT
As I get older, I find myself going to family events more than when I was younger. We don’t get to see relatives a lot since they all live far away, so I enjoy seeing everyone when the opportunity comes up. It would be a tough choice though if it was a concert I really wanted to go to. In the end, if I couldn’t make both work, I’d pick the party. If I was 20 years younger my answer would be different, but these days, I’d pick family.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 7, 2024 16:24:56 GMT
How many people are invited to this graduation party that they are coming from far and wide? It is going to be a big blowout. Read my post above to gar and see what kind of parties my cousin throws. Could you get a pet friendly hotel and bring your pup so you dont have to pay for a kennel? I did not consider this. I'm also unsure (we haven't had her long) if she would be good in a hotel room with us gone. She won't destroy anything, but I'm nervous about incessant barking. Let me run it by Jeremy. |
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