smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,701
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Oct 8, 2015 14:27:42 GMT
So glad that your DGD is on the mend! I completely understand where you were coming from. Many years ago, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I tried calling my mom to tell her, but she wasn't there, so I texted her about my diagnosis. She made it VERY clear that one does not text that type of information. I have since learned that you make the phone call to mom, and then you can text/FB away LOL!
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Post by annabella on Oct 8, 2015 14:37:12 GMT
A collapsed lung sounds pretty critical/scary to me! Either way in my family, if I or my mother was in the hospital for whatever, we would call the other. But that is the close relationship we have.
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on Oct 8, 2015 14:38:18 GMT
My daughter went to the ER and was admitted to the ICU. After she was in ICU and things had calmed down a little, my husband went outside and called my mom. I then called her a little later to talk with her. My mom isn't just one of 5,0000000 FB "friends" she's my mom. To me it would just come across as cold to treat her the same as some person I barely know via FB. Completely agree, your parents aren't the same as your Facebook friends and deserve a little more consideration than a Facebook post. If you can take the time to post to Facebook, you could send the same message in a text or when things are quieter make a phone call. My Dad was hospitalized several times over the past year, one of which turned very serious. My mother & I were with him, but family was notified by text because we couldn't talk and phone calls when we could. I can't imagine having posted a Facebook message saying we have a serious situation with Dad, but hey we'll keep you posted. We felt his family deserved to hear it from us. So glad that DGD is going to be ok. I understand that your daughter may have been worried, couldn't make a call, may have had little time but she had time to post on FB. I am on the side that feels if she could take those few moments to post on Fb then she could have just as easily sent you a short text, letting you know what was going on and she would talk later. You are her mother and grandmother to the child. It is only right. I think I know my kids are aware that I would be hopping mad reading something like that on FB. This would cause more worry in me than not. None of your feelings are narcissistic, you are a loving parent and grandparent.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Oct 8, 2015 14:46:48 GMT
Marimoose. I totally agree with you so I won't type it out.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,838
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Oct 8, 2015 14:47:49 GMT
Okay, I have updated information if anyone is interested. I'm sure it probably won't change any minds but I'm going to post it anyway. First, at no time was DGD#2 considered "critical". She started not feeling well at the beginning of the week. DD thought is was due to her teething or she was catching whatever her sister brought home from preschool. Tuesday afternoon DD calls the nurses hotline because she is starting to get concerned. The nurse tells her to make an appointment with their doctor. Doctor's office is closed so DD and SIL drive DGD#2 to hospital. That's when they find the partially collapsed lung. This is around 4:00 pm. Emergency room doctors deem that DGD#2 can wait until morning for a scope (not surgery as was originally posted on Facebook). SIL stays at the hospital. DD drives DGD #1 home gets her dinner, puts her to bed. This was probably around 8:00 p.m. their time. DGD#2 had the scope yesterday morning. They found the obstruction and removed it. By lunch she was sitting up in bed, eating regular food and upset with all the wires and tubes and people poking at her. They expect her to go home with a couple of days. I did talk briefly to DD late yesterday afternoon and kept it short and sweet because she was trying to keep DGD from climbing out of the bed. I did not, nor will I say anything about the Facebook post. I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time. Original Post: Last night I was at a meeting and had my phone on silence. Got home around 9:00 pm and DH says you might want to call DD#2. Why I ask. He says DD#2 (34) posted on Facebook that DGD#2 (18 mos.) was in the hospital with pneumonia and a collapsed lung! Grabbed my phone to check, no call or text from her. Called her, left a message, which is typical because DD doesn't answer calls. So I text her asking what was going on. Got a short response back that DGD was doing okay, DD would get back with me. Told her ok, call me when you have a moment. No call back. Earlier this morning I text DD again asking what's going on. Got a response that they were doing surgery this am to check the lung. Later this morning I got a call from SIL that surgery was done, all okay (DGD somehow inhaled a piece of an almond). Told him thank you and to keep us up to date. So, I'm trying not to be ticked at DD over 1. posting this on Facebook and not even attempting to call or text me before she did and 2. for having to do everything by text and not willing to make a frickin' phone call over something this important! I know she is worried over the baby and trying to deal with a 3 year old at home. But DH and I would have never known about this if he hadn't happen to be surfing Facebook at that time. I wouldn't have seen the post until this morning. I guess this is really a PVM post because after things settle down I'll probably say something to DD about this. BTW, DD and family live half way across the country from me so it's not like I can hop in the car and run up to the hospital. Which I would have done if they were closer. For the record, I don't think you were out of line. I agree about the conclusions that people jump to on this board. It sickens me. A lot of people like to read between the lines and pull something out of left field even when you NEVER say anything. I am glad she is doing okay.
