lilypad
Junior Member
Posts: 83
Jun 26, 2014 3:46:07 GMT
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Post by lilypad on Oct 9, 2015 2:35:02 GMT
I don't have grandchildren(my oldest is 22) but I can't imagine receiving any important news about my kids or any extended family via Facebook. I've never even heard something about my close friends from Facebook before I've heard it directly from them. Apparently judging from this thread some people operate this way. I'll stay happily behind the times on this one.
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 9, 2015 2:46:47 GMT
I'm glad she is doing well.
You are right, peas see things from their family's perspective because that is what they know.
My mother tells me off when I post on fb and don't call her. I really do figure it is no big deal, I'm taking care of it. She is of the opinion that she needs to know. My cousins call/text everybody under the sun and expect their mother there whenever anything happens. It just isn't my style.
So I do what I do and my mom complains and then we both get over it.
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Post by elaine on Oct 9, 2015 4:05:43 GMT
FWIW, at Walter Reed hospital cell service for ATT is nonexistent indoors, however there is free patient wireless, so when I am there for myself or for one of my sons, I can't call unless I walk outside of the hospital, but I can use the Internet.
I am glad that your granddaughter is doing great - that is the most important thing about your posts to me.
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Post by RiverIsis on Oct 9, 2015 4:35:29 GMT
FWIW, at Walter Reed hospital cell service for ATT is nonexistent indoors, however there is free patient wireless, so when I am there for myself or for one of my sons, I can't call unless I walk outside of the hospital, but I can use the Internet. I am glad that your granddaughter is doing great - that is the most important thing about your posts to me. I know it would be two steps rather than one. But I'm sure the OP would have been ok to have been messaged through FB (but maybe I'm assuming too much) as that is deliberate contact to her as a grandparent. Just a little heads up, a "Hey I only have wifi, but wanted you to know everything is going to ok but we are just getting DGD2 looked at in ER. Will probably do all the updates on my status. Love you". Solves the problem of ensuring the grandparents are looking for updates and where as well.
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Post by elaine on Oct 9, 2015 4:59:51 GMT
FWIW, at Walter Reed hospital cell service for ATT is nonexistent indoors, however there is free patient wireless, so when I am there for myself or for one of my sons, I can't call unless I walk outside of the hospital, but I can use the Internet. I am glad that your granddaughter is doing great - that is the most important thing about your posts to me. I know it would be two steps rather than one. But I'm sure the OP would have been ok to have been messaged through FB (but maybe I'm assuming too much) as that is deliberate contact to her as a grandparent. Just a little heads up, a "Hey I only have wifi, but wanted you to know everything is going to ok but we are just getting DGD2 looked at in ER. Will probably do all the updates on my status. Love you". Solves the problem of ensuring the grandparents are looking for updates and where as well. I hear you, and I'll also add that the couple of times my younger son has been unexpectedly admitted to the hospital, I didn't think very clearly and spent a lot of time trying to not throw up because I was anxious. If anyone, other than maybe my husband (but maybe not), started being judgmental about how I was communicating at that time, I'd be beyond pissed off at them.
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Post by pmk on Oct 9, 2015 6:33:03 GMT
I will say this: Based on one single post I find the peas perception's about me and my family interesting. I suppose this is based on their experiences within their families. Some have made me out to be a narcissist, out of touch, and have a poor relationship with my daughter. For being a lurker pea I've acquired a questionable reputation in a very short time. I think it is only natural that responses to your situation would be colored by each poster's history. You posted your side of one instance and of course you can't post every single nuance of the relationship you have with your daughter so posters tend to fill in the blanks with their own experiences and that resulted in a bunch of different perspectives. I agree with this - it's impossible for anyone reading a brief post about a situation to know anything other than their own perspective on it, based on what has been said in the post. Having said that, I agree about people making some surprising conclusions to posts. I asked a question about an illness about 8 weeks ago and was taken aback by the replies that suggested I was an idiot for not asking the doctor about it. (I had asked the doctor but was looking for some more info via peoples' experiences). It's taken me until this week to come back here because at the time I was stressed, upset and really couldn't cope with the nastiness. I know it's the nature of 2peas, but at a time when you are vulnerable, you cant always rely on this place to either validate or support. It's a shame, because I see some incredible people here who really pull out the stops for many members, but I suspect you may be right that a lot is to do with how well known you are.
