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Post by originalvanillabean on Jun 17, 2015 1:44:18 GMT
Glad to hear you went. Keeping you in my prayers.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Jun 17, 2015 2:01:27 GMT
OK so update. I went to my first counseling session today. The therapist is a really nice woman maybe 10 years older than I am. She was very nice and friendly and easy to talk to. We didn't really get anywhere today but it felt good just to talk... I am going back next week again. After I got home today I talked to my husband and let him know everything about how I'm feeling...he knew a lot of it, but he was just kinda letting it slide under the rug. I told him that I'm not OK being alone in this relationship anymore and that I need to figure out if I can deal with him not changing or if I need to decide that I can't do it. I asked him again and he still claims he's happy and that he doesn't want a divorce or have anything he wants me to change... He did put the kids to bed tonight without me asking and told me he loved me a few different times throughout the evening. I think it scares him that I'm serious about a change. Thanks again for everything. I don't know if I can get back to the place that I was when I felt in love with him...but at least I'm on the road to figuring it out. That is a great start! Good luck to you!
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Post by bostonmama on Jun 17, 2015 2:08:01 GMT
You needed clarity and you seem much more clear-headed this evening. Making a decision to ask for help, going to a therapist alone, sitting down & talking to your husband about your feelngs... That is a lot more than most wives will do who are dissatisfied in their marriage. Huge!! Happy for you!
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 17, 2015 4:48:47 GMT
OK so update. I went to my first counseling session today. The therapist is a really nice woman maybe 10 years older than I am. She was very nice and friendly and easy to talk to. We didn't really get anywhere today but it felt good just to talk... I am going back next week again. After I got home today I talked to my husband and let him know everything about how I'm feeling...he knew a lot of it, but he was just kinda letting it slide under the rug. I told him that I'm not OK being alone in this relationship anymore and that I need to figure out if I can deal with him not changing or if I need to decide that I can't do it. I asked him again and he still claims he's happy and that he doesn't want a divorce or have anything he wants me to change... He did put the kids to bed tonight without me asking and told me he loved me a few different times throughout the evening. I think it scares him that I'm serious about a change. Thanks again for everything. I don't know if I can get back to the place that I was when I felt in love with him...but at least I'm on the road to figuring it out. Or maybe you'll get to someplace better.
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Post by mom on Jun 17, 2015 5:18:42 GMT
OK so update. I went to my first counseling session today. The therapist is a really nice woman maybe 10 years older than I am. She was very nice and friendly and easy to talk to. We didn't really get anywhere today but it felt good just to talk... I am going back next week again. After I got home today I talked to my husband and let him know everything about how I'm feeling...he knew a lot of it, but he was just kinda letting it slide under the rug. I told him that I'm not OK being alone in this relationship anymore and that I need to figure out if I can deal with him not changing or if I need to decide that I can't do it. I asked him again and he still claims he's happy and that he doesn't want a divorce or have anything he wants me to change... He did put the kids to bed tonight without me asking and told me he loved me a few different times throughout the evening. I think it scares him that I'm serious about a change. Thanks again for everything. I don't know if I can get back to the place that I was when I felt in love with him...but at least I'm on the road to figuring it out. I am really glad you went to counseling. I think by talking you will get where you need to be and not realize it until later.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Jun 17, 2015 14:12:55 GMT
Confused,
I'm glad you went to a session and you talked to someone. I started reading a book called How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together. The part I'm on right now is about balance sheets. That's kinda tough for me......not that I really keep track, but the idea is not tallying what you do vs what he does but rather what you give and how much you take from the relationship. The book is really all about you because you can't change anyone but yourself. I'm a firm believer in that. It says take care of your needs. Make yourself happy first. Take care of the things you need done (as the peas were saying...hire some help) The part I have a hard time with is I'm already a very independent person, so I already spend a large majority of my time without him, on my own, take care of myself. I guess I'm just missing that "happy" part. There are times in my life when I NEED someone to take care of me and he's NOT there, or doesn't care to be... and well, maybe I haven't read that far. Anyway, I didn't mean to make this about me. I did want to share that I am enjoying this book and its making me think. Hopefully it will help my marriage so I wanted to pass it along. Good luck to you.