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Post by **Angie** on Oct 8, 2015 14:57:28 GMT
Okay, I have updated information if anyone is interested. I'm sure it probably won't change any minds but I'm going to post it anyway. First, at no time was DGD#2 considered "critical". She started not feeling well at the beginning of the week. DD thought is was due to her teething or she was catching whatever her sister brought home from preschool. Tuesday afternoon DD calls the nurses hotline because she is starting to get concerned. The nurse tells her to make an appointment with their doctor. Doctor's office is closed so DD and SIL drive DGD#2 to hospital. That's when they find the partially collapsed lung. This is around 4:00 pm. Emergency room doctors deem that DGD#2 can wait until morning for a scope (not surgery as was originally posted on Facebook). SIL stays at the hospital. DD drives DGD #1 home gets her dinner, puts her to bed. This was probably around 8:00 p.m. their time. DGD#2 had the scope yesterday morning. They found the obstruction and removed it. By lunch she was sitting up in bed, eating regular food and upset with all the wires and tubes and people poking at her. They expect her to go home with a couple of days. I did talk briefly to DD late yesterday afternoon and kept it short and sweet because she was trying to keep DGD from climbing out of the bed. I did not, nor will I say anything about the Facebook post. I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time. Original Post: Last night I was at a meeting and had my phone on silence. Got home around 9:00 pm and DH says you might want to call DD#2. Why I ask. He says DD#2 (34) posted on Facebook that DGD#2 (18 mos.) was in the hospital with pneumonia and a collapsed lung! Grabbed my phone to check, no call or text from her. Called her, left a message, which is typical because DD doesn't answer calls. So I text her asking what was going on. Got a short response back that DGD was doing okay, DD would get back with me. Told her ok, call me when you have a moment. No call back. Earlier this morning I text DD again asking what's going on. Got a response that they were doing surgery this am to check the lung. Later this morning I got a call from SIL that surgery was done, all okay (DGD somehow inhaled a piece of an almond). Told him thank you and to keep us up to date. So, I'm trying not to be ticked at DD over 1. posting this on Facebook and not even attempting to call or text me before she did and 2. for having to do everything by text and not willing to make a frickin' phone call over something this important! I know she is worried over the baby and trying to deal with a 3 year old at home. But DH and I would have never known about this if he hadn't happen to be surfing Facebook at that time. I wouldn't have seen the post until this morning. I guess this is really a PVM post because after things settle down I'll probably say something to DD about this. BTW, DD and family live half way across the country from me so it's not like I can hop in the car and run up to the hospital. Which I would have done if they were closer. If it's any consolation, I'll sit on the bench with you. The two times something serious happened with ds, I called my mom as soon as I got a chance (like within 10 minutes of getting to the er). Even though she couldn't be there because she would have had a six hour drive, she helped me regain my calm. And posting something on Facebook before my close family could hear it from me? Uh, no. That is completely disrespectful.
