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Post by kryssy on Jun 15, 2015 4:43:42 GMT
Well, I try to talk to him about how I'm feeling, with no response. I try to tell him what I want or would like in bed, with very little response. I have asked him to go to counseling, which he refused. There's oh so much I can do when he won't listen to my feelings or needs and he isn't changing... am I looking at this the wrong way?? Have you tried asking him how HE'S feeling? Or what he wants in bed/marriage/life? It honestly sounds like you're only trying to get HIM to change to suit your needs, not figure out how you can BOTH compromise to help the marriage work better. One person can't change another, not really. But relationships themselves are fluid, always changing... and in the most successful ones, the partners are constantly learning and re-learning how best to work together to get through both the good times and the challenges. I can't address the trust issue -- only you know if this is something you can get past. But if you're just curious if there's some Prince waiting out there who will give you multiple orgasms then clean the toilets and do a load of laundry...? Well, it's certainly possible... but I wouldn't count on it.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 17:24:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2015 4:44:47 GMT
Tell him what you need. Don't assume anything. You want help with baths and dinner, tell him. Stop enabling him to sit and relax while you run circles behind him, taking care of the family.
Be someone other than a wife and mother. Be an example of a woman with interests and passions that don't revolve around your family.
Get therapy. Talk this all out with someone who isn't related to you or your husband.
You are responsible for how you react to these dilemmas.
My dh and I were separated for more than a year. After an enormous amount of therapy, individually and together, we are back together with different boundaries and a daily check-in of how we're doing. Issues are no longer swept under the rug. We exist with total transparency. We'll fail without it.
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Post by ntsf on Jun 15, 2015 4:49:35 GMT
I think he lacks perspective...he is self focused enough that he isn't thinking of how his lack of actions are perceived by you. he may need concrete directions to deal with the kids..he doesn't perceive it is his job at the moment. not saying it is good..just what maybe happening.
he is not taking your perspective --outlook on what is happening. some people can't do it ...have to be taught the skills or may never develop it.
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Post by kryssy on Jun 15, 2015 5:01:12 GMT
Let me clarify: by compromising on "needs and wants," I'm referring to mostly emotional. For the physical things you need, like help with the kids, be direct -- ask him to do it. And keep asking till he does it, firmly and calmly. Marriage may be a two-way street, but parenting is definitely a job share arrangement.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 15, 2015 5:05:42 GMT
All of the above. Or walk away if things are so grim and he won't compromise.
Also, you have given enough detail that anyone who does actually know you IRL will be able to identify you.
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jenkate77
Full Member
Posts: 427
Jun 26, 2014 1:33:16 GMT
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Post by jenkate77 on Jun 15, 2015 5:11:56 GMT
holler out to him - 'honey, get the kids please. I'm busy cooking dinner.' This. One of THE biggest light bulbs in my marriage was when I realized my husband couldn't read my mind. So now, if I need something, I ask. Even something as simple as needing a hug. So now I ask/tell him. "Do you want to put the baby or the teenagers to bed?" "I'm getting in the shower, could you make sure Alex has the dishes done before I get out?" If he doesn't help when you ask, that's a different story. I'm not sure how to fix the selfish in bed part, but that would annoy me. Does HE want to still be married?
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 17:24:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2015 5:26:17 GMT
What do you expect to change with a divorce? The kids will still scream and fight.. it will only be you to deal with it. Household chores will still need done; by you. The household income will take a major hit (don't know if you are a stay at home mom or work but you can cross of about 80% of his income and may find yourself having to go to work) There'll likely be no sex for a good long time while you navigate the dating scene and wonder if a guy is interested in you or prefers your kids.
The ex doesn't magically disappear. He still has rights to see his kids. And he may end up with a new love interest before you do so you'll end up sharing your kids with another woman who wants to mother them and she won't do it the way you think it should be done.
