Friend issues

I cannot tell from your post -- did you actually talk to her in advance of not showing for the shower or wedding reception? I would be hurt if a friend felt like they were only welcome to attend events if they could bring a gift, as well as if a friend did not tell me they were not coming. If I am correct that you just did not show without talking to her in advance, I would lead by apologizing for that and expressing that I messed up.

You should have verbally told your friend before the shower. Did you tell her in advance to cancel your plate at the reception? Otherwise she already paid for it. Asking if she's ok via text is not the best way, because the only answer via text is yes. If it's no she has some long winded answer and thought best not to get into a texting war. It would take her more than 5 minutes via text to explain everything. She's no longer busy with the wedding and now has time to talk to you, so give her a call when she gets back. I personally think you handled all of this poorly.

No offense but you didn't show up for her shower nor wedding reception, then sent texts after the fact. She's hurt.

a.) I think you should apologize for not letting them know ahead of time so they at least had the opportunity to invite you regardless of giving gifts. A true friend will understand and love you regardless.

b.) You can ALWAYS give a gift. Always. Sometimes that's just a letter telling them how much they mean to you, or how much you wish for them and their lives.

c.) time to look into different insurance.

I pretty much agree with Annabella but at this time I'd quit worrying about it and just wait for her to call. 

I feel a disconnect between your concern over this friend's reaction, and the fact that you texted her the regrets. If you're close enough to care so much, why use the less-than-personal text instead of a face-to-face conversation?

The wedding was surely planned for a while, whereas a text is sort of a last minute communication, IMO.

Did your finances change very recently, so that it was an "OH BOY, batten down that hatches and don't spend any money!" thing that happened just in December, when the wedding was? Were you planning to go, and RSVPed "YES", then changed things?

I'm confused about timing and how close the friend is to you.

I'd still cut her some slack on this one. Just because you'd have time to talk before going out of town, doesn't mean she would.

I'd get together with her in person and tell her what you texted her. Who knows if she got those texts, if she got them when you sent them, etc. If I were her, I would have told you to still come to the shower and reception even without a gift. However, I wouldn't have much time to check texts if I were busy with a shower and/or wedding, so I'd probably miss some texts (which is why i still don't trust texts for important info- too many are missed or delayed which leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings).

One of my favorite shower gifts was from my pastor's wife (this was 25 yrs ago). She gave me a pretty china plate (just one), with a note on the back, about using it to bring food/desserts to someone, or some church activity. How it can be a reminder of blessings, etc etc. i still have the plate, and everytime I wash it after using it, I restick the note to the back of the plate and remember her and her sweet spirit. I wanted to do that for my new niece-in-law, but couldn't find a plate I liked. (I checked several thrift stores) I ended up getting a photo frame from the dollar tree and making it into a menu/shopping list to stick on the fridge, with a dry erase pen included. Also a small photo album (4x6) from the dollar tree that I used some scrappy paper in the right colors for her to put some recipes in. (I also gave a gift card to a store, but you wouldn't have to since your expenses are so tight.)

Wait, I assumed you didn't RSVP. Did you RSVP that you'd attend and then you didn't? I understand not going to the shower or wedding and not saying anything until after the event. In my circle I'd be told "oh you don't need to bring a gift, you presence is gift enough," but I still wouldn't feel comfortable. However, had I said I'd attend I would've contacted her before the event. 

Here's how your post is reading to me: you were invited and didn't show up for the shower and texted her afterwards to send your regrets. Then same thing for the wedding. You were a no show at two important events in your friend's life.

You are lacking some information here - how long have you been friends? Did you RSVP before and then simply not show up? Sending a text afterwards is bad form.

Of course your friend is upset with you. You left her hanging and then sent your regrets afterwards. I'd be hurt too! You should be prepared to apologize to her many times and do not expect the relationship to be the same for a long time. And don't be surprised if you do not get invited to the baby shower.

I've known my friend for nearly 30 years. She knows I don't do phones well so texting is acceptable but for big stuff, we still call each other. This falls under big stuff. If you felt comfortable enough with admitting you couldn't afford a gift, then you should've been comfortable enough to talk to her about it beforehand, not afterwards. Sorry, in this case, the issue lies with you, not her.

i think you should reflect a lot on your behavior and see how you could have done almost everything differently
and stop texting. talk to people

To be honest, I would be offended too if I was your friend. You just basically blew off a special time in her daughter's life. I'd be giving you the cold shoulder as well (I don't talk well. I am better at ignoring until I am not as annoyed down the road. It's just the way I am. Not saying its right).

I have had more than one occasion where I was short on funds just when I needed a gift for an important event. That's when I do my darnest to get as creative as I can and make something that is truly from the heart and as personal and loving as I can think of. Some of my most well-received gifts were gifts I came up with when I was very short on money. I had to make my mother's 60th birthday present because I was a young, broke newlywed and hadn't thought ahead long enough to have started saving money a few paychecks prior to the actual event. Oops. I made her something that she absolutely loved and it cost me about $15 for all of the components. Mom cried when she received it, so I'd say that's the best type of present - one you can evoke emotions from the recipient. Had I just bought her something nice, she would have still appreciated it, but not as muh. She wa really emotional.

Surely you have some type of crafting skill or talent that you could have used to make the daughter something. Even if you just bought a lined notebook at Staples, made it pretty with some scrapbooking materials, and filled it full of newlywed advice and your best recipies. That would have been a great shower present for the cost of probably $2 or $3. Most people really appreciate something from the heart like that.

At my own wedding shower a few centuries ago, one of my favorite gifts was an empty recipe card book. As soon as I opened the book, everyone got into their purses and pulled out a handwritten recipe cards and started passing them toward me for me to add to my new book. My best friend had sent blank recipe cards to everyone attending the shower, asking them to bring ito the shower with a recipe to share. Most people wrote little personal notes on them too. I still have that thing and adore it. That wasn't very expensive, but it was one of my most valued gifts. If you are very close with the bride's mother, you could have requested the email list for shower guests and had them each email you a recipe or 5. So many things could have been done that wouldn't have cost you much at all. I would like to think your friend wanted you there more than whatever you were bringing to give her daughter. I know I would have wanted to share the experience with my good friends.

As for not going to the wedding itself, had you already RSVP'd that you would go? And I agree with the other posters who say you should have made a more personal contact to cancel your attendance at the wedding well in advance of the event so she didn't get stuck paying for your meal. I know I would be very hurt if one of my friends behaved this way, assuming they were not welcome without some expensive gift to give. Although you mentioned something about an incident that occurred that was making you feel as if you needed to bring something nice and expensive. Do you really think this friend would react like that?

You might want to think about making up some generic gifts that you can pull out and use for any upcoming birthdays or events that you know you will be invited to this year. I sympathize with your financial situation, but try to be sensitive to your friends who probably want you there no matter what.

Did you RSVP before the shower? Did she think you were going to be there and then you didn't show? Ditto the wedding? I guess I don't know why, if you weren't going to go, you texted her afterward with what could easily be taken as a guilt trip. Just RSVP no and leave it at that. Your text would make me feel extremely awkward.

Frankly, if I were the friend, I'd be hurt that my friend thought I only wanted her at my important life events if she "paid admission." I invited people to my wedding because they were important to me and I wanted them there, not because I wanted to amass gifts. 

I don't think you're the wronged party here.