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Post by maryland on Oct 8, 2015 15:04:56 GMT
I don't think you have a bad reputation! I think peas were trying to make you feel better by saying they would have done the same thing, so your daughter isn't just leaving you out. But if your daughter called her dad, her mil, her fil, but not you, I can understand why you are upset. Did your husband get upset that he wasn't called? The important thing is that their child is doing well!
But I am very close to my parents and my husband is very close to his parents, but we don't include them in everything, and we would have done whatever is easiest to notify our group of family and friends. I have close friends that I talk to every couple of days, and they see my children every few days. So to me, they are as important to inform as family. But that's how it works in my family, as you posted.
When my husband hurt his back and had to go to the hospital in an ambulance, I called my 3 best friends right away! I needed them to help with my kids. Then I called my inlaws. They were in the area, and I wanted them to come and help me because my husband couldn't walk or anything. I needed their help. I didn't call my parents for a couple of days, because I was with him at the hospital for a week, and wasn't home much. And it was over 5 yrs. ago, and I didn't have a cell phone with me.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 8, 2015 15:22:17 GMT
I think people are overlooking at there are massive difference on how people use social media. If you're used to logging on occasionally to look at pictures of the grandkids, you're going to be horrified if important or sensitive information is conveyed via facebook. Others use facebook, and increasingly other social media as their primary communication tool and they are connected 24/7. To them a tweet or fb post is really no different than texting the important people in their life. I understand where the OP is coming from as my extended family recently had a very serious, life threatening emergency situation. Pretty much all of the siblings, aunts, cousins, etc found out through fb. There were huge differences on how people reacted to finding out the news that way. I think it behooves us all to be cognizant of people's differences during this transition. I predict in a few generations, most people will expect more instantaneous communication and less personal, but only time will tell. I know that in our personal family, social media will never be our dominant way of communicating as neither my MIL or husband have accounts and my mom is a very occasional user. So it certainly wouldn't occur to me to see it as a way of getting the pertinent information to those who need it. I do know that others use it differently, and it works for their family.
OP, I'm glad to know your granddaughter is on the mend.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Oct 8, 2015 15:38:57 GMT
Even without your update, I agree with you. If the issue is not having time to talk, posting about it on FB is only going to have one result - causing a shitstorm of drama.
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Post by jennyap on Oct 8, 2015 15:51:29 GMT
I think people are overlooking at there are massive difference on how people use social media. If you're used to logging on occasionally to look at pictures of the grandkids, you're going to be horrified if important or sensitive information is conveyed via facebook. Others use facebook, and increasingly other social media as their primary communication tool and they are connected 24/7. To them a tweet or fb post is really no different than texting the important people in their life. I understand where the OP is coming from as my extended family recently had a very serious, life threatening emergency situation. Pretty much all of the siblings, aunts, cousins, etc found out through fb. There were huge differences on how people reacted to finding out the news that way. I think it behooves us all to be cognizant of people's differences during this transition. I predict in a few generations, most people will expect more instantaneous communication and less personal, but only time will tell. I know that in our personal family, social media will never be our dominant way of communicating as neither my MIL or husband have accounts and my mom is a very occasional user. So it certainly wouldn't occur to me to see it as a way of getting the pertinent information to those who need it. I do know that others use it differently, and it works for their family. OP, I'm glad to know your granddaughter is on the mend. I agree, and have been trying to figure out how to say this. The key thing for me is that FB is a passive way of disseminating information - just because it has been posted doesn't give any degree of certainty that any particular person has seen it. I know I've missed (non-critical) things because I often don't go on FB for days at a time, so if anyone wanted to 'get a message out' to me that's a really bad way to go about it.