Go to counseling. Work on you. Learn to communicate better. Work with the counselor to find what it really is you are wanting because you have a martyr's view of your current life and an unrealistic view of what being a single parent is going to be like. (for the record, oral sex is a huge turn off to me. Have you talked to your husband about how he feels about it? or is it an nonnegotiable item on your checklist?) I get the feeling you have a lot of "my way or the highway" and without meaning to you have shut him down (ask a man to do something then criticize the way it is done will stop him from ever doing it again)
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jenkate77
Full Member
Posts: 427
Jun 26, 2014 1:33:16 GMT
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Post by jenkate77 on Jun 15, 2015 5:53:55 GMT
Volt, you make some good points. I remember a LONG time ago on the old Pea board someone said, and this is a paraphrase, "If I had known how much work my second marriage would be, I might have worked harder on my first." That also really struck me. I've witnessed a decent amount of good marriages in my 38 years, and even the good ones are work a lot of the time. Ending a marriage may solve some problems, but it creates new ones as well.
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Post by smokeynspike on Jun 15, 2015 6:27:18 GMT
I had this big long post written out, which was more information than I really wanted to post on the internet about my marriage, but suffice it to say that I've struggled with a lot of the same issues that you do. I think a lot of women do. The crux of everything that I had written though boils down to this:
You are in charge of your own happiness. You only get to control you. What you do. How you think. How you respond to your spouse.
The sooner you come to grips with these facts, the better off you will be, IMO. It took me a long time to realize the same thing and to reframe how I live my life. Your post screams to me, and to the other peas it seems, that you are looking for your DH to make all of these changes. What can YOU do to take charge of your own happiness in each of these areas? If he isn't meeting some need of yours, what can YOU do to get it met?
Men don't see things that need doing the same way as women. Sometimes some of them need constant telling. Give him a list. Ask for help. But have realistic expectations of when those things get done. Expect his help and give choices. In my own family, when it is time to clean the house, everybody chips in (including our kid) and I direct the action. I'll say "ok, honey, do you want to vacuum or clean the toilets?" I know that I always end up with the toilets, but I don't care, because it means that he is willing to vacuum instead. Same thing with "ok, do you want to wash or put away the dishes?" Or "take out the garbage or clean the litter boxes?" Who cares who does what as long as I'm not the only one doing all the work.
My DH isn't overly demonstrative with affection and emotion as well. Used to drive me bat shit crazy. Then I realized that he is just different than me, and we compliment each other really well because of it. And the biggest thing is that your self-esteem really needs to come from yourself. Don't depend on others to tell you that you are pretty. Wear things that make you feel pretty. Don't depend on someone else to tell you that you smell good. Wear perfume that you love and let that be enough. Don't worry about your spouse giving you lip service about how you look/feel/smell, fill up your own self-esteem bucket instead. If you aren't confident now, fake it until you make it.
Regarding sex, take a more active role in your own orgasms. If he won't do foreplay, do it yourself. Then, let him join back in and finish with you. Don't let him be selfish and get to the orgasm, unless you've gotten one too.
If you have friendship and genuinely LIKE your spouse, that is a solid foundation to build a life on. I don't think that the issues that you have are insurmountable. To me, it sounds like you need to take more ownership over yourself. I've been there done that. I'm much happier when I'm driving my own happiness than I am when I'm expecting someone else to make me happy. Make yourself happy. If you say you love your kids, you love your house, you love your job, and you like your spouse, than you have something to work with. Make it work, but don't dither over the things you can't control and instead focus your energies on the one person in life that you have the ultimate control over, and that is yourself.
I hope that helps.
Melissa
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Post by pepper59 on Jun 15, 2015 7:09:55 GMT
This was pretty much EXACTLY my first marriage, right down to the bedroom stuff. He wasn't a workaholic, he just came home and sat in the recliner and was done... I tried begging, pleading, wrote him letters telling him how sad and lonely I was, asked for counseling, but he said he was happy, that I was the one with a problem. As a Christian I did not feel divorce was an option and I sucked it up for my kids sake. I did love him but I always had to pull all the weight in our marriage. He liked to give me gifts and that was as far as it went. I longed for affection, great sex, a true partner. I felt like a maid, a secretary and so lonely.