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Post by DinCA on Oct 9, 2015 10:11:34 GMT
Glad to see the good update. Also glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor. For what it's worth, I don't find fault with your reaction. To me, you were just a grandmother who was frightened for her granddaughter, who learned about her illness on Facebook. No one wants to receive important news through Facebook.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Oct 9, 2015 11:13:41 GMT
I agree with this - it's impossible for anyone reading a brief post about a situation to know anything other than their own perspective on it, based on what has been said in the post. Having said that, I agree about people making some surprising conclusions to posts. I asked a question about an illness about 8 weeks ago and was taken aback by the replies that suggested I was an idiot for not asking the doctor about it. (I had asked the doctor but was looking for some more info via peoples' experiences). It's taken me until this week to come back here because at the time I was stressed, upset and really couldn't cope with the nastiness. I know it's the nature of 2peas, but at a time when you are vulnerable, you cant always rely on this place to either validate or support. It's a shame, because I see some incredible people here who really pull out the stops for many members, but I suspect you may be right that a lot is to do with how well known you are. I'm really sorry that happened to you. Glad you're back. Unfortunately, assumptions and self-satisfied replies abound on many threads where an OP describes a real-life scenario. Those responders absolutely do not care about the effect of their words; they just move on in search of another thread where they can make a snap judgment or armchair psychoanlysis (which usually includes some permutation of "Stop making this all about you!") More than once I've thought, "Geez, if they're so clairvoyant, unsympathetic, and quick to judge here, what would they be like on a jury?" In my more pessimistic moments, I just assume they're always the jury foreman.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 9, 2015 13:32:41 GMT
The more I think about this, the more I realize that I probably wouldn't have said anything at all on Facebook and certainly nothing to my mother until AFTER everything was done and over with. I'm not interested in having people across the country worrying and fretting for no reason when they cannot do anything, nor would I want local family to come to my "rescue" and "help". I'm pretty independent that way and I don't want to be fussed over let alone bothered every two second by "well meaning " people. Selfish? Sure. But quite frankly in emergencies, I need to take care of myself and my immediate family... not deal with people who want to know what's happening every second of the emergency. If there were communication during the emergency, it would only be by text. I'm not disturbing other people by being on the phone all the time... texts are inobtrusive and quiet and can be handled on my own time.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 9, 2015 13:51:41 GMT
The more I think about this, the more I realize that I probably wouldn't have said anything at all on Facebook and certainly nothing to my mother until AFTER everything was done and over with. I'm not interested in having people across the country worrying and fretting for no reason when they cannot do anything, nor would I want local family to come to my "rescue" and "help". I'm pretty independent that way and I don't want to be fussed over let alone bothered every two second by "well meaning " people. Selfish? Sure. But quite frankly in emergencies, I need to take care of myself and my immediate family... not deal with people who want to know what's happening every second of the emergency. If there were communication during the emergency, it would only be by text. I'm not disturbing other people by being on the phone all the time... texts are inobtrusive and quiet and can be handled on my own time. But again your personal situation is a huge factor. If I recall correctly, you don't have any children. I'm extremely independent, but during our last family emergency, I needed immediate, local help as I was dealing with EMTs and my children were across town expecting me to pick them up. With no family in state, I'm eternally grateful for the local friend who came to my rescue. She'd didn't fuss, or ask for updates - she simply jumped in and took care of picking them up and kept them until I was able to get them. Now I had one issue, and made one phone call, it didn't even occur to me to use social media and it wouldn't have been nearly as effective for my needs. I guess I'm mostly responding as your post belittling people who want to help as being annoying rubbed me the wrong way. I'm lucky to have an incredible network of people who have stepped in during some of the hardest moments of my life.