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Oct 8, 2015 15:58:28 GMT
So now, there were at least 3 different phone calls that had to be made to keep the parent group from getting upset -- mom/stepdad, dad/stepmom, MIL/FIL? I can totally understand just one FB message honestly. And who knows who else "needed" to be called so as to not hurt feelings? Others have added brothers and sisters to the list of who MUST be called prior to posting anything on FB. What I read here is her son in law felt it pertinent to his call his parents immediately. Her daughter did not. My friend comes from a big family and when someone recently was in the hospital they did group texting to keep everyone up to date. I think in a week or so the OP can politely say to her daughter that if there's ever a next time, she would like to be told first. And the OP can promise not to blow up her phone while she's in the hospital to get updates. OP can try that, but she might not like the response she gets. My mother tries this on me, and i usually just ignore it, but if she presses, i am quick to remind her that i am an adult and make my own decisions, including who i tell what when. OPs daughter decided to tell people on facebook, and that is her right as an adult.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 8, 2015 16:05:40 GMT
I think people are overlooking at there are massive difference on how people use social media. If you're used to logging on occasionally to look at pictures of the grandkids, you're going to be horrified if important or sensitive information is conveyed via facebook. Others use facebook, and increasingly other social media as their primary communication tool and they are connected 24/7. To them a tweet or fb post is really no different than texting the important people in their life. I understand where the OP is coming from as my extended family recently had a very serious, life threatening emergency situation. Pretty much all of the siblings, aunts, cousins, etc found out through fb. There were huge differences on how people reacted to finding out the news that way. I think it behooves us all to be cognizant of people's differences during this transition. I predict in a few generations, most people will expect more instantaneous communication and less personal, but only time will tell. I know that in our personal family, social media will never be our dominant way of communicating as neither my MIL or husband have accounts and my mom is a very occasional user. So it certainly wouldn't occur to me to see it as a way of getting the pertinent information to those who need it. I do know that others use it differently, and it works for their family. OP, I'm glad to know your granddaughter is on the mend. I agree, and have been trying to figure out how to say this. The key thing for me is that FB is a passive way of disseminating information - just because it has been posted doesn't give any degree of certainty that any particular person has seen it. I know I've missed (non-critical) things because I often don't go on FB for days at a time, so if anyone wanted to 'get a message out' to me that's a really bad way to go about it. I usually check once a day - but have all notifications set to off. It can easily be 24 hours before I see a post, and I miss a lot with the way fb optimizes the feed. I'm always shocked when I post a picture and 2 minutes later I have a dozen comments - I really don't have that many followers. But, clearly some of my friends and family are notified as soon as something is posted - that or they're ALWAYS logged in.
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Post by rst on Oct 8, 2015 16:39:46 GMT
Most of my family and friends have smart phones with FB feed coming up as readily if not more so than texts or calls. I think the understanding of how differently people use social media is key to understanding the OP's initial feelings and her daughter's choice for communicating.
Pretty much any time there is new technology, the etiquette for using it takes some time to evolve. I remember that my great grandmother was outraged that she was notified of the death of her cousin (who she had not seen in over 25 years) by phone -- as, to her, that kind of news should be brought in person and led up to slowly and with tact and a buttload of delicacy.