Sadly, he had cancer and died at just 54. I was devastated and heartbroken for him and myself and especially our children. I still had an 8 year old at home. Six years later I was ready to love again. I met my true soul mate and now every day is a dream.. He is EVERYTHING I ever wanted in a husband, greatest sex of my life and kisses, hand holding, romance, help around the house. He's truly a Prince. We've been married 2 1/2 years and every day is sweeter. By the way, we met on Christian Mingle and we are so compatible it's unreal! There's a lot to be said for finding your true match!
So my advice...I believe marriage is a commitment for life before God. I chose to stay and honor my vows and I would tell you to not give up. Go to counseling, keep trying and sit him down and tell him you are so unhappy and unfulfilled you have contemplated divorce. Maybe it will be a wake up call. I'll be praying he'll listen and truly change.
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Post by mom on Jun 15, 2015 7:55:50 GMT
What are you doing to change things? You say he needs to work hard, but how hard are you working? In a marriage the only one you can control is you. You can tell him what you need or what you want, but you can only control you. Well, I try to talk to him about how I'm feeling, with no response. I try to tell him what I want or would like in bed, with very little response. I have asked him to go to counseling, which he refused. I honestly feel like I *am* working hard to save the marriage before I give up. There's oh so much I can do when he won't listen to my feelings or needs and he isn't changing... am I looking at this the wrong way?? I think the only thing that I can do more right now is to just get over it my feeling unhappy and that doesn't seem fair. Have you tried to focus on your husband and what HIS needs/desires/wants are? I know that during times of stress in my marriage that if I focus on my husband and serve him, I find myself more fulfilled and happy. Edited: I should have read the other posts first. I just repeat whats already been said!
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Post by bostonmama on Jun 15, 2015 11:05:29 GMT
I know many are saying to focus on his needs more, ask for what you want and need, don't be selfish, but I truly don't hear that in your post. He truly sounds lazy and focused solely on himself. A conversation where you say "Honey, this is what I'm needing and expect from you when you're home" is a good idea, but you cannot change him. He has to change himself. If he's not willing to meet the basic standards as a husband and father, then what can you really do? "I need more from this marriage than you seem willing to give. Something needs to change." How would that go over? If he's not willing to listen and respect your needs, is he really that great of a friend?
I'm kind of shocked by the attitude of the peas saying you should service him orally when he won't. I think if the situation was reversed and YOU didn't like giving orally you would hear a lot of advice on how to make it more tolerable, that you should just suck it up and do it, that it's selfish not to. At least it's seemed that way in past posts (dating back to NSBR). If it isn't something you enjoy and desire, then I see it the same way as laundry or taking out the trash. Who really LIKES doing chores?!
I wish there was a simple answer, but there's not. He has to love you enough to make it important that your needs are met. If he doesn't, then what is there to salvage?
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Post by elaine on Jun 15, 2015 11:09:05 GMT
In terms of focusing on meeting your needs without expecting him to change:
If he isn't willing to help with the housework, hire a maid service to come and help out once a week.
If he isn't willing to help with the kids, look into hiring a nanny/mom's assistant for as much as you can afford.
Sex toys for you.
