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Post by BoilerUp! on Jan 26, 2015 20:59:45 GMT
One of my favorite shower gifts was from my pastor's wife (this was 25 yrs ago). She gave me a pretty china plate (just one), with a note on the back, about using it to bring food/desserts to someone, or some church activity. How it can be a reminder of blessings, etc etc. i still have the plate, and everytime I wash it after using it, I restick the note to the back of the plate and remember her and her sweet spirit. I wanted to do that for my new niece-in-law, but couldn't find a plate I liked. (I checked several thrift stores) I ended up getting a photo frame from the dollar tree and making it into a menu/shopping list to stick on the fridge, with a dry erase pen included. Also a small photo album (4x6) from the dollar tree that I used some scrappy paper in the right colors for her to put some recipes in. (I also gave a gift card to a store, but you wouldn't have to since your expenses are so tight.) This is a fabulous shower/gift idea . . . Thanks for sharing!!!
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Post by anonrefugee on Jan 26, 2015 21:13:57 GMT
One of my favorite shower gifts was from my pastor's wife (this was 25 yrs ago). She gave me a pretty china plate (just one), with a note on the back, about using it to bring food/desserts to someone, or some church activity. How it can be a reminder of blessings, etc etc. i still have the plate, and everytime I wash it after using it, I restick the note to the back of the plate and remember her and her sweet spirit. I wanted to do that for my new niece-in-law, but couldn't find a plate I liked. (I checked several thrift stores) I ended up getting a photo frame from the dollar tree and making it into a menu/shopping list to stick on the fridge, with a dry erase pen included. Also a small photo album (4x6) from the dollar tree that I used some scrappy paper in the right colors for her to put some recipes in. (I also gave a gift card to a store, but you wouldn't have to since your expenses are so tight.) The plate is so sweet. I just saw a plate at the thrift store with a similar message written on it, The Blessing Plate. I couldn't tell if it was from one of the paint pottery places or homemade, but it was very sweet. it seemed like it was a plate meant to "pay it forward" and passed on.
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Post by SunnySmile on Jan 26, 2015 22:09:31 GMT
Sorry it's taken me a while to get back. I didn't call before the shower as it was an open house, but I did go wrong there. I did RSVP that we could not attend the wedding.
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Post by SunnySmile on Jan 26, 2015 22:13:18 GMT
Us scrapping together has nothing to do with money. We scrap from our stash at my house.
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Post by Fairlyoddparent on Jan 26, 2015 22:18:51 GMT
I think you are kind of getting a bad rap from everyone on here. While I can see why your friend would be disappointed, as a friend she shouldn't be willing to end a friendship because you weren't at her dd wedding. To her, her daughter's wedding is a big event but to others it is not and this is coming from someone whose daughter got married recently.
I get very frustrated with friends who are so unforgiving when something doesn't go their way in a relationship. Friends should have grace with one another. Apologize to her--explain to her that you wish you would have attended these events--and move on.
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Post by SunnySmile on Jan 26, 2015 22:19:30 GMT
Many of you are right, I should have RSVPed to the shower ahead of time. Thank you for your comments and insight. I made a big mistake here. I WAS making it all about me, without realizing it. I'm sorry if I've caused some of you to dislike me. All I can say is, thanks for the lesson. I will find a way to make it up to my friend.
ETA: The reason I didn't call is she is not a phone person. She will not answer and complains about people who call. She only wants texts. But I should have tried I guess.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Jan 26, 2015 22:19:46 GMT
Is there more to the story? I'm finding it hard to believe that you regularly scrap, and have a scrap stash, yet could come up with no ideas for a shower present.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Jan 26, 2015 22:20:32 GMT
You should have RSVP'd, but that's OK. It's Obama's fault.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Jan 26, 2015 22:25:28 GMT
What in the world? Why do you keep texting her *after* events? Do you not understand how RSVPing works? And if you don't want to discuss Obamacare, why bring it up? Why not say "our bill increased from $65 to $700" why even say "because of Obamacare"? I bring this up because maybe you have this style of communicating in general - adding rude little jabs instead of just communicating the facts and that makes people respond negatively to you. I know I was rolling my eyes and disliking you after the first two sentences of your long post. You no showed to two important events in her life with no communication (I can't get over the fact that a grown woman would text after the event...ridiculous). I'd drop you as a friend, too. And now you feel like she doesn't have time for you. Do you truly not see the irony there? Even with no money you could have done something if she was truly a friend to you. Your presence was more important to her than a gift and you let her down. You are clearly in the wrong. Exactly. I was appalled that you didn't communicate the issue prior to the events. No one cares about presents. I don't even know how many people came to my wedding empty handed or with a plain card, because I didn't care. I wanted people I cared about, who I thought cared for me, to celebrate with me. Not showing up was a serious punch in the gut. I understand you were most likely embarrassed (and pissed off at Obama, thanks for letting us know) but the time to put on the big girl panties has passed. If you want to salvage this friendship, and you're lucky she even answered you because a lot of people would have not, you have a lot of making up to do.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Jan 26, 2015 22:31:20 GMT
You could have bought 2 dishtowels for a shower gift. And made her a scrapbook to put all her wedding cards into. Nobody knows you are scrapping from your stash, so even mentioning scrap events looks like you have ongoing spending habits.