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miyooper2b
Full Member
Posts: 329
Location: Central Indiana
Jun 27, 2014 15:38:05 GMT
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Post by miyooper2b on Oct 9, 2015 14:01:53 GMT
I agree with this - it's impossible for anyone reading a brief post about a situation to know anything other than their own perspective on it, based on what has been said in the post. Having said that, I agree about people making some surprising conclusions to posts. I asked a question about an illness about 8 weeks ago and was taken aback by the replies that suggested I was an idiot for not asking the doctor about it. (I had asked the doctor but was looking for some more info via peoples' experiences). It's taken me until this week to come back here because at the time I was stressed, upset and really couldn't cope with the nastiness. I know it's the nature of 2peas, but at a time when you are vulnerable, you cant always rely on this place to either validate or support. It's a shame, because I see some incredible people here who really pull out the stops for many members, but I suspect you may be right that a lot is to do with how well known you are. I, too am sorry to hear this happened to you. I've been around since 2003 and have seen the many different ways the Peas have treated others. I was almost afraid to come back and read after the second day of this thread being on the front page because I was certain it had turned into a pile on. Thankfully not. Really it's a shame that lurkers or newbies are sometimes treated poorly. If we want this community to thrive and grow we should try to encourage and support lurkers and newbies, not scare them away. Someone posted about the Facebook posting being a generational thing (sorry I can't seem to find it again) but you are correct. The way my DD communicates now is nearly all through social media. I check Facebook once or twice a day, if that. The only place on the web I am at on a regular basis is here at the Refupeas.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 9, 2015 14:12:24 GMT
The more I think about this, the more I realize that I probably wouldn't have said anything at all on Facebook and certainly nothing to my mother until AFTER everything was done and over with. I'm not interested in having people across the country worrying and fretting for no reason when they cannot do anything, nor would I want local family to come to my "rescue" and "help". I'm pretty independent that way and I don't want to be fussed over let alone bothered every two second by "well meaning " people. Selfish? Sure. But quite frankly in emergencies, I need to take care of myself and my immediate family... not deal with people who want to know what's happening every second of the emergency. If there were communication during the emergency, it would only be by text. I'm not disturbing other people by being on the phone all the time... texts are inobtrusive and quiet and can be handled on my own time. But again your personal situation is a huge factor. If I recall correctly, you don't have any children. I'm extremely independent, but during our last family emergency, I needed immediate, local help as I was dealing with EMTs and my children were across town expecting me to pick them up. With no family in state, I'm eternally grateful for the local friend who came to my rescue. She'd didn't fuss, or ask for updates - she simply jumped in and took care of picking them up and kept them until I was able to get them. Now I had one issue, and made one phone call, it didn't even occur to me to use social media and it wouldn't have been nearly as effective for my needs. I guess I'm mostly responding as your post belittling people who want to help as being annoying rubbed me the wrong way. I'm lucky to have an incredible network of people who have stepped in during some of the hardest moments of my life. Well you're wrong. I'm not belittling people who want help and reach out for it. It's insulting that you would think that, especially because you put in the whole "you don't have children so what the fuck could you possibly know" bit. But whatever. MY post was how *I* feel about it... I prefer to be insular and stay within a very small, very contained group rather than having a bunch of people interfering... even to help. And seriously, just because I don't have kids doesn't mean that I don't have shit that needs to be taken care of... I am so sick and tired of sanctimonious peas who think that having kids is the penultimate objective and anyone who doesn't have kids is beneath them and can't possibly understand.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 9, 2015 14:21:23 GMT