While it is preferable for your spouse to meet your needs, if he can't/won't, it doesn't mean you have to do without. Look outside the box for ways to meet your needs/wants. It may be when he sees that it is so important to you that you want to hire outside help that he steps up to the plate.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:29:42 GMT
What do you expect to change with a divorce? The kids will still scream and fight.. it will only be you to deal with it. Household chores will still need done; by you. The household income will take a major hit (don't know if you are a stay at home mom or work but you can cross of about 80% of his income and may find yourself having to go to work) There'll likely be no sex for a good long time while you navigate the dating scene and wonder if a guy is interested in you or prefers your kids. The ex doesn't magically disappear. He still has rights to see his kids. And he may end up with a new love interest before you do so you'll end up sharing your kids with another woman who wants to mother them and she won't do it the way you think it should be done. Go to counseling. Work on you. Learn to communicate better. Work with the counselor to find what it really is you are wanting because you have a martyr's view of your current life and an unrealistic view of what being a single parent is going to be like. (for the record, oral sex is a huge turn off to me. Have you talked to your husband about how he feels about it? or is it an nonnegotiable item on your checklist?) I get the feeling you have a lot of "my way or the highway" and without meaning to you have shut him down (ask a man to do something then criticize the way it is done will stop him from ever doing it again) Oddly enough, when he's gone for work 3-4 days at a time, it's easier on me. It's like I have it in my head that I am the only one here, and I have no expectations that anyone else will be helping, so I know it's all on me. I don't feel like I'm a "my way to the highway" person. I just expect him to help out with the kids and the house. I don't berate him when he does it because it's wrong or not how I would do it.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:32:52 GMT
I know many are saying to focus on his needs more, ask for what you want and need, don't be selfish, but I truly don't hear that in your post. He truly sounds lazy and focused solely on himself. A conversation where you say "Honey, this is what I'm needing and expect from you when you're home" is a good idea, but you cannot change him. He has to change himself. If he's not willing to meet the basic standards as a husband and father, then what can you really do? "I need more from this marriage than you seem willing to give. Something needs to change." How would that go over? If he's not willing to listen and respect your needs, is he really that great of a friend? I'm kind of shocked by the attitude of the peas saying you should service him orally when he won't. I think if the situation was reversed and YOU didn't like giving orally you would hear a lot of advice on how to make it more tolerable, that you should just suck it up and do it, that it's selfish not to. At least it's seemed that way in past posts (dating back to NSBR). If it's something you enjoy and desire, then I see it the same way as laundry or taking out the trash. Who really LIKES doing chores?! I wish there was a simple answer, but there's not. He has to love you enough to make it important that your needs are met. If he doesn't, then what is there to salvage? Thanks. I really don't feel like I'm asking too much.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 17:24:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2015 12:36:08 GMT
You don't have to berate somebody to still be critical. But you seem dead set on getting a divorce. Go for it. Until you experience the full downside of your choices you seem incapable of realizing the grass isn't greener somewhere else. That inability to clearly see how a situation will be has gotten you married to a man who isn't your perfect mate. And you can't see that divorce does not end that relationship. At all.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:37:38 GMT
I had this big long post written out, which was more information than I really wanted to post on the internet about my marriage, but suffice it to say that I've struggled with a lot of the same issues that you do. I think a lot of women do. The crux of everything that I had written though boils down to this: You are in charge of your own happiness. You only get to control you. What you do. How you think. How you respond to your spouse. The sooner you come to grips with these facts, the better off you will be, IMO. It took me a long time to realize the same thing and to reframe how I live my life. Your post screams to me, and to the other peas it seems, that you are looking for your DH to make all of these changes. What can YOU do to take charge of your own happiness in each of these areas? If he isn't meeting some need of yours, what can YOU do to get it met? Men don't see things that need doing the same way as women. Sometimes some of them need constant telling. Give him a list. Ask for help. But have realistic expectations of when those things get done. Expect his help and give choices. In my own family, when it is time to clean the house, everybody chips in (including our kid) and I direct the action. I'll say "ok, honey, do you want to vacuum or clean the toilets?" I know that I always end up with the toilets, but I don't care, because it means that he is willing to vacuum instead. Same thing with "ok, do you want to wash or put away the dishes?" Or "take out the garbage or clean the litter boxes?" Who cares who does what as long as I'm not the only one doing all the work. My DH isn't overly demonstrative with affection and emotion as well. Used to drive me bat shit crazy. Then I realized that he is just different than me, and we compliment each other really well because of it. And the biggest thing is that your self-esteem really needs to come from yourself. Don't depend on others to tell you that you are pretty. Wear things that make you feel pretty. Don't depend on someone else to tell you that you smell good. Wear perfume that you love and let that be enough. Don't worry about your spouse giving you lip service about how you look/feel/smell, fill up your own self-esteem bucket instead. If you aren't confident now, fake