I'm sure she was hurt that you did not think enough of her to attend her daughters marriage functions. I'd likely have dropped you completely.
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Jan 26, 2015 22:32:28 GMT
I'm glad you are seeing your friends side a bit better, although I do think some peas are being a bit hard on you and assuming things you didn't say.
I hope you can work it out soon. I had some friends skip my dd's wedding this summer and yes I was hurt. There were so many people there, no one would have noticed or cared who brought a gift and who didn't. I just wanted my friends there to help me celebrate. It was a long, busy day, but yes, I noticed who was there to support me and who wasn't.
Make her dd a pretty wall hanging from your scrap stash and be prepared to apologize. I know it would have been nice for your friend to talk about how she was feeling, but it can be hard to know how to deal with things like this. It's great she's willing to talk now. Good luck.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Jan 26, 2015 22:37:49 GMT
If you RSVP'd yes to either event, then sent a text, I think you were wrong. If you never did RSVP to confirm attendance, then it's better. Although I think it is good that you sent her a text of your reason why, it is less sincere than a phone call and add to it you contacting her AFTER the event, it seems she is an afterthought to you. So...I understand why she may be cold to you. If she is someone you want in your life, realize what you could have differently and tell her, apologize. If not, tell her thanks for getting back to you, listen to what she says and then answer her honestly. If you don't want to continue a friendship, just tell her. It seems harsh, but you did ask. Best of luck to you.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jan 26, 2015 22:39:41 GMT
I don't dislike you, I just think, even though she prefers texts, it wasn't the best option in this scenario.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jan 26, 2015 22:40:20 GMT
I was in a similar situation years back. I was on maternity leave after having DS, and DSO was working for himself so no regular weekly pay check. A friend of mine was getting married but there was no way we could afford a gift. I rang her to talk to her about it. Of course she insisted that we come to the wedding, she didn't care about not getting a gift, she just wanted her friends and loved ones at her wedding. The mistake you made was sending a very impersonal text rather than talking to her either in person or by phone. And even worse, it was AFTER the event! I don't blame her for being hurt, and I think you are way off base in assuming that all she wants is a gift.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Jan 26, 2015 22:41:42 GMT
I don't dislike you, I just think, even though she prefers texts, it wasn't the best option in this scenario. Yeah, I feel bad about quoting when I realized that it said I dislike you OP. I dislike the way things were handled. You? You're probably ok.
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Post by tinydogmafia on Jan 26, 2015 22:45:09 GMT
Many of you are right, I should have RSVPed to the shower ahead of time. Thank you for your comments and insight. I made a big mistake here. I WAS making it all about me, without realizing it. I'm sorry if I've caused some of you to dislike me. All I can say is, thanks for the lesson. I will find a way to make it up to my friend. ETA: The reason I didn't call is she is not a phone person. She will not answer and complains about people who call. She only wants texts. But I should have tried I guess. I can't believe for a second this would cause anyone here to dislike you. People make mistakes. Now that you've seen different points of view and understand where you went wrong, you definitely won't make the same mistakes in the future. These times are learning experiences. We all make mistakes, and we all (hopefully) learn from them. If this is a friend you want in your life from this point forward, please be very honest and sincere in your apology. Explain that you were embarrassed about not being able to bring a gift and didn't want to feel like you were taking advantage of them. And that you are truly sorry for missing out on a very special time in her life and her daughter's. I urge you to say all this in person. Your friend may in time chose to move forward from this, but be prepared that she may not. She's most likely very hurt, confused and angry that you didn't come. Over something as simple as not bringing a gift. Maybe to her, you just coming would have been gift enough. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.