But again your personal situation is a huge factor. If I recall correctly, you don't have any children. I'm extremely independent, but during our last family emergency, I needed immediate, local help as I was dealing with EMTs and my children were across town expecting me to pick them up. With no family in state, I'm eternally grateful for the local friend who came to my rescue. She'd didn't fuss, or ask for updates - she simply jumped in and took care of picking them up and kept them until I was able to get them. Now I had one issue, and made one phone call, it didn't even occur to me to use social media and it wouldn't have been nearly as effective for my needs. I guess I'm mostly responding as your post belittling people who want to help as being annoying rubbed me the wrong way. I'm lucky to have an incredible network of people who have stepped in during some of the hardest moments of my life. Well you're wrong. I'm not belittling people who want help and reach out for it. It's insulting that you would think that, especially because you put in the whole "you don't have children so what the fuck could you possibly know" bit. But whatever. MY post was how *I* feel about it... I prefer to be insular and stay within a very small, very contained group rather than having a bunch of people interfering... even to help. And seriously, just because I don't have kids doesn't mean that I don't have shit that needs to be taken care of... I am so sick and tired of sanctimonious peas who think that having kids is the penultimate objective and anyone who doesn't have kids is beneath them and can't possibly understand. What the hell is your problem. You respond to a thread about how someone used social media to help them in a time of emergency about how independent you are and you don't need people fussing over you. And you think I'm sanctimonious?? Look in a mirror sweetheart. Yeah the fact that you don't have children is relevant in an emergency, it has nothing to do with penultimate objectives and people being beneath them - which I neither said nor implied. If your personal situation involved living across the street form extended family as is true of several peas, that too would have been relevant. If you don't think having children impacts your ability to be independent and not rely on others in an emergency, you're just wrong. As is caring for a elderly or disabled relative or any number of roles. But you're free to tell me all the shit you would need to take care of while riding in an ambulance with a love one dying and we can compare. And for the record I didn't say you belittled the people who want help - I said you belittled the people who WANTED to help - which you continue to do by talking about a bunch of people interfering.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Oct 9, 2015 14:38:41 GMT
I understand the "want" to be validated. However, on the internet you really need to understand that you cannot control the responses you get. Anyone who has been here even a short while has seen how quickly a PVM can go downhill.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,520
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Oct 9, 2015 14:40:01 GMT
I was going to respond but I'm going to back away slowly on those last couple of posts.
I am reminded that we are all the sum of our experiences. I would neither post on FB, or text my mother if one of my kids is in the ER. both actions would have consequences I would not want to deal with when faced with a crisis. Once the crisis is over, then I can call and get people worked up. I don't choose to live my life on FB either. I am related to people who do.
I would also agree with others who say there is often limited cell service availability in the hospital as well as at least in the ER, you have to go into a shared family room for privacy. And that's not even private as it's available for anyone who has family in the ER that needs to make a call. Something I found out when I desperately needed to call my DH after getting devastating news about a pregnancy and had 2 women walk in on my sobbing on the phone to my DH.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,701
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Oct 9, 2015 17:05:53 GMT
I think it is only natural that responses to your situation would be colored by each poster's history. You posted your side of one instance and of course you can't post every single nuance of the relationship you have with your daughter so posters tend to fill in the blanks with their own experiences and that resulted in a bunch of different perspectives. I agree with this - it's impossible for anyone reading a brief post about a situation to know anything other than their own perspective on it, based on what has been said in the post. Having said that, I agree about people making some surprising conclusions to posts. I asked a question about an illness about 8 weeks ago and was taken aback by the replies that suggested I was an idiot for not asking the doctor about it. (I had asked the doctor but was looking for some more info via peoples' experiences). It's taken me until this week to come back here because at the time I was stressed, upset and really couldn't cope with the nastiness. I know it's the nature of 2peas, but at a time when you are vulnerable, you cant always rely on this place to either validate or support. It's a shame, because I see some incredible people here who really pull out the stops for many members, but I suspect you may be right that a lot is to do with how well known you are.Ok, wait just a second there. Are you talking about the Rhabdo thread? There was ONE person who asked if there was a reason why you didn't ask the doctor (quite nicely I might add) and that was it. To say it's just the nature of the peas and paint us all as a bunch of nasty bitches is not really fair - especially in the case you're talking about, no one was being ugly.