it until you make it. Regarding sex, take a more active role in your own orgasms. If he won't do foreplay, do it yourself. Then, let him join back in and finish with you. Don't let him be selfish and get to the orgasm, unless you've gotten one too. If you have friendship and genuinely LIKE your spouse, that is a solid foundation to build a life on. I don't think that the issues that you have are insurmountable. To me, it sounds like you need to take more ownership over yourself. I've been there done that. I'm much happier when I'm driving my own happiness than I am when I'm expecting someone else to make me happy. Make yourself happy. If you say you love your kids, you love your house, you love your job, and you like your spouse, than you have something to work with. Make it work, but don't dither over the things you can't control and instead focus your energies on the one person in life that you have the ultimate control over, and that is yourself. I hope that helps. Melissa I don't know that I can handle giving my husband direction like a little kid for the rest of my life. I just wish he would do some of this cap without being told or asked. Maybe that's just unrealistic. You're right, I definitely need to take more ownership of myself. It's hard to do that sometimes. I will have to make more of an effort to get babysitters so that I can go get "me time" alone and have some time to recharge.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:40:49 GMT
You don't have to berate somebody to still be critical. But you seem dead set on getting a divorce. Go for it. Until you experience the full downside of your choices you seem incapable of realizing the grass isn't greener somewhere else. That inability to clearly see how a situation will be has gotten you married to a man who isn't your perfect mate. And you can't see that divorce does not end that relationship. At all. oh I realize that the divorce wouldn't end my relationship with him. We would be able to work together without huge fights or belittling one another. I would never try to keep the kids from him. I'm sorry that I seem dead set on divorce. I don't feel like that's the case. I do think I'm dead set on being happier and I that I expect more from my spouse. It's been years that we've dealt with these issues, so forgive me if I am nearing the end of my rope.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 17:24:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2015 12:41:42 GMT
I'm not going to touch on the things that have been said many times. Rather, I'm going to point out something that I noticed in your OP. You split up several times already. That was a sign. You are better off as friends separately. After three kids, if he's not going to listen to you and make an effort, then get out. Think about the example you are setting for the kids.
If you really do not want to divorce, then try counseling. I have to say that I suspect that he will not go or will not think it helps and nothing will change. At the same time, are you even truly communicating with each other? As in are you listening to him too?
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:43:23 GMT
All of the above. Or walk away if things are so grim and he won't compromise. Also, you have given enough detail that anyone who does actually know you IRL will be able to identify you. I'm was just more worried about someone searching for my username and finding this. I use the same unique username for all of my social media accounts. Thanks though.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:44:53 GMT
I'm not going to touch on the things that have been said many times. Rather, I'm going to point out something that I noticed in your OP. You split up several times already. That was a sign. You are better off as friends separately. After three kids, if he's not going to listen to you and make an effort, then get out. Think about the example you are setting for the kids. If you really do not want to divorce, then try counseling. I have to say that I suspect that he will not go or will not think it helps and nothing will change. At the same time, are you even truly communicating with each other? As in are you listening to him too? He doesn't talk...even when I have tried to talk to him, he claims he's happy and that he doesn't have anything he wants me to change.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:24:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2015 12:50:19 GMT
Then you're looking for us to give you permission to leave him.
Fine, go ahead. Divorce him. You should've taken the hint the second time you split up. Believe me. Giving relationships a second, third, or even 10th chance rarely work, especially when one doesn't want to change anything.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:52:21 GMT
holler out to him - 'honey, get the kids please. I'm busy cooking dinner.' This. One of THE biggest light bulbs in my marriage was when I realized my husband couldn't read my mind. So now, if I need something, I ask. Even something as simple as needing a hug. So now I ask/tell him. "Do you want to put the baby or the teenagers to bed?" "I'm getting in the shower, could you make sure Alex has the dishes done before I get out?" If he doesn't help when you ask, that's a different story. I'm not sure how to fix the selfish in bed part, but that would annoy me. Does HE want to still be married? He says he wants to be married. He says he's happy. I've asked him before if he has anything he wants me to work on and he claims no.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,080
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jun 15, 2015 12:52:23 GMT
A good counselor will be able to help your family stay together or determine if the best path is to split up. And if the best path is to split up, to help your family work through that.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:54:56 GMT
Then you're looking for us to give you permission to leave him. Fine, go ahead. Divorce him. You should've taken the hint the second time you split up. Believe me. Giving relationships a second, third, or even 10th chance rarely work, especially when one doesn't want to change anything. Honestly, I may be asking for permission for a divorce, but I'm also asking if everyone feels like this and it's normal. I don't want to screw up our entire lives because I'm not satisfied when I'm not sure if it's how everyone else feels too.