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Post by SunnySmile on Jan 26, 2015 22:53:14 GMT
Thanks. I see the error of my ways and I will make it up to her. I wasn't thinking about her feelings enough, I was just so wrapped up in MY problems. I was just unprepared for the backlash.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 0:27:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2015 23:00:16 GMT
I'm glad you're going to reach out to her. Tell her what you just said... that you were so wrapped up in your problems and embarrassed about not being able to afford gifts, that you didn't think about how she would feel. And now you realize that was wrong and you regret it. Just be honest. You made mistakes in how you handled it, but this is not irretrievable.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Jan 26, 2015 23:00:31 GMT
Thanks. I see the error of my ways and I will make it up to her. I wasn't thinking about her feelings enough, I was just so wrapped up in MY problems. I was just unprepared for the backlash. Meh. Eat a little crow. She is open to talking to you, so you have that going for you.
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Post by Really Red on Jan 26, 2015 23:04:10 GMT
I'm sorry. It is about you, too. From the outside, I can see that you're hurting, embarrassed and upset. But you know what? You did try to make it better. A good friend will listen to you, particularly if you take some of the blame. Like others, I would have been happy to hear from you beforehand so I could have said I just wanted you and no present.
Good lucky.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jan 26, 2015 23:12:28 GMT
I'm sorry. It is about you, too. From the outside, I can see that you're hurting, embarrassed and upset. But you know what? You did try to make it better. A good friend will listen to you, particularly if you take some of the blame. Like others, I would have been happy to hear from you beforehand so I could have said I just wanted you and no present. Good lucky. OP made a mistake and either the friend can accept her apology or die mad. OP doesn't know which way the friend will fall. Some people are incredibly unforgiving of other's mistakes. (And then they usually wonder why they don't have any friends.)
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modiemay
Full Member
Posts: 134
Jun 30, 2014 4:24:15 GMT
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Post by modiemay on Jan 26, 2015 23:41:09 GMT
One thing to,consider, it possibly took her a while to get back to you as she was hurt and wasn't ready to talk to you. I had this happen a few months ago where something happened and I was so hurt and upset that I just didn't contact her for a while til I could do so rationally. Be prepared though, that your friendship may be quite different now.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,864
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Jan 27, 2015 0:30:58 GMT
We all make mistakes and could handle things better from time to time. Own it. Reach out to her and apologize. I think if you do that, you both will be able to mend your relationship.
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Post by mandasue on Jan 27, 2015 1:12:43 GMT
I see your friends point of a view. You skipped out on not one but two if the most important events got her daughter. Weddings don't typically happen over night. Money is tight for lots & lots of people! You could have saved a $2 a month and put it towards a gift. And you know most couples won't remember who gave them what but they will remember who was there.
I would be pissed if you blew my child's wedding off then invited me to a scrapping party. No way is that party free - I am sure you are having snacks.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 27, 2015 1:30:02 GMT
Holy crap!! If you were my friend I'd be PO'd at you too?! you couldn't think of a gift? nothing? at all??? really? and your a scrapbooker? I would have done anything to support my friend and her dd during this time. It's about being a friend. Not your finances, or YOUR time.
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Post by freecharlie on Jan 27, 2015 1:47:12 GMT
I see that you sound like you see not going was an error on your part. Since you scrap you could have made something.
And you brought up your finances when you used them as an excuse not to go.
I would think you could put 20 bucks in a card if that was all you could afford.
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 27, 2015 1:51:09 GMT
I wonder if the friend didn't talk to others that were in your circle. Sometimes stories can be spread that aren't accurate. Either way, you sound like you are going to give it your best shot. Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 27, 2015 1:51:51 GMT
Ohh, what about making thank you cards for the new bride? She could surely use those.
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 27, 2015 1:52:22 GMT
Technically you have a year from the wedding to give a gift. Technically.
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Post by peasful1 on Jan 27, 2015 4:28:28 GMT
Did you not even make the couple a card? Did you really send wishes to them to your friend through text? Yeah. I wouldn't react well to any of your shenanigans, either.
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