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Post by RiverIsis on Oct 9, 2015 17:09:05 GMT
I know it would be two steps rather than one. But I'm sure the OP would have been ok to have been messaged through FB (but maybe I'm assuming too much) as that is deliberate contact to her as a grandparent. Just a little heads up, a "Hey I only have wifi, but wanted you to know everything is going to ok but we are just getting DGD2 looked at in ER. Will probably do all the updates on my status. Love you". Solves the problem of ensuring the grandparents are looking for updates and where as well. I hear you, and I'll also add that the couple of times my younger son has been unexpectedly admitted to the hospital, I didn't think very clearly and spent a lot of time trying to not throw up because I was anxious. If anyone, other than maybe my husband (but maybe not), started being judgmental about how I was communicating at that time, I'd be beyond pissed off at them. Agreed. I have done the ambulance and ER run with my own included multiple day stays and signing surgical releases. It is otherworldly. I guess I just don't agree that being hurt by the manner of communication is being judgemental. We all hope we mean something to those we love and some even maybe that in times of emergency some family ties mean more than colleagues and friends.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Oct 9, 2015 17:20:50 GMT
The more I think about this, the more I realize that I probably wouldn't have said anything at all on Facebook and certainly nothing to my mother until AFTER everything was done and over with. I'm not interested in having people across the country worrying and fretting for no reason when they cannot do anything, nor would I want local family to come to my "rescue" and "help". I'm pretty independent that way and I don't want to be fussed over let alone bothered every two second by "well meaning " people. Selfish? Sure. But quite frankly in emergencies, I need to take care of myself and my immediate family... not deal with people who want to know what's happening every second of the emergency. If there were communication during the emergency, it would only be by text. I'm not disturbing other people by being on the phone all the time... texts are inobtrusive and quiet and can be handled on my own time. But again your personal situation is a huge factor. If I recall correctly, you don't have any children. I'm extremely independent, but during our last family emergency, I needed immediate, local help as I was dealing with EMTs and my children were across town expecting me to pick them up. With no family in state, I'm eternally grateful for the local friend who came to my rescue. She'd didn't fuss, or ask for updates - she simply jumped in and took care of picking them up and kept them until I was able to get them. Now I had one issue, and made one phone call, it didn't even occur to me to use social media and it wouldn't have been nearly as effective for my needs. I guess I'm mostly responding as your post belittling people who want to help as being annoying rubbed me the wrong way. I'm lucky to have an incredible network of people who have stepped in during some of the hardest moments of my life. For the record, I have children and I deal with these situations exactly how GC described. My mom and I have a great relationship but, unless there is some specific action I need her to take, I'll be too busy taking care of my own to reach out to her.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 9, 2015 17:49:08 GMT
But again your personal situation is a huge factor. If I recall correctly, you don't have any children. I'm extremely independent, but during our last family emergency, I needed immediate, local help as I was dealing with EMTs and my children were across town expecting me to pick them up. With no family in state, I'm eternally grateful for the local friend who came to my rescue. She'd didn't fuss, or ask for updates - she simply jumped in and took care of picking them up and kept them until I was able to get them. Now I had one issue, and made one phone call, it didn't even occur to me to use social media and it wouldn't have been nearly as effective for my needs. I guess I'm mostly responding as your post belittling people who want to help as being annoying rubbed me the wrong way. I'm lucky to have an incredible network of people who have stepped in during some of the hardest moments of my life. For the record, I have children and I deal with these situations exactly how GC described. My mom and I have a great relationship but, unless there is some specific action I need her to take, I'll be too busy taking care of my own to reach out to her. And for the record I've stated a half a dozen times in this thread that EVERY individual is going to have their own needs, relationships and particular living situation. My Mom is halfway across the country, so in even my above example she learned about it several hours after the fact as I was too busy dealing with the now. I imagine if you had an emergency that precluded you from picking your child up from school, your needs would change. Or you can be stoically independent like GC and tell all those busybodies to stop interfering. Luckily most never find themselves in such a situation, but I'll reiterate, having been there - it's damn nice that there are people out there who will drop anything and everything with no questions asked and the world is a much better place for them.