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 15, 2015 12:56:17 GMT
Actually, he sounds like someone I know really well. That person has narcissistic traits. He only sees things from his point of view.
Is this possible in your situation?
From the Mayo Clinic: Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and disappointed when you're not given the special favors or admiration you believe you deserve. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.
If this sounds like your DH, he needs therapy on his own. You'll need therapy to decide if you can live with him or would be better off without him.
Hugs.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:58:01 GMT
Well, I try to talk to him about how I'm feeling, with no response. I try to tell him what I want or would like in bed, with very little response. I have asked him to go to counseling, which he refused. There's oh so much I can do when he won't listen to my feelings or needs and he isn't changing... am I looking at this the wrong way?? Have you tried asking him how HE'S feeling? Or what he wants in bed/marriage/life? It honestly sounds like you're only trying to get HIM to change to suit your needs, not figure out how you can BOTH compromise to help the marriage work better. One person can't change another, not really. But relationships themselves are fluid, always changing... and in the most successful ones, the partners are constantly learning and re-learning how best to work together to get through both the good times and the challenges. I can't address the trust issue -- only you know if this is something you can get past. But if you're just curious if there's some Prince waiting out there who will give you multiple orgasms then clean the toilets and do a load of laundry...? Well, it's certainly possible... but I wouldn't count on it. I have tried talking to him about what he wants and needs. He claims he's happy and doesn't have anything be wants me to change. I do want him to change, yes. But I don't feel that it's too much to ask. I'm not asking him to stop seeing friends or going out. I'm just asking him to be aware of when the kids need help or the dishes need done. But that Prince Charming sounds pretty awesome....
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 15, 2015 12:59:59 GMT
Actually, he sounds like someone I know really well. That person has narcissistic traits. He only sees things from his point of view. Is this possible in your situation? From the Mayo Clinic: Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism. A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and disappointed when you're not given the special favors or admiration you believe you deserve. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling. If this sounds like your DH, he needs therapy on his own. You'll need therapy to decide if you can live with him or would be better off without him. Hugs. yes!! I've often thought of him as selfish, but narcissistic sounds very similar. He would never do therapy though.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jun 15, 2015 13:01:23 GMT
Then you're looking for us to give you permission to leave him. Fine, go ahead. Divorce him. You should've taken the hint the second time you split up. Believe me. Giving relationships a second, third, or even 10th chance rarely work, especially when one doesn't want to change anything. Honestly, I may be asking for permission for a divorce, but I'm also asking if everyone feels like this and it's normal. I don't want to screw up our entire lives because I'm not satisfied when I'm not sure if it's how everyone else feels too. No. That is not how everyone feels or lives. But even if everyone feels or lives that way, who cares? It's your life, so it's your feelings and needs that matter, not "everyone."
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Post by kryssy on Jun 15, 2015 13:12:29 GMT
Honestly, I may be asking for permission for a divorce, but I'm also asking if everyone feels like this and it's normal. I don't want to screw up our entire lives because I'm not satisfied when I'm not sure if it's how everyone else feels too. I think lots of people feel like this from time to time, or go through extended periods of not being on the same page as their spouse... but I would guess not many are okay with staying there. Like others have said, there are things YOU can do that don't even involve your spouse to make your situation better. So, if you ask your husband specifically to do something to help around the house, like vacuum or put the kids to bed, will he do it?
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