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 8, 2015 16:41:20 GMT
I think people are overlooking at there are massive difference on how people use social media. If you're used to logging on occasionally to look at pictures of the grandkids, you're going to be horrified if important or sensitive information is conveyed via facebook. Others use facebook, and increasingly other social media as their primary communication tool and they are connected 24/7. To them a tweet or fb post is really no different than texting the important people in their life. I understand where the OP is coming from as my extended family recently had a very serious, life threatening emergency situation. Pretty much all of the siblings, aunts, cousins, etc found out through fb. There were huge differences on how people reacted to finding out the news that way. I think it behooves us all to be cognizant of people's differences during this transition. I predict in a few generations, most people will expect more instantaneous communication and less personal, but only time will tell. I know that in our personal family, social media will never be our dominant way of communicating as neither my MIL or husband have accounts and my mom is a very occasional user. So it certainly wouldn't occur to me to see it as a way of getting the pertinentas information to those who need it. I do know that others use it differently, and it works for their family. OP, I'm glad to know your granddaughter is on the mend. I think this should be repeated. This is exactly what I would say if I could post as eloquently as DarcyCollins. My immediate family is not really connected by social media at all, the closet we get is a little texting. We do have a lot of FaceTime and Skype time, in addition to a lot of phone time. I got a FaceTime call last night to be told that my grade school aged nephew was going to run for student council and to hear the speech. So I certainly would not expect to hear about any medical problem he had on Facebook. But again that is the dynamics of my family. I do have an extremely large extended family though, and a lot of information is shared on Facebook as well as by the phone game (because of many not on social media). I can certainly see using Facebook to pass along whatever information is being given this way, but it would not be used in the first level of my family(at least for now). My real surprise on this thread was to realize that my family's dynamics were not as middle of the ground as I thought...hahaha. I was a little taken aback that some were immediately labeling the op a narcasist and could not understand why she might be a little upset. There is no way that I would come to that conclusion from a few vent posts on a messageboard. I agree with the op and would be upset to hear about it that way. If my brother couldn't call me, parents would be the next in line to give me information. But I wouldn't naturally assume nasty reasons why others felt differently, just that we did not share the same kind of family dynamics.
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Post by anxiousmom on Oct 8, 2015 16:42:34 GMT
I think people are overlooking at there are massive difference on how people use social media. If you're used to logging on occasionally to look at pictures of the grandkids, you're going to be horrified if important or sensitive information is conveyed via facebook. Others use facebook, and increasingly other social media as their primary communication tool and they are connected 24/7. To them a tweet or fb post is really no different than texting the important people in their life. I understand where the OP is coming from as my extended family recently had a very serious, life threatening emergency situation. Pretty much all of the siblings, aunts, cousins, etc found out through fb. There were huge differences on how people reacted to finding out the news that way. I think it behooves us all to be cognizant of people's differences during this transition. I predict in a few generations, most people will expect more instantaneous communication and less personal, but only time will tell. I know that in our personal family, social media will never be our dominant way of communicating as neither my MIL or husband have accounts and my mom is a very occasional user. So it certainly wouldn't occur to me to see it as a way of getting the pertinent information to those who need it. I do know that others use it differently, and it works for their family. OP, I'm glad to know your granddaughter is on the mend. I've been trying to figure out a way to say this, and you pretty much said a lot of what I was thinking. For me, as I read through the thread, I have to wonder how much the answers are generationally dependent. Each of us come at through our own experiences, and while family dynamics are a big part, so are communication expectations. I don't think that my kids would even think twice about texting me in an emergent situation, while my mother wouldn't even consider social media as a venue to give out information. I kind of straddle the two-I have teens and elder parents so for me, I have to consider the source and communicate via whatever method is best for them. It's not a one size fits all. My mother would not appreciate facebook/twitter/texts/whatever and pretty much phone calls are her thing, but my teens would be far faster to contact via twitter messaging or text than anything else-calling them and leaving a message is a waste of time and breath.
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Post by bigbundt on Oct 8, 2015 16:45:37 GMT
I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time. I think it is only natural that responses to your situation would be colored by each poster's history. You posted your side of one instance and of course you can't post every single nuance of the relationship you have with your daughter so posters tend to fill in the blanks with their own experiences and that resulted in a bunch of different perspectives.
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Oct 8, 2015 17:21:21 GMT
It was me, I'm the one who said "narcissist". I fully admit to having personal issues on this matter so I would like to apologize to miyooper2b (and probably annabella, since my post included her comment as well). I've already said a couple of times why I think OP was overreacting so I won't belabor the point.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Oct 8, 2015 17:31:00 GMT
miyoooper, take everything the Ps say with a grain of salt. You have to weed out the personal, the wacky, and the WTF sometimes. I don't think you have a reputation at all, but you have now been offically welcomed the the Pod with this 4 pager thread!