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Post by pmk on Oct 9, 2015 17:50:47 GMT
I agree with this - it's impossible for anyone reading a brief post about a situation to know anything other than their own perspective on it, based on what has been said in the post. Having said that, I agree about people making some surprising conclusions to posts. I asked a question about an illness about 8 weeks ago and was taken aback by the replies that suggested I was an idiot for not asking the doctor about it. (I had asked the doctor but was looking for some more info via peoples' experiences). It's taken me until this week to come back here because at the time I was stressed, upset and really couldn't cope with the nastiness. I know it's the nature of 2peas, but at a time when you are vulnerable, you cant always rely on this place to either validate or support. It's a shame, because I see some incredible people here who really pull out the stops for many members, but I suspect you may be right that a lot is to do with how well known you are.Ok, wait just a second there. Are you talking about the Rhabdo thread? There was ONE person who asked if there was a reason why you didn't ask the doctor (quite nicely I might add) and that was it. To say it's just the nature of the peas and paint us all as a bunch of nasty bitches is not really fair - especially in the case you're talking about, no one was being ugly. No, of course, there's no nastiness in your post just now either, is there? Honestly, it's almost laughable that you've missed the part where I said there are some incredible people on here and I never one used the word bitches. That's your choice of phrase, not mine.
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Post by elaine on Oct 9, 2015 18:06:28 GMT
I hear you, and I'll also add that the couple of times my younger son has been unexpectedly admitted to the hospital, I didn't think very clearly and spent a lot of time trying to not throw up because I was anxious. If anyone, other than maybe my husband (but maybe not), started being judgmental about how I was communicating at that time, I'd be beyond pissed off at them. Agreed. I have done the ambulance and ER run with my own included multiple day stays and signing surgical releases. It is otherworldly. I guess I just don't agree that being hurt by the manner of communication is being judgemental. We all hope we mean something to those we love and some even maybe that in times of emergency some family ties mean more than colleagues and friends. I am responding to being upset that the daughter kept texting her, rather than calling her. To me, that IS being judgmental. There are many valid reasons for not calling, but texting, and to take that as a personal insult, IMO, is unfair. And, posting to FB, doesn't mean colleagues are more important that family - it is a way to prepare and post/send ONE message that will get to ALL family members (in addition to those colleagues and friends), rather than separately calling and texting every family member. The OP isn't the only grandparent, so there would be other grandparents to inform, and aunts and uncles, in addition to people who will be impacted by the daughter and granddaughter's sudden absence from current events (play dates, etc). I see this one as a choice to be upset, rather than choosing to give the daughter some leeway in her behavior in a time of family crisis. It doesn't make the OP a bad person for making that choice, but rather empowers her to take back the control of her own reactions to this event. Everyone would have the reaction of being upset and scared to hear that their granddaughter was in the hospital with a partially collapsed lung. Not everyone would be upset by communication about the issue via text, however. I think that the OP can choose how she wants to look at it - if she wants to see the FB and subsequent texting as a reflection of her not being important, then she will be hurt by it. If she wants to see it as her daughter doing the best she could in a time of crisis, she might be sad for her daughter and a little sad for herself and how her living so far away prevents her from driving over there, but it doesn't become a personal hurt-inducing insult.
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Post by elaine on Oct 9, 2015 18:13:20 GMT
For the record, I have children and I deal with these situations exactly how GC described. My mom and I have a great relationship but, unless there is some specific action I need her to take, I'll be too busy taking care of my own to reach out to her. And for the record I've stated a half a dozen times in this thread that EVERY individual is going to have their own needs, relationships and particular living situation. My Mom is halfway across the country, so in even my above example she learned about it several hours after the fact as I was too busy dealing with the now. I imagine if you had an emergency that precluded you from picking your child up from school, your needs would change. Or you can be stoically independent like GC and tell all those busybodies to stop interfering. Luckily most never find themselves in such a situation, but I'll reiterate, having been there - it's damn nice that there are people out there who will drop anything and everything with no questions asked and the world is a much better place for them. I will absolutely never forget when my 17 month old was two hours away in Stanford's Children's Hospital with kidney failure, and I had swapped places with my husband to come home to the base in Monterey to pack more clothes and a toothbrush, etc. I went outside to drive back up and there was my minivan, in the driveway, with a flat tire. I started sobbing. My next door neighbor saw me in the driveway and immediately said, "don't worry, I'll drive you up." She put her 6 month old twin girls in their car seats and drove me all the way up, and then drove them back, and was incredibly sweet the whole time. I will never forget that she made a 4 hour trip for me without hesitating. If there was a scoring system for getting into heaven, that would have bagged her a million bonus points.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,701
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Oct 9, 2015 18:16:50 GMT
Ok, pmk. I actually didn't miss that part. I also didn't miss the part where you brought up a thread where you were " taken aback by the replies that suggested I was an idiot" when that NEVER happened. You might want to go back and read that thread.
