Ex Husband to the rescue

I think we need more info.  Why were you divorced?  Do you have kids?  What has happened in intervening years since you divorced?  Multiple marriages, etc.

Spill it sister! 

I have a good relationship with my ex. He is a wonderful man. But he wasn't for me, and I wasn't for him. It doesn't mean we can't be good friends and even help each other out if we need it. We are co-parents, and have managed to be co-parents in a healthy way. Sometimes we argue a bit, but we are good at apologising and talking it out later. There will always be residual feelings there. I truly loved him, we shared amazing experiences together, we were young parents together and have seen each other at our best, and at our worst. We will always have a strong bond.
But no, he is not the man I want to spend every day with for the rest of my life. He has said he would like to give us another shot, but I have come to distinguish between the nostalgia and what would actually be good for me, for him and the kids in the future. So no...

But of course there are people who get back together! Of course this man might be the love of your life, you just needed to figure out a few things on your own for a while. I do believe it's possible to fall in love with the same person twice. It is hard to give more specific advice when we have no idea what your relationship was like before you broke up, WHY you broke up and what it's like today. I don't think it's a stupid idea to consider it, but make sure you do it for the right reasons. Not because he shows you a little attention, because you have no other prospects, because it would be easy seeing as you already know him. We are talking long-term relationship here, not just a roll in the hay or a few romatic dates. Can you see yourself sharing your everyday life with him again?

Either way... good luck, I hope you make a decision that makes you happy!

He is your ex for a reason. Don't charge into anything blindly.

I'm going to sound harsh, but here goes... You won't know which man to be with because you haven't ever truly committed to either of them... You can't do a serious relationship half assed and then wonder what's missing... There are things you only get and learn about when you're all in...

Since you asked, my advice would be for you to be with neither right now... Commit 100% to yourself... Learn what's important to you, what things make you feel good and safe, and then date/get involved with someone that also brings those things into a relationship...

No digs about straying... That's between you and your partner... Advice for you is to commit to learning what you want and need, and then give your all to that...

Let me ask you something: when was the last time you were single, with NO man in your life? I know a few women who jump into a new relationship the day after the last one ended. And they seem surprised when none of them work out.
I think you need a break from both men to figure out what you really want. If you can't decide between these two men it tells me that none of them really and truly have your heart.

Take a break. Breathe. Figure out what life without a man is for a while. Get to know yourself, what you really want in a relationship, not just what you DON'T want.

Well that's my first question - are you trolling us?

And if you're not, it sounds to me like you need to take some time off from men altogether and get yourself figured out. You're an adult woman with responsibilities not a teenager. You should also think about what exactly you are modeling for your children.

I've had lunch with my ex. Dinner too. At least one vacation and he has changed a tire for me.

The difference was that we were always accompanied by kids and his various wives, but WE weren't doing those things, we were the there because the boys were there and it was right for them.

But no way in hell would I be getting back together with him. The idea of being with that man makes me slightly nauseated. 

Of course I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't do it.

What do you want your children to learn about relationships and commitment?

THIS THIS THIS

You are a brave woman posing this question here! But seriously, think about this ^ ^ ^

I don't think you are responsible emotionally to be in any relationship at the moment. I second the other peas who have recommended you take a step back and figure out who you are and what you want before you keep toying with other people's hearts and emotions.

It seems like you are missing something within yourself and are looking to other men to try to find it. Have you ever considered personal counseling?

You didn't "stray" you cheated! I was cheated on and my ex didn't stray - he fell dick first into the nasty bitch's vagina. Yeah, this is mean spirited, but I remember how I felt when I found out I'd been cheated on. This isn't junior high, this is real life. Put the kids first - what about their feelings? You tore their family up when you "strayed". And so now you're playing with the sort-of boyfriend paramedics feelings by "straying" back to your ex? Go get some counseling and figure out what you want before you stray to someone else and another family suffers. (Yeah, this really struck a nerve, but I'm not apologizing for it.)

You need to just stop. Stop. Are you kidding me? You are a parent of 5 children, how the hell can you be this immature? What are you teaching your 4 girls about loving and committed relationships? STOP. Walk away from both men and learn who you are on your own and what you want out of a relationship before you are left truly alone. Your children deserve better, be better for them.

So, wow. Just wow.

Ask a loaded question, get an answer you probably don't want to hear. I will share something else someone told me once -- EVERYONE can't be wrong. See the consensus in the answers here? Getting back together with either of these men is a very bad idea right now. I suspect you have some things that you need to sort out for yourself. There is something you are not getting fulfilled and you can't depend on either of these men -- or any man - to fill it. YOU have to find YOURSELF, figure out your needs, and learn how to manage them. Know that you will forever be seeking something else -- at the expense of your children, the men, and your family -- until you get this settled.

Some people are not cut out for long-term relationships, and so be it. It's okay, as long as the person recognizes it. You've set yourself to have some type of relationship with each of these men by being the mother to their children. Be a good one, and set a good example. How do they know why you chose one person's father over the others? How weird that does that make things for them. Think about it. How confusing.

If you go back to one or the other, so be it. Make the decision and the commitment and stick to it. Don't drag everyone through the mud while you are trying to clean yourself off.