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miyooper2b
Full Member
Posts: 329
Location: Central Indiana
Jun 27, 2014 15:38:05 GMT
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Post by miyooper2b on Oct 8, 2015 17:35:46 GMT
It was me, I'm the one who said "narcissist". I fully admit to having personal issues on this matter so I would like to apologize to miyooper2b (and probably annabella, since my post included her comment as well). I've already said a couple of times why I think OP was overreacting so I won't belabor the point. Thank you. I appreciate that.
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,258
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Oct 8, 2015 17:46:39 GMT
I'm glad that everything and everyone is okay. Thank you for the update
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,695
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Oct 8, 2015 19:32:09 GMT
Okay, I have updated information if anyone is interested. I'm sure it probably won't change any minds but I'm going to post it anyway. I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time. Welcome to the pod, where everyone comes from a different background, different family history and different experiences with their families.
I am glad that you grandchild is doing well.
Just to add, when my children were still at home, I would only call my mom after a situation. My parents only live 150 miles away, but my mom would over-react. This was also pre-facebook time. I would never bother my inlaws, who lived in town, as my children were not the favourite grandchildren. Heck, they didn't even purchase flowers when my dd died. That's another story.
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Post by ingrid6 on Oct 8, 2015 19:36:23 GMT
Completely agree, your parents aren't the same as your Facebook friends and deserve a little more consideration than a Facebook post. If you can take the time to post to Facebook, you could send the same message in a text or when things are quieter make a phone call. My Dad was hospitalized several times over the past year, one of which turned very serious. My mother & I were with him, but family was notified by text because we couldn't talk and phone calls when we could. I can't imagine having posted a Facebook message saying we have a serious situation with Dad, but hey we'll keep you posted. We felt his family deserved to hear it from us. So glad that DGD is going to be ok. I understand that your daughter may have been worried, couldn't make a call, may have had little time but she had time to post on FB. I am on the side that feels if she could take those few moments to post on Fb then she could have just as easily sent you a short text, letting you know what was going on and she would talk later. You are her mother and grandmother to the child. It is only right. I think I know my kids are aware that I would be hopping mad reading something like that on FB. This would cause more worry in me than not. None of your feelings are narcissistic, you are a loving parent and grandparent. I totally agree with this and I certainly don't think you were being narcissistic. In my opinion, certain things just aren't meant to be billboarded on FB as the first way of 'sharing'.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 21:44:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 19:42:08 GMT
Okay, I have updated information if anyone is interested. I'm sure it probably won't change any minds but I'm going to post it anyway. First, at no time was DGD#2 considered "critical". She started not feeling well at the beginning of the week. DD thought is was due to her teething or she was catching whatever her sister brought home from preschool. Tuesday afternoon DD calls the nurses hotline because she is starting to get concerned. The nurse tells her to make an appointment with their doctor. Doctor's office is closed so DD and SIL drive DGD#2 to hospital. That's when they find the partially collapsed lung. This is around 4:00 pm. Emergency room doctors deem that DGD#2 can wait until morning for a scope (not surgery as was originally posted on Facebook). SIL stays at the hospital. DD drives DGD #1 home gets her dinner, puts her to bed. This was probably around 8:00 p.m. their time. DGD#2 had the scope yesterday morning. They found the obstruction and removed it. By lunch she was sitting up in bed, eating regular food and upset with all the wires and tubes and people poking at her. They expect her to go home with a couple of days. I did talk briefly to DD late yesterday afternoon and kept it short and sweet because she was trying to keep DGD from climbing out of the bed. I did not, nor will I say anything about the Facebook post. I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time. The reputation thing happens quite often, because people assume all families are like their families. I said i was leaving this conversation and I came back in because of the update. I'm so glad your granddaughter is ok. Every single family is different. My inlaws would be devastated if I posted something like that on facebook (although we don't have kids), without telling them. My father in law is on facebook but not very computer savvy and would probably not see something like that and my mother in law has not touched a computer once in her life. My son is barely on social media, mostly when he doesn't have enough money to pay for his phone, and wants to connect with me through skype or facebook. He would have been unbelievably hurt if he had read his aunt had died on facebook. My nephew did apologize profusely for his post on facebook before I knew my sister had died. My father has also never touched a computer. I will always believe, immediate family first, then facebook. And I only have 31 friends on facebook, all known in person so it's not like I have strangers on there. But still, family first. If you have time to post on facebook, you have time to call family first. There are ways of keeping phone calls short.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Oct 8, 2015 20:10:51 GMT
I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time.