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Post by rst on Oct 9, 2015 18:34:39 GMT
It's 5 pages, so why not add some thoughts?
1. I never notice post count or newbie status when I comment. Honestly does not play into how I respond to a poster at all. Zero. Maybe some peas pick on newbies, but I don't really see it. I think that over time, peas learn how to post in ways that are less likely to trigger unwanted pile-ons.
2. PVM posts are asking for drama. And when someone with different perspective or life experience points out how maybe the original poster's stance isn't necessarily so valid after all, then some people are going to see that a being mean or judgmental, while others will find it useful to have another point of view to consider. I fall into the latter group, but if all that the OP wants is people to tell her how right she is, then Two Peas is not historically going to deliver.
3. The right to be upset is one of the few rights not worth fighting for.
4. In this post, maybe I'm mistaken, but I would suggest that there might be some mis-identified emotions. So fear and anxiety and realization of how fragile life can be are hard feelings to deal with. It's "safer" to be really peeved with an adult daughter who didn't do what I think she should have.
5. While it can feel kinda nice to have people pat you on the back and agree with your every thought, it feels far better to learn from a situation and come up with a plan for how I can do something better in the future.
SO I will take away from this thread an increased awareness that my mother might appreciate having private, direct flow of information in advance of seeing something on FB, and to the extent that it's reasonable, I will try to give her that. At the same time, it triggered some reflection for me re. my own young adult sons and how I would like them to treat me as far as information sharing, and how I can best help them to be thoughtful and appropriate in using technology to communicate with me and with our extended family.
I like action plans more than the right to be miffed.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 17:22:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2015 19:10:04 GMT
I don't notice post counts and that doesn't affect my responses. I do however find it amusing when people come and complain about loved ones in their lives with the pure intention of sympathy though the post is asking for opinions. Generally the person also completely dismisses that the problem may actually only be in their head and yet they are happy for complete strangers to dissect their loved one but not them. Problems are very rarely one sided and it's kind of insulting to get on here and think everyone would believe otherwise and not question you (general you) on why you think a certain way.
p.s - all of the above is not about the OP...just the comments in general about people posting
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Post by RiverIsis on Oct 10, 2015 20:52:48 GMT
Agreed. I have done the ambulance and ER run with my own included multiple day stays and signing surgical releases. It is otherworldly. I guess I just don't agree that being hurt by the manner of communication is being judgemental. We all hope we mean something to those we love and some even maybe that in times of emergency some family ties mean more than colleagues and friends. I am responding to being upset that the daughter kept texting her, rather than calling her. To me, that IS being judgmental. There are many valid reasons for not calling, but texting, and to take that as a personal insult, IMO, is unfair. And, posting to FB, doesn't mean colleagues are more important that family - it is a way to prepare and post/send ONE message that will get to ALL family members (in addition to those colleagues and friends), rather than separately calling and texting every family member. The OP isn't the only grandparent, so there would be other grandparents to inform, and aunts and uncles, in addition to people who will be impacted by the daughter and granddaughter's sudden absence from current events (play dates, etc). I see this one as a choice to be upset, rather than choosing to give the daughter some leeway in her behavior in a time of family crisis. It doesn't make the OP a bad person for making that choice, but rather empowers her to take back the control of her own reactions to this event. Everyone would have the reaction of being upset and scared to hear that their granddaughter was in the hospital with a partially collapsed lung. Not everyone would be upset by communication about the issue via text, however. I think that the OP can choose how she wants to look at it - if she wants to see the FB and subsequent texting as a reflection of her not being important, then she will be hurt by it. If she wants to see it as her daughter doing the best she could in a time of crisis, she might be sad for her daughter and a little sad for herself and how her living so far away prevents her from driving over there, but it doesn't become a personal hurt-inducing insult. Apologies I missed that part - yeah, I don't care about the manner of communication as long as I'm in the loop and understand there are times the person on the other end needs to text (not to be overheard by others, not to get into a long conversation, for clarity and brevity etc.)
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