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Post by katieanna on Jun 17, 2015 15:08:00 GMT
OK so update. I went to my first counseling session today. The therapist is a really nice woman maybe 10 years older than I am. She was very nice and friendly and easy to talk to. We didn't really get anywhere today but it felt good just to talk... I am going back next week again. After I got home today I talked to my husband and let him know everything about how I'm feeling...he knew a lot of it, but he was just kinda letting it slide under the rug. I told him that I'm not OK being alone in this relationship anymore and that I need to figure out if I can deal with him not changing or if I need to decide that I can't do it. I asked him again and he still claims he's happy and that he doesn't want a divorce or have anything he wants me to change... He did put the kids to bed tonight without me asking and told me he loved me a few different times throughout the evening. I think it scares him that I'm serious about a change. Thanks again for everything. I don't know if I can get back to the place that I was when I felt in love with him...but at least I'm on the road to figuring it out. I was reading this thread yesterday and thought that the peas had given you a lot of good advice. You certainly sounded very stressed and that you need a BIG break. I'm glad that you had gone to the counselor; I think it will help you immensely. It sounds like your seeing the counselor has made an impression on your DH; I'm glad for that too. It's probably the incentive he needed to take you seriously. Keeping you and your marriage in prayer and hope that things will work out for the best for all involved. May God bless!
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,355
Location: Dallas Texas
Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
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Post by SabrinaP on Jun 17, 2015 15:20:44 GMT
Great update! I think you are doing it right. I pray that you are able to find the happiness you deserve.
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confused
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 15, 2015 2:05:41 GMT
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Post by confused on Jun 17, 2015 15:25:20 GMT
Confused,
I'm glad you went to a session and you talked to someone. I started reading a book called How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together. The part I'm on right now is about balance sheets. That's kinda tough for me......not that I really keep track, but the idea is not tallying what you do vs what he does but rather what you give and how much you take from the relationship. The book is really all about you because you can't change anyone but yourself. I'm a firm believer in that. It says take care of your needs. Make yourself happy first. Take care of the things you need done (as the peas were saying...hire some help) The part I have a hard time with is I'm already a very independent person, so I already spend a large majority of my time without him, on my own, take care of myself. I guess I'm just missing that "happy" part. There are times in my life when I NEED someone to take care of me and he's NOT there, or doesn't care to be... and well, maybe I haven't read that far. Anyway, I didn't mean to make this about me. I did want to share that I am enjoying this book and its making me think. Hopefully it will help my marriage so I wanted to pass it along. Good luck to you. I totally understand what you're saying! I do feel like I am a pretty independent person and I trying to do things for myself but it's always nice to have someone take care of you, and my husband doesn't do that either. I don't even know if I want him to take care of me so much as I want him to pay attention to me more. wishing you all the best too.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 18:18:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2015 15:31:58 GMT
Good update -- I'm glad you took some action to help yourself. You really are burnt out. When my kids were little, I was a SAHM for about 7 years. I was so exhausted all the time, and never felt like I could get a minute to myself. That was without a business. And my husband has always been great about participating in child care. We both got things done in the evening. I'd clean up the kitchen while he did baths (I'd clean anything if meant a few minutes of quiet.) LOL, we used to fight over who got to use the snowblower -- you couldn't answer questions and we wanted the kids far away from it which made it the best job! He enjoyed spending his time with the kids after he got home from work, so it was easy for him to do the baths and bedtimes and all. He always made it fun instead of a chore. But I was still exhausted and sleep deprived with half of what you're doing all by yourself. You really need a break so you can think clearly.
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