It is amazing how judgmental and perfect some peas are. I posted a very innocent response (with a back story) and was told I was a horrible person, my dd was a horrible person and one poster (yes, I remember your name) told me they actually hated me.
Unless you write a novel with every conversation you have had regarding that story it's easier to just ignore some comments then to try and defend yourself.
P.S. I would not have been happy to find out on fb that my dgd was in the hospital. You have every right to be upset.
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Post by ingrid6 on Oct 8, 2015 20:44:52 GMT
I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time.
It is amazing how judgmental and perfect some peas are. I posted a very innocent response (with a back story) and was told I was a horrible person, my dd was a horrible person and one poster (yes, I remember your name) told me they actually hated me.
Unless you write a novel with every conversation you have had regarding that story it's easier to just ignore some comments then to try and defend yourself.
P.S. I would not have been happy to find out on fb that my dgd was in the hospital. You have every right to be upset.
Seriously? That's crazy.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Oct 8, 2015 20:50:38 GMT
Okay, I have updated information if anyone is interested. I'm sure it probably won't change any minds but I'm going to post it anyway. I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time.
Original Post: It's still the pod We may have moved, but we haven't really changed all that much
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Post by Florida Cindy on Oct 8, 2015 21:09:04 GMT
I didn't have a chance to scroll through the post. I recently attended a training regarding communication in the worksite. Is your daughter a Millennial or Gen X'er? They communicate very differently. Most of the time, their communication is via technology. Do you remember when you saw the world through your toddler's eyes when she was young? Now, you can experience their world through technology. We may not like it, BUT it's how they communicate most of the time. My Mom, MIL, Dad and StepMom learned to communicate with us mostly by texting-for our little bits of daily communication. I am glad your DGS is ok. I understand your fear, especially if it involves a collapsed lung. DS had the same in 9th grade. He went through alot of medical testing. Lastly, the insurance would pay for genetic testing. DS has some symptoms of Marfan Syndrome. Luckily, he genetically doesn't have Marfan Syndrome. I was a basketcase through all of the testing. Back then, I communicated the same way. I did it so Mom, Dad, MIL and StepMom couldn't hear the fear in my voice. Just some thoughts for you to consider.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Oct 8, 2015 21:56:54 GMT
Thanks for the update, glad the little one is ok.
When I read your post, my very first thought is here comes a pile on. Why? Because you are not a for the lack of a better term a well known pea.
If I were in your shoes, I would have been hurt if no attempt to call or text me was made but there was plenty of time for a social media.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Oct 8, 2015 22:02:32 GMT
Most of my family and friends have smart phones with FB feed coming up as readily if not more so than texts or calls. I think the understanding of how differently people use social media is key to understanding the OP's initial feelings and her daughter's choice for communicating.Pretty much any time there is new technology, the etiquette for using it takes some time to evolve. I remember that my great grandmother was outraged that she was notified of the death of her cousin (who she had not seen in over 25 years) by phone -- as, to her, that kind of news should be brought in person and led up to slowly and with tact and a buttload of delicacy. This is so true. My parents have a cell phone but they have never texted in their lives. They barely remember to answer it And they do not check Facebook on it!
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Oct 9, 2015 0:45:10 GMT
I don't have a Facebook page, but I never leave home without my two tin cans with a string.
Those'll work for family emergencies, right?
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